Hey guys, I'm back soner than I thought I would be! I had a great vacation, but my creative juices are itching to ooze onto my keyboard!!
Disclaimer: Yeah, I finally came out of my trailer. Woo hoo! Taineyah doesn't own anything you recognise.
Kurt: I'm staying on as a muse!! I'm Amieva's new competition.
Tainz: Except that Amieva exists outside this twisted mass I call a brain!
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#~Kitty~#
I didn't go to bed that night until about three in the morning. I, like, didn't want to look at Rogue after how mean she'd been to Jean. By the time I got there, Rogue was already long asleep.
I lay awake for hours, trying to forget the day for long enough to get to sleep. Every time I'd get close to drifting off, it'd hit me again. Scott was dead. I think that night was the first time I'd ever been up late enough to see the sunrise. Just as the sun peeked up over the trees, I finally fell asleep.
I probably only slept for about an hour, but it was enough to make me never want to sleep again. I had horrible nightmares of the Incident. I kept watching Scott fall, like my brain was on instant replay. Again and again, I heard Jean's screaming. Over and over I saw Mr. McCoy come out of the infirmary.
When I woke up, I didn't even bother trying to lay in bed for awhile and fall back to sleep. I just jumped out of bed. One of the first things I saw was Rogue's face. She was still asleep, although she was tossing and turning, as she'd done all night. Her face was, like, totally bruised. I couldn't remember anyone having hit her like that the day before. Her lip was split and both eyes were black.
Normally, I would have woken her up and asked her about it, but I was still too mad at her for the way she'd treated Jean. I headed downstairs to the kitchen. I wasn't hungry, but I knew that everyone else would be there.
To my surprise, only Evan and Jean were there. I guess it shouldn't have been too surprising, I mean, Rogue was, like, sleeping and Scott was.... Scott wasn't going to be coming to the kitchen ever again. Even so, I would have thought that some of the newbies would be there. And Kurt. Kurt was always the first one downstairs for breakfast.
Jean was looking kind of drugged as she stirred her cereal aimlessly. Evan just looked down. He had a glass of milk in his hand, but it didn't seem like he'd drank any in a really long time. It was full, but all of the water droplets had dried up off the outside of the glass. He was staring silently into space, but he looked up when I opened the fridge.
"Hi." Evan's voice sounded dead.
"'Morning," I muttered, unsure what I was supposed to say. "Have you seen Kurt yet? He seemed really upset last...." I broke off, not wanting to talk about it.
"No." Evan took a sip of his milk.
Without taking anything out, I closed the fridge door. "I'm going to, like, go find him. He didn't eat last night and he... he 'ported a lot yesterday. He might have... like... passed out or something."
"Yeah."
I couldn't stand to be in the kitchen with Jean's utter silence and Evan's... emotionlessness. I took off back up the stairs. Usually, I'd just walk into Kurt's room, but today I paused long enough to knock. He didn't answer. I tried the handle. Locked.
Worried about him, I stuck my head through the door and saw him sitting on the end of his bed, his image inducer already turned on for the day. I stepped through the rest of the way and carefully picked my way through the debris on his floor. There was everything from glass, to blood, to tufts of blue fur. It looked like he'd gone on rampage in there.
I sat down next to him. He looked up and seemed astonished that I was anywhere near him.
"Kurt, why don't you come down and get some breakfast?" I asked him gently.
"Okay," he said sadly.
I lead him to the door by his shirt sleeve, as he didn't seem motivated enough to get up on his own. I was sure that part of it was hunger, so I took him straight down to the kitchen, where Jean and Evan hadn't moved an inch. Ms. Munroe and Logan had joined them and Logan gave me some buttered toast for Kurt as we walked in. I sat Kurt down and put the toast in front of him.
"Danke, Kätzchen," he whispered. He glanced fearfully at Jean, then picked up his toast and nibbled at the crust. After about two bites, he set it down and pushed the plate away. He kept looking up at Jean, then turning his face down towards the table again.
Logan shoved the plate back at Kurt and commanded him to eat. Mechanically, Kurt obeyed. Now that I didn't have Kurt to use as a distraction, I had to stay in the kitchen and get some breakfast. I hadn't eaten since lunch the day before and knew I needed breakfast, even though I didn't feel particularly hungry.
I rummaged through the cupboards, looking for some cereal. All of the boxes were empty, save one. The one that Scott had written on with a magic marker. It was the only box of Lucky Charms we had in the house, ever, and it was his, bought with his own money because the professor wouldn't buy us 'junk' cereal. Kurt had eaten the Lucky Charms a few times, which had induced Scott to write, in big, black letters, "Scott's cereal. Don't touch. Yes, even you, furrball."
A sob caught in my throat as I closed the cereal cupboard. No one would ever eat that cereal now, and I couldn't bring myself to throw it out. I glanced at Jean, hoping that she hadn't seen and I was hit with a wave of remorse.
I remembered every time that Kurt and I had made fun of her and Scott for being together. And all the times we'd made fun of them for not being together. I felt like a total ass. If only I could change the things I'd said.
I wished, with all my heart, that he could come back, just for a minute, so I could apologise. Tears started to flow down my face and I turned away from Jean's spacey gaze, running through the wall and outside to the garden. I didn't want to make her any more upset.
I sat under a bush for what seemed like hours, sobbing uncontrollably into my arms. I wished... I don't know what I wished. That Scott was still alive, for sure. But what else? That Lance hadn't been on the team that killed Scott? That Kurt wasn't so upset and he'd come and hold me? That Rogue wasn't such an absolute bitch? I wished for everything...and nothing.
I felt so useless. I didn't have anything to do to make things better. There was nothing I could do. For the first time in my existence, there was no one to turn to. Normally, when I was this confused and upset, I would have gone to Scott for a "big brother" pep talk. But...I'd never hear one of those pep talks again.
The X-Van came up the driveway, with Bobby and the Professor in the front seats and, peeking between them, Alex. They must have gone to the airport to pick him up that morning. God... It had to be so hard on Alex. He just found Scott. Then he lost Scott. It was only, what? A year? Two? It was, like, so unfair!
It started off my sobs all over again. Why did any of this have to happen? It would have been so much easier on everyone if it had been someone else. Not Scott. Not our fearless leader. If it had been anyone else, Scott would be helping all of us, right now. I mean, sure, sometimes I disagreed with him. Or mouthed off. Or didn't want to train, but he was the one that all of us looked up to, in our individual ways.
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Another quick thing: (and it's a semi bad thing for you) I have a weird condition of the tendons in my hands that makes them stiff and painful all the time. Which is bad for an author and guitarist. The common name for it is "Trigger Finger." Some time in the next six months or so, I'm going to have to have surgery to correct that. I'll try to let you know right before that happens. During the time it takes to heal (approx. 2-6 weeks) my updates will either be extremely slow or non-existent. I just thought I'd give you a heads up!
On a lighter note: I just bought my electric guitar!
Love always,
Tainz