I feel this blood on my hands, my skin and in my cold heart. I can
still hear him crying and begging for me to stop but I didn't. I couldn't.
And yet, didn't want to. He doesn't understand me yet he acts as if he
does. He acts as if I can be trusted with his life when I am trying to
take it away.
{Crawling in my skin
these wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real}
I see his scars and bruises they are like my name being carved into his skin. I make sure they don't disappear. If they do I'll lose control and fall like he has.
I walk into the dark room to see the weakling curled up in a ball on a bed of his own blood. A feel the guilt then disperses into anger and hatred. Letting him sleep, I walk into my soul room where I myself sleep.
{There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
this lack of self-control I fear is never ending
Controlling}
Its night I can sense it. It is to dark to see but yet I know where I'm going. I finally come into light and notice Ryou in a corner, weeping, crying or is he?
I walk closer and touch his shoulder causing him to wince. Something inside of me pushes the reality away and takes control of me. The evil power. The power of being stronger then everyone else consumes me. I can't lock it out. It takes control. My hate and fear mixed together and take over what ever is left of my already black heart.
I try to stop but cannot. I feel myself hurt him again. I want to stop. Just stop. But yet I cannot. I cannot stop the pleasure of making others beg and cry. Feeling the pleasure of making blood flow and tears fall over whelms me and I continue. Continue to feed the hate and cause the pain.
I then wake up.
{I can't seem
to find myself again
my walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
so insecure}
I hurt others even in my lifeless dreams. I like in reality cannot stop. The feeling of loathing someone overpowers the love for someone. That's why I cannot. Cannot love nor care. To much hate and despise drowns it, Drowns my heart. Drowns me.
{Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting, reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting how I can't seem...}
I step out of my soul room and gaze into a broken mirror seeing myself. My aibou's blood smeared along my right cheek. I wipe it away and began to walk to Ryou's room but stop myself. For I stop because I know what I will do. What will happen. What cannot be ignored. What cannot be stopped.
As I run out of the house I pass by the same broken mirror I had passed earlier. My own reflex ion scares me. Everything scares me but I try and ignore it. Ignore the fear of being over powered and weak.
Yet as I want to be loved I am scared to be. For the fear of being hurt takes over and make me hurt others so they cannot do the same to me. As one did to me before.
{To find myself again
my walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
so insecure}
* Flashback *
"Why are leaving?" I ask through tears. The one person I ever loves stands in the shadows of the door.
"I have fallen for someone else . . ."Says my love.
"Who? . . .Please . . .tell me." My lower lip trembles as I speak. Unable to control the feeling of being unwanted I let my tears fall to the ground.
"That is something I cannot tell." That was the last thing I hear him say before the pain took control and I fell to my knees and cried. And couldn't stop.
* end of flashback*
{There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
this lack of self-control I fear is never ending
Controlling}
I watch the boy get up and walk slowly to the bathroom, not even bothering to shut the door and fell to his knees, crying. I want to help but can't. He looks in my direction and sees me. Silence is followed. Nothing is said. Not one of us breathes. Nor do we look away.
{There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
this lack of self-control I fear is never ending
Controlling}
Finally I walk away. Not looking back. And walk out the front door into the rain. Into the pouring rain. Not looking back. Not coming back. Running away. Running away from myself.
Crawling By Linkin Park.
{Crawling in my skin
these wounds, they will not heal
Fear is how I fall
Confusing what is real}
I see his scars and bruises they are like my name being carved into his skin. I make sure they don't disappear. If they do I'll lose control and fall like he has.
I walk into the dark room to see the weakling curled up in a ball on a bed of his own blood. A feel the guilt then disperses into anger and hatred. Letting him sleep, I walk into my soul room where I myself sleep.
{There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
this lack of self-control I fear is never ending
Controlling}
Its night I can sense it. It is to dark to see but yet I know where I'm going. I finally come into light and notice Ryou in a corner, weeping, crying or is he?
I walk closer and touch his shoulder causing him to wince. Something inside of me pushes the reality away and takes control of me. The evil power. The power of being stronger then everyone else consumes me. I can't lock it out. It takes control. My hate and fear mixed together and take over what ever is left of my already black heart.
I try to stop but cannot. I feel myself hurt him again. I want to stop. Just stop. But yet I cannot. I cannot stop the pleasure of making others beg and cry. Feeling the pleasure of making blood flow and tears fall over whelms me and I continue. Continue to feed the hate and cause the pain.
I then wake up.
{I can't seem
to find myself again
my walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
so insecure}
I hurt others even in my lifeless dreams. I like in reality cannot stop. The feeling of loathing someone overpowers the love for someone. That's why I cannot. Cannot love nor care. To much hate and despise drowns it, Drowns my heart. Drowns me.
{Discomfort, endlessly has pulled itself upon me
Distracting, reacting
Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting how I can't seem...}
I step out of my soul room and gaze into a broken mirror seeing myself. My aibou's blood smeared along my right cheek. I wipe it away and began to walk to Ryou's room but stop myself. For I stop because I know what I will do. What will happen. What cannot be ignored. What cannot be stopped.
As I run out of the house I pass by the same broken mirror I had passed earlier. My own reflex ion scares me. Everything scares me but I try and ignore it. Ignore the fear of being over powered and weak.
Yet as I want to be loved I am scared to be. For the fear of being hurt takes over and make me hurt others so they cannot do the same to me. As one did to me before.
{To find myself again
my walls are closing in
(Without a sense of confidence I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take)
I've felt this way before
so insecure}
* Flashback *
"Why are leaving?" I ask through tears. The one person I ever loves stands in the shadows of the door.
"I have fallen for someone else . . ."Says my love.
"Who? . . .Please . . .tell me." My lower lip trembles as I speak. Unable to control the feeling of being unwanted I let my tears fall to the ground.
"That is something I cannot tell." That was the last thing I hear him say before the pain took control and I fell to my knees and cried. And couldn't stop.
* end of flashback*
{There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
this lack of self-control I fear is never ending
Controlling}
I watch the boy get up and walk slowly to the bathroom, not even bothering to shut the door and fell to his knees, crying. I want to help but can't. He looks in my direction and sees me. Silence is followed. Nothing is said. Not one of us breathes. Nor do we look away.
{There's something inside me that pulls beneath the surface
Consuming, confusing
this lack of self-control I fear is never ending
Controlling}
Finally I walk away. Not looking back. And walk out the front door into the rain. Into the pouring rain. Not looking back. Not coming back. Running away. Running away from myself.
Crawling By Linkin Park.