I PASSED MY ROAD TEST! WOOTNESS! ^_^ And with only two days until Halloween, that puts me in an extra good mood. Know why? 'cause this year, I'm going as ROGUE…and I've got my costume all set! I may even have pictures…if my dad remembers to give me the digital camera….
BTW—I wasn't kidding about the transcript I have being different from the original movie. What puzzles me is that EVERY transcript I could find is exactly the same. This chapter, in particular, should clue you in on just how different. Oh, well; to be perfectly honest…parody-wise, I like this version better. Very refreshing. ^_~
~~~~~~~~~~
REVIEWS
todd fan
X23: You do realize I could gut you like a fish in less than half a second?
Pyro: Yes, ma'am.
*Rolls around in laughter*
Pyro: Laugh all you want, mate…that chick's scary!
X23: I heard that.
Pyro: Eep! *hides behind Evan*
Oh man, first I read it before work and now I read it at 3:30 in the morning..oh boy, my poor brain.
Bring on the fun spy kits!
Magneto: …her poor brain?!
Rurouni Tyriel
Frequent updates, hurrah!
All: *dryly* Yay.
Loved X23 and Jubes and the models ('cause X23 as an adult is muy caliente)
Jubilee: *grins and hooks arms with X23* Hear that, girl? Sounds like you got a fan club forming.
X23: *stares at her as if she's gone crazy* …what's a fan club?
And now you've left me with no idea on who Shagwell could be.
Lance: You won't believe it when you see it.
Ray: Trust us.
Now I have to wait for you next update, so update soon, damnit!
Pyro: Soon enough for you, luv?
Pyromaniac1
Bloody school computers. I'm so confused with how to actually use the mouse.
This movie came on last night. I was…uh…listening to it, while I did a project…
Fred: Translation—blowing off schoolwork to read fanfictions.
…that was due a week ago.
Fred: Told ya.
I have to spend time off the computer…
::Thinks::
Nah.
Fred as FB? Who woulda known?! Poor guy,. You should have confused us all and used the smallest character on the show.
Magneto: Well, we tried to get Leech to do it…but something about his mother not wanting him exposed to all those curse words. Parents. Go figure.
Amara: Besides…if you ask us, the movie's already confusing enough as it is.
Well, doesn't Austin angst for a bit after he finds out that what's-her-name and FB…uh…did…yeah. I'll keep this review G rated.
Fred: *confused* Did what?
Pietro: Never you mind, Blob.
Pyro: Actually…he does get a bit upset over it, but no time-consuming angsting. Like I said before…that was the first movie. And don't worry about review ratings—the fic's rated PG-13, so you don't hafta keep comments and stuff restricted to G.
I'll end the review here. Need to eat lunch and I think the bell rang.
RahneMan
Heh! Austin Powers is funny! Any chance of Wanda having a part?
Pietro: Well, considering the fact that EVERY character gets at least a cameo, and she's one of DragonBlond's favorites…
Todd: Fifty-Fifty.
*WANDA RULES WO!*
Sorry, that was my muse, she has a mad crush on Wanda.
Muse blushes wildly
Todd: …she?
Lance: Whatdoya know? Looks like Todd's got some competition here….
Daheim
More frequent updates? ^^ Alrighty! That's what I like to hear! I'm worried about who's gonna play Frau, though I do have a suspicion.
Pietro: Wow…I don't suppose she noticed the fact that Mystique was already casted as of last chapter.
Can't really picture a good match for Mags. X-23 on the cover of National Geographic was a great idea, and I love the thought of Xavier with a cheesy toupee.
X23: What is this "National Geographic"?
Xavier: *fiddling with toupee* Well, I'm glad you're amused…'cause this thing itches like crazy!
Lance: You know, it's not like she actually comes up with this stuff on her own…most of it's from the original. Of course, the toupee had to be added…for obvious reasons.
Perhaps the blonde one from the Diet Pepsi commercial? ^_^ Now stop reading this review and go write more!! Go!! I can't wait for you to update.
Magneto: Kids today have no patience.
Nymbis
Ahahahahhahahaahahah and also ha
this is a great story, but you've got to have rogue in there somewhere u just got 2!
Pyro: Everybody gets some role…don't worry. She'll show up sooner or later.
!nym!
* * * * *
An ambulance races through the streets, siren blaring.
Inside the Ministry of Defense, Xavier rushes…er…wheels through, pushing past a number of nameless technicians and workers.
Xavier: Where is he? In here?
He enters a room looking faintly like a cross between a hospital room and a laboratory. Pyro lies in bed, hooked up to lots of monitoring equipment.
Xavier: Austin, I came as soon as I heard.
Pyro: Boy, bad news sure does travel fast. There must be some kind of mistake, Basil. Maybe I was drunk and I didn't know it. It wouldn't be the first time….
Pyro holds his neck very stiffly.
Xavier: What's wrong with your neck, Austin?
Pyro: I took a Viagra, and it got caught in my throat. I've had a stiff neck for hours. Basil, is it true? Have I lost my mojo.
Xavier: We're going to run a few tests, Austin. Don't worry, old friend, we'll get to the bottom of this.
At this, Pyro glances down and crosses his legs.
Before long, Pyro is being loaded into an MRI machine labeled: "THE MOJONATOR 9000." The meter reads 'very low.
Technicians in white suits and masks—okay, we're not fooling anybody; they're the "doctors" from Wanda's asylum back in "The Hex Factor"—transform the room into a sort of love lair. A pair of latex-gloved hands puts on a Burt Bacharach record on a turntable. Examination lights are replaced with lava lamps, and a tray is brought in with videotape marked "Swedish Education Film."
With the transformation complete, Pyro lies in bed reading a vintage PLAYBOY magazine. Danielle (Moonstar) enters, wearing a very pretty, tight Candy Stripe nurse outfit.
Danielle: Excuse me, Mr. Powers, I need to give you a sponge bath before we begin the test.
Pyro pays very little attention to her.
Pyro: All right, miss, just let me finish this article on the Suez crisis.
Danielle: *eyes narrow slightly* I do not like being ignored. Just wait until you fall asleep….
Pyro: *still ignoring her* Uh-huh. Sure, luv. Whatever you say.
An alarm goes off. Bright lights come on. Xavier wheels himself into the room.
Pyro: What's going on?
Xavier: All right, everyone, we're done.
Pyro: But the test hasn't even started!
Xavier motions to a still-glaring Moonstar…who has since taken on a faint glow to her.
Xavier: Agent Haggerty WAS the test, Austin. Now only were you actually reading an article in that Playboy, but a candy-stripe nurse offering to give you a sponge bath didn't so much as turn your head.
Pyro: …no, it's not true! I…I was looking at the porno! I swear! I just…er…
Xavier: Nice try. I'm sorry, Austin. I'm afraid it's true: you've lost your mojo.
He shows Pyro the MOJOMETER, which reads "empty."
Pyro: *dramatically* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! But…I'm useless without my mojo! Maybe I should just hang up my jock strap and retire.
Xavier: I'm afraid that's not possible, Austin. You see, Dr. Evil has returned.
Pyro: …again?
Xavier: Yes, again.
Xavier and Pyro ride on the back of a golf cart through one of the largest rooms you've ever seen in your life.
Pyro: *grinning* Wheee!
Xavier: Pay attention! We have evidence that Dr. Evil has developed a time machine.
Xavier shows Pyro altered photos of Magneto, posing with famous villains such as Sadaam, Nixon, and Donald Trump.
Xavier: Aside from these, he's also suddenly listed as the top stockholder for Microsoft. That means Dr. Evil is traveling back in time and creating alliances with each decade's most despised villains.
Pyro tries to read them…but suddenly takes a look of confusion as he holds up one particular picture.
Pyro: …a Cubs fan?
Xavier: Our data indicates that Dr. Evil is in the year 1969. Luckily, we also have a time travel device. After years of research, we've developed a machine that will transport you back to the Sixties.
Pyro: Convenient.
A bright overhead light spotlights on a brand new Volkswagen Beetle convertible, painted in psychedelic colors.
Pyro: But, Basil, isn't that the new Volkswagen Beetle?
Xavier: That's what they want you to think.
Pyro: So, Basil…if I traveled back to 1969 and I was frozen in 1967, I could go look at my frozen self…but if I'm still frozen in 1967, how could I have been unthawed in the 90's and traveled back to the Sixt—
He goes cross-eyed in confusion.
Pyro: —oh, no I've gone cross-eyed.
Xavier: I suggest you don't worry about those things and just enjoy yourself.
Xavier winks at the camera.
Voice in Background: *cough*plothole*cough*
Pyro hops in the car and turns it on.
Pyro: This is smashing, Basil! I'll go back to the Sixties, recharge my mojo, defeat Dr. Evil, and be back in time for tea!
Xavier: Good luck, Austin.
Pyro: Luck has nothing to do with it, Basil.
With a bout of laughter, he steps on the gas…and the car lurches into reverse, smashing some equipment.
Pyro: Now who put the reverse button where drive is supposed to be? Oh, well… *changes gears* Swinging Sixties, here I come, baby, yeah!
The car takes off, heading for the wall. Then, it disappears, leaving flaming treat marks.
On the London streets in 1969, the Beetle time machine appears out of nowhere, screeching to a halt.
Mesmero watches the whole thing as he smokes a hukka. Pausing to blink, he takes the hukka out of his mouth, stares at it, and throws it to the ground.
Mesmero: I think I've reached my limit…
Pyro jumps out of the car.
Pyro: *grins* I feel better already, man!
As a crowd starts to gather around his car, Pyro enters a nearby park in high spirits.
The camera pulls back just enough to see that he is being watched though binoculars by Jean Luc LeBeau. Then it pulls back further, to see a MYSTERIOUS WOMAN watching the both of them. From this distance, we can't tell who she is just yet.
I know you probably already know. Shut up and don't ruin the surprise!
A nearby sign reads "BE-IN FOR PEACE". Hippies, Mods, and other stereotypical sixties people dance to the music of a psychedelic band, named "MING TEA."
Pyro: Alright, baby, a swinging shin-dig!
He gets into the dancing, very quickly becoming the center of attention. Paul, the lead singer of the band, invites him onstage and hands him the microphone just as the band starts a new song: "Sexual Revolutions."
Paul: Nice to see 'em making light of the innuendos, huh?
Grinning like a madman, Pyro begins to sing.
Pyro: *singing* There's a sexual revolution;
You can feel it in
the air.
People shagging
just like weasels
And they just don't
seem to care.
Sighs of female audience members are heard as one of them murmurs, "how romantic!"
Hey, watch out, squares…
You make us bored!
The penis is
mightier
Than the sword.
He does various "groovy" dance moves, including The Rock 'em Sock 'em Robot and The Heavyweight.
There's a sexual revolution
And you ain't seen
nothing yet
People shagging in
the clubs
And inside a jumbo
jet
The camera switches to a kaleidoscope-view, where we see about forty different Pyros.
Hey, square world
The end is nigh
When we say "hump"
You say "how high."
Three "groovy chicks"—namely, the trio of Jubilee, X23, and Tabby—suddenly have tambourines for the big finale. Jean Luc and the still-nameless woman are both in the audience with their eyes on Pyro. All we see of this woman are shots of her boots, clothes, and a female symbol medallion.
So, go make love
Or masturbate
Sexual Freedom
Will never be
Out of
daaaaaaaaate!
As he continues to hold out the impossibly long note, the audience starts chanting, louder and louder:
Everyone: Free Love! Free Love! FREE LOVE! IT'S THE SIXTIES!
As the song ends, we are pulled in close to a glorious view of Pyro's ass…which is actually the Mysterious Woman's line of vision. She smiles behind the binoculars and blonde locks that hide her face.
* * * * *
Next time…we find out who our Miss Shagwell is. Any guesses?
R+R. All questions, comments, and anything else are to be directed to the character's themselves.