It looks like we've reached the halfway point…or slightly passed it. Somewhere around there. I have to admit, this script is much easier to work with than the original—it's not easy to parody a parody, after all.
I'm already debating what to do next. It's a tie between parodying Interview with the Vampire, Mulan (c'mone…who wouldn't love to see some of the guys cross-dress ^_~), The Nightmare Before Christmas, or somehow… someway… grabbing five of the guys and doing Queer Eye. Oh, the dilemma!
~~~~~~~~~~
REVIEWS
Rahne Man
Pyro: YES! *does happy dance*
Pietro: tsk tsk…such vulgarity.
Lance: *sigh* Why me?
todd fan
Fred: *confused* What's wrong with the scene?
Lance: We'll tell you when you're older, Freddie.
Ryo: Tell me about it. DragonBlond does the same thing now. I can't even watch that movie any more without dredging up memories…dear God, the memories…
MoonlightPhoenix3
Poitr: *blushes even deeper*
Todd: I think somebody already did Little Shop of Horrors.
Ryo: Trust me, I don't mind. She's always submitting me for OC stuff! Something about wanting to see if she explained my character enough that others would be able to write me as well. *shrugs* Just because I live in her mind doesn't mean I know how it works.
Rurouni Tyriel
Amanda: …aren't we all from X-men: Evolution?
Wisdom/Belladonna/Henri: Speak for yourself!
Ryo: Depends on what universe we're talking about.
Kurt: *runs by, still screaming* THE PLANTS ARE COMING! THE PLANTS ARE COMING!
Amanda: I stand corrected.
X23: What do I have to slice off before you go away?!
Tabby: *snickering* I have an idea…
SSJ Tokya
Xavier: I think she confused us all.
Magneto: Nice to see somebody appreciates my hard work!
Mystique: Yeah. Can you imagine how hard it must be for him to play an evil scientist who wants to take over the world?
Magneto: Sarcasm does not suit you, Raven.
Fred: *scratches his head* I still don't get it….
ASGT
Evan: Now you know how we feel.
Wanda: …and now you know how I feel.
Silvers
Fred: Doing what?! Somebody better start explaining!
Wanda: *downing Tequila shots* You'll see in this chapter.
Ryo: Um, Wanda? You did get the memo that DragonBlond had to edit this scene a bit to keep the PG-13 rating, didn't you?
Wanda: … *stares at Tequila* Oh, well. One more for the road. *chugs it*
* * * * * *
Sam, still playing the Alan Zeus-type gay guy, hovers somewhere in limbo.
Sam: Meanwhile….
We see a fish and chips stand, where Fred is giving his order to—literally—a window in a wall.
Fred: …and a fried prawn sandwich with extra mayo…two whole chickens…a kidney pie…a toad in the hole…bubble and squeak…bangers and mash…three orders of fish and chips…and…a Fresca, whatever those are. No ice.
Apparently, Fred has forgotten that we're on a BUDGET here.
We pan over to see Wanda beside him.
Wanda: I love a man with a large appetite.
Fred seems to just have noticed her now.
Fred: Oh, I'm sorry…did you want to order something?
Wanda groans and closes her eyes.
Back at the pad, Pyro and Amanda are dancing in the center of the floor to some weird Sixties dance.
Pyro: Can I ask you a question?
Amanda: Yes.
Pyro: Thank you.
There is a pause.
Amanda: Well, what's the question?
Pyro: Oh, yes. Are you really a gypsy sorceress?
Amanda: Would you like a demonstration?
Pyro nods eagerly, eyes wide like a child in a candy store. Amanda smiles, steps back, and closes her eyes…
…and in a puff of indigo-colored smoke, suddenly disappears. Jean is left in her place.
Pyro: How'd you get out of the cage?
Jean: You left it unlocked.
Pyro smacks his forehead.
Pyro: Knew I forgot something…
Jean: It's no matter. Let's continue dancing. I just need you to move…right…here….
Jean moves him into place as they continue to dance. Pyro, wary at first, smiles when he realizes it only leaves him with more room.
Pyro: You're a bit of all right.
But as they dance…Pyro looks into her eyes, and sees the reflection of Sabertooth (y'know…assassin Oedipus guy) about to throw a knife at him. With seconds to spare, he spins Jean around and uses her as a shield. The knife hits her squarely in the back.
Jean: *strained* Oedipus…use the revolver!
He pulls out a pistol and begins firing. Pyro simply continues using Jean as a shield, and she takes all six hits before he runs out of bullets.
Jean: *strained* Oedipus…use the machine gun.
Sabertooth pulls out a machine gun and fires. Somehow, in a Robert Rodriquez-like flurry of events, Pyro manages to dodge while STILL using Jean as a shield. He then throws her to the floor while trying to catch his breath, thinking Sabes is out of ammo.
Jean: *strained* Use the missile launcher!
He grabs her again just as Sabertooth pulls out this big-ass missile launcher from virtually nowhere. Needless to say…Jean takes the blast. But, unfortunately for Pyro, it also blasts the two of them out the window.
As they fall in mid-air, we see Jean (all black and charred) falling next to Pyro.
Jean: The fall will kill us both, Powers!
Pyro: Why won't you die?!
Her eyes briefly glow as we see the fiery outline of a bird.
Jean/Phoenix: Phoenix power.
Pyro: Crap.
As they fall, Pyro grabs hold of Jean and pushes her in between himself and the ground. They land with a THUD, Jean facedown in the pavement. Her body makes a pretty nice imprint in the cement.
Pyro gets up, virtually unharmed. As he brushes himself off, Jean weakly lifts her head. The Phoenix image disappears, and Dark Pheonix takes it's place.
Jean/Dark Phoenix: *strained* You can't win, Powers. Dr. Evil has your mojo and it's only a matter of time before he kills you and takes over the world…
Finally loosing consciousness, she plops her face back into the ground. Dark Phoenix disappears.
The scene switches over to a random bedroom at night.
Wanda sits up in bed, wearing a black spaghetti-strapped nightgown. She puffs on a prop cigarette. Strange sounds come from off-screen…and as we pan over, we see that Fred's in the bed next to her. But fear not! He's wearing a white t-shirt and boxers.
Wanda: Thank God for censors…never thought I'd be saying that.
Fred happily munches on a huge turkey leg. He turns to look at her, and she smiles weakly.
Fred: You want some chicken? I have more!
He rolls over, so that we see his butt crack showing. Hey, it's better than what was ORIGINALLY in the script….
While Freddie's distracted, Wanda takes a homing device out of her purse and looks around for a place to plant it. She sees his enormous butt cleavage and realizes that there's only one place for the thing to go.
Wanda: …oh, no. I spent enough time in an asylum, thank-you-very-much.
Like I said…ONE place.
Wanda: You can't make me do it!
Two seconds later, we see an angle on Fred's face. He is delighted.
Wanda: Somebody kill me now.
Fred: Frisky, are we? All right…let's have another go!
Wanda: *horrified* NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Inside the volcano lair, we see Magneto sitting at a table with Mystique, Todd, and Remy.
Magneto: Get me the President of the United States!
The big video screen above them turns on, revealing…
All: TRASK?!
Trask: *dryly* So nice to see you remembered me.
A few of his random soldiers are seen in the background.
Mystique: It's official…this movie's gone completely off the deep end.
Trask: Dr. Evil, what do you want?
Magneto: Not what I want, Mr. President, but what I will receive. In twelve hours, I will destroy Washington, D.C. with a giant laser.
Magneto reveals the giant laser…which Pietro is humping like a dog. Or pretending to, at least.
Pietro: I'll have you know I find this morally degrading. Really. I swear.
Magneto: Okay, Mini-Maggie…why don't you and the laser get a frickin' room! Honestly…
He turns back to Trask.
Magneto: I will destroy one major city every hour…that is, unless you pay me…one hundred billion dollars!
~*DUN-DUN-DUN*~
He does the pinky to the mouth thing. Pietro pauses in his actions to mimic him.
Trask and the others start laughing hysterically.
Trask: That's more than the federal budget for 1969!
Magneto: Not my problem. The nation's capitol will disappear forever if I don't receive…one hundred billion dollars!
~*DUN-DUN-DUN*~
He does the pinky thing again. Pietro mimics him again.
Trask and his advisors laugh again.
Trask: That much money simply doesn't exist. I don't think one hundred billion is even a number! It's like saying I want a kajillion bajillion dollars!
They all laugh again.
Magneto: Come on, Mr. President… "Show me the money!"
He does the Jerry Maguire dance, looking around smugly. No one laughs. Trask looks at him strangely.
Trask: What?
Todd: *to Magneto* It's 1969. That movie won't come out for another thirty years, ass. They don't know what you're talking about.
Magneto: Right. Okay, see if you understand this: give me the money or I'm going to blow you to frickin' bits. Do you know what I'm talking about now?
Traks and his advisors murmur.
Trask: But—
Magneto: Talk to the hand!
He makes the 'stop' gesture and signs off.
Magneto: I did love that movie, though. Cuba Gooding Jr. was outstanding. Oscar speech? Very touching…
Todd looks at him with disgust.
Todd: I don't know how many more of these references I can take….
* * * * *
There now. That wasn't so bad, was it? Next chapter, we get some nice John/Wanda moments and begin the hunt for the elusive Fred!
R+R. All questions, comments, and anything else are to be directed to the characters themselves.