The characters all belong to JKR.
The song belongs to 3 Doors Down. Please don't sue. No infringement is intended.
The song is "Ticket to Heaven" from the CD "Away from the Sun."
Warning: Songfic, not beta'd.
SS/RH pre pre-slash, PG-13
Spoilers: 1-5
Time: Beginning of HP's 7th year
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I'm walking a wire, it feel likes a thousand
ways I could fall.
To want is to buy, but to live is to die and you can't take it all.
And everything is said and done I won't have one thing left…
What happened to everything that I ever known?
The cold seeped through his robes. He tried to pull the tattered shreds closer to his body. It was a futile effort.
Severus Snape paused in his feeble movements and listened to the unique silence of the Forbidden Forest. After another Death Eater conclave, another night kneeling at the Dark Lord's feet, and another night of the Cruciatus curse, Severus seriously doubted his ability to return. Return where? Err…indeed. Could he face the disappointment in Dumbledore's eyes? The simmering rage in Potter's? On the other hand, could he skulk back to Voldemort, paste that obsequious smile on his face, and nod witlessly in agreement with the next ludicrous plan of attack?
How much time had passed? He began to wonder who had 'Snape Watch' that night. One particular day at Grimmauld Place, he had heard that foolish Tonks whispering to Potter and his friends about 'Snape Watch.' She explained to them how, after he had not returned one night, they had begun to rotate watching for Snape to return from his meetings. Such an onerous chore.
Severus grimaced as an exceptionally pointy stick jabbed him in the back. No, actually that was his wand. Damn! His mind had begun to drift at an alarming rate. Taking stock of his injuries, the professor realized that they had fractured his left leg and that he would not be leaving the forest tonight without assistance. The frost bit into his skin and his consciousness finally skittered away much as his students frequently did…
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All he gave me was this ticket to heaven, that ticket to heaven,
Said to lie in the bed that you make.
Now I'm restless and I'm running from everything,
I'm running from everything, I'm afraid it's a little too
late.
"No, stop…ple…ase…I…I…."
"Hush, sir. Yeh'll only be makin' it worse if yeh thrash about like that."
Severus blinked once, twice, and a third time before his eyes focused on the huge man, well, giant, in front of him. Hagrid appeared much as he always did – none the worse for wear. The tattered clothing, umbrella, and shaggy beard guaranteed that this was not a fever-induced hallucination. Shivering violently, the professor attempted to articulate his sentiments but realized, quite embarrassingly, that he only managed to croak.
Hagrid continued on, "Didna mean to take so long teh find yeh, sir. The Forest were most uncooperative tonight. Now, I 'spect yeh'll be wantin' a visit to Poppy, eh?" Finally, he looked down at the silent man. After a long moment, he asked again, "Sir?"
Pausing another second to gather his breath, Severus whispered, "I can't walk."
"Oh." The groundskeeper looked most perplexed by this announcement. Certainly, he had carried Snape back to the castle before, but the man had always been out cold. Hagrid highly doubted that the professor would consent to be lugged to Hogwarts like a sack of potatoes. "I canna levitate yeh, sir. Yeh'll have teh be carried."
Severus snorted. Bloody hell. But, he supposed that there was no hope for it. "Very well. Pick up my wand first, it is underneath my right arm."
As Hagrid reached for the wand, Severus flinched away. The giant drew back and stood there awkwardly.
"Go on then," Severus whispered a little louder. "I haven't got all night."
The giant almost laughed at that, considering that it was close to 4 a.m., but he supposed the professor would not appreciate a reminder of the hour. This time he approached Snape with more caution, laying one hand first on his shoulder. He slid the wand into a pocket and said, "Yeh need to reach around meh neck." After the injured man had complied, Hagrid slid his other arm underneath Snape's legs and lifted him into the air.
Leaning into the enormous body heat, Severus slowly relaxed as Hagrid trampled steadily through the wood. The professor's glassy gaze worried the groundskeeper. With every step that he took, he heard Snape groan softly.
"Ha…Hagrid...?"
"Yes, sir?"
Severus roused himself and wrapped his fingers around the edge of the giant's coat. "Do you remember when Black broke my arm, first year?"
"Yes, sir."
"And…do you remember when they stole my clothes? It was third year, I believe."
"Yes, sir."
"And the time…the time that they flipped me upside down?"
"I remember that too, sir."
"And do you…do you remember, perhaps…the day…." Severus trailed off. "The day I returned?"
"Of course, sir."
"Good. "
"Sir?" No response. "Sir." This time a little louder. "Professor Snape! Wake up!" Hagrid reached up to touch the professor's face and was shocked by his temperature. Merlin, the castle was too far by half. "We're goin' teh make a run fer it, Sev. I 'pologize if yeh get jostled a bit."
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It's a voices lie, innocents die.
And all your dreams, and all your money they don't mean a thing.
When everything is said and done, you won't have one thing left…
What happened to everything that I ever known?
The muzzy warmth slowly invaded his dreams. Before opening his eyes, he mentally analyzed the situation. Antiseptic smell, well, that gave it away. He must have survived another night.
"Severus, I know you are awake."
Ah, yes, the nagging voice of Albus Dumbledore. He wondered how long he could avoid the Headmaster.
"You must wake up now, Severus. The children will be arriving in a few hours."
What? His eyes snapped open and he gaped at the man beside him. "But…." He was still croaking, damn. I could not have been unconscious for a week…it is inconceivable.
Dumbledore sighed. "I'm afraid that you have indeed been unconscious since last weekend. We…" Now, Dumbledore hesitated. "We didn't have much hope this time. You won't go back."
At this pronouncement, Severus struggled to sit up. "I must. I chose my path and I will tread it while there is breath left in my body."
Suddenly, Dumbledore leapt to his feet with the agility of a man half his age. Knocking the chair aside, he spun on the wounded man. "And while there is breath in my body, I will not let you kill yourself in a mistaken quest for atonement. You are far more useful alive than dead."
"That's all I am then. I knew it, inside, but I never thought that you would have the nerve to say it to my face. Here is your 'Get Out of Azkaban Free' card, but do not pass Hogwarts and do not collect 200 galleons."
A baffled look on his face, the Headmaster approached the bed. "Severus, you don't mean that." He reached out to pick up Severus' hand but the man drew back.
"With all due respect, sir, get out."
Temporarily conceding defeat, the older wizard nodded. "The students will arrive on the 6 o'clock train. Before he goes to meet them, I think someone else wants to see you." He walked toward the door. "Oh, and Severus, I expect to see you down at dinner."
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All he gave me was this ticket to heaven, that ticket to heaven,
Said to lie in the bed that you make.
Now I'm restless and I'm running from everything,
I'm running from everything, I'm afraid it's a little too
late.
A few minutes after the Headmaster left, Hagrid moved through the doorway. "Professor Dumbledore said yeh were feelin' a bit better."
"Thank you for your concern, Hagrid, but I neither desire nor require it." Severus leaned back against the pillows and glared at the former Gryffindor.
"Oh." Hagrid looked down at the floor and shifted from one foot to the other. The other man cleared his throat and the giant looked up.
"Perhaps, you could assist me in visiting the bathroom."
With an uncertain smile, the groundskeeper moved swiftly to the bed and stuck out his arm. The Potions Master slid his legs out from under the covers and latched onto the proffered appendage. Taking tiny steps, the two men moved sedately across the room. "A'right there, sir?"
"Severus," he murmured softly.
"What?"
"My name is Severus, not 'sir,' no matter what years of unenlightened Gryffindors may believe."
Hagrid reached up to push Severus' hair out of his eyes. All of a sudden, a voice came from behind them. "I'll help him from here, Hagrid. You need to be headed down to the station." Poppy moved herself between the two men and clinically arranged Snape's grasp on her arm. Then, she gently urged Hagrid out of the Infirmary and turned her attention back to the Slytherin. "You're not supposed to be out of bed until the Feast, Professor Snape."
Severus grumbled. "Right." He looked behind him to see the other professor exiting the Infirmary. "Hagrid." The giant paused and glanced over. "Thank you."
With a silent nod of acknowledgement, the groundskeeper departed and left him with a frowning Madame Pomfrey.
"Now, Professor, we're going to get you ready to attend the Welcoming Feast."
Sighing heartily, Severus composed himself and prepared for the resumption of his life.
It's a little too late.
The End, for now.
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Hmm…that didn't turn out quite like I imagined. I forget who mentioned
the "Get out of Azkaban Free" card in their story - If you would
like to claim ownership over it, please do so and I will acknowledge your brilliance.
I hope to write an extended sequel, the fandom needs more SS/RH.