I remember shots without a chaser
Absent minded thoughts now you're a stranger
Cover up the scars put on your gameface
Left you in the bar to try and save face
You can only lean on me for so long Bring the ship about to watch a friend drown Sit out on the ledge, begged you to come down You can only lean on me for so long
Chapter Two So Numb
It took me a while to adjust to talking to people and it took an impact on everyone else also.It took none to Alicia but I don't care and I never will. "Watch it!"I said as a kid bumped my shoulder,he stared at me in awe and I made a face at him.Dri and Brody started to laugh. "Here come Potter mate."hissed Dri making a face that imitated his expressions.Brody snickered. "Hey Lily."he said softly,I winced at his voice.Now I had to reply. "'Lo."I said walking past him.I guess I should be nicer to him but I don't think it would matter,he'll never see me as a person. Sirius was right by his side,"Hey ladies,tomorrow,drinks?Our treat at Hogsmeade." I never go to Hogsmeade and just because he said doesn't mean I'll go,I haven't change and I won't change. "I thought it was banned?"I said making a face.Brody looked at Remus canningly."Since Voldemort is on the lose."I said to add effect. "Lily you haven't changed!Loosen up,have fun with life.Take chances."Sirius said throwing a hand aside."I think I liked it better when you were mute." James nudged him in the stomach and Dri and I punched him in the arm. "Sorry."he moaned. "Tomorrow?"Dri said jumping onto it.She looked back at me and Brody."Well we have nothing better to do." I was so used to being quiet I didn't say anything but I didn't need her to make my decisions.I'm not going to go,not enough books in the world to make me go.
Apparently there is enough.Books. I say this because I found myself being dragged out of bed the next day by Dri.She was dressed in a black skirt and black corset shirt.She handed me an outfit that looked exactly like hers except it was inky emerald green,I had fishnets and fishnet gloves. "To keep you warm."she replied when I asked her about it. "Why don't you have 'em?"I said. "I don't need 'em mate."she said then she looked away.Everytime she did that she wouldn't continue the subject strangely enough. I grabbed my crossbone necklace and ring with a spike sticking out of the front.You'd think it was decoration but it was protection incase anyone put a move on me. Brody appeared at breakfast with black pants and a torn gray shirt with a black jacket.Her hair was down,so was mine but still.I ate rapidly and said nothing.I never spoke during meals because there was too much people.Theres a fine line between a group and the whole table. Dri noticed this and smirked,"Hows your food Lily?" I shrugged. She persisted,"C'mon Lils,how is it?Gimme details mate." I saw a few eyes find there way towards mine,I looked down and mumbled,"'Tis okay." "Oh good."and gave a smile of accomplishment. I felt a surge of anger as I ate the rest of my food.
"Tis almost noon.We ought to go now."Dri said checking her watch. "You go."I mumbled. "What?"she said looking back at me. "I don't want to go."I said again."I never went before so I'm not going now.I don't like crowds.Go with Brody and have fun,I'll only be a bugger." "Oy!You said you'd go."Dri said scoffing."Lily,c'mon!" "I don't wanna Dri.Go on without me."I snapped.I had almost forgot to do that,since its been awhile but it came back quickly. "Fine!"Dri said a red tinge entering her porcelin white face.
Later that night,I was sitting by the lake,I stared at the cresent moon who stared back at me,winking at me or maybe my drink was making the illusion.I had gotten these HoneyBeers out of the kitchen,they were stronger than Butterbeer and it had slips of alchohal,I used to sneak down to the kitchen and get out of it and wake up under the tree sick.I've been sober lately though. It was time for vengeance though. I felt giddy and stupid and the sickest urge to kiss someone,but my breath was telling me otherwise. "There you are Evans."said a voice I remembered without a doubt. "Hey Jamey."I said giggleing."Coming to hang out with me?" "On contraire,I'm here to bring you in,its dark and no ones seen you all day.It isn't safe." I started giggleing like crazy,thats usually how it goes down,"Since when is Jamey wamey afraid of a little bit of fun?Stay and have a drink." "Bugger me,you have spoken in a year and a half and you're already going back to call me Jamey wamey."He said sitting down next to me."I'll take one." I giggled,"Thats a good boy.I've always called you Jamey wamey,but never to your face or to anyone else." James grinned and finished the bottle and grabbed another one,he was carrying a bag. "Whatcha got there?"I asked mischieviously. "You don't think I actually came to get you did you?("But you said-")I was kidding and I'm going to join you Lillers.Heres back up."He motioned to the bag. "Lillers?"I giggled weakly."I'm not just saying this because I'm tipsy but I always hated that name." James laughed,"I'm not that tipsy but I always knew that." I laughed and magicked a blue fire to keep warm. "How was your night out?"I said. James shrugged,"Dri and Brody were having a good time with Sirius and Remus,but I got out of there pretty early because I heard people say they didn't know where you've been.I snuck out byt saying I went to the bathroom." "Ew."I said giggleing and hiccuping at the same time,this was particularly fun at the time."I'm going to have a bloody hangover in the morning.Don't remind me." "I won't."he promised.He suddenly became serious then he smirked,"Lily why did you back away from us last year?" I would never have told anyone but I am under the influence of very strong drinks and I don't care,"I'm tired of people thinking they could come to me for answers.I used to think I knew how the world works but mate,I got a very rude awakening.I came home for summer vacation and Vol-he had killed my parents.Everything was destroyed and blood was smothered everywhere.I pratically witnessed the death seeing all that,I saw handprints of blood,probably trying to scamper away and the deathmark hung over every drip of blood.There was a sign that said 'Blood shedded from mud.'Everything I ever learned about him made me think differently about his actions,they weren't just towards wizards they were towards everyone,no ones safe and no one could change it.I can't trust anyone and I can't get too attached.My sister was at the muggle movies so she wasn't killed but she hates me and refuses to talk to me so now during the summer I made enough money to pay for my tuition at a job and my mums sister takes care of me and partially pays for my school.I hate every bloody one of them,and I did not tell you all of that because I'm-" "-tipsy."James said finishing my sentance.I laughed a little bit.I felt a dry tear go down my face. It was my turn to ask a question,"Why does everyone-" I couldn't finish my sentance because James kissed me,on the lips.I didn't pull away,it was perfect.The way he moved his lips,the way he held my head.I dropped my bottle and kissed him in return.I felt him get closer to me and slowly slip in his tongue.I ran my fingers through his ruffled hair and I bumped my nose on his but it didn't matter,I can't believe I'm doing this,but it feels right...I could feel his arms around my back and I stood up. "Lily?"he asked. "Yea?"I said back taking another sip out of my drink. "You know we're only doing this because we're tipsy?" "Yea but lets not care,okay?"I said confidently.He nodded and stood up to kiss me knocking the bottle out of my hand.
The next day I woke up with a stunningly bad headache,I was lying in the Hospital Wing with,what I could tell,James in the other bed.I looked around and I saw my jacket there and fired was lit. "Hello Miss Evans!Thank goodness you're alive!"Madam Pomfrey said with a voice that was still ringing through my ears. "Alive?When was I dead?"I said,my voice my numb and quiet. "Last night Mr.Potter said you passed out because of the cold and your pulse felt faint.I made Mr.Potter stay the night because if he was in the same weather as you,he needed to be inspected.I made an elixer for you to keep you warm today and it takes care of the scent." I looked at her. "I didn't tell Dumbledore but don't let it happen again.Drink it and leave." I drank the elixer and left hurridly.I felt my nose flare and my insides squirm as I thought about what happened,or what I can remember at least.Everything looked blurry and everything made me what to throw up.I should have just went with Dri and Brody it would have been better but no,I was dumb enough to stay. I couldn't hold it in any longer,I raced to the bathroom and let it all out.It was sickening to see it go in the sink but it was grosser keeping it in. "Its okay Lily,let it out,let it all out..."I said to myself,feeling my insides squirm and joint together.I wiped my mouth and looked in the mirror,my lips were swollen and I had bags under my eyes and my hair was everywhere.I combed it with my fingers and the pressed my lips together. I walked out still disappinted with how I look.I ran to the Common Room but half way there I found Dri and Brody. "Lily,mate,you look awful!"Dri said her eyes widening."What happened?" "Fanks Dri,but anyway I had a little fight with the ugly stick over a drink of Honeybeer and it won."I felt my insides squirm."Dri I really need rest,I'm going to go sleep please don't tell anyone where I am." "Swear to Bob."she said grinning.
I entered there and found Sirius, Remus and Peter sitting but as soon as I entered they stood up. "What?"I snapped. "Hangover is marked all over your face,so what yea do besides party all night with James?"Sirius asked,his voice sounded so loud at this point. "Will you shhh!"I said annoyed."Nothing happen!" "I beg to differ."he said in a whisper."James hasn't been here all night." James entered the room looking just as sick as I did,"Lily I need to talk to you." "Not right now James.I'm not that up to it."I could feel a red tinge enter my flushed cheeks. "Please Lils,now or never." I would prefer it to be never,"Now I guess than." I walked dazed outside where we were yesterday. I spoke first,"What exactly happened yesterday?" "We were both a little erm...tipsy and we made out...a lot but then you stood up and fell again and I ran to help you up.Thats it." I let a sigh of relief,"We can't ignore what happened-" James looked at me,but it was a different look than his usual ones,"Lily,I know we've barely started talking and you literally just started talking...well again but last night didn't happen on accident and I can't ignore it and I like you Lily,a lot.I always did even when you backed away." I took a step back,"It was an accident James and I just want to be friends."This couldn't be happening. James kissed me again and I felt my insides go numb and I wanted it to go on forever .I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him harder.Why was this so wrong if it felt so perfect?This was happening all too fast,it was overwhelming.I felt helpless,I felt stuck and no one was there to pull me out. I pulled away,"Leave me alone James."I ran away even if I felt as sick as ever.
A/N-That song was 'Man Overboard' by Blink 182,one of the funniest band ever and the coolest people I have ever seen. Have you guys heard the rumor about their new album being all "mature" well anyway I hope you liked this chapter cause I did!
You can only lean on me for so long Bring the ship about to watch a friend drown Sit out on the ledge, begged you to come down You can only lean on me for so long
Chapter Two So Numb
It took me a while to adjust to talking to people and it took an impact on everyone else also.It took none to Alicia but I don't care and I never will. "Watch it!"I said as a kid bumped my shoulder,he stared at me in awe and I made a face at him.Dri and Brody started to laugh. "Here come Potter mate."hissed Dri making a face that imitated his expressions.Brody snickered. "Hey Lily."he said softly,I winced at his voice.Now I had to reply. "'Lo."I said walking past him.I guess I should be nicer to him but I don't think it would matter,he'll never see me as a person. Sirius was right by his side,"Hey ladies,tomorrow,drinks?Our treat at Hogsmeade." I never go to Hogsmeade and just because he said doesn't mean I'll go,I haven't change and I won't change. "I thought it was banned?"I said making a face.Brody looked at Remus canningly."Since Voldemort is on the lose."I said to add effect. "Lily you haven't changed!Loosen up,have fun with life.Take chances."Sirius said throwing a hand aside."I think I liked it better when you were mute." James nudged him in the stomach and Dri and I punched him in the arm. "Sorry."he moaned. "Tomorrow?"Dri said jumping onto it.She looked back at me and Brody."Well we have nothing better to do." I was so used to being quiet I didn't say anything but I didn't need her to make my decisions.I'm not going to go,not enough books in the world to make me go.
Apparently there is enough.Books. I say this because I found myself being dragged out of bed the next day by Dri.She was dressed in a black skirt and black corset shirt.She handed me an outfit that looked exactly like hers except it was inky emerald green,I had fishnets and fishnet gloves. "To keep you warm."she replied when I asked her about it. "Why don't you have 'em?"I said. "I don't need 'em mate."she said then she looked away.Everytime she did that she wouldn't continue the subject strangely enough. I grabbed my crossbone necklace and ring with a spike sticking out of the front.You'd think it was decoration but it was protection incase anyone put a move on me. Brody appeared at breakfast with black pants and a torn gray shirt with a black jacket.Her hair was down,so was mine but still.I ate rapidly and said nothing.I never spoke during meals because there was too much people.Theres a fine line between a group and the whole table. Dri noticed this and smirked,"Hows your food Lily?" I shrugged. She persisted,"C'mon Lils,how is it?Gimme details mate." I saw a few eyes find there way towards mine,I looked down and mumbled,"'Tis okay." "Oh good."and gave a smile of accomplishment. I felt a surge of anger as I ate the rest of my food.
"Tis almost noon.We ought to go now."Dri said checking her watch. "You go."I mumbled. "What?"she said looking back at me. "I don't want to go."I said again."I never went before so I'm not going now.I don't like crowds.Go with Brody and have fun,I'll only be a bugger." "Oy!You said you'd go."Dri said scoffing."Lily,c'mon!" "I don't wanna Dri.Go on without me."I snapped.I had almost forgot to do that,since its been awhile but it came back quickly. "Fine!"Dri said a red tinge entering her porcelin white face.
Later that night,I was sitting by the lake,I stared at the cresent moon who stared back at me,winking at me or maybe my drink was making the illusion.I had gotten these HoneyBeers out of the kitchen,they were stronger than Butterbeer and it had slips of alchohal,I used to sneak down to the kitchen and get out of it and wake up under the tree sick.I've been sober lately though. It was time for vengeance though. I felt giddy and stupid and the sickest urge to kiss someone,but my breath was telling me otherwise. "There you are Evans."said a voice I remembered without a doubt. "Hey Jamey."I said giggleing."Coming to hang out with me?" "On contraire,I'm here to bring you in,its dark and no ones seen you all day.It isn't safe." I started giggleing like crazy,thats usually how it goes down,"Since when is Jamey wamey afraid of a little bit of fun?Stay and have a drink." "Bugger me,you have spoken in a year and a half and you're already going back to call me Jamey wamey."He said sitting down next to me."I'll take one." I giggled,"Thats a good boy.I've always called you Jamey wamey,but never to your face or to anyone else." James grinned and finished the bottle and grabbed another one,he was carrying a bag. "Whatcha got there?"I asked mischieviously. "You don't think I actually came to get you did you?("But you said-")I was kidding and I'm going to join you Lillers.Heres back up."He motioned to the bag. "Lillers?"I giggled weakly."I'm not just saying this because I'm tipsy but I always hated that name." James laughed,"I'm not that tipsy but I always knew that." I laughed and magicked a blue fire to keep warm. "How was your night out?"I said. James shrugged,"Dri and Brody were having a good time with Sirius and Remus,but I got out of there pretty early because I heard people say they didn't know where you've been.I snuck out byt saying I went to the bathroom." "Ew."I said giggleing and hiccuping at the same time,this was particularly fun at the time."I'm going to have a bloody hangover in the morning.Don't remind me." "I won't."he promised.He suddenly became serious then he smirked,"Lily why did you back away from us last year?" I would never have told anyone but I am under the influence of very strong drinks and I don't care,"I'm tired of people thinking they could come to me for answers.I used to think I knew how the world works but mate,I got a very rude awakening.I came home for summer vacation and Vol-he had killed my parents.Everything was destroyed and blood was smothered everywhere.I pratically witnessed the death seeing all that,I saw handprints of blood,probably trying to scamper away and the deathmark hung over every drip of blood.There was a sign that said 'Blood shedded from mud.'Everything I ever learned about him made me think differently about his actions,they weren't just towards wizards they were towards everyone,no ones safe and no one could change it.I can't trust anyone and I can't get too attached.My sister was at the muggle movies so she wasn't killed but she hates me and refuses to talk to me so now during the summer I made enough money to pay for my tuition at a job and my mums sister takes care of me and partially pays for my school.I hate every bloody one of them,and I did not tell you all of that because I'm-" "-tipsy."James said finishing my sentance.I laughed a little bit.I felt a dry tear go down my face. It was my turn to ask a question,"Why does everyone-" I couldn't finish my sentance because James kissed me,on the lips.I didn't pull away,it was perfect.The way he moved his lips,the way he held my head.I dropped my bottle and kissed him in return.I felt him get closer to me and slowly slip in his tongue.I ran my fingers through his ruffled hair and I bumped my nose on his but it didn't matter,I can't believe I'm doing this,but it feels right...I could feel his arms around my back and I stood up. "Lily?"he asked. "Yea?"I said back taking another sip out of my drink. "You know we're only doing this because we're tipsy?" "Yea but lets not care,okay?"I said confidently.He nodded and stood up to kiss me knocking the bottle out of my hand.
The next day I woke up with a stunningly bad headache,I was lying in the Hospital Wing with,what I could tell,James in the other bed.I looked around and I saw my jacket there and fired was lit. "Hello Miss Evans!Thank goodness you're alive!"Madam Pomfrey said with a voice that was still ringing through my ears. "Alive?When was I dead?"I said,my voice my numb and quiet. "Last night Mr.Potter said you passed out because of the cold and your pulse felt faint.I made Mr.Potter stay the night because if he was in the same weather as you,he needed to be inspected.I made an elixer for you to keep you warm today and it takes care of the scent." I looked at her. "I didn't tell Dumbledore but don't let it happen again.Drink it and leave." I drank the elixer and left hurridly.I felt my nose flare and my insides squirm as I thought about what happened,or what I can remember at least.Everything looked blurry and everything made me what to throw up.I should have just went with Dri and Brody it would have been better but no,I was dumb enough to stay. I couldn't hold it in any longer,I raced to the bathroom and let it all out.It was sickening to see it go in the sink but it was grosser keeping it in. "Its okay Lily,let it out,let it all out..."I said to myself,feeling my insides squirm and joint together.I wiped my mouth and looked in the mirror,my lips were swollen and I had bags under my eyes and my hair was everywhere.I combed it with my fingers and the pressed my lips together. I walked out still disappinted with how I look.I ran to the Common Room but half way there I found Dri and Brody. "Lily,mate,you look awful!"Dri said her eyes widening."What happened?" "Fanks Dri,but anyway I had a little fight with the ugly stick over a drink of Honeybeer and it won."I felt my insides squirm."Dri I really need rest,I'm going to go sleep please don't tell anyone where I am." "Swear to Bob."she said grinning.
I entered there and found Sirius, Remus and Peter sitting but as soon as I entered they stood up. "What?"I snapped. "Hangover is marked all over your face,so what yea do besides party all night with James?"Sirius asked,his voice sounded so loud at this point. "Will you shhh!"I said annoyed."Nothing happen!" "I beg to differ."he said in a whisper."James hasn't been here all night." James entered the room looking just as sick as I did,"Lily I need to talk to you." "Not right now James.I'm not that up to it."I could feel a red tinge enter my flushed cheeks. "Please Lils,now or never." I would prefer it to be never,"Now I guess than." I walked dazed outside where we were yesterday. I spoke first,"What exactly happened yesterday?" "We were both a little erm...tipsy and we made out...a lot but then you stood up and fell again and I ran to help you up.Thats it." I let a sigh of relief,"We can't ignore what happened-" James looked at me,but it was a different look than his usual ones,"Lily,I know we've barely started talking and you literally just started talking...well again but last night didn't happen on accident and I can't ignore it and I like you Lily,a lot.I always did even when you backed away." I took a step back,"It was an accident James and I just want to be friends."This couldn't be happening. James kissed me again and I felt my insides go numb and I wanted it to go on forever .I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him harder.Why was this so wrong if it felt so perfect?This was happening all too fast,it was overwhelming.I felt helpless,I felt stuck and no one was there to pull me out. I pulled away,"Leave me alone James."I ran away even if I felt as sick as ever.
A/N-That song was 'Man Overboard' by Blink 182,one of the funniest band ever and the coolest people I have ever seen. Have you guys heard the rumor about their new album being all "mature" well anyway I hope you liked this chapter cause I did!