Huh. Quite a few people seemed to be partial to the Nightmare Before Christmas idea. I didn't know it was turning into a vote. ^_~
~~~~~~~~~~
REVIEWS
MoonlightPhoenix3
Poitr: *beet-red* I am grateful for your words of praise.
Remy: Any more, and I think ol' Colossus here'll pass out from embarrassment.
Jubilee: ooh, I like both those movies, too! The problem is, she won't tell us who's starring in the next parody. Bummer.
Rurouni Tyriel
Amanda: DragonBlond's going to start giving explanation at the bottom of the fic when she uses cameos not from the Evolution cartoon. She says you're on the own for the rest of 'em.
Trask: You think I enjoy working with these…these…MUTANTS!?
Logan: *sarcastically* We love you, too.
X23: Hypnotism doesn't work on me. Part of my training was to learn to shield my mind from intruders.
todd fan
Wanda: *shudders* Don't remind me.
Fred: Another Nightmare fan.
Ryo: She got the idea 'cause it was on TV the other night as part of a Halloween special.
RahneMan
Ryo/Wanda/Amara/Tabby: *pull up a chair with a huge bowl of popcorn*
Tabby: These reviews are like mini stories of their own.
Wanda: And very amusing, no less
Pyro: Sorry to disappoint you ladies…but apparently, this muse forgot that I CONTROL fire! *evil laughter as he manipulates the flames and turns them on Selene6*
Lance/Pietro: LET US DOWN!
Anee
Magneto: Ah, short and to the point. Just how reviews should me.
Pietro: But they reviewed the wrong chapter.
Magneto: So?
ASGT
Evan: I'm gonna go with…confused.
Lance: Same here.
Todd: Ditto that.
Pyro: I get it!
Wanda: So do I.
Ryo: You would…then again, DragonBlond got it, too. *sighs*
* * * * * *
It is now daytime. We see Pyro and Wanda leisurely walking down the street together.
Wanda: Austin, tell me about the Nineties.
Pyro: You know I can't tell you details about the future, baby. It could alter history.
Wanda: Since when do we care about stuff like that?
Pyro: Ooh…point. All right, then.
She turns to look at him, fascinated, as he thinks about it.
Pyro: There've been a lot of advances in the nineties, baby. The economy is stable…or at least it was until Bush came along…people take better care of their health, concern for the environment is on the rise, and…um…let's see…there's an entire television channel dedicated to Golf.
The two of them shudder.
Wanda: Sounds awful.
Pyro: Eh, it's not so bad…once you get used to it. The nineties are about responsibility. You know, having respect for yourself and other people.
Wanda: Like I said, sounds awful.
Pyro: I know what you mean. But there are some plus sides to it. I even got married.
Wanda: You? Married? What about the sexual revolution?
Pyro: Well, it turns out there were some casualties. Don't you think you'll ever get married?
Wanda: No. Not until I get a little more… "experience" under my belt.
Pyro: Oh, behave!
The two of them laugh. Suddenly, Pyro notices something outside and puts his hand to his mouth in fear.
Pyro: *wide-eyed* Oh, my God!
Wanda is immediately on guard. She pulls out a gun. Heavens knows where she pulled it from, but that's another story.
Wanda: What is it? Are those white-coated men stalking us again?!
Pyro: No…written on my hand, see?
Pyro shows her his hand, where "Oh, my God!" is written in his handwriting with a black pen.
Wanda: You know, some people just tie a string around their finger…
This time, she notices something, eyes lighting up in delight.
Wanda: Austin, look!
The two of them duck into a camera shop, coming out an instant later with a load of SUPER-8 cameras.
A series of random shots progress as Pyro and Wanda snap photo shoots of one another all over England.
Their focus seems to be primarily on torturing a British Royalty guard…who is none other than Colossus, in metallic form. They do everything to him, including trying on his hat, switching clothes, and having Wanda give him a kiss on the cheek. He blushes heavily, but doesn't budge.
The Pyro kisses him on the cheek. This earns him a strange Look at the very least.
Finally, Pyro and Wanda take his hat and start tossing it around…then they run off with it. Colossus chases after them….
Some time later, they're back on the street.
Pyro: Felicity, I haven't had this much fun since I worked undercover in Amsterdam. '66, I think it was.
Wanda: 1965, actually. You posed as a Dutch cheese expert to stop Dr. Evil from poisoning the world's water supply.
Pyro is obviously impressed.
Wanda: I've studied your file, Austin. I want to be a trailblazer, just like you. The seventies are right around the corner—it's going to be a glorious time for fashion and music and technology. It won't be long before every flying car has its own 8-track.
Pyro starts to say something about this, but thinks better and bites his tongue.
Pyro: OW!
…I didn't mean literally.
Wanda: The CIA has always been a boy's club…until now. Well move over, this chick's taking over!
Pyro: *hoarse* Very impressive.
Wanda: Austin, your voice!
Pyro: *hoarse* Yes, I think I'm coming down with something.
The two of them stop at an ice cream man's pushcart. We see Mr. Smith (Tabby's father) in an ice cream vendor's hat.
Pyro: How's the parole coming?
Mr. Smith: *grumble, grumble*
Pyro: Now, that's no attitude for an ice-cream seller.
He turns to Wanda.
Pyro: *hoarse* I'll get some ice cream. Would you like some?
Wanda: No, thanks.
He turns back to Mr. Smith.
Pyro: *hoarse* Could I have two scoops of Vanilla, please?
Mr. Smith: Right away. Would you like chocolate syrup?
Pyro: *hoarse* Yes, please.
Mr. Smith: Whipped cream?
Pyro: *hoarse* Yes, please.
Mr. Smith: Candy sprinkles?
Pyro: *hoarse* Yes, please.
Mr. Smith: Crushed nuts?
Pyro: *hoarse* No. Laryngitis.
~*rimshot*~
Pyro: Ahhh! WHERE'S THAT COMING FROM?!
He frantically looks around for the source, as a hand reaches from off-screen to give him the change.
Mr. Smith: *off-screen* Here's your change, sir. Oh, and Austin—
We cut back to the Ice Cream man, to see him pulling off a VERY fake beard. It is Xavier. He's still wearing the cheesy toupee.
Pyro: *phlegm-y throat* Basil! …but…
Wanda: Don't try to argue logic. You know this movie has none.
Xavier: Hello, Austin. What's wrong with your voice.
Pyro: *phlegm-y throat* I just had a little ice cream. Listen to me…I have dairy throat.
He starts singing.
Pyro: MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
AND IT WAS ALWAYS GRUNTIN'
SHE TIED IT TO A FIVE-BAR GATE
AND KICKED IT'S LITTLE—
Xavier: *interrupting* Austin!
Pyro: …sorry.
Wanda lets out a sigh of relief.
Xavier: Things are heating up, so I thought it best to contact you in disguise. Felicity, your plan worked. You and Austin track Fat Bastard back to Dr. Evil.
Pyro: But how can we track Fat Bastard?
Wanda: I planted a homing device on him last night.
Xavier: Yes, and we're starting to pick up the signal now.
He hands Wanda a tracking device that BEEPS.
Pyro: Groovy. But how did you get close enough to plant a homing device.
Wanda: *twitches* …you don't wanna know.
Pyro is visibly confused before realization dawn on him.
Pyro: You mean…you…him…just like that?
Wanda: Yes, Austin. We needed that information.
Xavier: Well, thanks to your effort, Felicity, we now know that—
Pyro: *to Wanda* Did you use an elaborate set of pulleys? A block and tackle?
Xavier: Anyways…you two follow the signal back to Dr. Evil's headquarters, and then—
Pyro: I just don't understand how you could do it.
Wanda: I just did what any agent in my position would have done.
Pyro: No, I mean I don't understand how. You're so small, and he's so…not. The sheer mechanics of it are mind-boggling!
Xavier: Never mind that now, Austin. You two have work to do. You must find Dr. Evil.
We see Pyro and Wanda sitting in the Beetle. Wanda is driving. A BEEP-BEEP is heard, and the camera pans over to reveal a tracking screen built into the dash.
Pyro: I got it! A Chinese basket with a counter-weighted ballast! That's how you did it! Am I right?
Wanda: Austin…it almost sounds like you're jealous.
Pyro: Who, me? That's not possible, baby!
There is a pause.
Pyro: *to himself* …is it?
Just then, a car pulls up beside them. Two Dr. Evil Private Army guys—Captain America and Warren Worthington III—pull machine guns and start shooting.
Pyro: Get down! They're firing more cameos at us!
Wanda ducks as Pyro reaches into the backseat. He pulls out Jean, and uses her as a shield.
Pyro: Ah, never gets old.
Madelyne: Speak for yourself.
Pyro: Wait…you're not Jean.
Madelyne: They called me in. Something about her taking off and needing a replacement.
Pyro: Ahh…well, if it worked in the comics, it could work here. Thanks for the help.
He tosses the Jean-clone back into the backseat.
Wanda: We're obviously on the right track.
She motions to the tracking screen.
Wanda: It looks like Fat Bastard is…on an island in the middle of the ocean.
On Magneto's Island—sometimes during the night—we hear the familiar BEEP-BEEP sound.
Suddenly, the Beetle submerges from the water and lands on the beach. The BEEP-BEEP sound grows louder.
Pyro and Wanda set up a tent with a view of the Magneto "Mt. Rushmore" face. Pyro is looking at the mountain through a pair of binoculars around his neck.
Pyro: According to the readings, Dr. Evil's headquarters if over the next ridge.
Wanda: Are you sure?
Pyro: I think the giant Magneto face was a pretty good tip-off, luv.
Wanda: Can I have a look?
Pyro: Sure.
Pyro hands her the binoculars. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately) for him, he forgot the strap was still around his neck. As Wanda grabs the binoculars, she accidentally pulls his face down into her chest.
Wanda: Question is, how do we get in?
Pyro: *muffled* Mmmmm…mmmm…
Wanda: Austin, did you hear me?
Pyro: Loud and clear. Don't mind me…I'm actually pretty comfortable right where I am.
Wanda: Pervert.
She shoves him off of her. He now has a somewhat dazed look in his eye.
Wanda: Where are the topographical maps that Basil drew up?
Pyro: I think they're in the tent.
He and Wanda enter the tent just as a collective group of HYDRA soldiers gather in the woods. They freeze in place when they see the tent.
A light is on inside, casting shadows of Wanda and Pyro. From where they stand, it appears that Pyro is leaning over, on his knees, while Wanda has her hands up his butt.
The following scene is shown from outside the tent, featuring their shadows.
Pyro: Have you got it out yet?
Wanda: Good Lord, Austin, what sort of things do you put in there?
Wanda's shadow appears to be tugging a string of sausage links from his ass.
Some of the soldiers appear understandably confused.
Pyro: Oh, anything that catches my fancy.
Wanda: How do you manage to fit it all in?
Pyro: Don't worry. It stretches to fit.
The shadow Wanda appears to pull a flashlight…lantern…can of tennis balls…and a tennis racket.
Pyro: Are you almost done? I can't hold it much longer.
Some of the soldiers look like they're about to be sick. They run off in disgust.
Inside the tent, we see that Pyro is leaning over, holding part of the tent in place. Wanda is rummaging through a duffle bag on the other side of the tent.
Wanda: Here we go, one hammer.
She pulls out the tool triumphantly and walks over to hand it to him.
Wanda: It's amazing how much this duffel bag will hold.
Back in the Evil lab, we see Magneto playing a piano. Pietro is on top of it, playing a miniature baby grand piano of his own.
I think you views are smart enough to realize it's not really them playing.
The opening chords of "What if God was one of us" are heard as Magneto starts singing.
Magneto: WHAT IF GOD WAS ONE OF US?
JUST A SLOB LIKE ONE OF US?
BLAH-BLAH-BLAH-BLAH-BLAH-BLAH-BLAH…
We see Remy and Mystique are in the audience. They applaud lightly.
Remy: Dr. Evil, that was fantastic…but I do have some bad news. A group of our scouts have just announced that Powers is on the island.
Magneto: How tedious.
Remy: Don't worry, Dr. Evil. We can get to him by using the girl.
Magneto: Really? Isn't that a bit cliché?
Remy: No more so than anything else we've done so far.
Magneto: True, true. And how do we get to her?
Remy: I have the perfect weapon. Frau?
Mystique: *shouts* BRING IN THE HE-BOTS!
"It's Raining Men" by The Weathergirls starts playing in the background.
Three HE-BOTS enter in unison. They are all the same; a very familiar red-faced synthoid dressed in green and yellow.
Remy: Dr. Evil, may I present the He-Bots. What kind of woman could resist these perfect specimens of masculinity? There clothes are stylish, their posture is ramrod straight, and their buttocks are tight, like tigers.
Pietro: This scene isn't helping you much with those "gay" rumors, you know.
Remy: Oh, hush up, pretty boy.
Magneto inspects the He-bots from his seat on the piano bench.
Magneto: Impressive. You've done research.
Remy holds up random issues of "The Avengers" comic books.
Remy: Yessir. And, each He-bot is armed with a secret weapon.
Angle on the first Vision He-bot. A nozzle flips up from his…er…codpiece. And white smoke pours out.
Remy: Poison gas…
Angle on the second Vision He-bot. A gun barrel flips out from his crotch and fire, machine-gun style.
Remy: Machine gun…
Angle on the third Vision He-bot. A nozzle flips up from his crotch and a yellow liquid drizzles out on the floor, where it smokes and burns though.
Remy: And deadly acid.
Magneto, obvious disgusted by the last one, nervously crosses his legs.
Magneto: Right. I object to the last one on aesthetic grounds, but I don't care how you get Powers…just bring him to me!
Remy nods, and Magneto turns back to the Piano.
Magneto: Ready Mini-Maggie? A one and a two and…
He and Pietro starts "playing" again as he continues to sing.
Magneto: ME AND MY SHADOW
STROLLING DOWN THE A-VA
WASN'T A STREET, WASN'T A ROAD
WASN'T A BOULEVARD
He starts dancing in step, singing rapidly.
Magneto: ME AND MY SHADOW
DOWN, ALL ALONE, AND FEE-LING…
Pietro: *unnaturally low voice* BLUE!
* * * * * *
There we are! Another chapter done. For those of you completely out of the loop in terms of references:
~Madelyn Pryor was a clone created by Sinister, made to look just like Jean Grey.
~The Vision is an Avengers character who Wanda fell in love with and married in the comics. He's a synthoid/android (whatever you want to call it).
R+R. All questions, comments, and anything else are to be directed to the characters themselves.