So basically, I was bored and had a little bit of free time on my hands, so I figured I'd get the next installment out. That, and I'm trying to avoid finish these stupid applications (They don't even have to be in until December, and my mom's driving me CRAZY!)
*giggles* Besides…this is a really fun chapter!
~~~~~~~~~~
REVIEWS
SSJ Tokya
Lol…continue! I love the whole Wanda/St. John pairing. ^^
Pyro: Yeah, she's pretty hooked on it, too…ain't that right, Wanda-luv?
Wanda: Personally, I don't see it…. This is boring. Wanna go wreak havoc on the normal people?
Pyro: You're on!
todd fan
WW, well THIS fic just got that little bit more…surreal, but hey, we LIKE surreal, yes, yes we do *nods*
Lance: I dunno…two psychos together. Sounds pretty realistic to me.
Pyromaniac1
Yes…you're right, Fred. It has been a long time sense a Primary Colors chapter. Too long. *glares at DragonBlond*
Bobby: *snickers* Someone's in trouble…
Jubilee: And for once, it's not you.
You want a new P.C. chapter?! Tell that to my dad…I've been yelling at him to fix my laptop for MONTHS now.
M. Sexy, sexy Wanda. I can't picture her with a blond wig. Wonder what she would look like…
Poitr: *holds up drawing* Like this, perhaps?
Brotherhood: O.O
Ray/Bobby/Todd/Pyro: *drooling slightly*
Wanda: *too busy causing massive destruction to notice*
…Johnny boy's very lucky.
RahneMan
Lance: Ahhh! *hides behind Pietro*
Caption—A.L.L. HQ 6.30 pm…
Rahney the muse is sitting at a desk with a plaque on it. The plaque reads: Rahney The Muse, Anti Lance League Vice-President.
She picks up a framed photo of Wanda and strokes it.
*Sigh! Why him, Wanda, WHY?!?*
Pyro: *pops back up* Because I'm magically delicious?
She takes something out from a drawer. It's a voodoo doll made to look like Pyro. She also takes out a pin and starts jabbing the voodoo doll with it.
Pyro: That'll never wo—OW! *rubs butt*
Lance: *peeks out from behind Pietro* Better you than me, fire boy.
Me—Uh Rahney, who are you jabbing a voodoo doll in the shape of Pyro with a large pin?
*Why do you think?*
Pyro: 'cause she a PSYCHO, that's why!
Oh! Cuz she was cast as Felicity and was getting comfy with Pyro.
*Uh huh sniff
Pietro: *whispers to Lance* I wonder if we should break the news to them that Sis is straight.
Lance: Be my guest…I'M not gonna tell her!
Rurouni Tyriel
No I meant four brains. Each more useless than the last.
Evan: Well, that's still four more than some of us have.
Pietro: Don't be so hard on yourself, Daniels…I'm sure you have at LEAST half of one.
Anyway, review…I love your story, and I can't wait for more to come. Its taken a totally different path than the movie, but that makes it so much more lovable.
Magneto: Yeah, we still can't figure out where the heck THIS script came from.
Xavier: Or why it's the only one circling the Internet.
Mystique: But it's better than waiting for her to type up the entire script herself while watching the video.
And of course, Pyro and Wanda are so cute together.
Todd: *sulks quietly*
Pietro: We're thinking of getting them matching straight jackets for the wedding.
(evil conspiracy:
Pyro/Wanda: The best kind!
*slips Mastermind fifty bucks* There's more in it for ya if you can make X23 fall in love with me…)
Mastermind: *pockets the fifty* I'll take the money…but not a chance in HELL am I going into that girl's mind; it's scarier than Wanda's!
X23: …he's got a point.
Wanda: What's that about my mind?
Magneto: *quickly* Nothing!
* * * * *
Scene opens to Pyro's plane in flight.
Pyro and Wanda drive against an obviously-fake rear screen projection of India.
The two of them enter an Ashram—it looks like a mosque, with incense burning, tapestries decorating the walls, and the MORLOCKS off to one side, acting like disciples. Sitar music plays from somewhere in the background.
Wanda: There she is. That's my guru.
We see Agatha, dressed like an Indian priestess. She appears to be in heavy meditation.
Pyro: *blink* …why am I not surprised?
Wanda: Guru, I'd like you to meet Austin Powers.
Pyro extends a hand.
Pyro: How are you, baby?
Agatha: *eyes still closed* My charkas are aligned and I am in a perfect state of equipoise.
Pyro: Good on ya. …I don't know what that means, but it sounds fab!
Wanda: Guru, we need some advice…
Agatha: Hold your horses, and any other beasts of burden. I must lead my disciples in meditation, and then I will help you.
Pyro: Okey-doke.
He and Wanda go sit on a brightly colored beanbag chair that wasn't there a second ago, as Agatha walks to the front of the room. The Morlocks sink to their knees.
Morlocks: Ahhhhh!
Agatha: My name is the Guru Pitka. I am the spiritual teacher and I have combined many disparate disciplines into a unified movement of human potentiality and equipoise that I learned from my guru, the late Guru Shastri, a chaste man who died mysteriously of a disease that strangely had all the hallmarks of syphilis—
She suddenly pauses, as if in thought, then shakes her head.
Agatha: Naw…couldn't be. *clears throat* He would say to me: "Sparky, love is all, life is breath."
Morlocks: Ahhhhh!
Agatha: Now, perhaps you are wondering where I got the nickname Sparky.
Callisto: Not really…
Torpid shakes her head.
Agatha: INSOLENCE WILL NOT BE TOLERATED, NOT SHUT UP AND LISTEN! As I was saying…when we were young, we used to play a game called "Stinkmop." We would urinate into a bucket, tip a mop into it, and play tag. I did not care for "Stinkmop" and a very wise old man said to me, 'oh, lighten up, Sparky,' and I don't know, the name kind of stuck.
Caliban: That doessss not make sssssenssssse….
Agatha: Quiet snake boy…back to worshiping my every word!
Morlocks: Ahhhhhhh!
Agatha: Now, the reason I am a spiritualist instead of a therapist is that 'therapist' often becomes 'the rapist'…and that will not help us attain potentiality.
Torpid looks like she's about to cry, and buries her tiny little head in Callisto's stomach.
Agatha: Now, what is potentiality? It is the ability to achieve those goals that we wish to achieve for ourselves. People often say to me that they feel "nowhere," and I am going to change that to "Now here."
She pulls a sign out of nowhere with "NOWHERE = NOW HERE!" scribbled out in her handwriting.
Morlocks: Ahhhhh!
Agatha: And you have many assumptions about your goals, but when you "assume," you make an "ass" our of "u" and "me."
She now holds up a sign, also scribbled in her handwriting, which now reads "ASSUME = ASS + U + ME."
Morlocks: Ahhhhh!
Callisto: …didn't DragonBlond get that from her English teacher last year?
Agatha: Quiet, hussy!
Callisto: …hussy?
Agatha: The being, or that which we call 'ourselves,' is not the tinker. It is not the tots. It is the Gap between the tinker and the tots! We are not our mind, we are not our body…we are the Gap!
She holds up another card that says, "NOT TINKER, NOT TOTS, BUT THE GAP" with the familiar GAP font.
Morlocks: *singing* Fall into the GAP!
Agatha: Now you're just being a bunch of smart-asses. The heart of the matter is that you are the heart of the matter. There is no "I" in "team." Bear before liquor, never sicker. Don't take a wooden nickel. If your pipe is short and your pump is weak…
Pyro: Then you're screwed?
Agatha: No, just the opposite actually…
~*rimshot*~
Pyro: *looks around frantically* Not again!
Agatha: And finally, the path to spiritual awakening requires the death of ego. Leggo my ego! Now let us end with the mantre: Om Ay Vant Yu Hu…Om Ay Vant Yu Hu…Om Ay Vant Yu Hu…
Morlocks: *chanting* Om Ay Vant Yu Hu…Om Ay Vant Yu Hu…Om Ay Vant Yu Hu…
Agatha takes a swing of YooHoo.
Agatha: *casually* Go with God…and pay at the door, please.
The Morlocks all file out of the room, still chanting. As Agatha continues to chug her YooHoo, Pyro and Wanda approach.
Agatha: How can I help you?
Pyro obviously looks very uncomfortable with having to discuss this with a woman.
Pyro: Um…remember the pipe analogy? Well, you weren't far off there….
Agatha: What do you mean?
Pyro: You know—my bits and pieces are a bit sleepy.
Agatha: I'm not understanding.
Pyro: I've forgotten the steps to the Mummy-Daddy dance.
Agatha: …still not clear.
Pyro: My flag's at half-mast, and no one will salute it.
Agatha: Sorry?
Pyro: My willie don't work.
Agatha: Why are you beating around the bush?
Pyro: That's my problem.
Agatha: Ohhh, I get it.
*beat*
Agatha: Wait a minute. I lost it.
Wanda: He's impotent!
Pyro: Well, you could've put it nicer than that.
Wanda: Sorry, luv.
Pyro: Felicity and I were all set for some hump Olympics and I couldn't bat for six.
Agatha: Uh…huh. Oh, yea, I see.
Pyro: You have no idea what I'm saying, do you?
Agatha: Not a word.
Pyro sighs.
Pyro: Guru, I've lost my mojo
Agatha: Oh, mojo! Why didn't you say so in the first place. Kids today…I was a youth once, you know. I understand all about the frustrations of—
Wanda: *cuts her off* If you don't mind, we need your help, not your life story.
Agatha: …you've lost your mojo because your charkas are misaligned. You have lost love. Happy now?
Pyro: Lost love? Oh, you mean Vanessa?
Wanda: Who's Vanessa?
Pyro: An evil fembot minion of Dr. Evil. Tried to kill me on our honeymoon…but I couldn't have loved her.
Wanda: …honeymoon?!
Agatha: Denial ain't just a river in Egypt, buddy. You will only get your mojo back when you surround yourself with love.
Pyro: …oh! I get what you're saying now! *to Wanda* She's talking about free love, baby! Tune in, turn on, and drop out!
Wanda: *sighs* Men…
Agatha whacks him on the back of the head.
Agatha: I'm talking about TRUE love, you imbecile.
Pyro: TRUE love? Now where am I gonna find THAT
He ponders for a moment, putting on hand to his chin.
Wanda: *clears her throat loudly*
Pyro: …need a cough drop, luv?
Wanda fumes silently.
Agatha: You must stay and study until you are worthy.
Pyro: No way, man. The only way to surround yourself with love is to throw a swinging shindig. Yeah, baby, yeah!
* * * * *
Let the insanity commence! Next chapter, we head back to Dr. Evil (Magneto)'s evil lair, to see what he does with the stolen Mojo…and finally, a few scenes that actually look FAMILIAR! *gasp*
R+R. All question, comments, and anything else are to be directed to the characters themselves.