Chapter 4
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Malcolm rolled his eyes with an annoyed sigh as he peered into the little stone well at the image on the surface of the water of Adelbarret trudging through the forest with Sam, Tanker, and Sydney.
"Great. She screwed up. And switched sides. Big surprise. She's a bigger loser than Kilokhan. Hmph...I wonder if Kilokhan's...no, why would he be here?"
Pushing away from the well, he wandered back into the large abandoned stone building, formerly the home of a wealthy noble, that he had claimed for his evil villain hideout.
"Well, now what do I do?" he sighed. "If we don't follow the game, we don't get home. What did Seikujiroth do after Adelbarret joined the heroes?"
He pondered this for a moment, tugging absently at the sleeve of the odd red tunic, decorated with swirls of black, that he had found himself wearing.
"Oh, right! He flew into a rage at being betrayed, and vowed to kill Adelbarret along with Rain and Sir Edward. Well, here I go."
With that, Malcolm let out an angry bellow and charged at the small oak table near the cold, grey stone wall of the large, drafty room, on which sat a sword and a small sack of coins.
"Ow!" he whimpered, rubbing his arm as he bounced back off the table, which, infuriatingly, stood.
Glaring at the unoffending furniture, he reared back and tried again.
"Ow!" he barked, delivering a good, solid, and totally ineffective kick to the table leg. "Argh! Damn table!"
"Seikujiroth, my lord! Are you quite alright?" a young man clad in a black hooded robe with a sword hanging at his side who had earlier given his name as Gleann and expressed a good deal of surprise at Malcolm's not recognizing him, asked, hurrying into the room.
"I'm fine," Malcolm grumbled, carefully keeping his weight off his right foot. "The table's just damn heavy."
"This table?" Gleann asked, confused, picking it up easily in one hand.
"Yes, that table," Malcolm replied, glaring stonily at the other man.
"Might I ask why you were attempting to move the table?"
"I was flying into a rage," he informed Gleann, crossing his arms airily. "It was supposed to fall over and scatter the contents all over the floor in an artistically chaotic scene, the harsh disorganization of which was supposed to contrast with my calm, collected manner up until this point."
"I...see," Gleann said slowly. "Might I ask, my lord, why?"
"Adelbarret, the mercenary I hired to kidnap the princess Yuluku of T'arlynath, has betrayed me and joined their side."
Gleann's eyes grew wide, and his jaw set angrily.
"No man must be allowed to betray my lord Seikujiroth and live!"
"Very true. Of course, she's not a man, per se, but that's beside the point," Malcolm agreed snippily. "Which is why I'm going to kill her."
A gleam flashed into Gleann's oddly red eyes.
"I pray, Seikujiroth, allow me to deal with this traitor!"
"Sure," Malcolm shrugged. "I'm too busy to do it myself, anyway. Oh, and bring back the princess."
"Why do you want the princess?" another cloaked young man, Wallace, asked, grinning. "She cute or something?"
"No," Malcolm replied haughtily. "She is simply the key to my scheme the domination of the entire world."
"Say again?" Wallace frowned, exchanging confused looks with Gleann.
"Never mind! Just...come with me."
Shaking his head grimly at the stupidity of his minions, he shoved open the heavy wooden back door of the manor and led the two young men out to the well. He peered into it, keeping exactly what he wished to see clearly in mind. Seconds later, an image of a swordsman, a knight, a large man in steel-studded leather, and a girl in a green cloak, all walking through a forest, began to form on the clear surface of the water, first mistily, then sharpening and coming into focus.
"See?" he said to the other men leaning over the well, his eyes trained on the image. "That's the princess."
"Uh...which one?" Gleann wanted to know.
Malcolm looked up and glared at him.
"Which one do you think? The girl, for crying out loud!"
Gleann looked down sheepishly.
"I didn't know," he muttered. "I thought she might have been in disguise, or something."
"Well, she's not. She's the one in green, just in case you needed clarification on which one is the girl."
"Heh-heh...she IS cute," Wallace noted appreciatively. "I bet that's really why you want her!"
"Oh, shut up!"
"Y'know, boss," Wallace began, leaning casually against the stone well, "you could be a little nicer to us."
"I'm a villain!" Malcolm exclaimed. "The whole point of going into the villain business is so you DON'T have to be nice!"
"You mean, you've ALWAYS been like this?" Gleann asked, one eyebrow lifting.
"No, not quite," Malcolm sighed, a bitterly humiliating memory that, oddly enough, he hadn't lived through, washing over him...
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Meanwhile, Tanker, Sydney, and Adelbarret were all gritting their teeth at the rather ridiculously cheerful song bursting from the lips of the fourth member of their quartet.
"Will you shut up?!" Tanker exclaimed.
Sam regarded him coolly.
"If none of you will sing with me, or talk to me, or let me talk to you, I just have to amuse myself."
"Adelbarret," Sydney began pleadingly, "could you PLEASE tell us about your past?"
"Forget it, buckey!" Adelbarret exclaimed. "It's not fit for a lady's ears! Except maybe mine..."
"Well, then," Tanker began, thinking very hard and injuring himself quite badly in the process. "Why don't you tell us what you know about why someone wanted to kidnap Yuluku?"
"Maybe later," Adelbarret replied flatly.
"If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!" Sam sang merrily, bouncing along the path, utterly oblivious to the conversation going on behind him.
"Or maybe now," Adelbarret corrected, grimacing in pain as she pressed her hands over her ears. "Alright; let's move off the road. You never know when the wrong person might pass by and hear something they shouldn't."
"Well...couldn't we just kill them?" Tanker asked, tilting his head to the side with slight difficulty and several clanking sounds of his metal-clad head against his metal-clad shoulder.
"Yeah!" Sam added. "And then we could steal their money!"
Adelbarret blinked as she contemplated this, and then she burst into hearty laughter, clapping each on the shoulder.
"I'm startin' to like you boys!"
"Look, can we just find somewhere to sit and talk?" Sydney asked, fiddling impatiently with her staff.
"Sure thing, girl," Adelbarret chuckled, moving off the path. Then she turned back. "And when we get to Meillo, we've got to get you a better weapon. Or some fighting skills. Or something."
"Hey, she can hit things with her stick," Sam pointed out, snickering and then wincing as the aforementioned stick connected painfully with the side of his head. At least, this was the intention...
"Don't say it like it's a bad thing!" Sydney barked before storming into the woods after Adelbarret.
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"Wow, what a walk," Sam sighed as he dropped, exhausted, to a log in the middle of the clearing. "I don't know how we made it, what with all the epic battles we had to fight to get here."
"I hear you, buddy," Tanker agreed with an emphatic nod. "I thought we were toast for sure in that last one!"
"Oh, yeah," Sam shuddered. Then he grinned. "But remember all the blood and guts everywhere when it finally died?"
"Boy, do I!" Adelbarret cackled wickedly.
"Truly a battle for the ages!" Sydney added. "A victory worthy of song! Now, let us never speak of it again."
"Cool," Sam and Tanker said in unison.
"Cool, buckey," said Adelbarret.
"Now," Sam began, looking up at the large leather-clad woman, "why don't you tell us who was after Pointy?"
Adelbarret sighed.
"Hate to tell you, kid, but I don't know a lot about the guy, other than he paid good, but looked like a pansy."
"Pansy," Tanker repeated slowly. Then he looked up at Sam suddenly, a horrified sort of realization dawning on him. "Do you think that could be..."
"No," Sam replied too hastily. "Whatever else may be wrong with him, Ed, he isn't capable of this."
"What's the guy's name, Adelbarret?" Sydney asked.
"Seikujiroth, if I remember right," the older woman replied. "Stupid name, if you ask me."
Sam groaned in despair. Tanker drew in a deep breath and expelled it slowly.
"Hoo, boy..."
Adelbarret frowned.
"What, you boys know him?"
"Yeah," Sam sighed, throwing all the dramatic flair he could into the story. Now, if he could just manage to remember the whole story - or make up what he couldn't... "We used to be good friends. He would meet us every Friday at the pub for a beer. I don't know what happened. I think it was a girl; it usually is..."
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[Warning: Flashback sequence now in effect. Please make sure your tray table is up, and your seat is in the fully upright position. Do not expose to direct sunlight. Not recommended for those with stomach, liver, or nasal problems.]
Rain and Ed laughed uproariously as the redheaded youth seated across the table from them kept jerking oddly back and forth in effort to keep the large spoon balanced on his bulbous nose from clattering to the floor.
"Hey, guys, why do you come in here every Friday if you're just going to act like idiots?" Garneiko sighed. "Someone's going to make a mess, and then I'll have to clean it up!"
"Call me crazy," the redhead began slowly, forgetting to jerk about and wincing along with the rest of the tavern as the spoon clattered first to the table, and then to the floor, "but isn't that what they pay you for?"
"Oh, shut up, Willy," the blonde shot back, glaring.
"Hey, hey, simmer down, cutie," he chuckled. "I was just havin' a laugh."
"Well, don't!"
"Hmm," Rain commented aside to Ed, pointedly ignoring the less-than-clever- but-still-fully-qualifying banter between the two, and opting as he did so to utter the magical phrase that would set the stopped-still plot into motion once more, "I wonder where Seikujiroth is."
Ed frowned.
"Didn't he say he was gonna be late?"
"Oh, right. He wanted to invoke the Overlord of Chaos, right?"
"No, man," Ed corrected. "It was the Overlord of Despair. And he wasn't invoking it himself. He was going to call upon it to possess a bunny rabbit."
"Oh, right," Rain laughed. "Man, what a nutty guy!
As though on cue, the doors of the tavern slammed open and a gust of wind set the torches hanging about the room flickering most creepily.
"Atmospheric," Willy noted, never to speak again until the next time he did.
All eyes were trained on the dark, ominous figure at the door, swathed in a long black coat that swept grandly about him in the wind.
"Oh, hey, Seikujiroth!" Rain called, waving frantically as he recognized this newcomer. "C'mon over! We saved you a seat!"
"Oh, God," Garneiko was meanwhile muttering aside to Ed. "That creepy guy's here. I don't like him. He keeps asking me out! And everyone KNOWS I've totally got the hots for Rain! Mrowr...what a hunk..."
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"She did NOT say that," Sydney broke in flatly.
"Hey, how do you know, Pointy?" Sam demanded angrily. "Were you there?"
"Well-"
"Exactly! Who's telling this story, you or me?"
"You, although it would probably be more accurate if I did. Even taking into account the fact that I wasn't there."
Adelbarret chuckled.
"Yeah, probably, buckey. Ah, well, keep on with your tale, kiddo."
"Right," Sam nodded. "So, anyway, Garneiko leaves, and Ed, Willy, and I decided to have a little fun..."
"Oh, God," Sydney muttered aside.
"Hey, quiet, Pointy!" Sam admonished.
"Fine, go on," Sydney invited mildly. "I'm sure your tale of heartless teenage boy pranks is fascinating."
"Sure it is! So, anyway, Seikujiroth comes over, and we tell him that a girl's been winkin' at him. He asks which one, and we tell him that he'll have to guess. We were just teasing, and we didn't really expect him to do anything about it! But he gets up, goes over to Garneiko, and asks her out! We couldn't believe it! The whole place was watching, and she turned him down flat!"
"Yeah. Sounds like a real yuk," Adelbarret commented flatly, exchanging disgusted glances with Sydney.
Sam, however, was oblivious.
"It was, man! It was hilarious! So then he gets really mad, and his eyes start glowing."
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Rage welling up within his soul, Seikujiroth felt its strength - the dark, inhuman strength of origins best not meddled with - flowing through his veins. The remaining chill from his trek through the storm vanished, as did the remaining shreds of sanity, along with goodness and virtue, from his mind.
Yes, in that moment, Seikujiroth found his destiny.
Turning eerily glowing eyes upon the startled, frightened denizens of the tavern, he began to speak in a low, ominously calm voice.
"That, my friends, was MEAN!" he finished in a shriek. "MEAN, MEAN, MEAN! YOU'RE ALL BIG MEANIES! THE MEANEST MEANIES EVER! I hate you all, and I hope you all die! Well, you'll see. With the aid of Kiroshagn, the Overlord of Chaos-"
"Hah! Told you," Rain gloated aside to Ed.
"Shut up, man!" Ed hissed, eyeing Seikujiroth nervously.
"-I shall conquer all that is. The world will be mine, and you shall be at my mercy! Every one of you! And when at last I rule all and fulfill my ultimate purpose, my first act shall be to put to death you worthless peons who dared to insult me!"
With that, Seikujiroth turned on his heel, managing to sweep his coat grandly about him for once, and stalked from the small drinking establishment.
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"So, yeah. That's what happened. He totally snapped! Over a girl! But, you know, I think there must still be some good in him somewhere. Like when he said his first act as world dictator would be to put us to death. I always thought that was kind of touching that he thought of his friends first," Sam concluded, beamingly missing the point entirely.
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"Er, Seikujiroth?"
Malcolm glanced up sharply at the source of the hesitant question that had so effectively jolted him from his reverie.
"What is it, Gleann?" he asked wearily.
"Are you ill? You suddenly looked very distressed."
"Yeah; like you found out that the cute girl you've been flirting with at the supermarket is married to your boss, who just found out that you're the hottie from the produce section his wife keeps talking about," Wallace added, shuddering as a memory from his own past filled his mind.
The other two men stared at him oddly.
"What?" he shrugged sheepishly. "That's never happened to you?"
Giving his head a quick shake and deliberately ignoring Wallace, Gleann turned back to Malcolm.
"What is the cause of your sudden distress, my lord?"
"I was just recalling an ugly memory," the shorter young man sighed, hopping up to perch on the edge of the tabletop.
"Ooh! This sounds sordid," Wallace noted, rubbing his hands together in expectant glee.
"Would you care to talk of it, sir?" Gleann asked quietly.
Malcolm sighed again, beginning to get into the theatrical angst that had doubtlessly already won the character of Seikujiroth absurd numbers of totally undeserved fangirls who seemed to eat that stuff up with a spoon.
"I suppose you might as well know the whole of my dark history. You see, I was not always a ruthless man who relied on fear to spark loyalty in those around him. I once had a very full social life, and two especially good friends. We would meet every Friday night for a drink. Oh, if only it could have lasted! But something went wrong. Something always goes wrong..."
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As Seikujiroth poured out his soul to his two most faithful lackeys, relating to them a tale much like the one that has very recently been told, but containing more explosions, more affirmation from the God of Chaos that he was indeed destined to be the world's next ruler, and a more detailed description of his hair, four people with very sober expressions sat in a very silent circle around a fire that seemed almost more subdued than an ordinary fire. As though picking up its cue from the group surrounding it, it didn't flicker and dance nearly so wildly as fires are wont to.
"Wow..." Sam said, shaking his head.
"Wow..." Tanker echoed.
"Wow..." Sydney agreed.
"Wow, buckey," Adelbarret added.
Sam heaved a long sigh.
"Seikujiroth! I don't believe it! How could he do something like this?!"
Tanker nodded emphatically.
"If only we knew what possible connection he had to T'arylnath that would prompt him to try to kidnap the princess! Some clue..."
Then, as an uncomfortable silence fell over the clearing, Sam glanced sharply at Sydney and kicked her ankle gently.
"Ow! Hey! What - oh, right! Um, I think I remember that name from somewhere. My mother mentioned him once. And I'm sure I saw him around. At least, I remember a dark, sinister, but oddly geeky character lurking around the last time the Duke of Rufus was visiting. I can't remember exactly why, but I think Mother said he was working as an advisor for the Duke, her brother and my uncle."
"The Duke of Rufus?" Adelbarret repeated with a frown. "Why would he have one of his men plot the kidnapping of his niece?"
"Hold on," Tanker began slowly. "Didn't Seikujiroth mention the Duke of Rufus at all when he hired you?"
"Naw, not a word."
"Maybe Rufus doesn't know about this," Sam suggested, eyes narrowing thoughtfully.
"Oh, I don't know, Rain," Sydney interjected. "My uncle isn't exactly in my good books right now. I don't like what he's trying to get my mother to do."
"Why? What's he trying to get your mother to do?" Adelbarret demanded.
"Oh, just really stupid things. Things that he says will help the kingdom. I'm sure he knows as well as I do, though, that Daylight Savings Time and alcohol prohibition are NOT the best ways to keep on the good side of a kingdom chock full of lazy alcoholics."
Rain blinked.
"And...WHY does she want to keep ruling this kingdom again?"
"Hey, you offer those men beer, they'll do anything for you. Even if it's really cheap beer!"
"Yeah," Tanker agreed, smiling fondly at her. "Beer is good."
"Is it just me," Adelbarret muttered to Rain, "or is he getting stupider?"
"Anyway," Rain continued, ignoring the large woman who was by now balancing her ladle on the tip of her finger and spinning it about most impressively, "does this have something to do with why you left town, Pointy?"
Sydney blinked. Rolling his eyes in exasperation, Sam gestured frantically 'yes', unseen by the other two, whose attention was by now focused on the young woman.
"Uh...yeah, yeah, of course," she hastened to assure them. "I thought that maybe my old teacher, Dr. Rozenstot, might be able to help me out. He's living in Meillo, and he's one of the only people I can trust right now. You see, mother won't believe me that Uncle Rufus is up to something. Dr. Rozenstot is the only other person she'll listen to. I'm even hoping that Dr. Rozenstot might be able to find out what Uncle Rufus is up to and talk him out of it. After all, even if he's sending guys after me - "
"We don't know for sure that that's him," Sam interjected.
" - he's still my uncle, and I don't want to see him get hurt - unless I'm the one doing the hurting! Call ME Kiddo for twelve years, will you, you bastard? Prepare to taste the wrath of my whackin' stick!"
Sam and Tanker blinked, quite startled, as she leapt to her feet and began swinging wildly at the various trees, rocks, and harmless woodland creatures in the area.
"Why couldn't I have gone into herbal medicine, like Mama always wanted?" Adelbarret groaned, shaking her head in despair as a pigeon flew past her shoulder.
Meanwhile, Sydney was cuddling her staff happily.
"I wuv my whackin' stick..."
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End Notes: Wow! I was lying through my teeth when I said three or four parts. I'm sure no one at all familiar with the overly verbose phenomenon that is a Rhianwen work is surprised at all. ^_^; Oh, well. I hope you're still enjoying it. And, as always, if you have any comments, good or bad, please please please please PLEASE let me know! Negative feedback does not make me doubt my skill as a writer. Zero feedback for months at a time does. But keep in mind that this is not a beg. Really. At all.
[Beat]
Well, maybe a little.
Well, bye for now!
[Hands everyone a Slurpee and bounces merrily away]
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Malcolm rolled his eyes with an annoyed sigh as he peered into the little stone well at the image on the surface of the water of Adelbarret trudging through the forest with Sam, Tanker, and Sydney.
"Great. She screwed up. And switched sides. Big surprise. She's a bigger loser than Kilokhan. Hmph...I wonder if Kilokhan's...no, why would he be here?"
Pushing away from the well, he wandered back into the large abandoned stone building, formerly the home of a wealthy noble, that he had claimed for his evil villain hideout.
"Well, now what do I do?" he sighed. "If we don't follow the game, we don't get home. What did Seikujiroth do after Adelbarret joined the heroes?"
He pondered this for a moment, tugging absently at the sleeve of the odd red tunic, decorated with swirls of black, that he had found himself wearing.
"Oh, right! He flew into a rage at being betrayed, and vowed to kill Adelbarret along with Rain and Sir Edward. Well, here I go."
With that, Malcolm let out an angry bellow and charged at the small oak table near the cold, grey stone wall of the large, drafty room, on which sat a sword and a small sack of coins.
"Ow!" he whimpered, rubbing his arm as he bounced back off the table, which, infuriatingly, stood.
Glaring at the unoffending furniture, he reared back and tried again.
"Ow!" he barked, delivering a good, solid, and totally ineffective kick to the table leg. "Argh! Damn table!"
"Seikujiroth, my lord! Are you quite alright?" a young man clad in a black hooded robe with a sword hanging at his side who had earlier given his name as Gleann and expressed a good deal of surprise at Malcolm's not recognizing him, asked, hurrying into the room.
"I'm fine," Malcolm grumbled, carefully keeping his weight off his right foot. "The table's just damn heavy."
"This table?" Gleann asked, confused, picking it up easily in one hand.
"Yes, that table," Malcolm replied, glaring stonily at the other man.
"Might I ask why you were attempting to move the table?"
"I was flying into a rage," he informed Gleann, crossing his arms airily. "It was supposed to fall over and scatter the contents all over the floor in an artistically chaotic scene, the harsh disorganization of which was supposed to contrast with my calm, collected manner up until this point."
"I...see," Gleann said slowly. "Might I ask, my lord, why?"
"Adelbarret, the mercenary I hired to kidnap the princess Yuluku of T'arlynath, has betrayed me and joined their side."
Gleann's eyes grew wide, and his jaw set angrily.
"No man must be allowed to betray my lord Seikujiroth and live!"
"Very true. Of course, she's not a man, per se, but that's beside the point," Malcolm agreed snippily. "Which is why I'm going to kill her."
A gleam flashed into Gleann's oddly red eyes.
"I pray, Seikujiroth, allow me to deal with this traitor!"
"Sure," Malcolm shrugged. "I'm too busy to do it myself, anyway. Oh, and bring back the princess."
"Why do you want the princess?" another cloaked young man, Wallace, asked, grinning. "She cute or something?"
"No," Malcolm replied haughtily. "She is simply the key to my scheme the domination of the entire world."
"Say again?" Wallace frowned, exchanging confused looks with Gleann.
"Never mind! Just...come with me."
Shaking his head grimly at the stupidity of his minions, he shoved open the heavy wooden back door of the manor and led the two young men out to the well. He peered into it, keeping exactly what he wished to see clearly in mind. Seconds later, an image of a swordsman, a knight, a large man in steel-studded leather, and a girl in a green cloak, all walking through a forest, began to form on the clear surface of the water, first mistily, then sharpening and coming into focus.
"See?" he said to the other men leaning over the well, his eyes trained on the image. "That's the princess."
"Uh...which one?" Gleann wanted to know.
Malcolm looked up and glared at him.
"Which one do you think? The girl, for crying out loud!"
Gleann looked down sheepishly.
"I didn't know," he muttered. "I thought she might have been in disguise, or something."
"Well, she's not. She's the one in green, just in case you needed clarification on which one is the girl."
"Heh-heh...she IS cute," Wallace noted appreciatively. "I bet that's really why you want her!"
"Oh, shut up!"
"Y'know, boss," Wallace began, leaning casually against the stone well, "you could be a little nicer to us."
"I'm a villain!" Malcolm exclaimed. "The whole point of going into the villain business is so you DON'T have to be nice!"
"You mean, you've ALWAYS been like this?" Gleann asked, one eyebrow lifting.
"No, not quite," Malcolm sighed, a bitterly humiliating memory that, oddly enough, he hadn't lived through, washing over him...
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Meanwhile, Tanker, Sydney, and Adelbarret were all gritting their teeth at the rather ridiculously cheerful song bursting from the lips of the fourth member of their quartet.
"Will you shut up?!" Tanker exclaimed.
Sam regarded him coolly.
"If none of you will sing with me, or talk to me, or let me talk to you, I just have to amuse myself."
"Adelbarret," Sydney began pleadingly, "could you PLEASE tell us about your past?"
"Forget it, buckey!" Adelbarret exclaimed. "It's not fit for a lady's ears! Except maybe mine..."
"Well, then," Tanker began, thinking very hard and injuring himself quite badly in the process. "Why don't you tell us what you know about why someone wanted to kidnap Yuluku?"
"Maybe later," Adelbarret replied flatly.
"If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands!" Sam sang merrily, bouncing along the path, utterly oblivious to the conversation going on behind him.
"Or maybe now," Adelbarret corrected, grimacing in pain as she pressed her hands over her ears. "Alright; let's move off the road. You never know when the wrong person might pass by and hear something they shouldn't."
"Well...couldn't we just kill them?" Tanker asked, tilting his head to the side with slight difficulty and several clanking sounds of his metal-clad head against his metal-clad shoulder.
"Yeah!" Sam added. "And then we could steal their money!"
Adelbarret blinked as she contemplated this, and then she burst into hearty laughter, clapping each on the shoulder.
"I'm startin' to like you boys!"
"Look, can we just find somewhere to sit and talk?" Sydney asked, fiddling impatiently with her staff.
"Sure thing, girl," Adelbarret chuckled, moving off the path. Then she turned back. "And when we get to Meillo, we've got to get you a better weapon. Or some fighting skills. Or something."
"Hey, she can hit things with her stick," Sam pointed out, snickering and then wincing as the aforementioned stick connected painfully with the side of his head. At least, this was the intention...
"Don't say it like it's a bad thing!" Sydney barked before storming into the woods after Adelbarret.
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"Wow, what a walk," Sam sighed as he dropped, exhausted, to a log in the middle of the clearing. "I don't know how we made it, what with all the epic battles we had to fight to get here."
"I hear you, buddy," Tanker agreed with an emphatic nod. "I thought we were toast for sure in that last one!"
"Oh, yeah," Sam shuddered. Then he grinned. "But remember all the blood and guts everywhere when it finally died?"
"Boy, do I!" Adelbarret cackled wickedly.
"Truly a battle for the ages!" Sydney added. "A victory worthy of song! Now, let us never speak of it again."
"Cool," Sam and Tanker said in unison.
"Cool, buckey," said Adelbarret.
"Now," Sam began, looking up at the large leather-clad woman, "why don't you tell us who was after Pointy?"
Adelbarret sighed.
"Hate to tell you, kid, but I don't know a lot about the guy, other than he paid good, but looked like a pansy."
"Pansy," Tanker repeated slowly. Then he looked up at Sam suddenly, a horrified sort of realization dawning on him. "Do you think that could be..."
"No," Sam replied too hastily. "Whatever else may be wrong with him, Ed, he isn't capable of this."
"What's the guy's name, Adelbarret?" Sydney asked.
"Seikujiroth, if I remember right," the older woman replied. "Stupid name, if you ask me."
Sam groaned in despair. Tanker drew in a deep breath and expelled it slowly.
"Hoo, boy..."
Adelbarret frowned.
"What, you boys know him?"
"Yeah," Sam sighed, throwing all the dramatic flair he could into the story. Now, if he could just manage to remember the whole story - or make up what he couldn't... "We used to be good friends. He would meet us every Friday at the pub for a beer. I don't know what happened. I think it was a girl; it usually is..."
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[Warning: Flashback sequence now in effect. Please make sure your tray table is up, and your seat is in the fully upright position. Do not expose to direct sunlight. Not recommended for those with stomach, liver, or nasal problems.]
Rain and Ed laughed uproariously as the redheaded youth seated across the table from them kept jerking oddly back and forth in effort to keep the large spoon balanced on his bulbous nose from clattering to the floor.
"Hey, guys, why do you come in here every Friday if you're just going to act like idiots?" Garneiko sighed. "Someone's going to make a mess, and then I'll have to clean it up!"
"Call me crazy," the redhead began slowly, forgetting to jerk about and wincing along with the rest of the tavern as the spoon clattered first to the table, and then to the floor, "but isn't that what they pay you for?"
"Oh, shut up, Willy," the blonde shot back, glaring.
"Hey, hey, simmer down, cutie," he chuckled. "I was just havin' a laugh."
"Well, don't!"
"Hmm," Rain commented aside to Ed, pointedly ignoring the less-than-clever- but-still-fully-qualifying banter between the two, and opting as he did so to utter the magical phrase that would set the stopped-still plot into motion once more, "I wonder where Seikujiroth is."
Ed frowned.
"Didn't he say he was gonna be late?"
"Oh, right. He wanted to invoke the Overlord of Chaos, right?"
"No, man," Ed corrected. "It was the Overlord of Despair. And he wasn't invoking it himself. He was going to call upon it to possess a bunny rabbit."
"Oh, right," Rain laughed. "Man, what a nutty guy!
As though on cue, the doors of the tavern slammed open and a gust of wind set the torches hanging about the room flickering most creepily.
"Atmospheric," Willy noted, never to speak again until the next time he did.
All eyes were trained on the dark, ominous figure at the door, swathed in a long black coat that swept grandly about him in the wind.
"Oh, hey, Seikujiroth!" Rain called, waving frantically as he recognized this newcomer. "C'mon over! We saved you a seat!"
"Oh, God," Garneiko was meanwhile muttering aside to Ed. "That creepy guy's here. I don't like him. He keeps asking me out! And everyone KNOWS I've totally got the hots for Rain! Mrowr...what a hunk..."
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"She did NOT say that," Sydney broke in flatly.
"Hey, how do you know, Pointy?" Sam demanded angrily. "Were you there?"
"Well-"
"Exactly! Who's telling this story, you or me?"
"You, although it would probably be more accurate if I did. Even taking into account the fact that I wasn't there."
Adelbarret chuckled.
"Yeah, probably, buckey. Ah, well, keep on with your tale, kiddo."
"Right," Sam nodded. "So, anyway, Garneiko leaves, and Ed, Willy, and I decided to have a little fun..."
"Oh, God," Sydney muttered aside.
"Hey, quiet, Pointy!" Sam admonished.
"Fine, go on," Sydney invited mildly. "I'm sure your tale of heartless teenage boy pranks is fascinating."
"Sure it is! So, anyway, Seikujiroth comes over, and we tell him that a girl's been winkin' at him. He asks which one, and we tell him that he'll have to guess. We were just teasing, and we didn't really expect him to do anything about it! But he gets up, goes over to Garneiko, and asks her out! We couldn't believe it! The whole place was watching, and she turned him down flat!"
"Yeah. Sounds like a real yuk," Adelbarret commented flatly, exchanging disgusted glances with Sydney.
Sam, however, was oblivious.
"It was, man! It was hilarious! So then he gets really mad, and his eyes start glowing."
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Rage welling up within his soul, Seikujiroth felt its strength - the dark, inhuman strength of origins best not meddled with - flowing through his veins. The remaining chill from his trek through the storm vanished, as did the remaining shreds of sanity, along with goodness and virtue, from his mind.
Yes, in that moment, Seikujiroth found his destiny.
Turning eerily glowing eyes upon the startled, frightened denizens of the tavern, he began to speak in a low, ominously calm voice.
"That, my friends, was MEAN!" he finished in a shriek. "MEAN, MEAN, MEAN! YOU'RE ALL BIG MEANIES! THE MEANEST MEANIES EVER! I hate you all, and I hope you all die! Well, you'll see. With the aid of Kiroshagn, the Overlord of Chaos-"
"Hah! Told you," Rain gloated aside to Ed.
"Shut up, man!" Ed hissed, eyeing Seikujiroth nervously.
"-I shall conquer all that is. The world will be mine, and you shall be at my mercy! Every one of you! And when at last I rule all and fulfill my ultimate purpose, my first act shall be to put to death you worthless peons who dared to insult me!"
With that, Seikujiroth turned on his heel, managing to sweep his coat grandly about him for once, and stalked from the small drinking establishment.
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"So, yeah. That's what happened. He totally snapped! Over a girl! But, you know, I think there must still be some good in him somewhere. Like when he said his first act as world dictator would be to put us to death. I always thought that was kind of touching that he thought of his friends first," Sam concluded, beamingly missing the point entirely.
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"Er, Seikujiroth?"
Malcolm glanced up sharply at the source of the hesitant question that had so effectively jolted him from his reverie.
"What is it, Gleann?" he asked wearily.
"Are you ill? You suddenly looked very distressed."
"Yeah; like you found out that the cute girl you've been flirting with at the supermarket is married to your boss, who just found out that you're the hottie from the produce section his wife keeps talking about," Wallace added, shuddering as a memory from his own past filled his mind.
The other two men stared at him oddly.
"What?" he shrugged sheepishly. "That's never happened to you?"
Giving his head a quick shake and deliberately ignoring Wallace, Gleann turned back to Malcolm.
"What is the cause of your sudden distress, my lord?"
"I was just recalling an ugly memory," the shorter young man sighed, hopping up to perch on the edge of the tabletop.
"Ooh! This sounds sordid," Wallace noted, rubbing his hands together in expectant glee.
"Would you care to talk of it, sir?" Gleann asked quietly.
Malcolm sighed again, beginning to get into the theatrical angst that had doubtlessly already won the character of Seikujiroth absurd numbers of totally undeserved fangirls who seemed to eat that stuff up with a spoon.
"I suppose you might as well know the whole of my dark history. You see, I was not always a ruthless man who relied on fear to spark loyalty in those around him. I once had a very full social life, and two especially good friends. We would meet every Friday night for a drink. Oh, if only it could have lasted! But something went wrong. Something always goes wrong..."
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As Seikujiroth poured out his soul to his two most faithful lackeys, relating to them a tale much like the one that has very recently been told, but containing more explosions, more affirmation from the God of Chaos that he was indeed destined to be the world's next ruler, and a more detailed description of his hair, four people with very sober expressions sat in a very silent circle around a fire that seemed almost more subdued than an ordinary fire. As though picking up its cue from the group surrounding it, it didn't flicker and dance nearly so wildly as fires are wont to.
"Wow..." Sam said, shaking his head.
"Wow..." Tanker echoed.
"Wow..." Sydney agreed.
"Wow, buckey," Adelbarret added.
Sam heaved a long sigh.
"Seikujiroth! I don't believe it! How could he do something like this?!"
Tanker nodded emphatically.
"If only we knew what possible connection he had to T'arylnath that would prompt him to try to kidnap the princess! Some clue..."
Then, as an uncomfortable silence fell over the clearing, Sam glanced sharply at Sydney and kicked her ankle gently.
"Ow! Hey! What - oh, right! Um, I think I remember that name from somewhere. My mother mentioned him once. And I'm sure I saw him around. At least, I remember a dark, sinister, but oddly geeky character lurking around the last time the Duke of Rufus was visiting. I can't remember exactly why, but I think Mother said he was working as an advisor for the Duke, her brother and my uncle."
"The Duke of Rufus?" Adelbarret repeated with a frown. "Why would he have one of his men plot the kidnapping of his niece?"
"Hold on," Tanker began slowly. "Didn't Seikujiroth mention the Duke of Rufus at all when he hired you?"
"Naw, not a word."
"Maybe Rufus doesn't know about this," Sam suggested, eyes narrowing thoughtfully.
"Oh, I don't know, Rain," Sydney interjected. "My uncle isn't exactly in my good books right now. I don't like what he's trying to get my mother to do."
"Why? What's he trying to get your mother to do?" Adelbarret demanded.
"Oh, just really stupid things. Things that he says will help the kingdom. I'm sure he knows as well as I do, though, that Daylight Savings Time and alcohol prohibition are NOT the best ways to keep on the good side of a kingdom chock full of lazy alcoholics."
Rain blinked.
"And...WHY does she want to keep ruling this kingdom again?"
"Hey, you offer those men beer, they'll do anything for you. Even if it's really cheap beer!"
"Yeah," Tanker agreed, smiling fondly at her. "Beer is good."
"Is it just me," Adelbarret muttered to Rain, "or is he getting stupider?"
"Anyway," Rain continued, ignoring the large woman who was by now balancing her ladle on the tip of her finger and spinning it about most impressively, "does this have something to do with why you left town, Pointy?"
Sydney blinked. Rolling his eyes in exasperation, Sam gestured frantically 'yes', unseen by the other two, whose attention was by now focused on the young woman.
"Uh...yeah, yeah, of course," she hastened to assure them. "I thought that maybe my old teacher, Dr. Rozenstot, might be able to help me out. He's living in Meillo, and he's one of the only people I can trust right now. You see, mother won't believe me that Uncle Rufus is up to something. Dr. Rozenstot is the only other person she'll listen to. I'm even hoping that Dr. Rozenstot might be able to find out what Uncle Rufus is up to and talk him out of it. After all, even if he's sending guys after me - "
"We don't know for sure that that's him," Sam interjected.
" - he's still my uncle, and I don't want to see him get hurt - unless I'm the one doing the hurting! Call ME Kiddo for twelve years, will you, you bastard? Prepare to taste the wrath of my whackin' stick!"
Sam and Tanker blinked, quite startled, as she leapt to her feet and began swinging wildly at the various trees, rocks, and harmless woodland creatures in the area.
"Why couldn't I have gone into herbal medicine, like Mama always wanted?" Adelbarret groaned, shaking her head in despair as a pigeon flew past her shoulder.
Meanwhile, Sydney was cuddling her staff happily.
"I wuv my whackin' stick..."
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End Notes: Wow! I was lying through my teeth when I said three or four parts. I'm sure no one at all familiar with the overly verbose phenomenon that is a Rhianwen work is surprised at all. ^_^; Oh, well. I hope you're still enjoying it. And, as always, if you have any comments, good or bad, please please please please PLEASE let me know! Negative feedback does not make me doubt my skill as a writer. Zero feedback for months at a time does. But keep in mind that this is not a beg. Really. At all.
[Beat]
Well, maybe a little.
Well, bye for now!
[Hands everyone a Slurpee and bounces merrily away]