Disclaimer: Nope, sorry they don't belong to me. Otherwise you know I would share!

Authors Note: This is part of November challenge at OCOH, and is what happens when you don't actually have any 'work' to do at work. It includes no spoilers after the latest epi that's been aired. This is my second attempt; so let me know which you enjoyed the most.

Walking through the ambulance bay it felt like time had stood still, Chuni was there with Luka bringing in a MVA, one of the frequent fliers was sneaking a quick cigarette. Even the paintwork hadn't changed.

I give a quick nod to Luka and he grins in response, I guess Chuni wasn't impressed with my arrival as the look she's giving me should result in my dropping dead right here.

That might have been the best thing for me. I hadn't been inside the hospital in 6 months. Running out of there seemed the only thing I could have done and it resulted in Luka being found and brought back, literally from the claws of death.

I'm just not entirely sure my arriving without notice is the best idea, but I figure if I show up they'll let me work. Besides I've been home a few days and the novelty of having nothing to do has worn off and it has been increasingly difficult getting out of discussions with the Foundation.

The thought of the Foundation sends an involuntary shudder down my spine. I left the States to get away from it all, try and clear my head and come back with fresh ideas and a new look on life. Technically I have, I just didn't realise how hard it was going to be to put them in to practice.

As I pass through the doors I know my biggest challenge is about to face me, I just wish I knew her reaction.

*

Maybe I was wrong about things being the same, as I edge threw the doors there's an overwhelming number of staff that I don't recognize.

"Welcome home stranger!" I flip round to see Pratt rolling a gurney down the hall, accompanied by two wide eyed med students. Throwing a nod in his direction I head over to the admin desk, it can't hurt to know if she's in. I tell myself it's so I can prepare myself for the inevitable, which is close to the truth.

Grabbing the nursing schedule I quickly scan down, waiting for her name to jump out at me. Waiting for the sight of it, which I know will cause my heart to slightly jump faster.

"Frank?" I turn to look at the man who's peering nosily over my shoulder. "Is Abby not on this week?"

I watch his face contort as he starts speaking. "Abby doesn't really pull nursing shifts down here anymore."

Before I can ask him to go on, a tap on my shoulder and a surprised 'Carter' from Kerry catches my attention.

"So you're back then." I nod, which probably doesn't tell her anything. Last time I came back I left before my shift had even finished. "For good." I nod again and I see a glint of satisfaction in her eyes. "You can start now, we're already short handed."

I watch her walk away; a sense of complete bewilderment overwhelms me. Then I see her pause and return to face me, a more tender expression is on her face as she speaks. "I'm glad you came home, the place hasn't been the same without you."

I give her a warm smile and head to the lounge to dump my stuff.

I guess in some ways I have missed this place. Africa gave me a whole new perspective on life, it humbled me, but Chicago, well more precisely County is my home.

Home is where your heart is – I chuckled out loud at the cliché that somehow popped into my head. Looking round I'm grateful nobody had noticed my small outburst.

I knew exactly where my heart was, but now… Now things were just… complicated.

*

"Hey Susan." I inject the right amount of cheer into my voice. I see her face change from joy, to anger and then back to joy again as she reaches me in two strides and pulls me into a hug. I see Gallant sat on the sofa he barely acknowledges me, this I don't really understand, but I don't get the chance to mull it over as Susan is now throwing a hundred different questions at me.

It takes me a few minutes to decipher the questions and answer accordingly. "Yes Africa was wonderful. I'm happy to be home. I'm back for good. Really" I confirm when she gives me a look, and then I answer her final question. "I missed you all."

I say it with all sincerity. Yet something in her face tells me she questions it's honesty.

"So how is everybody, Chen, Luka? Everybody?" I ask, though the only person I want to know how she is, is the last person I probably have the right to ask after.

"They're good, great even."

 I know she wants to say more, but we get interrupted by Lily asking for help with an incoming GSW.

I watch her start to leave and then she turns back to me, placing her hand on my arm. "If you want to know about Abby, you should talk to her." Then she pauses momentarily, as if searching for the right words. "She's changed… You should talk to her."

Well if I wasn't bewildered before I certainly was now. And then came the icing on the cake, Gallant couldn't have made me feel worse if he's publicly spat at me, and he said with such hatred in and disdain in his voice. "Or maybe you should just write her a letter, that's more your style."

At first I was dumbstruck, where did he get off talking to me like that. Then it hit me; he'd seen the letter, which meant everybody had seen the letter. Which meant Abby had shown them.

How dare she show them something private?

I had spent a lot of time agonizing over that letter, at the time I felt it was the right thing to do, but now I realize it was the cowards' way out.

I lied in the letter, but it was the only way I could express to her that we were better off apart. If I had called her, I'm not sure I could have done it. Gone through with the decision I knew at the time was right.

*

I spend the next few hours reacquainting myself with the ER. The new staff are interesting, though I can't help but miss her presence around here. Even the lay out is confusing me but the new elevators seem a great way for avoidance techniques.

I've just finished with a head lac, when I hear her soft voice. Spinning round I see her.

She's breathtaking; I stand there my mouth slightly open at the sight of her. I watch her expressions, she appears happy and confident; definitely not the same person I left behind. Then I notice what she's wearing, a lab coat.

I stand in shock as she and Neela wheel the patient towards the elevator. She doesn't even notice me. Not until she reaches the elevator.

Her eyes then center in on mine, but I'm frozen as her emotions change from shock to anger and then complete indifference as she turns back to her patient and the doors close.

"See."

"See what?" My eyes narrow at Frank, who seems amused by that event.

"I said she didn't pull any nursing shifts – you didn't ask about the doc thing. And if you ask my opinion…"

"Well I didn't." I cut him off angrily. How could I get this far into my shift without knowing, without someone letting it slip.

Then it all falls into place. Lifting a hand to silence Frank I head off up towards the roof. I just need some time to process.

Not that I get far, Weaver seems to have noticed my intentions and growls something along the lines of 'patients wont treat themselves.' I guess my time-out will have to wait.

*

"So you're home then?"

"Yep." I smile. Seems like everyone and their Gran has asked me that question today.

"How was Africa?" Pratt was treating a difficult 'lol' in Exam 1 and I'd gone in to check on him.

"Amazing." I say and in simple terms it was.

"So you get lucky over there?" Pratt grins over at me.

"Huh?" Lucky how?

"You know all those hot aide workers in their little tank tops!" Oh that kinda lucky. Before I can answer I hear the question repeated and the utterings I was about to say get stuck in the back of my throat.

"So did you?" I didn't hear her come in, and now her eyes are narrowing on me angrily, disdain steaming out of every pore. Her words hold an edge of bitterness.

"I… I…" Is all I can respond. Then she turns on her heel, muttering in disgust and assesses the patient on the next bed. I could have told her no, I could have told her the truth, but not now. She deserves a proper explanation for it all.

I'm mesmerised as I watch her working, her hands are shaking, but she's clearly in her element. Asking the right questions and coming up with what I'm sure is the right diagnosis. I don't even notice that she's finished examining the patient, I just watch as she walks away.

It hurts that she doesn't even glance in my direction.

*

I'm not entirely sure what I'm doing, Abby's earlier actions made it quite clear that she doesn't want to see me. But I don't really have any control over this. Pratt told me Abby was working on her surgery rotation and my subconscious made the decision that on my break I was going to find her and talk to her.

As I approach the nursing station on that floor, Shirley greets me warmly. "Hey Shirley, how have you been?" I force the niceties, before asking after Abby.

"She's just gone on her break. I think she's on the roof."

"Thanks." I call over my shoulder. The decision to go find her was again not one I had control over.

*

She stands leaning out over the city. I know she knows I'm here, yet she doesn't make any attempt to talk to me. I reach the railings and lean with my back against them.

We never should have let things get this bad. I think she had it right, when she said we don't talk anymore, but that was just one of the few things that went wrong.

As we stand next to each other now, I'm still drawn to her - I guess some things will never change.

"Susan said you were back for good." Abby finally broke the silence. I turn to look at her. She's still looking over the edge; her whole demeanor void of all emotion. Not that that means anything. She's become an expert at hiding her feelings.

I begin to nod, but realise she wouldn't notice it, so I clear my throat and open my mouth. "I felt it was the right time."

 "Oh." I hear her sigh.

"So, you're back in med school." I figure if I start with the small talk it might come easier.

"It felt like the right time." She deadpans and then turns to face me. "What do you want Carter, surely you didn't come up all this way to ask me about med school. What? Are you offering to tutor me?"

Typical Abby, when in doubt sarcasm will do. "I wanted to talk to you."

It seems an age before she speaks again, but I know it must only be seconds. "You want to talk to me?"

Her voice conveys how absurd she feels that statement is. "Yes I want to talk to you. Why wouldn't I want to talk to you?"

Okay, may be I deserve the glare she's giving me right now. I haven't exactly been forthcoming with contact with her over the last few months and I can only imagine how the letter I wrote must have affected her.

"I'm sorry about the… letter." I pause before saying that last word, I don't want to open that can of worms right now, but I want to be able to talk to her.

I hear a small sigh coming from her direction and she turns to face me, and says. "Well you want to talk, so talk."

She's currently biting on her bottom lip, a nervous trait that I've become accustomed to and one that automatically makes me want to take her into my arms and tell her everything will be ok. But at this moment I'm not sure if I can say that honestly.

Now as I stand here in front of her I'm not quite sure what to say. I've planned this moment in every minute detail, but being here before her, it's all flown out of my mind. She deserves so much more than a dozen excuses.

"The letter." I begin, as it seems the right place to start. "I meant it… well most of it, at that time that is." Now I'm babbling and looking at her face, her eyes have moved away from mine and are looking everywhere but at me. Reaching out I gently touch her cheek and bring her eyes back level with mine and for a second she lets me see her pain. "I was confused Abby. I wasn't sure where we were and I wasn't sure about myself. Out there everything is so different. Your outlook on life changes."

I'm trying to make her see what I was feeling, but I don't think it's working too well. She swats away my arm before asking. "How Carter? How did your outlook change?"

"It makes you rethink every thought, word and action you've ever done. You realize your mistakes and what you can do to make things right again."

"You said we were a mistake."

"I did?"

She nods her head.

 "You wouldn't let me in… I couldn't work out a way to get through to you… Then when I wanted you to be there for me you disappeared."

"I was always there for you." She replied quickly.

I scoff out load at this, which earns me another glare from her, but then she continues.

"One time John, one time and I tried so hard to be there for both you and Eric. I'm all he has."

"You're all I had, and Eric had Maggie." Now it's her turn to scoff.

"How was I supposed to choose?"

"I just wanted to feel like I was high on your priorities for once."

"You were always high on my priorities and I'm so sorry for going to fetch my manic brother, when I could have been there with you. Yet when I was there for you, you pushed me away anyways. So forgive me for going where I was wanted." She said these words angrily and I can see her point I just wanted to hear from her where I stood. Six months in the Congo, gives anyone enough time for reflection.

"I needed you." I say quietly.

"Sure you did."

"Well excuse me for closing up for once!" I bite off angrily. "See how hard it is Abby. You don't know when to push for more and when to leave it alone."

"Well I'm sorry for not taking you at face value. You know all that happened last year was people I cared for, hurting me, and leaving me."

"I never wanted to hurt you like this."

"Really? I guess you saw it as an excuse to go on some noble crusade. Didn't think about me. You didn't care that it almost killed me to see you leaving again. You barely said goodbye and I didn't know if I would ever see you again."

"I thought Luka was dead, I left him there and it was my fault." I didn't mean to leave her like that, I just needed to help Luka.

"You could have talked to me about it."

"I didn't know how to."

"You didn't even try." She mutters so I can barely hear her.

I watch her close up, her face moments ago full of raw emotions a mixture of fear, anger and frustration now hidden by the same mask she's probably worn since I've been gone.

I hear her footsteps as they echo across the floor and away from me. Resting my head in my hands, this really wasn't how I wanted things to go. I sink onto the floor and sit there for what seems like hours but is probably more like minutes.

Then I notice a shadow above me, looking up I watch as she sits next to me.

"I was once told that I should stop putting my life on hold." I look at her quizzically, I know I said as much to her myself, but I get the feeling this was someone else. "My mum." She then offers quietly. "That's why I made a decision, I had a crappy day, my boyfriend broke up with me in a letter, I found out my best friend was staying in a war zone country just so he could get away from me and his life and then to top it off Romano single handedly started a nursing revolt and I was left to pick up the pieces.

"That's why I went back to med school. I needed to prove to myself I could do it. And I wanted to put myself first."

I want to take her in my arms and tell her how proud I am, but that's not where our relationship stands right now. Instead I settle for taking her hand in mine.

I'm not sure what the future will mean for us, I just hope that it includes an us. At the moment I'm just happy that she's willing to talk to me and willing to listen to what I have to say.

2nd Authors note: Thanks so much for all the reviews for Abby's POV, I really appreciate everyone of them. A lot of you wondered what OCOH is – well it stands for One Can Only Hope and is a message forum. The link is

There are 9 fics up for this months challenge, so go read them all and let the authors know which one you like the best. Remember construct criticism is an author's best friend.

I'm still debating whether to continue with these challenges. I may either update one or both, guess it depends how much spare time I get at work.