Sasuke woke up calmly, though the memories still vividly pressed against the edges of his mind. He stared out his window at the trees surrounding his house, almost bare of leaves. He felt torn inside, as he always did after that dream. For once his expression rendered the emotion he felt, a twisted frown of holding back tears. Home was the only place where he showed his emotions, around others, even those he 'cared' about, he wore a stone mask. He hid everything. After such an irregularily vivid dream especially, he cherished home, where he could lose himself in thought without that protection nagging at the corners and ends of his thoughts.
He thought of the last time he'd seen his brother. He remembered what he'd been thinking...
'I'll never love another or show my care. It hurts both them and me.' He'd seen the pitiful looks the Haruno family gave him, and how even they drifted away. He'd been forced to move from the big Uchiha house, but he was greatful- He couldn't stand to see the bloodstains. Even then, he somewhat admired his brother for not caring. Then maybe he wouldn't feel this pain- and he'd cared for Sakura. Even Itachi had seen it. Maybe if he hadn't tried to save her he would have gotten home in time to save his parents. One thing always tugged at this resent for her, and he always quickly washed it away. Sakura was the only thing he HAD been able to save that night. She was the only thing that distracted him enough to slow him down and save him from the same fate as his family.
Sasuke shook his head, clearing his thoughts and shrugging away his care. His pain, as it did every morning, became numb again and he left his bedroom normally, his step quieter so that he could hear every squeak out of place. The floor was hardwood under his feet. He could wash everything away if he needed to. he crossed his open living room to the kitchennette, only a small area of the main room and a counter/island to eat at. Sasuke opened the fridge and took out the milk, pouring a packet of oatmeal into a bowl before mixing the two together and microwaving it.
As he waited for his breakfast to cook, Sasuke glanced at the clock. It was 7:30am. He still had time- if he got ready fast enough- to train before he and his team met at 9:00am at the bridge. Thinking of the all-familiar bridge, Sasuke jumped, a memory flashing before his eyes. Sakura. The snow. And then it was gone. He shook his head for the second time and turned to the microwave, opening it a few seconds before it beeped. He ate in silence, for there was no one to talk to. It was a flavourless meal, oatmeal, but it was strengthening enough. He finished cleaning up and returned to the bathroom to take a shower and get ready.
By 8:00 he was dressed, washed, fed and ready to face the world. Sasuke ran a hand through his hair one last time, his face rendering expressionless as he did so. The day was about to begin. His eyes opened again as black heartless pits, no longer shining with emotion. His lips were a tight line, not hanging carelessly open in pouting thought. He was stone again. He was glaring again. He stepped out the door and fumbled for his keys, and as he remembered again the bloodmarks on the old door, he left it unlocked, whether in haste or decision.
The weather was mercifully cold that day for him. Sasuke overworked himself in his early morning training to take his mind of the dreams and memories which were so abnormally vivid. By the time 9:00 came rolling around, he was sweating and flushed although it was cold. He took a shortcut to the bridge- which was coincedentally the meeting place of the team on which both Sakura and Sasuke were on. Sakura had never walked along the edges since. He arrived, dry again from his slow walk. It was only a few minutes past nine and neither of his teammates had arrived. He walked cautiously up to the bridge, leaning his elbows on the railing. He stared downwards at the frozen river, the ice a mirror of the day 5 years before.
It was a day exactly like the present when it happened. Sasuke tried to shake the thoughts away but they persisted unmercifully. His vehement thoughts were unbeatable.. They went on forever. The ice, the temperature, the sky.. it was all the same.. Sasuke shuddered as he thought of that day so long ago... It was in December, he recalled, just like the current month... it was... it was...
"It was today...." Sakura appeared behind him, mimicking his thoughts. He turned and stifled an expression of shock, and then continued on coolly.
"I know." She stared at him- into him, into his unprotected eyes.
"I dreamed about it." Sakura said, Sitting down in front of the railing, facing him with an uncharacteristic calm. She turned her head away sadly, staring down the path into the villiage. Sasuke nodded, but realized that she was not looking at him and had to choke up words.
"I.. I know." He avoided her eye when she turned back to him. There was silence for a good part of a half hour, before their last companion Naruto arrived.
"Ohayo Minna-san.." He yelled, stooping to pick up his bag, which he had dropped running. He fumbled with the zipper and took out a booklet, before continuing his walk towards the bridge. He waved the booklet in the air and grinned. "Iruuuuka-sensei gave me this! It's a list of Ramen places that are having Christmas parties!" Sakura and Sasuke turned to him quietly and watched as he ran into Kakashi, who had appeared in a puff just in front of the short, blonde-haired boy. Naruto was about to fall, his arms flailing, But the Jounin sensei Hatake Kakashi caught him.
"Sensei... You're early.." Sakura said quietly, a tone of confusion in her voice. The older man chuckled.
"So I am. But I stayed at my.. er.. mom's last night for a Christmas dinner and she... err... woke me up.. early... " Kakashi trailed off and there were a few seconds of silence before Sakura stood up, brushing herself off. She was only half listening to Naruto babble on to his teacher and teammates.
"I almost forgot how close Christmas was.... What is it, the 21rst today? Anyways..." The blonde talked on as his team walked with him towards a forest clearing, and Sakura was again reminded of the memorial date. She grabbed Sasuke's sleeve weakly and he paused with her, letting the two others walk on a few feet. Then she started whispering.
"I got you something..." she said, fishing through her kunai compartment as Sasuke stared on, apperently unemotional. She pulled a seemingly normal kunai and gave it to him, but as Sasuke looked at it closer he found it to be far from normal. It was silver- pure, it looked like- and was engraved with the tiny image of an angel, shards of light, and.. something else... pouring from her.
"It's ice." Sakura said, noticing Sasuke's interest in the engraved shards. She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek, staring at him and blushing afterwards as his 'expressionless' face continued to stare down at the kunai. Had he not noticed? Sakura frowned, and then cleared her expression. Her stone hard eyes were the only thing he saw of her as she stormed away off the bridge, hair flinging. He stared after her for a moment, then continued on, placing the kunai carefully into his pocket.
Sakura focused exceptionally on her training that day. She never once let her mind wander in fear of memories or emotions returning to overwhelm her. She was uninterruptedly stern at eating her lunch and returned to training immediately. Her movements were vehement and jerky, but her eyes- oh her eyes, gave her away. She was hurt. Sasuke appeared not to care, stared past the eyes into the distances beyond and behind his pink haired affiliate. Sakura's other team mates noticed almost right away- but didn't say anthing until after lunch.
"Sakura." No answer.
"Sakura-chaaaan..." Again, silence.
"SAKURA-CHAN."
"Sakura Sakura Sakura Sakura Sakurraaaaaaa-CHAN!" Kakashi sang, dancing in front of Sakura as she sat underneath a tree. When for a fourth time she didn't answer him, the taller man stooped in front of her face and poked at her shoulder.
"Daaaaijobu Desu Ka*?" He hummed, and the girl nodded politely. He frowned. "No, you aren't. I know it."
"Then why did you ask?" Sakura snapped, standing up in front of him. She brushed herself off and faced Kakashi directly as he stood up aswell. "Leave me alone." She stormed off and ran into Naruto, pushing him back towards Kakashi and heading home. Naruto rubbed his arm and mumbled as he walked to Kakashi.
"Isn't someone acting like SASUKE today." He said, and Kakashi folded his arms comically as he nodded. Sakura had heard, and stood still, her fist clenched and her eye twitching. She raised her arm high and brought it down, the colours of an early Sakura showing through. A Sakura before the Chuunin exams. A Sakura from before Orochimaru, and before Sasuke's curse, and before seriousness. She paused, inches away from Naruto's head. She sighed, dropping her arms in surrender.
"Sorry." She mumbled, and turned to walk home once more as Naruto and Kakashi stood dumbfounded. Sasuke jumped down from a tree above them, and gave Naruto a light slap o the back ofthe head for his comment.
"I don't act like THAT." He gumbled, and turned in the opposite direction for the shortcut home. The sun was setting and Kakashi's head was swirling with unusual confusion. Naruto, who had returned almost instantly to his before-serious self, thought merely of Ramen to clear his odd-day state of mind.
"C'mon." Kakashi mumbled, "I'll buy." And so the two danced towards the Ichiraku in the ere of the setting sun. It was left to the two, blue and red, boy and girl, stone and emotion, Sasuke and Sakura... to sort their own problems.
Sakura stormed up her porch stairs and ripped open her door, happy to be home. Finally. She cursed God for the day, she hated it, She resented it. She passed through the kitchen and heated up some leftovers from the night before, fiddling with her fingers and various things on her counter. She ate in an unsettling, silent lack of peace. That morning bothered her more than words could say and she just wanted her parents to return home from work and take her mind off things. She remembered, though, that it was the day. The day five years before when she had fallen through the ice, the day her parents would fuss and fret and talk about nothing but make her remember.
About Sasuke.
About Life.
About God, and Miracles, and everything she couldn't handle right now.
It was later, maybe 11:30, when Sakura's parents finally returned. She was already sitting in her room, laying in bed, turned away from her door, when they came up to check on her. She saw their shadows standing in the doorway, and closed her eyes tightly until she heard the door click shut. Only then did she open her eyes, turn on her lamp, and open her scrapbook. To the day. The very day... when, before her and Sasuke left, Her mother had taken a picture. In it, Sakura was sitting on the porch, bundled up in a coat and hat, sitting on the railing and swinging her short legs as she stared upwards at the sky. Sasuke was leaning against the railing behind her, his hands folded across his chest, and his eyes staring straight forward. Five years had passed and nothing had changed. Sakura still looked up to the heavens in hope of a fairy tale and Sasuke looked constantly forward to the day when he would defeat his brother.
In truth, they were alike. Sasuke thought this as he lay in bed and stared up to his cieling. He and his brother were both 'heartless' and fierce, proud bearers of the Uchiha name. They both did not care for others as long as they got where they were going. But the biggest thing, he pondered, was the way the went about it. Sasuke had faked it all his life in jealousy, his hatred was a mask, as he proved that day, saving Sakura. In a way, she was an angel, sent to prove to him that he was not low like his brother. Not evil like Itachi. Despite this, they were blood. Itachi had bound himself, controlled himself, taken for himself the blood of the Uchiha that day when it had stained his hands. And now, five years later, Sasuke still shared that blood and was controlled by it for as long as Itachi was alive, as long as his hands were alive and stained. For this Sasuke must stain his hands with the blood, take control of it himself. There was no other way.
Except to bind himself to another. To love is to set yourself in a different mix of the red liquid that is life. It is to take an intangible thing and hold onto it. To love is to join, but to love is also to separate. Sasuke, to love, to bind, must stain himself with the blood of his family. If he were ever to love, Fate would take it's toll and he, like Itachi, would live on after murder just to remove himself and control. It was a world of difference. Sasuke would forever carry the blood of his brother if he were not to take the love and the life of another. To love was to kill, to love was to separate with the bind of contradiction. It was the downfall. Sasuke cursed himself that day as he saved Sakura. He cursed himself to a life of constant contreversy of his hidden compassion. The stone mask was a savior and a demon in one.
The blood of an angel could not mix with that of a demon.
A/N -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sorry guys, it's a short chapter. But I'm just starting off in this writing thing again. At least this way chapters will come out fast. I have a few things planned out and hopefully it turns out the way I want it to.... R&R if you like..... Happy Birthday to me in 13 1/2 days ^^;;
-Kounouri
He thought of the last time he'd seen his brother. He remembered what he'd been thinking...
'I'll never love another or show my care. It hurts both them and me.' He'd seen the pitiful looks the Haruno family gave him, and how even they drifted away. He'd been forced to move from the big Uchiha house, but he was greatful- He couldn't stand to see the bloodstains. Even then, he somewhat admired his brother for not caring. Then maybe he wouldn't feel this pain- and he'd cared for Sakura. Even Itachi had seen it. Maybe if he hadn't tried to save her he would have gotten home in time to save his parents. One thing always tugged at this resent for her, and he always quickly washed it away. Sakura was the only thing he HAD been able to save that night. She was the only thing that distracted him enough to slow him down and save him from the same fate as his family.
Sasuke shook his head, clearing his thoughts and shrugging away his care. His pain, as it did every morning, became numb again and he left his bedroom normally, his step quieter so that he could hear every squeak out of place. The floor was hardwood under his feet. He could wash everything away if he needed to. he crossed his open living room to the kitchennette, only a small area of the main room and a counter/island to eat at. Sasuke opened the fridge and took out the milk, pouring a packet of oatmeal into a bowl before mixing the two together and microwaving it.
As he waited for his breakfast to cook, Sasuke glanced at the clock. It was 7:30am. He still had time- if he got ready fast enough- to train before he and his team met at 9:00am at the bridge. Thinking of the all-familiar bridge, Sasuke jumped, a memory flashing before his eyes. Sakura. The snow. And then it was gone. He shook his head for the second time and turned to the microwave, opening it a few seconds before it beeped. He ate in silence, for there was no one to talk to. It was a flavourless meal, oatmeal, but it was strengthening enough. He finished cleaning up and returned to the bathroom to take a shower and get ready.
By 8:00 he was dressed, washed, fed and ready to face the world. Sasuke ran a hand through his hair one last time, his face rendering expressionless as he did so. The day was about to begin. His eyes opened again as black heartless pits, no longer shining with emotion. His lips were a tight line, not hanging carelessly open in pouting thought. He was stone again. He was glaring again. He stepped out the door and fumbled for his keys, and as he remembered again the bloodmarks on the old door, he left it unlocked, whether in haste or decision.
The weather was mercifully cold that day for him. Sasuke overworked himself in his early morning training to take his mind of the dreams and memories which were so abnormally vivid. By the time 9:00 came rolling around, he was sweating and flushed although it was cold. He took a shortcut to the bridge- which was coincedentally the meeting place of the team on which both Sakura and Sasuke were on. Sakura had never walked along the edges since. He arrived, dry again from his slow walk. It was only a few minutes past nine and neither of his teammates had arrived. He walked cautiously up to the bridge, leaning his elbows on the railing. He stared downwards at the frozen river, the ice a mirror of the day 5 years before.
It was a day exactly like the present when it happened. Sasuke tried to shake the thoughts away but they persisted unmercifully. His vehement thoughts were unbeatable.. They went on forever. The ice, the temperature, the sky.. it was all the same.. Sasuke shuddered as he thought of that day so long ago... It was in December, he recalled, just like the current month... it was... it was...
"It was today...." Sakura appeared behind him, mimicking his thoughts. He turned and stifled an expression of shock, and then continued on coolly.
"I know." She stared at him- into him, into his unprotected eyes.
"I dreamed about it." Sakura said, Sitting down in front of the railing, facing him with an uncharacteristic calm. She turned her head away sadly, staring down the path into the villiage. Sasuke nodded, but realized that she was not looking at him and had to choke up words.
"I.. I know." He avoided her eye when she turned back to him. There was silence for a good part of a half hour, before their last companion Naruto arrived.
"Ohayo Minna-san.." He yelled, stooping to pick up his bag, which he had dropped running. He fumbled with the zipper and took out a booklet, before continuing his walk towards the bridge. He waved the booklet in the air and grinned. "Iruuuuka-sensei gave me this! It's a list of Ramen places that are having Christmas parties!" Sakura and Sasuke turned to him quietly and watched as he ran into Kakashi, who had appeared in a puff just in front of the short, blonde-haired boy. Naruto was about to fall, his arms flailing, But the Jounin sensei Hatake Kakashi caught him.
"Sensei... You're early.." Sakura said quietly, a tone of confusion in her voice. The older man chuckled.
"So I am. But I stayed at my.. er.. mom's last night for a Christmas dinner and she... err... woke me up.. early... " Kakashi trailed off and there were a few seconds of silence before Sakura stood up, brushing herself off. She was only half listening to Naruto babble on to his teacher and teammates.
"I almost forgot how close Christmas was.... What is it, the 21rst today? Anyways..." The blonde talked on as his team walked with him towards a forest clearing, and Sakura was again reminded of the memorial date. She grabbed Sasuke's sleeve weakly and he paused with her, letting the two others walk on a few feet. Then she started whispering.
"I got you something..." she said, fishing through her kunai compartment as Sasuke stared on, apperently unemotional. She pulled a seemingly normal kunai and gave it to him, but as Sasuke looked at it closer he found it to be far from normal. It was silver- pure, it looked like- and was engraved with the tiny image of an angel, shards of light, and.. something else... pouring from her.
"It's ice." Sakura said, noticing Sasuke's interest in the engraved shards. She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek, staring at him and blushing afterwards as his 'expressionless' face continued to stare down at the kunai. Had he not noticed? Sakura frowned, and then cleared her expression. Her stone hard eyes were the only thing he saw of her as she stormed away off the bridge, hair flinging. He stared after her for a moment, then continued on, placing the kunai carefully into his pocket.
Sakura focused exceptionally on her training that day. She never once let her mind wander in fear of memories or emotions returning to overwhelm her. She was uninterruptedly stern at eating her lunch and returned to training immediately. Her movements were vehement and jerky, but her eyes- oh her eyes, gave her away. She was hurt. Sasuke appeared not to care, stared past the eyes into the distances beyond and behind his pink haired affiliate. Sakura's other team mates noticed almost right away- but didn't say anthing until after lunch.
"Sakura." No answer.
"Sakura-chaaaan..." Again, silence.
"SAKURA-CHAN."
"Sakura Sakura Sakura Sakura Sakurraaaaaaa-CHAN!" Kakashi sang, dancing in front of Sakura as she sat underneath a tree. When for a fourth time she didn't answer him, the taller man stooped in front of her face and poked at her shoulder.
"Daaaaijobu Desu Ka*?" He hummed, and the girl nodded politely. He frowned. "No, you aren't. I know it."
"Then why did you ask?" Sakura snapped, standing up in front of him. She brushed herself off and faced Kakashi directly as he stood up aswell. "Leave me alone." She stormed off and ran into Naruto, pushing him back towards Kakashi and heading home. Naruto rubbed his arm and mumbled as he walked to Kakashi.
"Isn't someone acting like SASUKE today." He said, and Kakashi folded his arms comically as he nodded. Sakura had heard, and stood still, her fist clenched and her eye twitching. She raised her arm high and brought it down, the colours of an early Sakura showing through. A Sakura before the Chuunin exams. A Sakura from before Orochimaru, and before Sasuke's curse, and before seriousness. She paused, inches away from Naruto's head. She sighed, dropping her arms in surrender.
"Sorry." She mumbled, and turned to walk home once more as Naruto and Kakashi stood dumbfounded. Sasuke jumped down from a tree above them, and gave Naruto a light slap o the back ofthe head for his comment.
"I don't act like THAT." He gumbled, and turned in the opposite direction for the shortcut home. The sun was setting and Kakashi's head was swirling with unusual confusion. Naruto, who had returned almost instantly to his before-serious self, thought merely of Ramen to clear his odd-day state of mind.
"C'mon." Kakashi mumbled, "I'll buy." And so the two danced towards the Ichiraku in the ere of the setting sun. It was left to the two, blue and red, boy and girl, stone and emotion, Sasuke and Sakura... to sort their own problems.
Sakura stormed up her porch stairs and ripped open her door, happy to be home. Finally. She cursed God for the day, she hated it, She resented it. She passed through the kitchen and heated up some leftovers from the night before, fiddling with her fingers and various things on her counter. She ate in an unsettling, silent lack of peace. That morning bothered her more than words could say and she just wanted her parents to return home from work and take her mind off things. She remembered, though, that it was the day. The day five years before when she had fallen through the ice, the day her parents would fuss and fret and talk about nothing but make her remember.
About Sasuke.
About Life.
About God, and Miracles, and everything she couldn't handle right now.
It was later, maybe 11:30, when Sakura's parents finally returned. She was already sitting in her room, laying in bed, turned away from her door, when they came up to check on her. She saw their shadows standing in the doorway, and closed her eyes tightly until she heard the door click shut. Only then did she open her eyes, turn on her lamp, and open her scrapbook. To the day. The very day... when, before her and Sasuke left, Her mother had taken a picture. In it, Sakura was sitting on the porch, bundled up in a coat and hat, sitting on the railing and swinging her short legs as she stared upwards at the sky. Sasuke was leaning against the railing behind her, his hands folded across his chest, and his eyes staring straight forward. Five years had passed and nothing had changed. Sakura still looked up to the heavens in hope of a fairy tale and Sasuke looked constantly forward to the day when he would defeat his brother.
In truth, they were alike. Sasuke thought this as he lay in bed and stared up to his cieling. He and his brother were both 'heartless' and fierce, proud bearers of the Uchiha name. They both did not care for others as long as they got where they were going. But the biggest thing, he pondered, was the way the went about it. Sasuke had faked it all his life in jealousy, his hatred was a mask, as he proved that day, saving Sakura. In a way, she was an angel, sent to prove to him that he was not low like his brother. Not evil like Itachi. Despite this, they were blood. Itachi had bound himself, controlled himself, taken for himself the blood of the Uchiha that day when it had stained his hands. And now, five years later, Sasuke still shared that blood and was controlled by it for as long as Itachi was alive, as long as his hands were alive and stained. For this Sasuke must stain his hands with the blood, take control of it himself. There was no other way.
Except to bind himself to another. To love is to set yourself in a different mix of the red liquid that is life. It is to take an intangible thing and hold onto it. To love is to join, but to love is also to separate. Sasuke, to love, to bind, must stain himself with the blood of his family. If he were ever to love, Fate would take it's toll and he, like Itachi, would live on after murder just to remove himself and control. It was a world of difference. Sasuke would forever carry the blood of his brother if he were not to take the love and the life of another. To love was to kill, to love was to separate with the bind of contradiction. It was the downfall. Sasuke cursed himself that day as he saved Sakura. He cursed himself to a life of constant contreversy of his hidden compassion. The stone mask was a savior and a demon in one.
The blood of an angel could not mix with that of a demon.
A/N -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Sorry guys, it's a short chapter. But I'm just starting off in this writing thing again. At least this way chapters will come out fast. I have a few things planned out and hopefully it turns out the way I want it to.... R&R if you like..... Happy Birthday to me in 13 1/2 days ^^;;
-Kounouri