Dust and Bones | Prologue
A FFVII Fanfiction by Majokai Yukiko
This is an amateur effort and does not intend to infringe on the rights of Squaresoft.
This story is set a week after Sephiroth was defeated, though some events in the past are altered due to the fact that Sephiroth had survived the Omnislash and Zack is still alive.
Pairing: Zack X Sephiroth, for now.
Warnings: Shounen-ai, angst.
I'll be loving you forever
Deep inside my heart you'll live and ever
Even if you took my heart and tore it apart
1 I will love you still forever
Mideel was a tired small town, with a small population and little happenings to spice up the lives of the townspeople. It was probably for the best though, Cloud thought, once again glad that Tifa had managed to convinced him into taking a vacation. Alone.
It was only a week since the final battle, a week since he had stopped Sephiroth from calling on Meteor and destroying the Planet. But somehow, instead of the relief and joy that he should feel, it was fatigue…and the need to understand the clenching in his heart whenever he recalled the events from long ago.
Aeris…the sweet little flower girl who sacrificed her life for the Planet. The only one who tried to tell him about his artificial memories without hurting him. But she died. By Sephiroth's hands. The lovely green eyes that had reminded him so much of…no, he would not go into that right now. Mideel would certainly be a good place for him to rearrange his thoughts and relax.
"Hey!" Cloud turned around, wondering for a moment as to who the petite little girl in the nurse uniform was.
"You remember me?" The nurse asked, smiling cheekily. Cloud shook his head truthfully, all the while trying to match the face with anyone in his memories.
"I don't blame you, you were down with a serious case of Mako poisoning when Doc and I found you."
Ahh…so that's it. The kind doctor and his assistant who had found him after he fell into the Lifestream…after he gave the Black Materia to…
"I'm sorry I can't remember you. Anyway, how's life?"
The young woman shrugged. "It's alright, I guess. But there's this other guy that got washed up a couple of days ago. Like you, Mako poisoning, but somewhat more serious. A pity though…he's kinda cute."
"Really?" Cloud answered, beginning to get bored with the conversation. "I'm here for a vacation, see ya around."
"Sure! See ya!"
Cloud waved a good-bye before walking towards the inn. Mako poisoning? Who is it this time? He wondered.
***
He could feel a gentle voice behind him, slowly pushing his wheelchair as she spoke, telling him about the weather that morning. His long silver hair was tied neatly into a ponytail, green Mako eyes staring into space without blinking or any sort of recognition in those eyes. Nobody here knew who he was, or what he had done. Nobody but himself.
The scene replayed itself over and over again in his mind. He saw himself smirk as he pushed the Masamune deeper into Zack's body. There was shock in the other man's eyes, disbelief and…love…
Love, for a creature like him. For the monster who had thought himself as God…
Why? How could you love somebody as worthless as me?
He could feel poison running through his veins, an overdose of Mako energy in him, taking away his life bit by bit. Slow, painful death. What else had he expected? He had betrayed the only person who had accepted him the way he was. Death…was too easy for him.
I had died when I killed you, my love. I'll see you soon…but…will you still want me back?
"Sephiroth?" The Shinra general turned around, unaware of the tear streaks running down his cheeks as Zack made his way across the room quickly, pulling his lover into an embrace.
"Zack? What's wrong?"
The dark-haired man pulled back a little, brushing the tears away from that beautiful face before bringing his fingers down to trace gently along the soft pink lips.
"Why are you crying, Seph?" Sephiroth shook his head, smiling slightly as he pushed the bangs away from his face.
"I was just thinking about us…and…" The look on his lover's face urged him to continue. "And about how long this would last…"
"Forever and a day, Seph. That's what I promised."
"And don't ever break that one. I'll die if you leave me. I…"
"Can't break it, love, not something so strong…"
"There's no need to cry," the nurse took out a handkerchief from her pockets, wiping away the tears. She sighed. "I wish I know what you are thinking of, if you are thinking at all." She rotated the wheelchair and made her way back to the clinic.
"Tell you what, I'll bring to this friend of mine tomorrow. He'd got Mako poisoning before, and recovered. Perhaps he could help you."
Perhaps he couldn't. Sephiroth had wanted to say, had his body permits him to speak. Or perhaps…I don't want him to.
***
"What's wrong?" Cloud asked, trying to catch his breath back after being dragged out of the house at…a look at his watch confirmed the timing…4.30 in the morning.
"Remember the guy I told you about yesterday, the one with Mako poisoning?" Cloud nodded. "I need your help with him. He…" The nurse paused, letting go of Cloud's hand to search for the keys in her pocket.
"He cried yesterday. You'd got Mako poisoning before, so I was thinking if you could help me." Blue Mako eyes widened in shock. Being poisoned only meant that your brain could no longer send messages to the rest of your body for it to operate properly. But to be able to cry…what could he be thinking about?
"There he is." Cloud followed the direction the finger was pointing to, only to freeze in shock when he recognized the man on the wheelchair.
"Sephiroth?"
***
"Anyone would assume that Sephiroth, the General of the Shinra Army, is a cold, heartless man with no feelings, and no qualms about killing; a man who is unable to love anyone else. But here I am, standing before the man himself, seeing a different picture all together."
"Oh?" Sephiroth raised an eyebrow. "How different?"
The SOLDIER smiled. "I see a man who is not only capable of loving, I see a lost child deprived of love, hope and friendship."
"Love, hope and friendship?" The General laughed. "How's that going to be important to me?"
"Because that's exactly what I'm going to give you."
"Z…Zac…" The nurse gasped, as she heard her patient speak something after three full days of silence.
"Sephiroth?" The look on Cloud's face was unreadable. It was a mixture of hope, fear, guilt, and at the same time, relief. The blond man moved a step closer, kneeling down slightly to place a hand on Sephiroth's pale face.
Oh my God, it's really him.
"Cloud?" He turned around, smiling reassuringly at the nurse. "Where's Doc? I think I need to talk to him about my…friend."
***
Fingers twitched slightly as eyelids struggled to open. His long dark hair floated messily in the green liquid his body was immersed in. The monitor next to the glass capsule beeped with an erratic rhythm as the man inside clenched his fists, his brain trying to process his current predicament.
Where am I? Zack questioned mentally. Being encased in another lab capsule was never his idea of heaven. It was never his idea of hell either.
Where else could I be? I'm dead, right?
He slowly brought his hands up, placing his palms on the cold surface of his liquid prison. Squinting his eyes, Zack struggled to take in the environment beyond the glass.
The Shinra mansion library? Why am I back here again?
Hojo? Impossible, as great a scientist as he was, he could never bring a dead man back to life. But then again, with Hojo, anything could be possible.
"Seph?" Fingers unconsciously moved down to trace at the wound at his abdomen. A reminder of love betrayed and promises broken.
A tear rolled from his eyes to join his green surroundings, as he waited.
***
"Hell! Cloud! You explain yourself right now! What the %$^&# is this thing about Sephiroth being alive?!" Cid's gruff voice came yelling across the PHS as Cloud made an effort not to wince while holding the device further away from his ear.
"Okay, you don't have to shout! Don't remind me that we killed him. I was there, remember? Sliced him up, TWICE!" Cloud took a deep breath to calm himself before continuing. "Just get the Highwind II over here, kay? I don't think the guy can handle a rough ride on the Chocobo. Please? I'll explain things when you're here."
"You have got lots of explaining to do when I get there." And the connection was off.
Cloud sighed, clipping his PHS back onto his belt and turned towards the other man in the room.
"Good morning, Sephiroth." Green eyes continued staring into deep space, lost in a world of their own. Cloud smiled sadly.
"The greatest General of all times, reduced to a mere invalid whose life depends on my whim." It frightened him, the power he now had over this man who had destroyed his hometown, killed his best friend and manipulated his mind as he pleased.
"Professor Hojo, please…give me a number!"
But I had wanted it, didn't I? A question to ponder on later, but now, he would just concentrate on bringing this man back onto his feet.
"Zac…Zack…" A tear ran down his beautiful face, as he continued to mourn for his dead lover.
"Shh, don't cry," Cloud put his arms lovingly around his ex-nemesis, pressing his cheeks onto Sephiroth's cold one. "He forgives you, Sephiroth. He really did. All that five years we spent in the lab, he told me all about you, Sephiroth. He never blamed you for all that you've done, Sephiroth."
Why am I doing this?
"Hey, Spike?" Zack grinned weakly as he leant against the glass wall the two cells had shared.
"Yes?"
"I don't know what you are thinking of right now, but don't blame Seph, kay?"
"I don't know; you were that one who got stabbed."
"And you were the one whose hometown got destroyed. Look, Spike, Seph always have got a good reason for doing anything. He never had a family to talk about, and this time…well, he just snapped." A forced shrug as Zack placed his hand over his torso, determined not to whimper at the memory of that wound there.
"When you get out, Spike, promise me, tell Seph…I never hate him." I don't want him to live the rest of his life in guilt.
"You love him." It was a statement, not a question in need of an answer.
A nod. "And I know you do too." Zack waited for a protest, but there was none. He turned around, smiling slightly when he saw the boy asleep with fatigue evident on his face.
"Spike, if I die, love him for me. He needs humanity, much as he denies it, he craves for it more than anyone of us do."
Keep him sane for me, Spike.
***
"Hey, you there!" Young Sephiroth looked back with a raised eyebrow, not at all expecting a fist aimed squarely at his jaw. Reflectively, he reached for his attacker, hand clasped around his throat and pinned him to the ground.
Surprisingly, instead of the hostility he had expected to see, the young boy, no older than him, gave him a cheeky smirk in reply.
"Nice to meet ya, Seph! Oh, by the way, the name's Zack!"
***
"You see that boy over there, the one with white hair, that's Professor Hojo's son." Students all over the academy were whispering about the new celebrity that had entered the academy with top scores in all that tests he had taken: Sephiroth, son of the head of the Shinra Scientific Research Faculty.
There was awe in their voices, envy in their eyes, and disgust in their minds. Whether or not he had entered with true abilities or by pulling strings, they had no idea. The Principal could have allowed him to enter at the value of his father's reputation. And even if that had not helped, certainly the pretty face had. It was no secret regarding President Shinra's sexual orientation, and the SOLDIER academy, was directly under the President after all.
The said boy stood alone at the end of the playground, eyes roaming and observing the other children around, engrossed in their games. There was nobody who wanted to play with him.
Nobody at all.
"Hi!" Sephiroth threw a glance at the dark haired boy who had given him a bruised jaw the day before. Rolling his eyes, he began to make his way back to the dormitories.
"Hey, I called you!"
"I've heard." But he did not slow down his pace of walking.
"Hey, I'm sorry about yesterday, 'kay? That was the only way to get your attention." Now that made Sephiroth pause and looked back at the boy.
"Am I…am I really that hard to get along?"
"You bet! Brr…all that 'stay away from me or I'll summon Shiva' crap! What d'ya think?" Zack placed a casual hand on his hip and rest his weight on one foot, not making any effort to close the distance between the two of them.
Sephiroth cast his eyes on the grass under his feet. "I see…"
"Argh, that's not…fine!" With three large strides, Zack stopped right in front of the white-haired boy, placed his thumbs at each edge of his lips and forced them to turn upwards comically.
"There! That's better! Now stay like that all day."
The two boys remained in silence for a while, staring into each other's eyes before bursting into laughter.
"That…" Sephiroth laughed, wiping the tears away from his eyes. "…was the dumbest thing I've ever done in my entire lifetime!"
"And you stayed like that for a full minute!! With that stupid look on your face!!!" Zack added.
Time stopped for the rest of the world as the two boys struggled to regain a neutral expression on their faces. Nobody had expected the stoic Sephiroth to laugh, much less to share a joke with someone else.
***
A soft smile distended his face as Zack recalled the happier memories he had shared with his best friend, and later, his lover. He needed to hold on to these for as long as he could, until dreams became nightmares.
***
Sephiroth had his back facing the door when Zack returned to the room they shared. The white-haired man stood tensely, knuckles white from grabbing the windowsills too tightly.
"Seph?" Zack asked tentatively. Despite of what Sephiroth himself had thought; the man was never good had hiding his feelings. Right now, Zack could practically see the storm blowing in his angel's mind, waiting for the right time to strike.
"Seph, are you alright?" Zack approached the silent figure carefully, putting a comforting hand over the tortured knuckles. "Stop squeezing the breath of these windows, Seph, you're hurting yourself."
"I'm alright. Don't worry about me, Zack. There's no need to." The tone was guarded, as if he had something else to say, but not quite daring to voice it out loud.
"Zack?"
"Hm?"
"Where were you today? I didn't see you at training."
Shit. Zack thought, rummaging through his brain for a suitable lie. He could not tell Sephiroth that he missed SOLDIER training to sneak out to the slums, just to meet a girl he had known for barely a week. He would take it all the wrong way round, Zack reasoned. He would believe that I have something going on with Aeris, convince himself of his worthlessness. Again.
"I…I…was at Midgar." Better to stick as close to the truth as possible.
"I see. Doing what?"
Shitshitshitshitshit!
"Huh? Oh, I was…I was visiting a friend."
"Ah. Of course you had other friends. I was just another number on the list." He muttered, more to himself than to Zack.
"Seph?"
"How old is she?"
"Huh?"
"The friend you visited today, that sweet-looking girl with brown hair and green eyes."
"I…I don't know."
His lover turned around and studied his face, watching him as his dark eyes flicked uncomfortably around the room, searching for something to focus on. Anything but the look of pain, hurt and guilt in Sephiroth's eyes. As far as Sephiroth was concerned, this was the worst combination anyone could come up with.
"I see." No, you don't! "I…get some sleep, Zack. It must have been a tiring day for you."
Not as bad as yours, Seph. Zack mused, knowing fully well that Hojo would be at the base tomorrow to run a monthly check on his 'darling' son and there was nothing he or Sephiroth could do about it.
***
Building the friendship between them was never smooth. It took Zack long enough for Sephiroth to open up, and it had taken him even longer to get the General to recognize some worth in himself. Every time after Sephiroth finally managed to acknowledge his achievement, a fallback, a slight show of weakness or an insult would bring them back to square one.
"You're not God, Sephy! I make mistakes, you make mistakes, the whole Goddamned world is a mistake!" Zack yelled, fingers running through his hair out of irritation and frustration.
"But my mistake caused the death of five troopers!"
"So what?! We are fighting a bleedin' war over here with Hojo's precious Mako reactors! Accidents happen; people die. But I'm alive and you're alive, and that's all that bloody matters to me!"
"You don't understand." The white-haired man slumped wearily onto the floor, pulling his knees up and hugging them close to his chest. It was getting difficult for him to continue in this pretense of life. Too many masks to put on; too many facades donned. He was tired of this life, this world, and himself.
"Of course I don't understand! I don't understand you and your fuckin' obsession for perfection and Godhood!"
***
Yes, everybody made mistakes in some time or another of their lives, however short it might be. But some mistakes were lethal, and Zack paid for that one all too well.
It was his fault. He should have noticed the haunted look in those beautiful green eyes after they fought the dragon on the way to Nibelheim. He should have seen how confused and upset Sephiroth was when they arrived at the inn. Zack had insisted on accompanying Sephiroth on this particular mission, despite his health condition after the previous mission botched up. He should never have left his lover alone in the library, desperately trying to sort out the confusion in his mind.
He should have known better. He could have steered Sephiroth away from the brink and bring him over to the safe side before he snapped. But he failed.
***
"Come on, Sephiroth, you've got to eat." Cloud patiently nudged the spoon into the other man's mouth, feeding him with the plain porridge he had prepared himself.
The entire scene was too disturbing for Cid. He had seen the same scene before, when Tifa and him found Cloud in Mideel, down with an almost fatal case of Mako poisoning. Tifa had left their little group for some time, devoting her time to taking care of the blond man. It was a tough job, testing on both the physical and the mental. For Tifa, it was love for Cloud that had provided her with the patience to take care of the sick man. What about this case? What could Cloud be thinking of when he asked Cid to bring him and his ex-nemesis, sick or well, back to the Shinra mansion, where Cloud had made home after the white-haired man supposedly died.
The pilot turned away and focused his attention to maneuver Highwind II into a safe landing. Somehow, he would rather keep his suspicions instead of having them confirmed by Cloud.
"I'll leave you here then, Cloud."
Cloud stood up, placing the now empty bowl on the table next to him.
"I know what questions you have, Cid. I'm doing this…for a friend, as a friend. I made a promise to Zack…one that I'm planning to honor…now that he's…gone…" The middle-aged man nodded. He had not understood it all. But it was enough.
At least for now.
***
The mansion was in the same state when he had last left it. Monsters still lurked silently in the basement; spiders scurried across the wood above when they entered. Cloud gingerly wiped the dust off his hands after feeling his way along the wall for the light switch. He had not bothered to clean up the house when he lived alone. But things were different now.
"Spike, if I die, love him for me. He needs humanity, much as he denies it, he craves for it more than anyone of us do."
Keep him sane for me, Spike.
Zack never begged him for anything. That was the only time, and Cloud had promised. He had broken too many vows in his entire life; another one to add to the list would not make a difference. But for a friend he had never had, for a teenage crush he had on the man who could never be his, he have got to keep this one. No matter how painful it was.
Light flooded the living room with a 'snap'.
Green eyes remained dull and calm on the outside as Sephiroth slowly took in his surroundings. Home at last. He thought. This was the place where he was made, born, and trained. This was where he had discovered the truth behind Jenova and where he had found, what he thought, was the opportunity to prove his worth.
"Home…home…" The ex-General murmured. Pale hands gripped the sides of his wheelchair tightly, his body struggling to fight the weakness the poison was doing to his body. He can't stay here! He wanted to scream. He could not stay in the one place that had so much to offer him, too much guilt, too much pain, and too much…memories…
"SEPHIROTH?!" Cloud exclaimed, running to stop the other man from causing harm to himself. He stroked his hand gently on the soft white hair, trying to calm Sephiroth down with whispered words. "It's okay, Sephiroth. I'm here. Let's go up, 'kay?"
A slight jerk of his wheelchair brought renewed panic to the man. No, I don't want to stay here! His heart pounded painfully against his ribcage. Cloud still had one hand on his shoulder, trying to sooth him.
I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE, CAN'T YOU SEE?!
…no…
………no…
……………NO!
A weak sound of protest was made as Cloud continued to carry the chair together with Sephiroth up the steps, not understanding what was it about the Shinra mansion that had caused the unrest in the white-haired man's mind.
He barely had the time to react when a stray cat came running towards them from the top of the steps, curling its warm body around his ankles before the men-chair entity came tumbling down the stairs.
"Damn cat…" Cloud complained, his hand reaching to the back of his head to massage the newly formed bump there. "Sephiroth?" He asked, looking around for the man. Blue Mako eyes widened in fright when he saw the said ex- general unconscious on the first step, lying in a puddle of blood forming quickly around his head.
***
I was here before. That was the first thought on his mind as he surveyed the calm forest around him.
"Never thought I'd see you here." He turned around, shock evident on his face when he saw a girl with light brown hair standing behind him. She was beautiful in her own sweet way, demure but strong-willed, with green eyes so much like his own.
"Who are you?" He asked.
The girl paused for a moment, teeth gritting slightly as if to regain control of her own emotions. The forest was silent, with the slight scent of pinewood in the light breeze. He closed his eyes and smiled, relaxing himself in the serenity of his surroundings.
"Aeris." She replied. He nodded, not knowing what to say to the girl he found strangely familiar.
Sephiroth!
He snapped up at the distant cry. Who was it? Aeris smiled and offered her hand to him, a gesture of acceptance and friendship. It was weird, with how little he knew of the girl but yet; there was this little part within him who craved for that gesture.
"Wake up from this dream, Sephiroth. Your lover's waiting for you on the other side."
"Wake up? How?"
Sephiroth!
"Like how you always do." How he always did? Yes, a warm body next to him, soft breathing by his ear as he opened his eyes to be greeted with a kiss, the gentle hazel eyes waiting for provide him with the courage to get past the day…
***
The image faded as quickly as it came, as Sephiroth became aware of the pain in his head. He grimaced slightly, resisting the urge to touch his head to make sure that it had not cracked open in several areas.
Eyelids fluttered open slowly, getting used to the sunlight streaming into the room through the crack in the curtains. Sharp green eyes darted around the room as a habit, trying to make sense of his current situation. A nurse stood on the left side of his bed, smiling at him nervously. And on the right side?
"Sephiroth? You alright?" A blond man with bright blue eyes asked worriedly. But Sephiroth could not recognize him.
Sephiroth? Was that his name? He searched his memories for the answer, coming up with a blank. But that girl in the dream had called me that…it should be…
"Who…who are you?" A mixed emotion crossed Cloud's face. Shock, relief, and fear all at the same time. Shock and relief to see recognition in those green eyes, instead of the vacant look he had seen for the past few days. The fall, somehow, had caused Sephiroth to recover from the poisoning, but as an exchange, he had lost his memories.
How much of it, Cloud had no idea.
"Cloud…Cloud Strife." The blond man stammered, looking nervously at the nurse next to him.
"Sorry, the name doesn't ring a bell."
The nurse placed a hand on Sephiroth's forehead, checking for a fever, and asking questions at the same time.
"Can you remember your name?"
"I…I think it's Sephiroth. But that's all I can remember."
"How many fingers am I holding up?"
"Three." She nodded slightly.
"I'll talk to the doctor about this." Cloud forced a smile before turning his attention back to the man on the bed.
"How do you feel?" Sephiroth did not reply, seemingly concentrated on something on the bed.
"You were holding my hand all this while?" The white haired man asked quietly. "What's…are you…what was our relationship like? Who are you to me?"
"What did you remember?"
"A lover." Sephiroth turned his head to face the windows, watching the birds perched on the sill. "I had a lover, but I can't remember his name or how he looked like. Are…are you him?"
A lover, Cloud took in the information dumbly. He tightened his hold on Sephiroth's hand and smiled, brushing the long bangs away from the beautiful face.
Green eyes widened in shock and regret as Sephiroth struggled to bring his other hand up, caressing Cloud's cheek gently.
"I'm…sorry I can't remember you…beloved…"
"It's okay, Seph."
Love him for me, Spike. Love him for me.
***
End of Prologue
To Be Continued
A FFVII Fanfiction by Majokai Yukiko
This is an amateur effort and does not intend to infringe on the rights of Squaresoft.
This story is set a week after Sephiroth was defeated, though some events in the past are altered due to the fact that Sephiroth had survived the Omnislash and Zack is still alive.
Pairing: Zack X Sephiroth, for now.
Warnings: Shounen-ai, angst.
I'll be loving you forever
Deep inside my heart you'll live and ever
Even if you took my heart and tore it apart
1 I will love you still forever
Mideel was a tired small town, with a small population and little happenings to spice up the lives of the townspeople. It was probably for the best though, Cloud thought, once again glad that Tifa had managed to convinced him into taking a vacation. Alone.
It was only a week since the final battle, a week since he had stopped Sephiroth from calling on Meteor and destroying the Planet. But somehow, instead of the relief and joy that he should feel, it was fatigue…and the need to understand the clenching in his heart whenever he recalled the events from long ago.
Aeris…the sweet little flower girl who sacrificed her life for the Planet. The only one who tried to tell him about his artificial memories without hurting him. But she died. By Sephiroth's hands. The lovely green eyes that had reminded him so much of…no, he would not go into that right now. Mideel would certainly be a good place for him to rearrange his thoughts and relax.
"Hey!" Cloud turned around, wondering for a moment as to who the petite little girl in the nurse uniform was.
"You remember me?" The nurse asked, smiling cheekily. Cloud shook his head truthfully, all the while trying to match the face with anyone in his memories.
"I don't blame you, you were down with a serious case of Mako poisoning when Doc and I found you."
Ahh…so that's it. The kind doctor and his assistant who had found him after he fell into the Lifestream…after he gave the Black Materia to…
"I'm sorry I can't remember you. Anyway, how's life?"
The young woman shrugged. "It's alright, I guess. But there's this other guy that got washed up a couple of days ago. Like you, Mako poisoning, but somewhat more serious. A pity though…he's kinda cute."
"Really?" Cloud answered, beginning to get bored with the conversation. "I'm here for a vacation, see ya around."
"Sure! See ya!"
Cloud waved a good-bye before walking towards the inn. Mako poisoning? Who is it this time? He wondered.
***
He could feel a gentle voice behind him, slowly pushing his wheelchair as she spoke, telling him about the weather that morning. His long silver hair was tied neatly into a ponytail, green Mako eyes staring into space without blinking or any sort of recognition in those eyes. Nobody here knew who he was, or what he had done. Nobody but himself.
The scene replayed itself over and over again in his mind. He saw himself smirk as he pushed the Masamune deeper into Zack's body. There was shock in the other man's eyes, disbelief and…love…
Love, for a creature like him. For the monster who had thought himself as God…
Why? How could you love somebody as worthless as me?
He could feel poison running through his veins, an overdose of Mako energy in him, taking away his life bit by bit. Slow, painful death. What else had he expected? He had betrayed the only person who had accepted him the way he was. Death…was too easy for him.
I had died when I killed you, my love. I'll see you soon…but…will you still want me back?
"Sephiroth?" The Shinra general turned around, unaware of the tear streaks running down his cheeks as Zack made his way across the room quickly, pulling his lover into an embrace.
"Zack? What's wrong?"
The dark-haired man pulled back a little, brushing the tears away from that beautiful face before bringing his fingers down to trace gently along the soft pink lips.
"Why are you crying, Seph?" Sephiroth shook his head, smiling slightly as he pushed the bangs away from his face.
"I was just thinking about us…and…" The look on his lover's face urged him to continue. "And about how long this would last…"
"Forever and a day, Seph. That's what I promised."
"And don't ever break that one. I'll die if you leave me. I…"
"Can't break it, love, not something so strong…"
"There's no need to cry," the nurse took out a handkerchief from her pockets, wiping away the tears. She sighed. "I wish I know what you are thinking of, if you are thinking at all." She rotated the wheelchair and made her way back to the clinic.
"Tell you what, I'll bring to this friend of mine tomorrow. He'd got Mako poisoning before, and recovered. Perhaps he could help you."
Perhaps he couldn't. Sephiroth had wanted to say, had his body permits him to speak. Or perhaps…I don't want him to.
***
"What's wrong?" Cloud asked, trying to catch his breath back after being dragged out of the house at…a look at his watch confirmed the timing…4.30 in the morning.
"Remember the guy I told you about yesterday, the one with Mako poisoning?" Cloud nodded. "I need your help with him. He…" The nurse paused, letting go of Cloud's hand to search for the keys in her pocket.
"He cried yesterday. You'd got Mako poisoning before, so I was thinking if you could help me." Blue Mako eyes widened in shock. Being poisoned only meant that your brain could no longer send messages to the rest of your body for it to operate properly. But to be able to cry…what could he be thinking about?
"There he is." Cloud followed the direction the finger was pointing to, only to freeze in shock when he recognized the man on the wheelchair.
"Sephiroth?"
***
"Anyone would assume that Sephiroth, the General of the Shinra Army, is a cold, heartless man with no feelings, and no qualms about killing; a man who is unable to love anyone else. But here I am, standing before the man himself, seeing a different picture all together."
"Oh?" Sephiroth raised an eyebrow. "How different?"
The SOLDIER smiled. "I see a man who is not only capable of loving, I see a lost child deprived of love, hope and friendship."
"Love, hope and friendship?" The General laughed. "How's that going to be important to me?"
"Because that's exactly what I'm going to give you."
"Z…Zac…" The nurse gasped, as she heard her patient speak something after three full days of silence.
"Sephiroth?" The look on Cloud's face was unreadable. It was a mixture of hope, fear, guilt, and at the same time, relief. The blond man moved a step closer, kneeling down slightly to place a hand on Sephiroth's pale face.
Oh my God, it's really him.
"Cloud?" He turned around, smiling reassuringly at the nurse. "Where's Doc? I think I need to talk to him about my…friend."
***
Fingers twitched slightly as eyelids struggled to open. His long dark hair floated messily in the green liquid his body was immersed in. The monitor next to the glass capsule beeped with an erratic rhythm as the man inside clenched his fists, his brain trying to process his current predicament.
Where am I? Zack questioned mentally. Being encased in another lab capsule was never his idea of heaven. It was never his idea of hell either.
Where else could I be? I'm dead, right?
He slowly brought his hands up, placing his palms on the cold surface of his liquid prison. Squinting his eyes, Zack struggled to take in the environment beyond the glass.
The Shinra mansion library? Why am I back here again?
Hojo? Impossible, as great a scientist as he was, he could never bring a dead man back to life. But then again, with Hojo, anything could be possible.
"Seph?" Fingers unconsciously moved down to trace at the wound at his abdomen. A reminder of love betrayed and promises broken.
A tear rolled from his eyes to join his green surroundings, as he waited.
***
"Hell! Cloud! You explain yourself right now! What the %$^&# is this thing about Sephiroth being alive?!" Cid's gruff voice came yelling across the PHS as Cloud made an effort not to wince while holding the device further away from his ear.
"Okay, you don't have to shout! Don't remind me that we killed him. I was there, remember? Sliced him up, TWICE!" Cloud took a deep breath to calm himself before continuing. "Just get the Highwind II over here, kay? I don't think the guy can handle a rough ride on the Chocobo. Please? I'll explain things when you're here."
"You have got lots of explaining to do when I get there." And the connection was off.
Cloud sighed, clipping his PHS back onto his belt and turned towards the other man in the room.
"Good morning, Sephiroth." Green eyes continued staring into deep space, lost in a world of their own. Cloud smiled sadly.
"The greatest General of all times, reduced to a mere invalid whose life depends on my whim." It frightened him, the power he now had over this man who had destroyed his hometown, killed his best friend and manipulated his mind as he pleased.
"Professor Hojo, please…give me a number!"
But I had wanted it, didn't I? A question to ponder on later, but now, he would just concentrate on bringing this man back onto his feet.
"Zac…Zack…" A tear ran down his beautiful face, as he continued to mourn for his dead lover.
"Shh, don't cry," Cloud put his arms lovingly around his ex-nemesis, pressing his cheeks onto Sephiroth's cold one. "He forgives you, Sephiroth. He really did. All that five years we spent in the lab, he told me all about you, Sephiroth. He never blamed you for all that you've done, Sephiroth."
Why am I doing this?
"Hey, Spike?" Zack grinned weakly as he leant against the glass wall the two cells had shared.
"Yes?"
"I don't know what you are thinking of right now, but don't blame Seph, kay?"
"I don't know; you were that one who got stabbed."
"And you were the one whose hometown got destroyed. Look, Spike, Seph always have got a good reason for doing anything. He never had a family to talk about, and this time…well, he just snapped." A forced shrug as Zack placed his hand over his torso, determined not to whimper at the memory of that wound there.
"When you get out, Spike, promise me, tell Seph…I never hate him." I don't want him to live the rest of his life in guilt.
"You love him." It was a statement, not a question in need of an answer.
A nod. "And I know you do too." Zack waited for a protest, but there was none. He turned around, smiling slightly when he saw the boy asleep with fatigue evident on his face.
"Spike, if I die, love him for me. He needs humanity, much as he denies it, he craves for it more than anyone of us do."
Keep him sane for me, Spike.
***
"Hey, you there!" Young Sephiroth looked back with a raised eyebrow, not at all expecting a fist aimed squarely at his jaw. Reflectively, he reached for his attacker, hand clasped around his throat and pinned him to the ground.
Surprisingly, instead of the hostility he had expected to see, the young boy, no older than him, gave him a cheeky smirk in reply.
"Nice to meet ya, Seph! Oh, by the way, the name's Zack!"
***
"You see that boy over there, the one with white hair, that's Professor Hojo's son." Students all over the academy were whispering about the new celebrity that had entered the academy with top scores in all that tests he had taken: Sephiroth, son of the head of the Shinra Scientific Research Faculty.
There was awe in their voices, envy in their eyes, and disgust in their minds. Whether or not he had entered with true abilities or by pulling strings, they had no idea. The Principal could have allowed him to enter at the value of his father's reputation. And even if that had not helped, certainly the pretty face had. It was no secret regarding President Shinra's sexual orientation, and the SOLDIER academy, was directly under the President after all.
The said boy stood alone at the end of the playground, eyes roaming and observing the other children around, engrossed in their games. There was nobody who wanted to play with him.
Nobody at all.
"Hi!" Sephiroth threw a glance at the dark haired boy who had given him a bruised jaw the day before. Rolling his eyes, he began to make his way back to the dormitories.
"Hey, I called you!"
"I've heard." But he did not slow down his pace of walking.
"Hey, I'm sorry about yesterday, 'kay? That was the only way to get your attention." Now that made Sephiroth pause and looked back at the boy.
"Am I…am I really that hard to get along?"
"You bet! Brr…all that 'stay away from me or I'll summon Shiva' crap! What d'ya think?" Zack placed a casual hand on his hip and rest his weight on one foot, not making any effort to close the distance between the two of them.
Sephiroth cast his eyes on the grass under his feet. "I see…"
"Argh, that's not…fine!" With three large strides, Zack stopped right in front of the white-haired boy, placed his thumbs at each edge of his lips and forced them to turn upwards comically.
"There! That's better! Now stay like that all day."
The two boys remained in silence for a while, staring into each other's eyes before bursting into laughter.
"That…" Sephiroth laughed, wiping the tears away from his eyes. "…was the dumbest thing I've ever done in my entire lifetime!"
"And you stayed like that for a full minute!! With that stupid look on your face!!!" Zack added.
Time stopped for the rest of the world as the two boys struggled to regain a neutral expression on their faces. Nobody had expected the stoic Sephiroth to laugh, much less to share a joke with someone else.
***
A soft smile distended his face as Zack recalled the happier memories he had shared with his best friend, and later, his lover. He needed to hold on to these for as long as he could, until dreams became nightmares.
***
Sephiroth had his back facing the door when Zack returned to the room they shared. The white-haired man stood tensely, knuckles white from grabbing the windowsills too tightly.
"Seph?" Zack asked tentatively. Despite of what Sephiroth himself had thought; the man was never good had hiding his feelings. Right now, Zack could practically see the storm blowing in his angel's mind, waiting for the right time to strike.
"Seph, are you alright?" Zack approached the silent figure carefully, putting a comforting hand over the tortured knuckles. "Stop squeezing the breath of these windows, Seph, you're hurting yourself."
"I'm alright. Don't worry about me, Zack. There's no need to." The tone was guarded, as if he had something else to say, but not quite daring to voice it out loud.
"Zack?"
"Hm?"
"Where were you today? I didn't see you at training."
Shit. Zack thought, rummaging through his brain for a suitable lie. He could not tell Sephiroth that he missed SOLDIER training to sneak out to the slums, just to meet a girl he had known for barely a week. He would take it all the wrong way round, Zack reasoned. He would believe that I have something going on with Aeris, convince himself of his worthlessness. Again.
"I…I…was at Midgar." Better to stick as close to the truth as possible.
"I see. Doing what?"
Shitshitshitshitshit!
"Huh? Oh, I was…I was visiting a friend."
"Ah. Of course you had other friends. I was just another number on the list." He muttered, more to himself than to Zack.
"Seph?"
"How old is she?"
"Huh?"
"The friend you visited today, that sweet-looking girl with brown hair and green eyes."
"I…I don't know."
His lover turned around and studied his face, watching him as his dark eyes flicked uncomfortably around the room, searching for something to focus on. Anything but the look of pain, hurt and guilt in Sephiroth's eyes. As far as Sephiroth was concerned, this was the worst combination anyone could come up with.
"I see." No, you don't! "I…get some sleep, Zack. It must have been a tiring day for you."
Not as bad as yours, Seph. Zack mused, knowing fully well that Hojo would be at the base tomorrow to run a monthly check on his 'darling' son and there was nothing he or Sephiroth could do about it.
***
Building the friendship between them was never smooth. It took Zack long enough for Sephiroth to open up, and it had taken him even longer to get the General to recognize some worth in himself. Every time after Sephiroth finally managed to acknowledge his achievement, a fallback, a slight show of weakness or an insult would bring them back to square one.
"You're not God, Sephy! I make mistakes, you make mistakes, the whole Goddamned world is a mistake!" Zack yelled, fingers running through his hair out of irritation and frustration.
"But my mistake caused the death of five troopers!"
"So what?! We are fighting a bleedin' war over here with Hojo's precious Mako reactors! Accidents happen; people die. But I'm alive and you're alive, and that's all that bloody matters to me!"
"You don't understand." The white-haired man slumped wearily onto the floor, pulling his knees up and hugging them close to his chest. It was getting difficult for him to continue in this pretense of life. Too many masks to put on; too many facades donned. He was tired of this life, this world, and himself.
"Of course I don't understand! I don't understand you and your fuckin' obsession for perfection and Godhood!"
***
Yes, everybody made mistakes in some time or another of their lives, however short it might be. But some mistakes were lethal, and Zack paid for that one all too well.
It was his fault. He should have noticed the haunted look in those beautiful green eyes after they fought the dragon on the way to Nibelheim. He should have seen how confused and upset Sephiroth was when they arrived at the inn. Zack had insisted on accompanying Sephiroth on this particular mission, despite his health condition after the previous mission botched up. He should never have left his lover alone in the library, desperately trying to sort out the confusion in his mind.
He should have known better. He could have steered Sephiroth away from the brink and bring him over to the safe side before he snapped. But he failed.
***
"Come on, Sephiroth, you've got to eat." Cloud patiently nudged the spoon into the other man's mouth, feeding him with the plain porridge he had prepared himself.
The entire scene was too disturbing for Cid. He had seen the same scene before, when Tifa and him found Cloud in Mideel, down with an almost fatal case of Mako poisoning. Tifa had left their little group for some time, devoting her time to taking care of the blond man. It was a tough job, testing on both the physical and the mental. For Tifa, it was love for Cloud that had provided her with the patience to take care of the sick man. What about this case? What could Cloud be thinking of when he asked Cid to bring him and his ex-nemesis, sick or well, back to the Shinra mansion, where Cloud had made home after the white-haired man supposedly died.
The pilot turned away and focused his attention to maneuver Highwind II into a safe landing. Somehow, he would rather keep his suspicions instead of having them confirmed by Cloud.
"I'll leave you here then, Cloud."
Cloud stood up, placing the now empty bowl on the table next to him.
"I know what questions you have, Cid. I'm doing this…for a friend, as a friend. I made a promise to Zack…one that I'm planning to honor…now that he's…gone…" The middle-aged man nodded. He had not understood it all. But it was enough.
At least for now.
***
The mansion was in the same state when he had last left it. Monsters still lurked silently in the basement; spiders scurried across the wood above when they entered. Cloud gingerly wiped the dust off his hands after feeling his way along the wall for the light switch. He had not bothered to clean up the house when he lived alone. But things were different now.
"Spike, if I die, love him for me. He needs humanity, much as he denies it, he craves for it more than anyone of us do."
Keep him sane for me, Spike.
Zack never begged him for anything. That was the only time, and Cloud had promised. He had broken too many vows in his entire life; another one to add to the list would not make a difference. But for a friend he had never had, for a teenage crush he had on the man who could never be his, he have got to keep this one. No matter how painful it was.
Light flooded the living room with a 'snap'.
Green eyes remained dull and calm on the outside as Sephiroth slowly took in his surroundings. Home at last. He thought. This was the place where he was made, born, and trained. This was where he had discovered the truth behind Jenova and where he had found, what he thought, was the opportunity to prove his worth.
"Home…home…" The ex-General murmured. Pale hands gripped the sides of his wheelchair tightly, his body struggling to fight the weakness the poison was doing to his body. He can't stay here! He wanted to scream. He could not stay in the one place that had so much to offer him, too much guilt, too much pain, and too much…memories…
"SEPHIROTH?!" Cloud exclaimed, running to stop the other man from causing harm to himself. He stroked his hand gently on the soft white hair, trying to calm Sephiroth down with whispered words. "It's okay, Sephiroth. I'm here. Let's go up, 'kay?"
A slight jerk of his wheelchair brought renewed panic to the man. No, I don't want to stay here! His heart pounded painfully against his ribcage. Cloud still had one hand on his shoulder, trying to sooth him.
I DON'T WANT TO BE HERE, CAN'T YOU SEE?!
…no…
………no…
……………NO!
A weak sound of protest was made as Cloud continued to carry the chair together with Sephiroth up the steps, not understanding what was it about the Shinra mansion that had caused the unrest in the white-haired man's mind.
He barely had the time to react when a stray cat came running towards them from the top of the steps, curling its warm body around his ankles before the men-chair entity came tumbling down the stairs.
"Damn cat…" Cloud complained, his hand reaching to the back of his head to massage the newly formed bump there. "Sephiroth?" He asked, looking around for the man. Blue Mako eyes widened in fright when he saw the said ex- general unconscious on the first step, lying in a puddle of blood forming quickly around his head.
***
I was here before. That was the first thought on his mind as he surveyed the calm forest around him.
"Never thought I'd see you here." He turned around, shock evident on his face when he saw a girl with light brown hair standing behind him. She was beautiful in her own sweet way, demure but strong-willed, with green eyes so much like his own.
"Who are you?" He asked.
The girl paused for a moment, teeth gritting slightly as if to regain control of her own emotions. The forest was silent, with the slight scent of pinewood in the light breeze. He closed his eyes and smiled, relaxing himself in the serenity of his surroundings.
"Aeris." She replied. He nodded, not knowing what to say to the girl he found strangely familiar.
Sephiroth!
He snapped up at the distant cry. Who was it? Aeris smiled and offered her hand to him, a gesture of acceptance and friendship. It was weird, with how little he knew of the girl but yet; there was this little part within him who craved for that gesture.
"Wake up from this dream, Sephiroth. Your lover's waiting for you on the other side."
"Wake up? How?"
Sephiroth!
"Like how you always do." How he always did? Yes, a warm body next to him, soft breathing by his ear as he opened his eyes to be greeted with a kiss, the gentle hazel eyes waiting for provide him with the courage to get past the day…
***
The image faded as quickly as it came, as Sephiroth became aware of the pain in his head. He grimaced slightly, resisting the urge to touch his head to make sure that it had not cracked open in several areas.
Eyelids fluttered open slowly, getting used to the sunlight streaming into the room through the crack in the curtains. Sharp green eyes darted around the room as a habit, trying to make sense of his current situation. A nurse stood on the left side of his bed, smiling at him nervously. And on the right side?
"Sephiroth? You alright?" A blond man with bright blue eyes asked worriedly. But Sephiroth could not recognize him.
Sephiroth? Was that his name? He searched his memories for the answer, coming up with a blank. But that girl in the dream had called me that…it should be…
"Who…who are you?" A mixed emotion crossed Cloud's face. Shock, relief, and fear all at the same time. Shock and relief to see recognition in those green eyes, instead of the vacant look he had seen for the past few days. The fall, somehow, had caused Sephiroth to recover from the poisoning, but as an exchange, he had lost his memories.
How much of it, Cloud had no idea.
"Cloud…Cloud Strife." The blond man stammered, looking nervously at the nurse next to him.
"Sorry, the name doesn't ring a bell."
The nurse placed a hand on Sephiroth's forehead, checking for a fever, and asking questions at the same time.
"Can you remember your name?"
"I…I think it's Sephiroth. But that's all I can remember."
"How many fingers am I holding up?"
"Three." She nodded slightly.
"I'll talk to the doctor about this." Cloud forced a smile before turning his attention back to the man on the bed.
"How do you feel?" Sephiroth did not reply, seemingly concentrated on something on the bed.
"You were holding my hand all this while?" The white haired man asked quietly. "What's…are you…what was our relationship like? Who are you to me?"
"What did you remember?"
"A lover." Sephiroth turned his head to face the windows, watching the birds perched on the sill. "I had a lover, but I can't remember his name or how he looked like. Are…are you him?"
A lover, Cloud took in the information dumbly. He tightened his hold on Sephiroth's hand and smiled, brushing the long bangs away from the beautiful face.
Green eyes widened in shock and regret as Sephiroth struggled to bring his other hand up, caressing Cloud's cheek gently.
"I'm…sorry I can't remember you…beloved…"
"It's okay, Seph."
Love him for me, Spike. Love him for me.
***
End of Prologue
To Be Continued