Chapter
Denial
Authors Note: This chapter, consist of light dialogue and reminiscing
about past times and conversations. Please review and enjoy. --Tristan
POV
'Under the sheets we lay' 'We could lay here all damn day'
Rory's words from the first time replayed in my head over and over. "Make love to me Tristan."
In my mind, it all happened quicker than it had in reality. I didn't know what to say to a serious looking Rory, who stood directly in front of me. Fiddling with her buttons on her blouse, unsnapping them one by one. Before she even began to reach for her bra, I was undressing her with my eyes. Imagining how soft her skin was, craving to touch her.
I thought that maybe she was only doing this because of the pain she felt. Breaking up with her long-term boyfriend was hard on her. I was there though, wiping her tears away and defending her. Of course my mind was thinking that she was using me because he'd hurt her so bad. Why would she want her first time to be with me? My heart was telling me different though, it been weeks since she left him and knowing Rory like an
open book, she wanted her innocence to be given to someone who would always be in her life. A companion, who asked for nothing, wanting to always be a friend, wanting more, but never asking for anything.
"I want this and I know I'm ready Trist. Please make love to me." It sounded like she was begging and hoping that I would relieve her frustration, her cravings. She stopped un-snapping her bra, went over to the light and switched it off. "Can we do this in the dark?"
I didn't exactly answer, didn't exactly care actually. Although I wanted to see her, her to see me, for her not to be scared of her self-essence, I was still in a state of shock. An emotional kind of shock and I couldn't quite shake it.
Here--was the quiet and sweet girl I've known for a while, standing in front of me and asking me to take her innocence. My best friend who got me through everything since she stepped into my world, her pretty blue eyes helping me break down my walls. I was her best friend too; giving her advice through hard ships and with losers whom didn't even deserve to be within ten feet of her. We grew to respect each other, look out for one another's naïve moments and always be an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. The same girl that helped me get past the death of my closest friends, the heart break of a fiancée, and the torment of my fathers way's. This same girl, who I referred to as my virgin 'Mary' because of her innocence, who I would do anything possible for, stood in front of me almost naked.
Who was I to refuse such an honor? If I refused then she would probably walk out my life from the embarrassment and rejection. If I accepted then she would probably walk out of my life after it was over. Either way I would loose the one person, who meant the most, so I chose to go through with it. At least I would be able to give her me, for me to have her and be able to hold her until she realized that she regrets doing such. At least I could feel her soft skin and be the first to feel her essence, inside-out.
The moment went slowly and more beautiful than I could imagine. Her eyes, trying to focus on mine from time to time. The small whimpers and gasps that escaped from her mouth after the pain had diminished. Surprisingly she kept catching my mouth with light kisses. Kisses that weren't meant for appreciation, she was thanking me through her eyes and lips.
As time went on everything remained the same. Except for the occasional sex, but our friendship was stronger than ever. The morning after I had taken the one thing most precious to her, she looked up at me, straight in his eyes and said 'I don't ever want to loose some one like you.' Just those words made me feel secure because I felt the exact same way. I seriously thought that after that night, Rory would have avoided me in the halls, ignored my phone calls and would pay no mind to my staring or the frequent letters. But she proved me wrong and I still had her to look forward to everyday for the time being.
Looking back on it now, I don't see where exactly I fell in love. I guess I've always known that I cared for Rory, not cared but actually 'cared'. The kind of care that you feel for, a family member or a person you've known your whole life. Even though I had all of those bottled up feelings of love for her, I still insisted on being the sarcastic and egotistical person I was. She didn't mind though. Admitting to love my playfulness and we still bantered non-stop, smiles playing on our lips. I still don't understand where I got to the point of craving and simply needing her. When she started getting boyfriends and little playmates here and there, my jealousy level would heat up. I learned to accept it though, the fact that she wasn't mine, never was and never will be. Controlling my hate toward every guy that walked into her life was simple enough, until Luis. I felt her excitement toward him, her attention, and her love. I know she pretended to still want to sleep with me, why would she want to do that to Luis?
Denial. One word, and yet it meant so much more than what it seemed. Rory was the capital D in D-enail. Since she walked into my life, took it over and walked back out, she's been in denial. Not with me, but with her self and her feelings.
Her love for me, or her lack of love for me, is something she comes to struggle with and doesn't like bringing it to the surface. For a long time I was the same way, denying my self of the love I felt for her, saying that it was only because she was my best friend. I knew deep inside though, that I needed to be more and always wanted to be closer. The sex never mattered to me and I'm guessing that's because it never mattered much to her. I wouldn't call what Rory and I shared on a daily basis sex, I made love to her every day after that special night where we became one. I always regretted the fact that I didn't wait to loose my innocence. If I would have met Rory sooner, I know that I would have waited until that day came, even if in the past there was any hope of anything between Rory and I.
Everything's changed now and I'm starting to feel cold with out her. Empty. I have no idea what power or control she has over me, or even if she cursed me on one of those passionate nights, but I do know I'm addicted. I listen when she speaks and her voice makes me shiver. I feel numb and tingly when she touches me. I taste her even when we haven't kissed. I feel the warmth of her body when it isn't there. I can't escape her smile or her laughter because it makes me weak. Everything that has to do with her indirectly or directly I crave knowledge of. Why am I so wrapped up and addicted to literally all things Rory? Ask her, because I'm still trying to figure that out my self.
It's been two weeks since the black out. I found out a couple of days ago that Jenny went home back up north for vacation. I really hope everything works out for her. It's hard when I think about her and the pain
I caused to such a wonderful person. She was amazing and surprisingly let me go to find out if Rory's my true love. It's been two weeks since I've seen Rory, or heard her voice. Two weeks of torture and heart ache. When I saw the tears in her eyes that night, I couldn't help imagining that she actually cares. Loreali called me once or twice to check up on her 'son in law'. She asks me how I'm doing and if Rory and me made up. She always adds that Rory's coming around and that she misses me. I can't help thinking that it's true but still I wait. I do have my pride and I do have my dignity. I won't let her take that from me, not again. For now I'm just going to relax in my friends dorm and try not to worry. Just relax and think about her smile and her fascination for coffee.
'Can you be any more of a punk?' She chuckled.
'Good-night, love you Snuck-ums.' She rolled over, looked up at me and winked.
'Trist, I think we should um-can we get a dog?'
The memories faded into darkness as I fell asleep.
Dun Dun Dun.
Was it bad? I got help! Review! Review! Review!
Hey im grounded so you might have to wait a while.
'Under the sheets we lay' 'We could lay here all damn day'
Rory's words from the first time replayed in my head over and over. "Make love to me Tristan."
In my mind, it all happened quicker than it had in reality. I didn't know what to say to a serious looking Rory, who stood directly in front of me. Fiddling with her buttons on her blouse, unsnapping them one by one. Before she even began to reach for her bra, I was undressing her with my eyes. Imagining how soft her skin was, craving to touch her.
I thought that maybe she was only doing this because of the pain she felt. Breaking up with her long-term boyfriend was hard on her. I was there though, wiping her tears away and defending her. Of course my mind was thinking that she was using me because he'd hurt her so bad. Why would she want her first time to be with me? My heart was telling me different though, it been weeks since she left him and knowing Rory like an
open book, she wanted her innocence to be given to someone who would always be in her life. A companion, who asked for nothing, wanting to always be a friend, wanting more, but never asking for anything.
"I want this and I know I'm ready Trist. Please make love to me." It sounded like she was begging and hoping that I would relieve her frustration, her cravings. She stopped un-snapping her bra, went over to the light and switched it off. "Can we do this in the dark?"
I didn't exactly answer, didn't exactly care actually. Although I wanted to see her, her to see me, for her not to be scared of her self-essence, I was still in a state of shock. An emotional kind of shock and I couldn't quite shake it.
Here--was the quiet and sweet girl I've known for a while, standing in front of me and asking me to take her innocence. My best friend who got me through everything since she stepped into my world, her pretty blue eyes helping me break down my walls. I was her best friend too; giving her advice through hard ships and with losers whom didn't even deserve to be within ten feet of her. We grew to respect each other, look out for one another's naïve moments and always be an ear to listen or a shoulder to cry on. The same girl that helped me get past the death of my closest friends, the heart break of a fiancée, and the torment of my fathers way's. This same girl, who I referred to as my virgin 'Mary' because of her innocence, who I would do anything possible for, stood in front of me almost naked.
Who was I to refuse such an honor? If I refused then she would probably walk out my life from the embarrassment and rejection. If I accepted then she would probably walk out of my life after it was over. Either way I would loose the one person, who meant the most, so I chose to go through with it. At least I would be able to give her me, for me to have her and be able to hold her until she realized that she regrets doing such. At least I could feel her soft skin and be the first to feel her essence, inside-out.
The moment went slowly and more beautiful than I could imagine. Her eyes, trying to focus on mine from time to time. The small whimpers and gasps that escaped from her mouth after the pain had diminished. Surprisingly she kept catching my mouth with light kisses. Kisses that weren't meant for appreciation, she was thanking me through her eyes and lips.
As time went on everything remained the same. Except for the occasional sex, but our friendship was stronger than ever. The morning after I had taken the one thing most precious to her, she looked up at me, straight in his eyes and said 'I don't ever want to loose some one like you.' Just those words made me feel secure because I felt the exact same way. I seriously thought that after that night, Rory would have avoided me in the halls, ignored my phone calls and would pay no mind to my staring or the frequent letters. But she proved me wrong and I still had her to look forward to everyday for the time being.
Looking back on it now, I don't see where exactly I fell in love. I guess I've always known that I cared for Rory, not cared but actually 'cared'. The kind of care that you feel for, a family member or a person you've known your whole life. Even though I had all of those bottled up feelings of love for her, I still insisted on being the sarcastic and egotistical person I was. She didn't mind though. Admitting to love my playfulness and we still bantered non-stop, smiles playing on our lips. I still don't understand where I got to the point of craving and simply needing her. When she started getting boyfriends and little playmates here and there, my jealousy level would heat up. I learned to accept it though, the fact that she wasn't mine, never was and never will be. Controlling my hate toward every guy that walked into her life was simple enough, until Luis. I felt her excitement toward him, her attention, and her love. I know she pretended to still want to sleep with me, why would she want to do that to Luis?
Denial. One word, and yet it meant so much more than what it seemed. Rory was the capital D in D-enail. Since she walked into my life, took it over and walked back out, she's been in denial. Not with me, but with her self and her feelings.
Her love for me, or her lack of love for me, is something she comes to struggle with and doesn't like bringing it to the surface. For a long time I was the same way, denying my self of the love I felt for her, saying that it was only because she was my best friend. I knew deep inside though, that I needed to be more and always wanted to be closer. The sex never mattered to me and I'm guessing that's because it never mattered much to her. I wouldn't call what Rory and I shared on a daily basis sex, I made love to her every day after that special night where we became one. I always regretted the fact that I didn't wait to loose my innocence. If I would have met Rory sooner, I know that I would have waited until that day came, even if in the past there was any hope of anything between Rory and I.
Everything's changed now and I'm starting to feel cold with out her. Empty. I have no idea what power or control she has over me, or even if she cursed me on one of those passionate nights, but I do know I'm addicted. I listen when she speaks and her voice makes me shiver. I feel numb and tingly when she touches me. I taste her even when we haven't kissed. I feel the warmth of her body when it isn't there. I can't escape her smile or her laughter because it makes me weak. Everything that has to do with her indirectly or directly I crave knowledge of. Why am I so wrapped up and addicted to literally all things Rory? Ask her, because I'm still trying to figure that out my self.
It's been two weeks since the black out. I found out a couple of days ago that Jenny went home back up north for vacation. I really hope everything works out for her. It's hard when I think about her and the pain
I caused to such a wonderful person. She was amazing and surprisingly let me go to find out if Rory's my true love. It's been two weeks since I've seen Rory, or heard her voice. Two weeks of torture and heart ache. When I saw the tears in her eyes that night, I couldn't help imagining that she actually cares. Loreali called me once or twice to check up on her 'son in law'. She asks me how I'm doing and if Rory and me made up. She always adds that Rory's coming around and that she misses me. I can't help thinking that it's true but still I wait. I do have my pride and I do have my dignity. I won't let her take that from me, not again. For now I'm just going to relax in my friends dorm and try not to worry. Just relax and think about her smile and her fascination for coffee.
'Can you be any more of a punk?' She chuckled.
'Good-night, love you Snuck-ums.' She rolled over, looked up at me and winked.
'Trist, I think we should um-can we get a dog?'
The memories faded into darkness as I fell asleep.
Dun Dun Dun.
Was it bad? I got help! Review! Review! Review!
Hey im grounded so you might have to wait a while.