Many thanks to all my faithful readers and appreciative critics, especially Kittenmommy for suggesting a name for this fic (I'd been a bit stuck until then) and to Amber39 for just being my girlfriend, and not killing me for casting doubt upon the sexuality of her favourite Gerry Anderson character.
Quick recap: This is the third of a trilogy. In the first, the children of Lucius Malfoy's rather more enlightened brother are sent to Hogwarts by the Ministry after their father's home magic coaching is discovered. The slightly older of the two, Richard Malone, is our narrator. He succeeds in negotiating an armistice with cousin Draco and snogging Luna Lovegood by the end of book one, not to mention indirectly causing Vernon Dursley intense embarassment and a serious stroke, in that approximate order. His sister, Francis, has had noisy sex with Hermione Granger by the middle of chapter 5!
In book two the Golden Trio, the Malone siblings and Ginny Weasley are off to Romaina on a camping trip arranged by Charlie. Draco finally gives the Dark side the finger and finds himself along for the ride as well.
The holiday is interrupted by the unexpected arrival from the future of professors Snape and Flitwick. They are equipped with the means to travel back in time (something which the two of them came up with involving some spiked Floo Powder and a Time Turner) and an ingenius means of sorting Voldemort out once and for all (a Smith and Wesson .45 revolver). The first part works more or less okay, but the second part needs a bit of backup. Who better to supply it than the Boy Who Lived and his buddies? The practical upshot of all this is that Lily and James (who I not-terribly-randomly moved in next door to my girlfriend's house!) are saved, and Voldemort is annhilated by nothing more magical than lots and lots of guns.
Anybody wishing to obtain further evidence in order to have me institutionalised is advised to examine my one and only songfic over on FictionPress, which caused my offline friends to suggest some therapists I might call on. It's also an excellent argument in favour of gun control; if we didn't have strict gun laws over here Michael Moore would be making Bowling for Wollaston by now!
I think I've wittered on long enough, now, so shall we get on with it?
Juliette Lupin swore to herself in a strong New York accent which her friends had yet to get used to. Euan McCulloch, who was still slightly wary of her, backed away slightly.
"What? You think I'm gonna bite you?"
"Julie, I've known you for years and I'M still scared of you sometimes," Lucy Malone-Granger replied, trying not to giggle. "Wolfsbane does nothing for your temper the rest of the month, you know?"
"Ah, your mom's a Tory," Juliette replied jokingly. "Well, at least one of them!" This was a bit of an in-joke; Lucy was the adopted daughter of Francis Malone and her partner, Hermione. Julie had an even less normal family; her father was a werewolf and her mother was an American (Author's note: see 'An English Werewolf in New York' by Kittenmommy for further details- it's in my Favourite Stories). Euan had easily the most unremarkable family life, though his parents both wrote novels for a living; his father specialised in techno-thrillers and his mother worked for Mills & Boon. He also hadn't even believed in magic until he was eleven, and it had been rather a shock to learn his mum's best friend was a witch, Harry Potter's younger sister no less!
The clock above the ticket barrier showed fve to ten. "Hey, come on, the train'll be here any minute!" The three of them ran towards the barrier, dragging their cases behind them. They made it about half way before a massive explosion knocked them flying. There was a terrible rending and crashing, and then it all went black.
"What happened?" Euan asked after a moment or two. He pulled his wand out of his back pocket, and muttered "Lumos!"
"Bloody hell," he said to himself. All three of them were lying beneath a fallen slab of concrete, which was lying at an angle. It appeared to be propped up at one end by what was left of a concession stall, against which Juliette was lying awkwardly. Lucy was sitting up, swearing at the Provos or Al'Queda or whoever the hell it had been who pulled the old litterbomb trick.
"Everybody okay?" she asked after a moment or two.
"Think so," Lucy replied. "Julie's out cold, but I don't think anything's broken." Julie was regaining consciousness by now, and wincing.
"What the hell happened?" she asked. "A bomb or something?"
"Probably. Wonder who we've pissed off THIS time?" Euan had inherited a certain amount of cynicism about world affairs from his perpeptually liberal father.
"Yadda, yadda. Pass me my bag, huh?" He complied, wondering why. Juliette rummaged in it for a few moments, and produced a toughened safety deposit box, which she unlocked with a key from around her neck. Inside were several hypodermics sealed in sterile wraps, set into foam recesses. They were marked Insulin, but the others had a pretty fair idea of what they really held.
"Thank God somebody figured out how to extend this stuff's shelf-life," Juliette remarked. "Jeez, I hope we get out of here before it gets dark!"
"We'll be lucky," Lucy replied. "It felt like half the bloody station fell in."
Remus Lupin, for the first time in his life (except when he'd realised that he could lick his own testicles, which hadn't been all it was cracked up to be), wanted to fall to his knees and thank God he was a werewolf. He couldn't do so right now because he didn't have any knees to speak of, and also because he was busy.
//Aha! There you are,// he thought to himself, barking excitedly to the seach teams. A few minutes later, two slightly bruised but largely unharmed children and an equally intact werewolf emerged from beneath the wreckage, blinkng against the harsh arc lights. A huge and slightly greying black dog was standing next to Remus, grinning in a doggy way. //I'm going to find the guy who bit me,// Remus informed his companion, //and kiss him full on the lips!//
Two Aurors, fairly senior ones by their uniforms,wandered over. "Major Black, Lieutenant Malfoy on the telephone for you," one of them informed him. "Somebody's claimed responsibility for this." The dog nodded, and trotted off.
Several minutes later, Sirius was reading a letter that had arrived at the Ministry earlier that day.
"You may be surprised to learn that I am the son and heir of Lord Voldemort. I'm not particularly interested in purebloodedness or any of that crap -after all, the Dark Lord was half and half- and am simply intent in taking over the world. As you can tell, I'm learning to embrace non-magical means of causing death and destruction. They're just so much better at it than us, as the unfortunate events of some three decades ago prove." Sirius smiled wryly at that.
From the Dark Side's point of view, 'unfortunate events' was a hell of an understatement. Apart from the fact that the Boss was dead, the spectacularly unmagical way he'd been killed (a large number of guns) had made the whole outfit look like a bunch of complete and total fools.
It would appear that this individual had learned something from that business. No Death Eater would dream of using a car bomb, surely?
//Merlin, what'll be the end of this?// Thirty people killed, including six Hogwarts students, and King's Cross station flattened. Well, the Minister ought to authorise Lt Malfoy's taskforce idea now! The 'Heir of Voldemort' had sounded like just another crank up until now. Thank God all the members of the Order of the -Basilisk, wasn't it?- were reserve Aurors.
He sipped his tea, and turned to his computer to fill out the callup requests. //Everybody's going Muggle these days, even us! Maybe that's a good thing,// Sirius decided. //I'd certainly have paid quite a lot to watch Severus learning how to use an iMac...//
Quick recap: This is the third of a trilogy. In the first, the children of Lucius Malfoy's rather more enlightened brother are sent to Hogwarts by the Ministry after their father's home magic coaching is discovered. The slightly older of the two, Richard Malone, is our narrator. He succeeds in negotiating an armistice with cousin Draco and snogging Luna Lovegood by the end of book one, not to mention indirectly causing Vernon Dursley intense embarassment and a serious stroke, in that approximate order. His sister, Francis, has had noisy sex with Hermione Granger by the middle of chapter 5!
In book two the Golden Trio, the Malone siblings and Ginny Weasley are off to Romaina on a camping trip arranged by Charlie. Draco finally gives the Dark side the finger and finds himself along for the ride as well.
The holiday is interrupted by the unexpected arrival from the future of professors Snape and Flitwick. They are equipped with the means to travel back in time (something which the two of them came up with involving some spiked Floo Powder and a Time Turner) and an ingenius means of sorting Voldemort out once and for all (a Smith and Wesson .45 revolver). The first part works more or less okay, but the second part needs a bit of backup. Who better to supply it than the Boy Who Lived and his buddies? The practical upshot of all this is that Lily and James (who I not-terribly-randomly moved in next door to my girlfriend's house!) are saved, and Voldemort is annhilated by nothing more magical than lots and lots of guns.
Anybody wishing to obtain further evidence in order to have me institutionalised is advised to examine my one and only songfic over on FictionPress, which caused my offline friends to suggest some therapists I might call on. It's also an excellent argument in favour of gun control; if we didn't have strict gun laws over here Michael Moore would be making Bowling for Wollaston by now!
I think I've wittered on long enough, now, so shall we get on with it?
Juliette Lupin swore to herself in a strong New York accent which her friends had yet to get used to. Euan McCulloch, who was still slightly wary of her, backed away slightly.
"What? You think I'm gonna bite you?"
"Julie, I've known you for years and I'M still scared of you sometimes," Lucy Malone-Granger replied, trying not to giggle. "Wolfsbane does nothing for your temper the rest of the month, you know?"
"Ah, your mom's a Tory," Juliette replied jokingly. "Well, at least one of them!" This was a bit of an in-joke; Lucy was the adopted daughter of Francis Malone and her partner, Hermione. Julie had an even less normal family; her father was a werewolf and her mother was an American (Author's note: see 'An English Werewolf in New York' by Kittenmommy for further details- it's in my Favourite Stories). Euan had easily the most unremarkable family life, though his parents both wrote novels for a living; his father specialised in techno-thrillers and his mother worked for Mills & Boon. He also hadn't even believed in magic until he was eleven, and it had been rather a shock to learn his mum's best friend was a witch, Harry Potter's younger sister no less!
The clock above the ticket barrier showed fve to ten. "Hey, come on, the train'll be here any minute!" The three of them ran towards the barrier, dragging their cases behind them. They made it about half way before a massive explosion knocked them flying. There was a terrible rending and crashing, and then it all went black.
"What happened?" Euan asked after a moment or two. He pulled his wand out of his back pocket, and muttered "Lumos!"
"Bloody hell," he said to himself. All three of them were lying beneath a fallen slab of concrete, which was lying at an angle. It appeared to be propped up at one end by what was left of a concession stall, against which Juliette was lying awkwardly. Lucy was sitting up, swearing at the Provos or Al'Queda or whoever the hell it had been who pulled the old litterbomb trick.
"Everybody okay?" she asked after a moment or two.
"Think so," Lucy replied. "Julie's out cold, but I don't think anything's broken." Julie was regaining consciousness by now, and wincing.
"What the hell happened?" she asked. "A bomb or something?"
"Probably. Wonder who we've pissed off THIS time?" Euan had inherited a certain amount of cynicism about world affairs from his perpeptually liberal father.
"Yadda, yadda. Pass me my bag, huh?" He complied, wondering why. Juliette rummaged in it for a few moments, and produced a toughened safety deposit box, which she unlocked with a key from around her neck. Inside were several hypodermics sealed in sterile wraps, set into foam recesses. They were marked Insulin, but the others had a pretty fair idea of what they really held.
"Thank God somebody figured out how to extend this stuff's shelf-life," Juliette remarked. "Jeez, I hope we get out of here before it gets dark!"
"We'll be lucky," Lucy replied. "It felt like half the bloody station fell in."
Remus Lupin, for the first time in his life (except when he'd realised that he could lick his own testicles, which hadn't been all it was cracked up to be), wanted to fall to his knees and thank God he was a werewolf. He couldn't do so right now because he didn't have any knees to speak of, and also because he was busy.
//Aha! There you are,// he thought to himself, barking excitedly to the seach teams. A few minutes later, two slightly bruised but largely unharmed children and an equally intact werewolf emerged from beneath the wreckage, blinkng against the harsh arc lights. A huge and slightly greying black dog was standing next to Remus, grinning in a doggy way. //I'm going to find the guy who bit me,// Remus informed his companion, //and kiss him full on the lips!//
Two Aurors, fairly senior ones by their uniforms,wandered over. "Major Black, Lieutenant Malfoy on the telephone for you," one of them informed him. "Somebody's claimed responsibility for this." The dog nodded, and trotted off.
Several minutes later, Sirius was reading a letter that had arrived at the Ministry earlier that day.
"You may be surprised to learn that I am the son and heir of Lord Voldemort. I'm not particularly interested in purebloodedness or any of that crap -after all, the Dark Lord was half and half- and am simply intent in taking over the world. As you can tell, I'm learning to embrace non-magical means of causing death and destruction. They're just so much better at it than us, as the unfortunate events of some three decades ago prove." Sirius smiled wryly at that.
From the Dark Side's point of view, 'unfortunate events' was a hell of an understatement. Apart from the fact that the Boss was dead, the spectacularly unmagical way he'd been killed (a large number of guns) had made the whole outfit look like a bunch of complete and total fools.
It would appear that this individual had learned something from that business. No Death Eater would dream of using a car bomb, surely?
//Merlin, what'll be the end of this?// Thirty people killed, including six Hogwarts students, and King's Cross station flattened. Well, the Minister ought to authorise Lt Malfoy's taskforce idea now! The 'Heir of Voldemort' had sounded like just another crank up until now. Thank God all the members of the Order of the -Basilisk, wasn't it?- were reserve Aurors.
He sipped his tea, and turned to his computer to fill out the callup requests. //Everybody's going Muggle these days, even us! Maybe that's a good thing,// Sirius decided. //I'd certainly have paid quite a lot to watch Severus learning how to use an iMac...//