Legal crap: Uhm, this is chapter four and you've just now realized that I
don't own them??
Grinning Reaper: Hi! Sorry that this chapter took so long to come out! I've just not been depressed for a really long time, which I guess is a good thing.I'm not really cutting any more.this is another angsty chapter! Sorrow: Yay! Angst muse work again! BUUUUURRRRNN! Wufei: As a minor side note, yes Nukume Dori, Reaper-chan thinks that I would make a very kawaii teddy bear. ::sigh:: Duo: This is my chapter!!! ^,^ Heero: . Quatre: It's a nice one if you ask me. Grinning Reaper: So, with all that aside, let us start ne?
Chapter four: Held
"Where the hell is my razor?" I muttered to myself as I rummaged trough my drawers. I'm willing to bet anything that Quatre hid them. Again. I can hear him now.
'I just want to make sure that you don't hurt yourself Duo.' Don't get me wrong. I love the little guy and all but sometimes I want to smack him silly. I mean, it's not as if I want to kill myself any more. I mean sure, sometimes I think about it still, but hey, it's not exactly something that is quit so easily right? I'm not going to start up again. That's for sure. I'd be sent to a clinic for real this time. And by no means is Wufei crying and clinging on to me changing Quatre's mind this time. (Yes, that really did happen. It nearly scared the hell out of all of us. Except Heero, he just kind of stood there blinking. It never occurred to me that someone as strong and confident as him would be capable of crying.)
As I tore apart my room for my razor, more thoughts swarmed into my head. Now that I think of it, Quatre's been so.tense lately. And he seems so tired. I look at him sometimes and it looks like he's about to snap. Just like one of the strings on his violin did one time. He told us it was because he was putting too much pressure on it. Are we putting too much pressure on you Quatre? Is that what you're trying to say? He and Heero got in a fight a few nights ago too. I heard them shouting downstairs. Then there was breaking glass, silence, followed by more breaking glass, scuffling noises and more silence. The silence was even scarier than the noise. In the hours that stretched by, I crept down the stairs expecting to find one of them lying in the floor dead. But all I found was a broken dish and a broken vase of flowers in the hallway. They were Forget-Me-Nots. Quatre insists on keeping a vase of them in the house at all times because they were Trowa's favorite. That and the name means 'don't forget me' and all that sentimental shit. I've never been one to understand that. I won't pretend that I didn't see the small bruise on Heero's face at breakfast either. And Quatre was kind of limping too. So there had been a fight of some kind I guess. Either way, they seemed fine at the table and it's really not my business to ask.
I sighed and shoved a drawer shut.
"I'm tired of being treated like a fucking mental patient!" I all but shouted as I knocked my head gently against the back wall. I sighed and stared down at my forearms littered with pink and silver marks of anger. "Duo, in case you haven't figured it out, you *are* a fucking mental patient." I grumbled sourly. With all the ideas of shaving thrown out the window, I climbed to my feet and walked downstairs. I was hungry and it was about lunchtime. I almost reached the kitchen but a voice from the living room stopped me.
"I'm just (yawn) tired, I don't know why. I've been getting enough sleep." I recognized the voice as Quatre's. It was thick and heavy with fatigue.
"Hn. Sleep more then." Heero replied in an almost mechanic voice. Note the 'almost mechanic' part, he wasn't as monotonous as he usually sounded.
"It's almost time for me to-" the rest of whatever Quatre was going to object with was engulfed in painstaking silence, his voice died as abruptly as the shouting did last night. The only noise that hinted that they were still there was a sigh. Now, I know it's not nice to eavesdrop, but I really couldn't help it. I didn't want to move because they might hear me, and I really wanted to find out what's been going on these past few days.
"Sleep." Heero's stern voice reached my ears once more. "That's an order." If we weren't in peace times, I would swear that I was listening to him over the com-link during a mission. Quatre sighed again.
"Fine." He murmured quietly. "You win." Heero gave a satisfied 'hn' as Quatre shifted around to get comfortable. It was after the noise died down that I decided to kneel on the floor and hazard a peek. What I saw almost made me scream, gasp and laugh at the same time. But I didn't dare to make a noise. If Heero knew I was witnessing this, he's surely fulfill all the threats he's made to me over the years. They were cuddling. Okay, so not exactly. They were both lying on the couch, well, actually, Heero was. Quatre was more lying on Heero than the sofa. Quatre's hips lay between Heero's legs and his little hand was clasping the long sleeve of Heero's oversized, bottle green shirt. The Perfect Soldier himself was staring at the ceiling, blank and expressionless as always. Ever so often he would ruffle with Quatre's hair. As I yanked my head back around the doorframe I realized something. I was hallucinating. This was about as likely as Wufei suddenly breaking into song and dance. But in a twisted, warped since, they were a cute couple. I know, I know. If Heero would end up with anyone right now, everyone would think that it's Relena. Well, Quatre's sort of like Relena. Sort of. Actually, now that I think of it, there's a big difference between them. I mean, sure, they're both passive and kind and sensitive and caring people. And both of them are attentive to other's emotions and hurt when someone they care for is sad. But there's a difference that puts them in separate classes.
Quatre is not demanding. He offers all his care and love with out even expecting it to be reciprocated. And he always puts others happiness before his own. I grin and peek at them again. Quatre might actually be a good thing for Heero. Shingami knows that he's been on that laptop less, still spends entirely too much time with it, but not as much as he used to. I climbed silently to my feet and tiptoed as lightly as I could into the kitchen. I was hungry and decided to get a snack. Once in the kitchen, I opened the refrigerator door. There wasn't really much to choose from. There was however, some left over lo mein. I took that out of the fridge and warmed it up. Wufei must have heard me because he came into the kitchen to investigate.
"Hey Wu." I said as brightly as I could manage. Wufei smiled ever so slightly and sat down in a chair near me. "You hungry?" I asked gesturing to the lo mein. Wufei looked at the lo mein for a moment before shrugging. "C'mon," I coaxed, holding the fork up to his face, "take a bite, it's good." Wufei regarded me with a cool sloe-eyed stare that clearly said: 'You expect me, the great Chang Wufei to allow being spoon-fed?'
"Just take a bite, you need some food in your system." Wufei stared for a long moment before finally leaning forward and closing his mouth around the fork. He sat back and chewed, a pensive look on his face, as if he was thinking of something very serious.
"What's the matter?" I asked. He shrugged and looked out the window, up at the sky. I followed his soulful gaze. The sky was the color of sorrow: a cold metal gray with a sickly yellow tinge to it. It reminded me of the skin of an aged corpse. And believe me, I've seen a lot of those. Distant thunder rumbled and Wufei suppressed a shudder. Now I remember why Wufei doesn't like this weather. It was on a day exactly like this that we had found him.broken like this.
Wufei gently tugged on my braid, bringing me out of my dream-like state. He was looking at me expectantly.
"What?" I asked. He just blinked at me. "You want me to sing or something?" I asked. Wufei (still holding onto my braid) nodded. This was a regular occurrence. He, for whatever his reasons, likes to hear me sing. I probably sing for him at least every other day. "Okay." I said shrugging. (Mini disclaimer: I don't own Fuel, but this seemed like a really cool song that Duo would sing so.yeah.)
"Satan, you know where I lie, Gently, I go into that good night. All our lives get complicated, Search for pleasure's overrated.
Never were we told What the future would hold, When we were innocent.
Angels, lend me your might. This far down that line and still ain't got it right. All those color long since faded, All our smiles were confiscated.
Never were we told We'd be bought and sold, When we were innocent."
I watched Wufei while I sang, he was sitting very quietly, his eyes half open, he was weaving my braid in and out of his fingers. Thunder clapped loudly and the swollen bellies of the clouds split open and it began to rain. At the sound of the sonically loud thunder, Wufei jumped and twined an arm around my shoulders, the other hand still clenching my braid.
"Hey, calm down Wu, it's just thunder." I spoke quietly, trying to calm him down. Wufei shook his head, a few of the raven-winged strands drifted into his eyes. (He never puts his hair in a ponytail any more.) "It won't hurt you." I said softly. Thunder rumbled again, louder and right over our heads this time, as if it was objecting to what I was saying. "Nothing will hurt you. I'll make sure of that." Another crash came from the metal colored sky. I glared heavenward. "Nothing." I repeated stubbornly, trying to disprove the booming overhead. Wufei rested his head on my shoulder and sighed. That seemed to calm him down a little. We stayed like this for what must have been five minutes, listening to the thunder shouting at us and the rain angrily assault the glass windows, as if it was trying to get in. A bright flash of lightening lit up the sky. A loud and insistent knock on the door caused us both to jump. I reluctantly let go and walked over to the door. What lunatic would be out in this weather??
"Duo, hello! How are you feeling?" Relena. Well if that doesn't explain everything. She smiled sweetly at me. I glanced at Wufei. He was sitting up ramrod straight. I've never seen him look like that. He was so white and his eyes took up almost half of his head. He looked haunted. That's the best way I can describe him. Absolutely haunted by something.
"I'm fine, thanks for asking." I replied as I gazed down at her. Her eyes were locked on my throat. On the evidance that I tried to take my life, my scar. They always are. I'm not sure if she's aware that she stares all the time. I think the fact that I'm a suicidal maniac kind of scares her. I was tempted to go 'Hey Relena look! A butter knife!!' Pick up the knife that was lying on the table and stab myself silly with it. But that would make a mess and Quatre just mopped the kitchen from where Wufei threw up yesterday. Relena sidestepped around me politely and smiled.
"I'm here to see Quatre. He was acting a bit odd last week and I wanted to make sure that he was feeling all right. I brought pound cake." She added, lifting the Tupperware container that I hadn't even noticed.
"I'll go get them-uh him." I said. I don't think that Relena would like it too much if she saw Quatre and her precious Heero snuggling. I abruptly left the kitchen and walked into the dining room. "Quatre!!" I hollered. "You have a guest!" Relena entered as well.
"Coming." A sleepy voice called back. Quatre followed the voice and appeared in the doorframe. His hair was rumpled and his eyes were half open.
"Oh, were you sleeping? I'm sorry, I can come back later." Relena said hastily. Quatre smiled in a tired fashion and waved his hand.
"No that's alright. I needed to wake up and get to work anyway." I left the two of them in the dining room to talk. I still had my lo mein to finish after all. When I walked into the kitchen, I elicited a strangled cry of shock. Wufei was on the floor, curled up in a ball, shaking. I knew that I shouldn't have left them alone. I walked quickly over to him and scooped him up.
"Hey Wu, it's okay. Sh..." I rubbed his shoulder and tried to calm him down. He sniffled and buried his face in my shoulder, shaking his head. "Let's take a nap huh?" I asked. He nodded and I led him up stairs. As he was drifting off, I brushed some of the hair from his face.
"She won't hurt you, you know. " I said quietly. Thunder rumbled again.
Grinning Reaper: Don'tcha just *love* foreshadowing??
Wufei: Foreshadowing?? ::gulp::
Grinning Reaper: Minor notes: Okay, in case you haven't figured it out: Wufei and Duo are going to end up boinking each other's brains out, Quatre is suffering from stress, Heero is...well...you'll see, Wufei's not saying a lot and his fear of Relena is not what it appears to be (think long and hard about that one and what's been said between him and Trowa, anyone who guesses right gets the Shinibaka seal of approval) and nobody knows what happened to Trowa. The ending shall be suspenseful and surprising. That and someone's gonna DIE!!
Quatre: Can't we all just get along? ::sniff::
Sorrow: BUUUUUUUUUURRNN!
Heero:...
Grinning Reaper: oh, mini advertisements: Read SUGAR HIGH if you like 2x5 and Stellar if you like 3x4... I figured that since Trowa isn't around, I'd give his fans a few little fun things to read... ^,^ Oh, a recommendation: If you like fics with Duo as the 'protector' type, read 'Meet me Half Way' ::sniff:: I love that fic...so, as this masterpiece draws to a close...
Wufei: ONNA! POST THE NEXT PART ALREADY!!! KISAMA!
P.S: I might take a brake from 2x5 and actually write... ::gasp!:: a 1x2! What do ya think o' that?
Grinning Reaper: Hi! Sorry that this chapter took so long to come out! I've just not been depressed for a really long time, which I guess is a good thing.I'm not really cutting any more.this is another angsty chapter! Sorrow: Yay! Angst muse work again! BUUUUURRRRNN! Wufei: As a minor side note, yes Nukume Dori, Reaper-chan thinks that I would make a very kawaii teddy bear. ::sigh:: Duo: This is my chapter!!! ^,^ Heero: . Quatre: It's a nice one if you ask me. Grinning Reaper: So, with all that aside, let us start ne?
Chapter four: Held
"Where the hell is my razor?" I muttered to myself as I rummaged trough my drawers. I'm willing to bet anything that Quatre hid them. Again. I can hear him now.
'I just want to make sure that you don't hurt yourself Duo.' Don't get me wrong. I love the little guy and all but sometimes I want to smack him silly. I mean, it's not as if I want to kill myself any more. I mean sure, sometimes I think about it still, but hey, it's not exactly something that is quit so easily right? I'm not going to start up again. That's for sure. I'd be sent to a clinic for real this time. And by no means is Wufei crying and clinging on to me changing Quatre's mind this time. (Yes, that really did happen. It nearly scared the hell out of all of us. Except Heero, he just kind of stood there blinking. It never occurred to me that someone as strong and confident as him would be capable of crying.)
As I tore apart my room for my razor, more thoughts swarmed into my head. Now that I think of it, Quatre's been so.tense lately. And he seems so tired. I look at him sometimes and it looks like he's about to snap. Just like one of the strings on his violin did one time. He told us it was because he was putting too much pressure on it. Are we putting too much pressure on you Quatre? Is that what you're trying to say? He and Heero got in a fight a few nights ago too. I heard them shouting downstairs. Then there was breaking glass, silence, followed by more breaking glass, scuffling noises and more silence. The silence was even scarier than the noise. In the hours that stretched by, I crept down the stairs expecting to find one of them lying in the floor dead. But all I found was a broken dish and a broken vase of flowers in the hallway. They were Forget-Me-Nots. Quatre insists on keeping a vase of them in the house at all times because they were Trowa's favorite. That and the name means 'don't forget me' and all that sentimental shit. I've never been one to understand that. I won't pretend that I didn't see the small bruise on Heero's face at breakfast either. And Quatre was kind of limping too. So there had been a fight of some kind I guess. Either way, they seemed fine at the table and it's really not my business to ask.
I sighed and shoved a drawer shut.
"I'm tired of being treated like a fucking mental patient!" I all but shouted as I knocked my head gently against the back wall. I sighed and stared down at my forearms littered with pink and silver marks of anger. "Duo, in case you haven't figured it out, you *are* a fucking mental patient." I grumbled sourly. With all the ideas of shaving thrown out the window, I climbed to my feet and walked downstairs. I was hungry and it was about lunchtime. I almost reached the kitchen but a voice from the living room stopped me.
"I'm just (yawn) tired, I don't know why. I've been getting enough sleep." I recognized the voice as Quatre's. It was thick and heavy with fatigue.
"Hn. Sleep more then." Heero replied in an almost mechanic voice. Note the 'almost mechanic' part, he wasn't as monotonous as he usually sounded.
"It's almost time for me to-" the rest of whatever Quatre was going to object with was engulfed in painstaking silence, his voice died as abruptly as the shouting did last night. The only noise that hinted that they were still there was a sigh. Now, I know it's not nice to eavesdrop, but I really couldn't help it. I didn't want to move because they might hear me, and I really wanted to find out what's been going on these past few days.
"Sleep." Heero's stern voice reached my ears once more. "That's an order." If we weren't in peace times, I would swear that I was listening to him over the com-link during a mission. Quatre sighed again.
"Fine." He murmured quietly. "You win." Heero gave a satisfied 'hn' as Quatre shifted around to get comfortable. It was after the noise died down that I decided to kneel on the floor and hazard a peek. What I saw almost made me scream, gasp and laugh at the same time. But I didn't dare to make a noise. If Heero knew I was witnessing this, he's surely fulfill all the threats he's made to me over the years. They were cuddling. Okay, so not exactly. They were both lying on the couch, well, actually, Heero was. Quatre was more lying on Heero than the sofa. Quatre's hips lay between Heero's legs and his little hand was clasping the long sleeve of Heero's oversized, bottle green shirt. The Perfect Soldier himself was staring at the ceiling, blank and expressionless as always. Ever so often he would ruffle with Quatre's hair. As I yanked my head back around the doorframe I realized something. I was hallucinating. This was about as likely as Wufei suddenly breaking into song and dance. But in a twisted, warped since, they were a cute couple. I know, I know. If Heero would end up with anyone right now, everyone would think that it's Relena. Well, Quatre's sort of like Relena. Sort of. Actually, now that I think of it, there's a big difference between them. I mean, sure, they're both passive and kind and sensitive and caring people. And both of them are attentive to other's emotions and hurt when someone they care for is sad. But there's a difference that puts them in separate classes.
Quatre is not demanding. He offers all his care and love with out even expecting it to be reciprocated. And he always puts others happiness before his own. I grin and peek at them again. Quatre might actually be a good thing for Heero. Shingami knows that he's been on that laptop less, still spends entirely too much time with it, but not as much as he used to. I climbed silently to my feet and tiptoed as lightly as I could into the kitchen. I was hungry and decided to get a snack. Once in the kitchen, I opened the refrigerator door. There wasn't really much to choose from. There was however, some left over lo mein. I took that out of the fridge and warmed it up. Wufei must have heard me because he came into the kitchen to investigate.
"Hey Wu." I said as brightly as I could manage. Wufei smiled ever so slightly and sat down in a chair near me. "You hungry?" I asked gesturing to the lo mein. Wufei looked at the lo mein for a moment before shrugging. "C'mon," I coaxed, holding the fork up to his face, "take a bite, it's good." Wufei regarded me with a cool sloe-eyed stare that clearly said: 'You expect me, the great Chang Wufei to allow being spoon-fed?'
"Just take a bite, you need some food in your system." Wufei stared for a long moment before finally leaning forward and closing his mouth around the fork. He sat back and chewed, a pensive look on his face, as if he was thinking of something very serious.
"What's the matter?" I asked. He shrugged and looked out the window, up at the sky. I followed his soulful gaze. The sky was the color of sorrow: a cold metal gray with a sickly yellow tinge to it. It reminded me of the skin of an aged corpse. And believe me, I've seen a lot of those. Distant thunder rumbled and Wufei suppressed a shudder. Now I remember why Wufei doesn't like this weather. It was on a day exactly like this that we had found him.broken like this.
Wufei gently tugged on my braid, bringing me out of my dream-like state. He was looking at me expectantly.
"What?" I asked. He just blinked at me. "You want me to sing or something?" I asked. Wufei (still holding onto my braid) nodded. This was a regular occurrence. He, for whatever his reasons, likes to hear me sing. I probably sing for him at least every other day. "Okay." I said shrugging. (Mini disclaimer: I don't own Fuel, but this seemed like a really cool song that Duo would sing so.yeah.)
"Satan, you know where I lie, Gently, I go into that good night. All our lives get complicated, Search for pleasure's overrated.
Never were we told What the future would hold, When we were innocent.
Angels, lend me your might. This far down that line and still ain't got it right. All those color long since faded, All our smiles were confiscated.
Never were we told We'd be bought and sold, When we were innocent."
I watched Wufei while I sang, he was sitting very quietly, his eyes half open, he was weaving my braid in and out of his fingers. Thunder clapped loudly and the swollen bellies of the clouds split open and it began to rain. At the sound of the sonically loud thunder, Wufei jumped and twined an arm around my shoulders, the other hand still clenching my braid.
"Hey, calm down Wu, it's just thunder." I spoke quietly, trying to calm him down. Wufei shook his head, a few of the raven-winged strands drifted into his eyes. (He never puts his hair in a ponytail any more.) "It won't hurt you." I said softly. Thunder rumbled again, louder and right over our heads this time, as if it was objecting to what I was saying. "Nothing will hurt you. I'll make sure of that." Another crash came from the metal colored sky. I glared heavenward. "Nothing." I repeated stubbornly, trying to disprove the booming overhead. Wufei rested his head on my shoulder and sighed. That seemed to calm him down a little. We stayed like this for what must have been five minutes, listening to the thunder shouting at us and the rain angrily assault the glass windows, as if it was trying to get in. A bright flash of lightening lit up the sky. A loud and insistent knock on the door caused us both to jump. I reluctantly let go and walked over to the door. What lunatic would be out in this weather??
"Duo, hello! How are you feeling?" Relena. Well if that doesn't explain everything. She smiled sweetly at me. I glanced at Wufei. He was sitting up ramrod straight. I've never seen him look like that. He was so white and his eyes took up almost half of his head. He looked haunted. That's the best way I can describe him. Absolutely haunted by something.
"I'm fine, thanks for asking." I replied as I gazed down at her. Her eyes were locked on my throat. On the evidance that I tried to take my life, my scar. They always are. I'm not sure if she's aware that she stares all the time. I think the fact that I'm a suicidal maniac kind of scares her. I was tempted to go 'Hey Relena look! A butter knife!!' Pick up the knife that was lying on the table and stab myself silly with it. But that would make a mess and Quatre just mopped the kitchen from where Wufei threw up yesterday. Relena sidestepped around me politely and smiled.
"I'm here to see Quatre. He was acting a bit odd last week and I wanted to make sure that he was feeling all right. I brought pound cake." She added, lifting the Tupperware container that I hadn't even noticed.
"I'll go get them-uh him." I said. I don't think that Relena would like it too much if she saw Quatre and her precious Heero snuggling. I abruptly left the kitchen and walked into the dining room. "Quatre!!" I hollered. "You have a guest!" Relena entered as well.
"Coming." A sleepy voice called back. Quatre followed the voice and appeared in the doorframe. His hair was rumpled and his eyes were half open.
"Oh, were you sleeping? I'm sorry, I can come back later." Relena said hastily. Quatre smiled in a tired fashion and waved his hand.
"No that's alright. I needed to wake up and get to work anyway." I left the two of them in the dining room to talk. I still had my lo mein to finish after all. When I walked into the kitchen, I elicited a strangled cry of shock. Wufei was on the floor, curled up in a ball, shaking. I knew that I shouldn't have left them alone. I walked quickly over to him and scooped him up.
"Hey Wu, it's okay. Sh..." I rubbed his shoulder and tried to calm him down. He sniffled and buried his face in my shoulder, shaking his head. "Let's take a nap huh?" I asked. He nodded and I led him up stairs. As he was drifting off, I brushed some of the hair from his face.
"She won't hurt you, you know. " I said quietly. Thunder rumbled again.
Grinning Reaper: Don'tcha just *love* foreshadowing??
Wufei: Foreshadowing?? ::gulp::
Grinning Reaper: Minor notes: Okay, in case you haven't figured it out: Wufei and Duo are going to end up boinking each other's brains out, Quatre is suffering from stress, Heero is...well...you'll see, Wufei's not saying a lot and his fear of Relena is not what it appears to be (think long and hard about that one and what's been said between him and Trowa, anyone who guesses right gets the Shinibaka seal of approval) and nobody knows what happened to Trowa. The ending shall be suspenseful and surprising. That and someone's gonna DIE!!
Quatre: Can't we all just get along? ::sniff::
Sorrow: BUUUUUUUUUURRNN!
Heero:...
Grinning Reaper: oh, mini advertisements: Read SUGAR HIGH if you like 2x5 and Stellar if you like 3x4... I figured that since Trowa isn't around, I'd give his fans a few little fun things to read... ^,^ Oh, a recommendation: If you like fics with Duo as the 'protector' type, read 'Meet me Half Way' ::sniff:: I love that fic...so, as this masterpiece draws to a close...
Wufei: ONNA! POST THE NEXT PART ALREADY!!! KISAMA!
P.S: I might take a brake from 2x5 and actually write... ::gasp!:: a 1x2! What do ya think o' that?