An A-Z of things that Sauron may have said When Discovering the Ringbearer on Mount Doom
Mel and Rose G
Ignore the impossibility of a disembodied eyeball speaking - we are
Aaarrggghhhhh! - Just about sums it all up, doesn't it?
Baggins - Oh drat, someone told me to look out for them, didn't they? Didn't they?
Curses - It took me three thousand years to build this, and they knock it all down!
Eye - My eye, my eye - they hurt my poor ickle eye.
F--- - Well, what would you say?
Glasses - Why the hell didn't I buy some, like they told me to?
Hobbits - I've been overthrown by furry -feeted HOBBITS!
Impenetrable - I'm sure my Ministry of Defence told me that. He is so dead.
Justice - This isn't meant to happen to me. I was only going to take their lands, and enslave their people and kill their women and children. I don't deserve this.
Kill - All of them. Everybody. Without exception. Except my Orcs.
Luck - Oh, well, never mind. It'll be better next time. Drat, there isn't going to be a next time, is there?
Mount Doom - I knew I should have filled it in!
Numenorian - Must not let myself get distracted by wretched Rangers. Really, really shouldn't. (Mel - but they're so gorgeous)
Orcs - Useless things. Just can't get the slaves these days. Hobbits would have been better. Or Rangers. Or even Elves.
Palantir - That Which Looks Far Away. Great, they didn't show me my Ring on my own doorstep. Fantastic.
Quite - Quite an unrepeatable event, huh? Hope so, anyway.
Ring - My Precioussssssss! Nassssssty Hobbitsessss! My Precious!!
Shelob! - Didn't I tell you to eat any invaders? Stupid spider.
Treacherous - I'm sure that I programmed that thing to come back to me, not to destroy me?
Unfriendly - I'm unfriendly to them; they're not cruel to poor little me.
Void - Oh great, I get to see Morgoth again. Just who I wanted to see. Mind, he can't yell at me for flunking all my lessons now. He wasn't much better.
Wizard - Saraman, I thought you said you'd help me win this war? (Typical, men get everything wrong)
X-Ray Vision - Knew I should have sent away for some.
Y? - Y me?
Zzzzz - Oh, did I drop off? Have I missed anyth - Aaarrggghhhhh!
Next chapter might be about the Silmarillion, and for a chapter 10 celebration, we're torturing the Elf again. Without suggestions, we'll do it again.