Should I be worried?

Only if you don't do the form. Most people don't seem to want to, for some reason.

I wonder why not?

Dunno. They usually give in when I tell them the consequences of not doing it, though…

What's that?

A month's worth of detention with Professor Snape.

I'll do my best, but I probably won't know half of it. Okay…here goes…

~~~

1) What is your name? Neville Longbottom

2) What is your address? Erm…I forget.

3) What is your hair colour? Blonde? No, brown. No, wait, it is blonde. Well, somewhere in between.

4) What is your eye colour? Is it blue or grey?

5) What is your other eye colour? Probably blue, but I haven't looked in a while.

6) What is your quest? To beak the Roly Poly

7) What is your favourite colour? Blue—no, green—no, purple—no, I don't know that!

8) What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow? African or European?

9) Why is the galaxy called the Milky Way? One of those choices, at least. (Told you I wouldn't know the answer.)

10) What was the name of the princess? Eve?

11) Who was King Arthur? John Cleese in a bathrobe?

12) How long do you cook a three-minute egg? Three minutes. Finally, something easy!

13) How many fingers am I holding up? One?

14) What is the square root of twenty-five? Don't you get it? I attended public school. (I guess that's an excuse for not knowing the answer off-hand.)

15) Whose face is on the five-dollar bill? What's a dollar bill?

16) How long did the Hundred Years' War last? Oh, easy. A hundred years. It practically gave me the answer!

17) How many goats have stood for parliament? Goats?

18) If line A intersects line B in such a way as to form angle C through circle D, and the radius of circle D is E which intersects angle C in such a way as to form angle F, then nobody really gives a rat's arse, do they? I suppose a rat does.

19) Is this a trick question? Yes?

20) Have you ever seen a moose in Sweden? No

21) Have you ever been to Sweden? No

22) Do you know why God created Sweden? No

23) Do you thing that the creation of Sweden is directly related to Eve's eating the forbidden fruit? I don't even know what Sweden is.

24) If a hundred monkeys were shut up in a room with a hundred typewriters, one of them would eventually… Write a novel.

25) Have you ever met an Australian named Bruce? No

26) Didn't your mother ever warn you about hanging about with Australians named Bruce? *a large teardrop smudged the answer to this question, making it illegible*

27) If five Australians, named Bruce of course, went into a bar—

THE ADMINISTRATION WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGISE FOR THE LAST FEW QUESTIONS. WE UNDERSTAND THAT ALL AUSTRALIANS ARE NOT NAMED BRUCE. THE WRITERS RESPONSIBLE FOR THESE QUESTIONS HAS BEEN SACKED AND REPLACED WITH NEW WRITERS. WE APOLOGISE TO ANY AUSTRALIANS WE MAY HAVE OFFENDED, NAMED BRUCE OR OTHERWISE. Good, 'cause I was kind of getting lost.

28) Are you wearing underwear? Gran would kill me if I wasn't.

29) What colour is it? Blue.

30) What type is it? Boxers

31) Will you send it to me? I—I'd have to ask Gran…

32) Is it edible? Wh-what?

THE MANAGEMENT WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGISE ONCE AGAIN. THE WRITERS WHO REPLACED THE WRITERS WHO WERE SACKED HAVE ALSO BEEN SACKED, AND REPLACED WITH NEW WRITERS. HOPEFULLY THIS WILL NOT HAPPEN AGAIN. Oh, okay.

33) Do you have a modem? Look at everyone writing away. I must be the only one who doesn't know what a modem is.

34) Is it wearing underwear? If I have one? Probably.

35) What was the answer to question eleven? L

36) What is today? March 12, 1995—I think.

37) Where did you get this questionnaire? Friend

38) Do you own Monty Python's Complete Waste of Time? No

39) If you answered yes to question 38, did you finish it? ———

40) Is this question redundant? No

41) Is this question redundant? Yes. See, I'm smart! I know what redundant means!

42) Is this question redundant? Yes

43) Do you find redundant questions annoying? Yes

44) Do you still find redundant questions annoying? Yes

45) Which of the following would convince you to come over to my place bouncy-bouncy? What the heck is that supposed to mean?

46) Swiss cheese wazzle, my dear? No, thank you. I'm not supposed to accept things from strangers. And you are most definitely strange.

47) Hey Joe, hey big sailor boy, you wanna come over to my place? Who's Joe?

48) What have I got in my pocket? A handkerchief

49) Congratulations! You have finished the long, ridiculous, and utterly pointless registration, which means you must have a lot of time on your hands, which means you must be bored, all of which means if you don't have Monty Python's Complete Waste of Time, you probably should. I'm not an idiot after all!