This is the second chapter, which is from Rogue's perspective.
Kurt: Tainz doesn't own us!
Taineyah: Thanks Kurt.
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#~Rogue~#
When we got into the hallway by the infirmary, Kurt was sittin', waitin' for us. He was sittin' perfectly still, staring off into space. He didn't seem ta notice when we sat down around him. It was kinda scary, his golden eyes just kinda stared through the wall in front of him, unblinkin'. He was mutterin' somethin' in German--Ah thought it was a prayer, but Ah wasn't sure. Ah couldn't hear what he was sayin'.
Bobby and Jubilee were hurtin', we all knew that, but they didn't even think about walkin' into that infirmary. We all sat there, silent tears streamin' down our faces. Jamie came and saw us and it wasn't long before all the newbies were sittin' with us, too. The only sound Ah could hear was Kurt's mutterin', and his voice kept crackin'.
Ah was sittin' next to him, and Ah could feel that he was startin' ta lose it completely. I didn't have ta be a telepath ta know that. He was kinda tremblin' by now, so I wrapped my arms around him and rocked back and forth. As we rocked, Ah was able to hear what he was saying properly.
"Ich habe Scott getöten. Scott wird sterben, und das wird sein mein Schuld." He was repeatin' the same phrase over and over again.
From absorbin' him in the past, Ah understood enough German ta know what he was talkin' about. *I have killed Scott. Scott will die and it will be all my fault.*
"No. He's not gonna die. You helped him. He's gonna be fine, because you helped him." Ah whispered it in his ear repeatedly, until he finally turned ta look at me.
"I saw him, Rogue. I think that I got him here too late." His accent was so heavy with his pain that it took me a minute ta decipher his words.
Ah shook my head, but Ah didn't really believe what Ah was tellin' him. There was just too much blood on Kurt's uniform. It disgusted me, touching Scott's blood. It was seeping right through mah uniform and onta mah skin. The air reeked of it, but Ah wasn't about ta let go of Kurt.
There are times when ya just hafta ignore your own feelings to help out a family member. That was one of those times. It didn't matter that the only way Kurt and Ah were related was through a woman that both of us hated. All that mattered was that Kurt was mah brother. Mah brother needed me, and Ah was gonna be there for him for as long as it took, even if it killed me.
It seemed like hours before Hank came out of the infirmary, wringing his hands. He looked exhausted and upset. Ah don't think any of us needed ta hear the outcome of his efforts ta know what had happened, but he started talking anyway and we all listened in silence.
"It isn't easy to say this....I know that all of you wanted good news...I wanted to have good news to tell you. I...I did my best, but I couldn't save him. There were just too many injuries for me to repair in time." His eyes were filled with tears as he answered our unasked question as to where the professor was.
"The Professor asked me to tell you while he calls Alex."
Silence hung in the air for a moment. It took us a second ta absorb what had happened and, when we did, everyone started wailin' and cryin', except Logan, who stalked off angrily. The worst one of us was Jean. Her sobs were quiet, but we could all hear her screamin' in her head. She was projectin', lookin' for Scott frantically. Ah don't think she could understand what was goin' on. She was searchin' everyone's head, thinkin' that he had to be there, somewhere.
Ah don't know if she consciously thought what we all heard from her next, or if it was her subconscious. Ah hope she didn't actually think it.
~Why did it have to be Scott? I love him! Why couldn't it have been Kurt or Evan?~
Kurt's eyes widened in pain and, an instant later, Ah was left holding a cloud of brimstone scented smoke instead of him. Ah leapt up ta mah feet and started yellin'.
"Don't you think Kurt's hurtin' enough without you doin' things like that?" With a gloved hand, Ah slapped Jean across the face as hard as Ah could, turning her head. She didn't really seem ta notice.
Hank picked me up by the back of mah uniform and swung me around to look at him. "Don't you ever do that again. She's in pain. She didn't mean it." His glare was enough ta terrify me.
He set me down, although none too gently, and turned to Jean. As Ah stalked off down the hall, Ah saw him give her an injection of some kind. He'd obviously expected her to have this kind of reaction, because an instant later her mental shrieking stopped and Ah had the feeling that he'd knocked her out.
Ah headed up ta the dormitories, ta go talk ta Kurt, but when Ah got ta his room, Ah could hear things crashin' inside. Ah looked down at mahself and decided ta have a shower while Ah waited for him ta calm down. As much as Ah needed ta help him, Ah couldn't put mahself in danger. If he hit me with somethin', he'd only get more upset.
Ah didn't stay in the shower long and when Ah got out, he was still throwin' stuff. Ah went back to mah room and just sat in silence until Ah heard the shower start up again. The crashing had stopped, so I knew Kurt was in there.
After what seemed like hours, because Ah was terrified he'd do somethin' stupid, the shower turned off. Ah went to his room as fast as Ah could. He doesn't take well ta failure, and we couldn't afford ta have him get hurt. It was gonna be hard enough ta get over the loss of Scott without losing Kurt too.
When Ah got there, his door was wide open and he was standing in the middle of his room with his back to the door, dripping wet and naked. Ah stepped in and closed the door quietly. As I approached him, Ah became aware of a soft buzzing and Ah saw an electric razor in his hand. He was slowly shavin' his left shoulder.
Ah took the razor out of his hand, knowing that if he did this, he'd feel even worse. Then, Ah picked up a pair of his boxers from the heap of clothes on top of his dresser and handed them ta him. Seein' mah own brother naked is not somethin' Ah enjoy, despite what some people might suspect with mah southern background and accent.
He didn't look at me or say anything, he just put the boxers on, then held out his hand for the razor. It was terrifying. He was normally loud and happy. Seeing him like that.... Ah was scared for his life.
"Ah'm not givin' this back!" Ah said.
"I need it. I can't get the blood out of my fur." His voice had no expression to it. He sounded completely empty.
Ah looked at him and, sure enough, there were purple patches mixed in where the red blood had stained his blue fur. Ah wanted to give him the razor, ta let him get the blood off however he could, but Ah was sure that once he started, he wouldn't stop. He wouldn't stop just with shavin' off his fur, Ah knew that.
"Ya can't do this! Scott wouldn't have wanted ya ta start tearing yourself apart." Mah eyes filled up with tears as I looked around his room. Framed photographs of our team had been torn off the walls and shattered. Everything that normally sat on his desk was thrown ta random places. The covers from his bed were torn and he'd broken his windows. His bible was the only thing that didn't look as though he'd tried to destroy it. It was lying on the floor, just under the edge of his desk, his rosary lying on top.
"Give it to me," Kurt said, still holding out his hand for the razor. "I vant it back."
"No. Ah won't give it back!"
Ah don't want ta think about what he was thinking, if he truly wanted ta hurt me or what, but he leapt at me, ready ta tear me apart to get the razor back. Ah threw it away, trying to keep him from hurtin' either one of us, but he kept poundin' on me, pullin' on my hair and screamin' in German.
"Ich bin ein Ungeheuer! Ich habe Scott getöten! Ich habe mein Freund getöten! Ich bin ein Möder!" Tears were streamin' down his face as he tried ta tear both of us apart with his bare hands. He wasn't just poundin' on me, he was beatin' himself into a pulp, too.
Ah had ta stop him, so Ah grabbed one of his hands and put it on the side of mah face. Ah didn't have time ta waste tryin' ta get my gloves off. After a few seconds, he collapsed to the floor. It hadn't taken much to put him out. He'd hit mah face a couple of times as he hit me, and he was already exhausted.
It took all mah strength ta get him inta his bed and get out the door without hurtin' somethin'. His entire being had been filled with hatred when Ah absorbed him, and it was overwhelming. Ah forced mahself ta go back ta mah room and lie down. After awhile, I fell asleep, only ta be haunted by dreams of Kurt's horrible past and images of Scott's face as he lay on the roof, when Kurt had gone ta get him.
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Thanks for reading, and here is a translation of what Kurt said just before Rogue absorbed him.
Ich bin ein Ungeheuer! = I am a monster!
Ich habe Scott getöten! = I killed Scott!
Ich habe mein Freund getöten! = I killed my friend!
Ich bin ein Möder! = I am a murderer!
Sorry that the German was so crappy. It's been almost six months since I took German, and I'm not taking it again for about a year, unfortunately.
And if you're wondering how I can have Kurt react like this, here's my reasoning: In the first Excalibur comic, he failed to complete a Danger Room Session and became fatalistic, basically deciding that he was going to die. This was about two days after he woke up from a coma or something. (I haven't read the part where he was injured. I heard about that from a friend.) In more recent comics, Kurt has shown a fear of being rejected that runs very deep. Xavier put him in charge of a team, and Kurt left all of the hard and unpopular decisions to Warrren Worthington so he could remain everyone's best friend. Add to that the fact that he bottles everything up, and you have a potentially self-destructive individual.
Anyway, please R+R!