That Ulysses blood spins high in me. I doubt I will be able to match that
type of length. Shucks.
-------------
Thought of the episode:
You've got one life to live, and a lot of love to give. What more could you
ask for?
------------
I choose to be in my own world, I will stay in my own world. I own nothing
of them, they own nothing of me. If I had to even comply with them, fat
chance.
So you say, Master. Self-prescribed polemic.
Yeah, but, Hachi, what don't parents understand about their children? I
mean, don't they give them some leeway? Any? Pray tell?
Mmm, seems not so. For a good amount. Not like every family in Japan holds
their children down, Master.
Waste of the children's lives, waste of the parents' lives. Stress is bad
for you.
Rowrlf. Most definitely. One who doesn't roll with the punches will have
itself rolled with punches.
You're quite the one to talk, Hachiko.
Ack. The 5934th time with the chokehold, Master?
Just like clockwork.
Arwf, arwf. A master of the past, now a master of the future. I am a
timeless hero that transcends fate. Pray you have any other pets in your
home, Master Ran?
Naw, why would I need any other pets, when I have you?
Ummfummfummmmf.
Good boy. Welp, I'm off, Hachi. I'll see ya.
Take care of yourself, Master. Face your fears, live your dreams, and be
safe. Rarwf!
Yeah. Bye!
And there she goes again. My new Master of 3, perhaps 4 years. Outgoing, no
question. Even that doesn't describe it, by O'Mikami. Wish. If only I
wasn't this pallid statue, and actually existed. Or perphapsperhapsperhaps,
existed as another Akita, but by the same name. Seems an Akita needs to
have the mind of Junichiro Koizumi to know why Japan is the way it is,
without Hornsby playing his piano for clarification. I'll leave it that for
now.
********
An Orchid That Lasts Forever
Episode 2
********
KANARI BLUE
-It's spring...
Sakuras blooming, people singing, the sky shing bright in a sea of blue.
Makes me want to cry, and sleep on in. Geegollybywow.
-It's spring.
Jesus saves. Satan bites. You do the math. One life to live, not a lot of
love to give. How two-sided. Wait. She finishes.
-It's spring, and it's uber-sad. I was going to head over to Shibuya and
gets some cool accesories, but this is not enough to buy any takoyaki.
Kanari Blue.
Takoyaki: Octopus balls. Kanari Blue: Depressing to the tops. We can tell.
A 50-yen coin is not going to work for you. That goofy loo-king pigpetpansy
of yours shakes a blingblingblind eye, dontchaknow?
2 pairs of feet emerge. And these two pair of feet become.
-Shibuya police.
-Don't move. You're under arrest.
Oh, it's just the redstreaker's parents. Taizo, a 51-year old detective of
high status. Kiyoka, a respected police/peace officer, estimated to be in
her late 40's.
A surprise? Not in Ran's eyes. An annoyance? Equivalent to an
understatement.
-Honestly, can't you think of something better than scaring me? Come on
now!
Mother father, brother, grandparents, greatgrandparents, uncles,
aunts...the Kotobukis have policing in their DNA. That far back, huih? I
didn't think women back then could join the law enforcements...how ancient,
most definitely. Woof.
RESISTANCE TO CONDITION
A Pork Cutlet bowl. Appetizing. Dumb, predictable gag in the redstreaker's
POV.
-I want you to say this: "I will be a police officet when I grow up." Come
on, just say it. Say it...
Weak persuasion. Naturally she resists. Running out the back door, she is
halted by some words of agreement. Or one word.
-...Allowance, quoth Taizo to his oldest daughter.
Backtrack. Backbackbackbackbackbackback.
-For real?
-But on one condition.
And what would that be? I mean to find out.
KANSAI FALL-INS
Back to Shibuya Station. A couple of visitors come to see Otohata and
Number Two. I want you. Hoo Hoo Hoo.
-Oh, so you guys came from Osaka? Thank you!
Osaka. If you thought Dogenzaka was the home of the Love Hotel, you are
mistaken. This institution was founded in the Kansai region, namely the
city of Osaka. Care to get laid, boys? Mklgnao!
KUNGFOOLERCLAIRVOYANCY
Said the fool with the yellow do,
-What's the worst that could happen?
A theif incognito run onto the scene, being chased by...
-Hey! It's Ran!
Run Ran Run! Hooray! Woohoo! Wahaa!
Around we go. Jump. Land.
-RAN KICK!
And the bag lands squarely on poor Yuuya's face.
-See what I meant?
So said the straight-faced one.
-Rei, are you clairvoyant?
Nostradamus. Rei Otohata Nostradamus. It's the end of the world as we know
it, and I feel.
ESCAPE
Whack! A punch to the noggin. On the same spot as Yuuya. Shucks. What goeth
around must cometh around. Am I right?
She escapes. This ain't over.
WELL, IT MAKES SENSE.
The big brother in the blue suit preaches to his younger sister.
-So, what's this? "Ran's Police Officer Training Program"?
-I get one sticker for every wrong I right.
So quoth the two bored chickadees.
-Lame.
-It sure isn't trendy.
Not by any means of the imagination, Aya.
-Besides, how does one expect to have a basket-case picture of Dad as a
reward?
Quote the silly stickie:
-Datchuu! You bet!
Never. More.
-I don't mind doing so-mething like this, as long as I get paid for it.
A sigh from Yamato, and a closure of concedence.
-Well, it makes sense.
WHAT TO DO WITH 500 YEN?
-I will use it on fake nails.
Master's pet dogsdogsbody had to ask. Hachi, on your knees boy! On youur
knees!
CHEATERS NEVER PROSPER
-Hey Ran, said Aya to her superior, can't you quit copying someone else's
homework.
Going far...for short.
-It wouldn't hurt.
Copying the same answer. Unoriginal, obviously. Expulsion in college.
Plagiarism. Bombardism. Bomboraism. Non sequitur on latter. Hotchachacha.
STILL A PINER, NOT A PLAYER
-Hey, look at this, said Rie, reading the following issue of the magazine.
Mr. Otohata. Still fine as ever. Magazines. Don't believe what you read,
but take in mind the ani0me you watch.
FREE LUNCH? NOT ON MY WATCH!
Rie asks to the redstreakcrazy,
-How about inviting us to lunch with Otohata and Asou, Ran?
-We'd appreciate it big time!
So said Satsuki with a squaky face.
-No, I'd rather not, said Ran. How about meeting with them personally.
-You'll regret this, said Satsuki and Rie.
They're serious. Thay're THAT head over heels for those guys.
Shucksyucksyucksy.
-Shut up! I'm busy copying homework.
Ay! Theresheis!
-Hey, where are you going!? yelled Satsuki.
-That is so lame, said Rie in disgust.
Don't worry. I have a feeling your wishes will be granted.
HEY YUKIE!
She's such a snooper, my Master is. Snooping on those two, Yukie and
Takeru. Three times, then guard let down.
-Hey, you've been fo-llowing me for a while, what do you want?
-I thought so! You were the thief from yesterday!
-Theif? What are you talking about?
Balker. Pathetic. Nose-pinching, tongue-sticking reaction from Hachidaddy.
-Don't act dumb! You were that thief in Shibuya Station, right?
-I told you, I don't know what you're talking about!
Quit lying and admit it. That was no ordinary gal you punched the other
day, y'know.
I'LL LEAVE IT AT THAT FOR NOW.
-Hey, said Takeru, my Yukie wouldn't do something like that.
-That doesn't matter!, yelled Ran in hysterical, roaring contempt. She's
going to pay for what she did to my nose!
Stares of intimidation. Tepid intrepidation. Slave on indoctrination? Non
sequiur again, I whimper to myself.
-All right. I'll leave it at that for now.
-Honestly, you'd think she'd do something like that?
Leaving, he says,
-See ya.
Red-streaked hottie with bandage on nose, looking on with contempt and
consternation. This ain't over. Yukie Mochida, the pawn.
S&M
Conversation in condescending, conniving confidentiality.
-You screwed up big time Yukie, messing with someone from our school.
-I'm sorry, Takeru.
-I guess we're now going to have to do that new thing.
-What new thing? I...can't do it...
DO YOU WANT TO BE DUMPED BY ME, YUKIE?
-N...No!
-Good. Don't screw up this time.
As the evil genius leered around the bend, he said to himself,
-Kotobuki, huh? I could use her.
NOW WHAT, MASTER?
She seems to have a little kink for anything and everything, that Master
Ran. I get uncomfortable whenever she sits on top of me. It's intimidating,
even for my preferences. Come on now, calm down!
-All right! Time for me to do some good deeds today...
Damn you to hell, Officer Taizo. You've made your daughter make more an ass
out of herself, most definitely. Cigarettes on the ground, riding doubles
on a bike, catch sale soliciting. All prohibited. Shoots.
DROOLIO
After a long, testy night, the orchid girl sleeps, grumbling to herself,
-Five hundred yen...ten fake nails...
Dream on, you gasless wench. As if she doesn't have anything else more
useful to do with that money...she doesn't. Police cars fly around, a
possible culprit in sight. But can you blame her?
HEY BIG SPENDER!
-So then, after I get one more sticker, I get 500 yen.
Too obvious eh, Number Two?
-Oh, so your dad's a cop, huh? Wow.
-Not really. He's just a normal, dirty old guy.
Shameless honesty from one who has no shame for her actions.
-I don't want to bug you or anytthing, but why are sitting there, eating my
lunch?
Treachery! Ah, the blasted freeloading galsbody stealing the grub of her
hunksbody. How schobby.
-You shouldn't worry abotut these things too much, y'know, said Ran over
pasta.
-On top of that, what is with this fan club?
And Satsuki and Rie greet them o'croperly, quothing,
-Otohata and Asou, we are so glad to meet you today!
Nice, meanwhile, Miyu and Aya marvel at the cake they are eating.
Satisfaction. Sheesh, the Japanese are living the rich life after all.
C'est la vie.
-Okay girls, said Yuuya to the female congregation, you can order whatever
you want. Cause today is Rei-pay day.
-THANK YOU, REI!
So go the girls.
And Ran points her finger to the man upstairs and says with a wink in her
eye, and a sly in her grin,
-Hey, big spender!
Stupid magazines.
RETURN OF LOS DARKEYS
-Hey Rei! Rei sweets! Rei baby!
-It's a good thing we didn't go to the karaoke bar!
-You bet!
Karabara. Uhuhuhuh.
-Shoot, it's you guys again, said Ran unabashedly.
-Hey, Kotobuki! What in the hell are you doing with our hot teen idol Rei!?
-Uber-pissed.
-Uber-pissed.
-Uber-pissed.
-UBER-PISSED!
-Shut up, you out of season gals, get out of here!
I laugh my belly off is disdainful horror.
BLUESUITS!?
-We're beyond seasoned.
-We don't let seasons demean our scene of chill our thrill.
-Shut up, fake bakes!
And here come the bluesuits. Well, they're not wearing BLUE suits. Hmph.
-Ran Kotobuki, can you head over to the police box?
-What? What for?
WHY ME!?
-Oh no, is Ran bound for the big house?
Can you say blue, as in Kanari Blue? Oh you must have thought I meant Meee-
shi-gun. Yeah, they have a big house. It's called an American football
stadium. The largest stadium in the nation. Oh claro que yes, no pregunta
necesito, por fahvuhr. But not that. I don't think she knows that much
English, though she might like watching a gridiron match. Might get her
sexual adrenaline pumping times 100-plus quid. Wonder what would happen if
Master Ran knew English well. Better fit for San Fernandooo. Ohoh, pretty
woman.
-We're you supposed to be fixing up the community?
She was, until.
-Hahahah, you got busted again.
-Why me? WHY THE HELL ME!?
Cornered. Singled out. The worser flailing welcome. Don't girls just love
to have fun or what? It's incredible.
INTERROGATION
Phone hunting? Now why would Ran do something like that? She was at home,
but while she slept, someone was using her name, and the victim was robbed
of 50,000 yen. Translating to about 500 U.S. dollars, give or take a few
bucks. Maybe just taketaketake.
And she leaves, bowleggedcomiccallydelicious, irked like a beast, to say
the least. And Taizo confirms it: She has Medium Guts. Taizo's eldest
daughter has yet to really get into it. Wait. And. See.
-Thanks to you, Kotobuki, said Rei in a disgusted tone, I was sent in for
questioning.
Double bust. Double boom. Double trouble.
-Otohata, said Ran inquisitively, you didn't think I stole 50,000 yen, do
you?
No, why would he think that way. He may not like you, but he knows that you
wouldn't act that stupid. Confirm. And clarify.
-You got that right. That's one of my rules. I never use dirty money.
Amen, Master. It must be clean. So clean that it smells fresh as an orchid.
Having it laundered doesn't count.
I MEAN, REALLY!
-We were worried, the pasty hunksbody parlayed to his dense peerette.
-Are you okay, Ran? So quothed the bluestarchild.
Fine, but to an extent. Master Ran has a copyright to her own name.
-Who's going to help me in this, said the orchidian.
-I will!, exclaimed everyone else but the cleancutter.
-Of course, you will help too, right, Otohata?
Concede. Kentucky Fried Otohata. Paw lickin' good. Bad for my tummie,
though.
Yuuya tracks down the culprit to lure her in. 10 minutes pass. They found
her. Continuing to lure her in, she, the one with the redjacketyayas,
doesn't take infringement period. Off she goes, Miyu wearily bleating,
-Oh, Ran. I mean, really!
Stubborn contradictor. Two-faced. Is emotion the true enemy of justice?
Argumentum ad suckmidickum? Fallacy is obscured. Have a bite. Agenbite.
Packaged by Inwit Biscuits, Fresh from the great state of Misery! Must buy
me a buttfull of bags of those Agenbite biscuits someday.
I AM SHE AS YOU ARE ME AS.you're still here?
Ran-sweets, sniffing sugar, cause she wants to. Seems to find it. Hola,
chingata! Que pasa, puto? East L.A. accent. An innocent student. Naïve, and
too young to go out.
-Hello. I'm Kotobuki Ran.
And I'm Lucifer returned. She is confused.
-I am she as you are me as you are she and we are all.
In an argument. Pointless. Meaningless. Worthless.
-Ah! The target!
The old fat guy with the otaku frames says, "Target?"
-Oh! Tou-san!
Tou-san? That Bel-Airs song comes to mind. Paul Johnson, Metro Traffic. No,
that's Motou-san. And THAt Paul Johnson works for a news station in Los
Angeles, across the Pacific River. And we have a sig-alert in Marukawa
Park, in which a basket case girl shrinks into roninistic oblivion. Have a
bite. An Inwit Agenbite. Made in Misery! Home of some good barbecue, too.
Raloom.
YOUR BRAIN IS BASIC
-Damn, made a fool out of me. What a waste of my time.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Ran's brain is so basic. Could
that "culprit" strike again?
-Shut up!
Hey, Master! Don't talk with your mouthful. Sometimes a cool girl can get
on everyone's nerves. Even mine's.
Yuuya answers his keitai. -Moshi moshi?
-I saw your letter. I'm fine with it. Let's meet.
That sounds like.someone familiar.
YUUYA TANAKA, A 25-YEAR OLD SALARYMAN
The coast is clear. Now. Go.
Yuuya walks into the scene, as a 25-year old businessman. Must have had his
degree at age 13. Wonder why he's still in high school if he got his degree
from a top university anyway. Children? Basta! That's not for another few
decades.Second Impact. Can you feel it? Na na na na na nananananananaaa, Na
na na na na nananananaaaanaaa! Good marching band song, if the thought of
it came. Calling all angels. Attack Shibuya immediately. This is no drill!
And mass-produced ones, too!
-Mr. Tanaka?
-Hello!
-I'm Kotobuki. Do you have any money?
-Um, no.
JACKASS
-Hey, are you trying to lay a hand on my woman?
-Huh?
Takeru, Mr. Uber-nasty, comes to be a sleazebagbosstweed.
-You must think I'm a jackass or something.
Who said you were, huh? Faith, he must be talking to himself. Or a wall.
Mr. Takeru, the nearest asylum is down the road in Chiyoda-ku. You're most
welcome to step on in and live the life of a narcyhermitthefrog there,
nyaaah. Frigginmentalbasketcaseaholic.
-Takeru, let's not do this, please, pleaded poor Yukie on the make.
-I told you, shut your mouth!
A shove into the ground.
-Hey, what are you doing, Mr. Tanaka said, irked like a perk. Grabbed. Weak
sapling.
-What did you say? Pay up if you don't want me to kick your ass.
And I, Hachiko the poor dogsbody's body, roll over like a fat, stubborn
mule, in hysterical, hopeless gesticulation over something pointless now
and forever hold your peace I bring unto you that cannot give but may live
to die another day-oh daylight come and you wanna go home don't it make you
want to go homeward bound up hand and foot into total darkness that casts
an evil lear at this world after all.
-I'm telling you to stop!
A fist flies like a UFO kingdog into the next county. Fred, use your ears
to slow you down, boy! Oy! Oy! Get it today. It just makes sense.
-Aw, crap. The wig flies out. Lost like a young voluptuous, topless
Hawaiian child-mother. But not for long.
LIMELIGHT
The light flashes. She has come back.
-Hey, Mochida, what did you do that for? Blackmail?
The poor pawn bleeds.
-It's because I love him, Yuike said, Takuru's arms around him.
-That's fine with me, the red-streaked balker balked. Grabbing Takeru, she
pinned him down head first, unconscious to boot. And she continued.
-There's a name for people like you. You're the scum of the earth, she
preached, breathing the same air as I am. How shameful.
COLD
-Um, Ran, Miyu said, he'd knocked out cold, Aya poking a branch at the
fresh corpse.
-That's so pathetic, she responded, snapping her fingers towards the cold
Tokyo air.
-Oh Yamato, Miyu replied on celluloid communication, come quick.
CHEAP
-I loved him, so much, desperately, Yukie said, and I though Takeru would
walk away. I thought if I did what he asked, I would receive what I wanted
to. I was going downhill with him. But I knew inside, that someone would
steer me out of this quandary I put myself in.
-That kind of love will not last, Ran said, flaunting her expertise. It's
cheap, and expendable.
Yeah. Like 100-yen materials, though there is a fallacy in that definition.
-Isn't that obvious, she continued. Listen, become a great woman, and the
guys shower you with gifts. You know they turn to me, she said, pointing to
herself.
In Ran we trust. E Plurigals Unum. Shibuya's unofficial motto.
OOPS, I DID IT AGAIN
-Oh my, you did it again, said Miyu, nudging Ran playfully.
-I did it again?
Oops, you did it again. He messed with her heart, and lost in the game, oh
baby, baby. Oops, you thought she's in love, but she's really no-o-o-ot.
She's not that innocent.
Aya agreed, Ran aloof.
-Congratulations, said Rei to his friend, about to grope.
-Ah! Just where were you a second ago?
-Nowhere.
Yamato came calling, dragging the poor blonde jackass into the hoosegow of
horrors.
10 =500 + DROP = 0
-I got 500 yen, Ran gleefully said the next day, holding her coin. Off for
some fake nails.
Running down the street, she tripped, her coin in the gutter. Mine it out,
pull it out, jackasshammeritout.to no avail. Calamity, not calamine, but it
stings. Fly away, klutzy koinbird.
********
END EPISODE 2
Review, y'all.
type of length. Shucks.
-------------
Thought of the episode:
You've got one life to live, and a lot of love to give. What more could you
ask for?
------------
I choose to be in my own world, I will stay in my own world. I own nothing
of them, they own nothing of me. If I had to even comply with them, fat
chance.
So you say, Master. Self-prescribed polemic.
Yeah, but, Hachi, what don't parents understand about their children? I
mean, don't they give them some leeway? Any? Pray tell?
Mmm, seems not so. For a good amount. Not like every family in Japan holds
their children down, Master.
Waste of the children's lives, waste of the parents' lives. Stress is bad
for you.
Rowrlf. Most definitely. One who doesn't roll with the punches will have
itself rolled with punches.
You're quite the one to talk, Hachiko.
Ack. The 5934th time with the chokehold, Master?
Just like clockwork.
Arwf, arwf. A master of the past, now a master of the future. I am a
timeless hero that transcends fate. Pray you have any other pets in your
home, Master Ran?
Naw, why would I need any other pets, when I have you?
Ummfummfummmmf.
Good boy. Welp, I'm off, Hachi. I'll see ya.
Take care of yourself, Master. Face your fears, live your dreams, and be
safe. Rarwf!
Yeah. Bye!
And there she goes again. My new Master of 3, perhaps 4 years. Outgoing, no
question. Even that doesn't describe it, by O'Mikami. Wish. If only I
wasn't this pallid statue, and actually existed. Or perphapsperhapsperhaps,
existed as another Akita, but by the same name. Seems an Akita needs to
have the mind of Junichiro Koizumi to know why Japan is the way it is,
without Hornsby playing his piano for clarification. I'll leave it that for
now.
********
An Orchid That Lasts Forever
Episode 2
********
KANARI BLUE
-It's spring...
Sakuras blooming, people singing, the sky shing bright in a sea of blue.
Makes me want to cry, and sleep on in. Geegollybywow.
-It's spring.
Jesus saves. Satan bites. You do the math. One life to live, not a lot of
love to give. How two-sided. Wait. She finishes.
-It's spring, and it's uber-sad. I was going to head over to Shibuya and
gets some cool accesories, but this is not enough to buy any takoyaki.
Kanari Blue.
Takoyaki: Octopus balls. Kanari Blue: Depressing to the tops. We can tell.
A 50-yen coin is not going to work for you. That goofy loo-king pigpetpansy
of yours shakes a blingblingblind eye, dontchaknow?
2 pairs of feet emerge. And these two pair of feet become.
-Shibuya police.
-Don't move. You're under arrest.
Oh, it's just the redstreaker's parents. Taizo, a 51-year old detective of
high status. Kiyoka, a respected police/peace officer, estimated to be in
her late 40's.
A surprise? Not in Ran's eyes. An annoyance? Equivalent to an
understatement.
-Honestly, can't you think of something better than scaring me? Come on
now!
Mother father, brother, grandparents, greatgrandparents, uncles,
aunts...the Kotobukis have policing in their DNA. That far back, huih? I
didn't think women back then could join the law enforcements...how ancient,
most definitely. Woof.
RESISTANCE TO CONDITION
A Pork Cutlet bowl. Appetizing. Dumb, predictable gag in the redstreaker's
POV.
-I want you to say this: "I will be a police officet when I grow up." Come
on, just say it. Say it...
Weak persuasion. Naturally she resists. Running out the back door, she is
halted by some words of agreement. Or one word.
-...Allowance, quoth Taizo to his oldest daughter.
Backtrack. Backbackbackbackbackbackback.
-For real?
-But on one condition.
And what would that be? I mean to find out.
KANSAI FALL-INS
Back to Shibuya Station. A couple of visitors come to see Otohata and
Number Two. I want you. Hoo Hoo Hoo.
-Oh, so you guys came from Osaka? Thank you!
Osaka. If you thought Dogenzaka was the home of the Love Hotel, you are
mistaken. This institution was founded in the Kansai region, namely the
city of Osaka. Care to get laid, boys? Mklgnao!
KUNGFOOLERCLAIRVOYANCY
Said the fool with the yellow do,
-What's the worst that could happen?
A theif incognito run onto the scene, being chased by...
-Hey! It's Ran!
Run Ran Run! Hooray! Woohoo! Wahaa!
Around we go. Jump. Land.
-RAN KICK!
And the bag lands squarely on poor Yuuya's face.
-See what I meant?
So said the straight-faced one.
-Rei, are you clairvoyant?
Nostradamus. Rei Otohata Nostradamus. It's the end of the world as we know
it, and I feel.
ESCAPE
Whack! A punch to the noggin. On the same spot as Yuuya. Shucks. What goeth
around must cometh around. Am I right?
She escapes. This ain't over.
WELL, IT MAKES SENSE.
The big brother in the blue suit preaches to his younger sister.
-So, what's this? "Ran's Police Officer Training Program"?
-I get one sticker for every wrong I right.
So quoth the two bored chickadees.
-Lame.
-It sure isn't trendy.
Not by any means of the imagination, Aya.
-Besides, how does one expect to have a basket-case picture of Dad as a
reward?
Quote the silly stickie:
-Datchuu! You bet!
Never. More.
-I don't mind doing so-mething like this, as long as I get paid for it.
A sigh from Yamato, and a closure of concedence.
-Well, it makes sense.
WHAT TO DO WITH 500 YEN?
-I will use it on fake nails.
Master's pet dogsdogsbody had to ask. Hachi, on your knees boy! On youur
knees!
CHEATERS NEVER PROSPER
-Hey Ran, said Aya to her superior, can't you quit copying someone else's
homework.
Going far...for short.
-It wouldn't hurt.
Copying the same answer. Unoriginal, obviously. Expulsion in college.
Plagiarism. Bombardism. Bomboraism. Non sequitur on latter. Hotchachacha.
STILL A PINER, NOT A PLAYER
-Hey, look at this, said Rie, reading the following issue of the magazine.
Mr. Otohata. Still fine as ever. Magazines. Don't believe what you read,
but take in mind the ani0me you watch.
FREE LUNCH? NOT ON MY WATCH!
Rie asks to the redstreakcrazy,
-How about inviting us to lunch with Otohata and Asou, Ran?
-We'd appreciate it big time!
So said Satsuki with a squaky face.
-No, I'd rather not, said Ran. How about meeting with them personally.
-You'll regret this, said Satsuki and Rie.
They're serious. Thay're THAT head over heels for those guys.
Shucksyucksyucksy.
-Shut up! I'm busy copying homework.
Ay! Theresheis!
-Hey, where are you going!? yelled Satsuki.
-That is so lame, said Rie in disgust.
Don't worry. I have a feeling your wishes will be granted.
HEY YUKIE!
She's such a snooper, my Master is. Snooping on those two, Yukie and
Takeru. Three times, then guard let down.
-Hey, you've been fo-llowing me for a while, what do you want?
-I thought so! You were the thief from yesterday!
-Theif? What are you talking about?
Balker. Pathetic. Nose-pinching, tongue-sticking reaction from Hachidaddy.
-Don't act dumb! You were that thief in Shibuya Station, right?
-I told you, I don't know what you're talking about!
Quit lying and admit it. That was no ordinary gal you punched the other
day, y'know.
I'LL LEAVE IT AT THAT FOR NOW.
-Hey, said Takeru, my Yukie wouldn't do something like that.
-That doesn't matter!, yelled Ran in hysterical, roaring contempt. She's
going to pay for what she did to my nose!
Stares of intimidation. Tepid intrepidation. Slave on indoctrination? Non
sequiur again, I whimper to myself.
-All right. I'll leave it at that for now.
-Honestly, you'd think she'd do something like that?
Leaving, he says,
-See ya.
Red-streaked hottie with bandage on nose, looking on with contempt and
consternation. This ain't over. Yukie Mochida, the pawn.
S&M
Conversation in condescending, conniving confidentiality.
-You screwed up big time Yukie, messing with someone from our school.
-I'm sorry, Takeru.
-I guess we're now going to have to do that new thing.
-What new thing? I...can't do it...
DO YOU WANT TO BE DUMPED BY ME, YUKIE?
-N...No!
-Good. Don't screw up this time.
As the evil genius leered around the bend, he said to himself,
-Kotobuki, huh? I could use her.
NOW WHAT, MASTER?
She seems to have a little kink for anything and everything, that Master
Ran. I get uncomfortable whenever she sits on top of me. It's intimidating,
even for my preferences. Come on now, calm down!
-All right! Time for me to do some good deeds today...
Damn you to hell, Officer Taizo. You've made your daughter make more an ass
out of herself, most definitely. Cigarettes on the ground, riding doubles
on a bike, catch sale soliciting. All prohibited. Shoots.
DROOLIO
After a long, testy night, the orchid girl sleeps, grumbling to herself,
-Five hundred yen...ten fake nails...
Dream on, you gasless wench. As if she doesn't have anything else more
useful to do with that money...she doesn't. Police cars fly around, a
possible culprit in sight. But can you blame her?
HEY BIG SPENDER!
-So then, after I get one more sticker, I get 500 yen.
Too obvious eh, Number Two?
-Oh, so your dad's a cop, huh? Wow.
-Not really. He's just a normal, dirty old guy.
Shameless honesty from one who has no shame for her actions.
-I don't want to bug you or anytthing, but why are sitting there, eating my
lunch?
Treachery! Ah, the blasted freeloading galsbody stealing the grub of her
hunksbody. How schobby.
-You shouldn't worry abotut these things too much, y'know, said Ran over
pasta.
-On top of that, what is with this fan club?
And Satsuki and Rie greet them o'croperly, quothing,
-Otohata and Asou, we are so glad to meet you today!
Nice, meanwhile, Miyu and Aya marvel at the cake they are eating.
Satisfaction. Sheesh, the Japanese are living the rich life after all.
C'est la vie.
-Okay girls, said Yuuya to the female congregation, you can order whatever
you want. Cause today is Rei-pay day.
-THANK YOU, REI!
So go the girls.
And Ran points her finger to the man upstairs and says with a wink in her
eye, and a sly in her grin,
-Hey, big spender!
Stupid magazines.
RETURN OF LOS DARKEYS
-Hey Rei! Rei sweets! Rei baby!
-It's a good thing we didn't go to the karaoke bar!
-You bet!
Karabara. Uhuhuhuh.
-Shoot, it's you guys again, said Ran unabashedly.
-Hey, Kotobuki! What in the hell are you doing with our hot teen idol Rei!?
-Uber-pissed.
-Uber-pissed.
-Uber-pissed.
-UBER-PISSED!
-Shut up, you out of season gals, get out of here!
I laugh my belly off is disdainful horror.
BLUESUITS!?
-We're beyond seasoned.
-We don't let seasons demean our scene of chill our thrill.
-Shut up, fake bakes!
And here come the bluesuits. Well, they're not wearing BLUE suits. Hmph.
-Ran Kotobuki, can you head over to the police box?
-What? What for?
WHY ME!?
-Oh no, is Ran bound for the big house?
Can you say blue, as in Kanari Blue? Oh you must have thought I meant Meee-
shi-gun. Yeah, they have a big house. It's called an American football
stadium. The largest stadium in the nation. Oh claro que yes, no pregunta
necesito, por fahvuhr. But not that. I don't think she knows that much
English, though she might like watching a gridiron match. Might get her
sexual adrenaline pumping times 100-plus quid. Wonder what would happen if
Master Ran knew English well. Better fit for San Fernandooo. Ohoh, pretty
woman.
-We're you supposed to be fixing up the community?
She was, until.
-Hahahah, you got busted again.
-Why me? WHY THE HELL ME!?
Cornered. Singled out. The worser flailing welcome. Don't girls just love
to have fun or what? It's incredible.
INTERROGATION
Phone hunting? Now why would Ran do something like that? She was at home,
but while she slept, someone was using her name, and the victim was robbed
of 50,000 yen. Translating to about 500 U.S. dollars, give or take a few
bucks. Maybe just taketaketake.
And she leaves, bowleggedcomiccallydelicious, irked like a beast, to say
the least. And Taizo confirms it: She has Medium Guts. Taizo's eldest
daughter has yet to really get into it. Wait. And. See.
-Thanks to you, Kotobuki, said Rei in a disgusted tone, I was sent in for
questioning.
Double bust. Double boom. Double trouble.
-Otohata, said Ran inquisitively, you didn't think I stole 50,000 yen, do
you?
No, why would he think that way. He may not like you, but he knows that you
wouldn't act that stupid. Confirm. And clarify.
-You got that right. That's one of my rules. I never use dirty money.
Amen, Master. It must be clean. So clean that it smells fresh as an orchid.
Having it laundered doesn't count.
I MEAN, REALLY!
-We were worried, the pasty hunksbody parlayed to his dense peerette.
-Are you okay, Ran? So quothed the bluestarchild.
Fine, but to an extent. Master Ran has a copyright to her own name.
-Who's going to help me in this, said the orchidian.
-I will!, exclaimed everyone else but the cleancutter.
-Of course, you will help too, right, Otohata?
Concede. Kentucky Fried Otohata. Paw lickin' good. Bad for my tummie,
though.
Yuuya tracks down the culprit to lure her in. 10 minutes pass. They found
her. Continuing to lure her in, she, the one with the redjacketyayas,
doesn't take infringement period. Off she goes, Miyu wearily bleating,
-Oh, Ran. I mean, really!
Stubborn contradictor. Two-faced. Is emotion the true enemy of justice?
Argumentum ad suckmidickum? Fallacy is obscured. Have a bite. Agenbite.
Packaged by Inwit Biscuits, Fresh from the great state of Misery! Must buy
me a buttfull of bags of those Agenbite biscuits someday.
I AM SHE AS YOU ARE ME AS.you're still here?
Ran-sweets, sniffing sugar, cause she wants to. Seems to find it. Hola,
chingata! Que pasa, puto? East L.A. accent. An innocent student. Naïve, and
too young to go out.
-Hello. I'm Kotobuki Ran.
And I'm Lucifer returned. She is confused.
-I am she as you are me as you are she and we are all.
In an argument. Pointless. Meaningless. Worthless.
-Ah! The target!
The old fat guy with the otaku frames says, "Target?"
-Oh! Tou-san!
Tou-san? That Bel-Airs song comes to mind. Paul Johnson, Metro Traffic. No,
that's Motou-san. And THAt Paul Johnson works for a news station in Los
Angeles, across the Pacific River. And we have a sig-alert in Marukawa
Park, in which a basket case girl shrinks into roninistic oblivion. Have a
bite. An Inwit Agenbite. Made in Misery! Home of some good barbecue, too.
Raloom.
YOUR BRAIN IS BASIC
-Damn, made a fool out of me. What a waste of my time.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again, Ran's brain is so basic. Could
that "culprit" strike again?
-Shut up!
Hey, Master! Don't talk with your mouthful. Sometimes a cool girl can get
on everyone's nerves. Even mine's.
Yuuya answers his keitai. -Moshi moshi?
-I saw your letter. I'm fine with it. Let's meet.
That sounds like.someone familiar.
YUUYA TANAKA, A 25-YEAR OLD SALARYMAN
The coast is clear. Now. Go.
Yuuya walks into the scene, as a 25-year old businessman. Must have had his
degree at age 13. Wonder why he's still in high school if he got his degree
from a top university anyway. Children? Basta! That's not for another few
decades.Second Impact. Can you feel it? Na na na na na nananananananaaa, Na
na na na na nananananaaaanaaa! Good marching band song, if the thought of
it came. Calling all angels. Attack Shibuya immediately. This is no drill!
And mass-produced ones, too!
-Mr. Tanaka?
-Hello!
-I'm Kotobuki. Do you have any money?
-Um, no.
JACKASS
-Hey, are you trying to lay a hand on my woman?
-Huh?
Takeru, Mr. Uber-nasty, comes to be a sleazebagbosstweed.
-You must think I'm a jackass or something.
Who said you were, huh? Faith, he must be talking to himself. Or a wall.
Mr. Takeru, the nearest asylum is down the road in Chiyoda-ku. You're most
welcome to step on in and live the life of a narcyhermitthefrog there,
nyaaah. Frigginmentalbasketcaseaholic.
-Takeru, let's not do this, please, pleaded poor Yukie on the make.
-I told you, shut your mouth!
A shove into the ground.
-Hey, what are you doing, Mr. Tanaka said, irked like a perk. Grabbed. Weak
sapling.
-What did you say? Pay up if you don't want me to kick your ass.
And I, Hachiko the poor dogsbody's body, roll over like a fat, stubborn
mule, in hysterical, hopeless gesticulation over something pointless now
and forever hold your peace I bring unto you that cannot give but may live
to die another day-oh daylight come and you wanna go home don't it make you
want to go homeward bound up hand and foot into total darkness that casts
an evil lear at this world after all.
-I'm telling you to stop!
A fist flies like a UFO kingdog into the next county. Fred, use your ears
to slow you down, boy! Oy! Oy! Get it today. It just makes sense.
-Aw, crap. The wig flies out. Lost like a young voluptuous, topless
Hawaiian child-mother. But not for long.
LIMELIGHT
The light flashes. She has come back.
-Hey, Mochida, what did you do that for? Blackmail?
The poor pawn bleeds.
-It's because I love him, Yuike said, Takuru's arms around him.
-That's fine with me, the red-streaked balker balked. Grabbing Takeru, she
pinned him down head first, unconscious to boot. And she continued.
-There's a name for people like you. You're the scum of the earth, she
preached, breathing the same air as I am. How shameful.
COLD
-Um, Ran, Miyu said, he'd knocked out cold, Aya poking a branch at the
fresh corpse.
-That's so pathetic, she responded, snapping her fingers towards the cold
Tokyo air.
-Oh Yamato, Miyu replied on celluloid communication, come quick.
CHEAP
-I loved him, so much, desperately, Yukie said, and I though Takeru would
walk away. I thought if I did what he asked, I would receive what I wanted
to. I was going downhill with him. But I knew inside, that someone would
steer me out of this quandary I put myself in.
-That kind of love will not last, Ran said, flaunting her expertise. It's
cheap, and expendable.
Yeah. Like 100-yen materials, though there is a fallacy in that definition.
-Isn't that obvious, she continued. Listen, become a great woman, and the
guys shower you with gifts. You know they turn to me, she said, pointing to
herself.
In Ran we trust. E Plurigals Unum. Shibuya's unofficial motto.
OOPS, I DID IT AGAIN
-Oh my, you did it again, said Miyu, nudging Ran playfully.
-I did it again?
Oops, you did it again. He messed with her heart, and lost in the game, oh
baby, baby. Oops, you thought she's in love, but she's really no-o-o-ot.
She's not that innocent.
Aya agreed, Ran aloof.
-Congratulations, said Rei to his friend, about to grope.
-Ah! Just where were you a second ago?
-Nowhere.
Yamato came calling, dragging the poor blonde jackass into the hoosegow of
horrors.
10 =500 + DROP = 0
-I got 500 yen, Ran gleefully said the next day, holding her coin. Off for
some fake nails.
Running down the street, she tripped, her coin in the gutter. Mine it out,
pull it out, jackasshammeritout.to no avail. Calamity, not calamine, but it
stings. Fly away, klutzy koinbird.
********
END EPISODE 2
Review, y'all.