Title: Fallen (Part 1 of 2)
Author:S A Martin
Synopsis: Josh has discovered Leo's secret, but Josh has a secret of his own.
Characters: Josh, Leo, Mallory and Donna
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers:Anything up to S5, Disaster Relief.
Leo had his back to Mallory when she entered the room, she wasn't even sure he knew she was there. When she saw what he was doing, she was positive he didn't.
"What the hell are you doing?" she asked.
Leo stopped pouring the drink and slowly turned to face his daughter. "How did you get in?"
"You gave me a key, which must now seem like a huge mistake." Mallory tried to stay calm, because ranting and raving really wouldn't help. "What are you doing?" she repeated.
"Having a drink."
"I can see that. Why?"
"Why?" Leo appeared to consider the question. "Because there comes a time when you just have to admit that you can't do it anymore, that you should give in to the inevitable. You want one?"
"No." Mallory glared at her father. "It's been nine years, you've not had a drink in nine years."
"Yes I have."
"What?"
"Ask Josh." Leo wasn't sure why he's wanted to get Josh in trouble, but he was very sure he didn't want to take the blame alone. "St Louis, 1998."
Mallory eventually found herself outside the White House, stood with the tourists looking at the building, with no idea what to do next. There would be no point in telling in her mother, she had her own life now and no interest in her father anymore. She could tell Jordan, though she wasn't sure whether they were still dating, but who else was there? She could hardly march into the White House and tell the president. No one in the family would have any success in talking to him, they never have in the past. So that put the onus on her. She cast one more glance at the building and started to walk away.
"Mal," a familiar voice called to her.
Mallory turned and tried to smile. "Hey," she replied, as Josh joined her. "You been working?"
"Just got back from a trip, wanted to check my desk."
"That it was still there?"
"Well you never know," Josh grinned. He studied Mallory, she looked like she had been crying. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"Okay. You want to go and get a drink?"
Mallory's laugh was bitter. "Only if it's coffee."
"Coffee's fine," Josh replied.
They drove to Josh's apartment in silence. Mallory trying to get the image of her father, with a tumbler of whiskey in his hand, out of her head and Josh wondering who had upset her. When they reached the building they went in and Josh made coffee, while waiting for Mallory to talk. After a few minutes he gave up.
"What you been up to?" he asked.
"Not much. Where was your trip to?"
"Norway."
"Norway?"
"It was cold," Josh smiled as he handed her a mug of coffee. "How's your mom?"
"Far too happy," Mal replied. "Is my dad still seeing Jordan?"
Josh shrugged, "We don't really discuss that stuff." Recently they haven't discussed anything, let alone their private lives. "Why?"
"I don't know. She was good for him, I just wondered. Why did no one tell me about St Louis?"
"I've been away. What's happened in St Louis?"
"On the campaign, the first campaign. He got drunk and you knew."
Josh looked uncomfortable with the turn in conversation."He wanted it kept secret, he didn't want you or your mom to know."
"Drunks love their secrets don't they?" Mal snapped.
"It was five years ago, what's happened to bring it up now."
"Forget it."
Josh had a bad feeling as he watched Mallory turn away from him. Suddenly everything from the last few weeks fell into place. "Is he drinking again?" he asked quietly.
Mallory turned to face him and the look in her eyes said it all.
On Monday, when the rest of the staff left Leo's office, Josh stayed behind, but Leo had already turned to his computer and was reading an email.
"Leo."
"Yeah?" Leo asked, not bothering to turn round.
"So, I saw Mal yesterday."
Leo stopped what he was doing, but still didn't turn to face Josh.
"She was upset," Josh continued.
Still Leo sat facing the monitor, not moving, unwilling to look at Josh.
"She said she'd seen you earlier," Josh prompted.
"How is this your business?" Leo asked.
"Mallory's my friend," Josh replied.
"So you thought you'd come and save me did you?"
"You can't do this, Leo."
"It's my life, Josh, I can do what the hell I want with it and I don't need lectures off of you."
Josh ignored his boss and carried on. "How long have you been drinking again."
"Were you not listening, it's none of your damn business. Go and do the work you're paid for and stop trying to be my conscience."
Over the next few days Josh watched as Leo continued to tear into the staff for petty things, and he wondered if any of them had considered what he knew. Mostly he wondered whether the president had realized, but he guessed not or he would surely have spoken to Leo about it. By Thursday he decided to talk to Leo again. He waited until most people had gone home and then went to Leo's office.
"You got a minute?" he asked.
"Not really, can't it wait?"
"When's Margaret back?"
"Monday."
"Does she know?" Josh asked as he closed the office door.
"Not unless you told her."
"You think you can keep it from her."
"It doesn't matter either way."
"Why are you doing this?" Josh demanded.
Leo sighed. He'd known this conversation was coming, the only surprise was that it had taken so long. "When you've had a shit day what do you do? You go home and have a drink. You go to CJ's office and have a drink. You go to bar... You see where this is heading."
"I'm not an alcoholic."
"No you're not. So don't think you can even begin to understand. Do you know how hard the last few months have been?"
"Yes, I've been here too in case you hadn't noticed."
"Yes I noticed. I've noticed you come in with a hangover, I've noticed Donna alternating between fussing round you and getting exasperated with you. You have that luxury. You can go out and get completely hammered. Well I've missed that. Okay?"
"No, it's not okay. What's the thing you want most at the moment?"
"You to leave."
"I'm serious."
"So am I," Leo replied.
Josh ignored him. "You want a drink. That's the difference. You've started drinking again and now that's all you want. You can't do this to yourself or your family or your friends." Josh glanced toward the Oval Office. "Does he know?
"You think I'd tell him, are you insane?"
"I think he's going to notice. He's known you a long time, he'll be able to tell."
"You couldn't. If Mallory hadn't told you, you'd never have known."
"How long?" Josh asked.
"Few weeks. I don't need saving. I'm fine."
"Really? Well you look at the staff tomorrow morning, you look at their faces and tell me if they're fine."
"What have......?"
"You've been making our lives hell, Leo. If you can honestly tell me that everything's fine, that the staff are fine...."
"You'll leave me alone?"
"No. You need help, Leo, you need to talk to someone."
"Don't go thinking that you can save me, Josh. Don't think for one minute that I'm going to tell you my deepest secrets and fears and don't think you can be my buddy. You have no idea what this is like."
"No, I don't know what it's like to be an alcoholic. But I do know what's it's like to feel out of control, to feel your grip on life is slipping away. I do how frightening that is and how you'll grab any lifeline you can find. I grabbed work, you're grabbing alcohol. The outcome's the same though. You push everyone away, hoping that they won't notice what you're doing and you still deny to yourself and everyone else that there's any problem."
"There isn't...."
"Yes there is. You're on a downward spiral and you're taking us with you. I'm not going to let you destroy yourself, neither will Margaret and neither will the president."
"Don't even think about talking to him, Josh."
"Of course I won't. I just want to help. And don't tell me to leave you alone, because that isn't going to happen."
"Why do you always have to do this?" Leo asked, angrily. "Do you know how annoying it is. Maybe if you spent less time trying to protect me, and mostly failing, and more time doing the work you're paid for, you wouldn't screw up quite so often."
"Fine. Do what you want," Josh replied as he left the office.
SATURDAY
"Who the hell is that?"
"Leave it," Josh replied, without even opening his eyes.
"How can you sleep through it. I'm going to see who it is."
"Okay," Josh muttered, rolling over.
Donna sighed and climbed out of bed. She walked across the darkened apartment and peeped out of the front window to see who was ringing Josh's doorbell at 3am. She was a little shocked to see Leo stood on the stoop. She pulled quickly away from the window and went back to the bedroom.
"Wake up," she told Josh.
"Come back to bed."
"It's Leo."
"Umm?"
"At the door, it's Leo."
"Time is it?"
"Just gone 3."
"Okay. Stay in here, I'll get rid of him."
Josh opened his apartment door, walked along the corridor and opened the building's main door. "Do you know what time it is?" he asked Leo.
"What the hell do you think you're doing talking to the president?" Leo demanded.
"Come in." Josh walked back to his apartment and let Leo inside. "About what?" he asked.
"Me."
"I haven't......"
"Don't deny it. He came to talk to me. Said he was concerned that I may be drinking again. Now I wonder who could have given him that idea?"
"You," Josh suggested.
"What did you think, he'd go over my head and give you back the work I took away?"
"I didn't...."
"Maybe you thought he'd promote you."
"Have you heard yourself?" Josh shouted back, forgetting for a second that Donna was in the next room. "You really think I'd do that? You really think I'd go running to the president with the intent of ruining your career? Jesus, Leo. When I spoke to you I was trying to help you, though God knows why I bothered."
"Trying to help me? How the hell can you help me?"
Josh shook his head, the memory of the previous day's argument still very fresh in his mind. "I obvious can't. Though I was always good enough in the past when you had nowhere else to stay, as were my parents. Is that why you kept in touch with me when I started working in Washington, a convenient place to crash?"
"More than likely," Leo replied.
Josh's first instinct was to throw Leo out, but he was drunk and Josh was worried where he would end up if he left.
In the bedroom Donna listened to the conversation with mounting concern. She couldn't hear everything that was being said, but she'd got the general gist - Leo was drunk, the president knew and Leo blamed Josh.
"You never use to be a paranoid drunk, Leo, but I guess the stakes are higher now," Donna heard Josh say. She wished he wouldn't shout at Leo, how the hell was that going to help? But she was still trying to understand this. Leo was drunk, aggressively drunk by the sound of it. They were talking more quietly and she couldn't hear what was being said, she didn't know if that was good or bad. Suddenly the bedroom door opened and closed again.
"Sorry about this," Josh said. "I guess you heard that?"
"Some of it. What's going on?" she whispered.
"He's going to have to stay in the guest room."
Donna nodded. "I'll go."
"No. I'll tell him. He has to know sometime?" Josh's statement was actually a question.
"Okay." Donna climbed out of bed. "You look after him, I'll make coffee."
Josh returned to the living room and Donna walked into the kitchen. "You're staying here tonight," Josh told Leo.
Leo started to argue, but all the fight had gone out of him. He sat down and nodded.
"Donna's here," Josh continued.
Leo looked up at Josh. "Why?"
"She stays over sometimes."
"You're dating your assistant?" Leo demanded.
"I don't think you're really in a position to judge anyone at the moment, Leo," Josh replied.
The next day, Sunday, Josh was awake early, though Donna doubted he'd slept at all. "I should go home," she said.
"I'd rather you stayed. I think there's less chance of me hitting him if you're here."
Donna assumed Josh was joking, until she saw his face. "What did he say to you?"
"We argued about stuff. Maybe he didn't mean it, I don't know."
"Last night?" Donna asked, she thought she'd head most of their conversation.
"No. On Friday, in his office. Which I'm guessing is when the president found out."
"I'll make some breakfast," Donna said. "You go and check on him."
Josh knocked gently on the guest room door but got no response. He opened the door slightly, "You okay?" he asked the darkness.
"Yeah."
"You want a drink or something?"
Leo laughed, "I suppose by drink you mean coffee?"
"Yes."
"Please."
"Donna's still here by the way."
"Okay."
Twenty minutes later Leo was sat on the living room sofa, nursing a mug of coffee and a sore head. He had had two aspirin, but what he really wanted was a drink. When Josh walked into the living room, Leo went to stand. "I'm going to go home."
"No you're not," Josh told him.
"Excuse me?"
"You're not going home. You go home and you'll drink. Anyway, we need to talk."
"Yes we do," Leo agreed as he sat back down. "You're sleeping with your assistant."
"Yes. But that's not we need to talk about."
"I think it is."
"Okay, go on."
"She's your assistant, Josh. Do you know how it'd look?"
"You think it might damage my reputation?" Josh asked. "You think senators might not want to meet with me if they know I'm dating Donna? Oh no, hang on, that doesn't matter anymore. I don't have a reputation, or much of a job."
"So you thought you might as well sleep with your assistant?"
"I thought, we thought, it was about time we put ourselves first. We thought after five years we deserved a little happiness, even if it has to be in secret." Josh told him. "I don't want to talk about me and Donna. I want to know why you're drinking?"
"Because I'm an alcoholic."
"That's a shit answer and you know it. Plenty alcoholics never drink again."
"Like your father?"
"Don't bring..."
"You think he never fell off the wagon? He wasn't as perfect as you think."
"I know he did," Josh saw the surprise on Leo's face. "What? You thought you were going to tell me something I didn't know. Did you actually think you could damage his memory?" he shouted. "He was twice the man you'll ever be."
That was more than Donna could take. She walked in from the bedroom, where she'd been trying to read a book, although she'd read the same paragraph five times. "Stop it both of you. What the hell's wrong with you? Are you deliberately trying to hurt each other?"
Josh glared from Donna to Leo before storming into the kitchen where he stood against the fridge and tried to calm down. Leo just hung his head.
Donna joined Josh in the kitchen. "You okay?"
"No."
"He doesn't mean it, he's not exactly himself."
"He's sober."
"Doesn't mean he's acting like himself."
"I don't care. Let someone else deal with him."
"You don't mean that," Donna said.
"Yes, I do."
"Will you stop looking at me like that."
"Why are you pretending that you don't care?"
"Because... you heard what he said, Donna."
"Yes, you're angry with him, I understand that, but that doesn't stop you caring."
"Really?"
"When someone you care about talks to you like that, when they say things that seem designed to upset you, of course it hurts, but you still care."
"How did you get to be an expert?" Josh asked.
"I have a very close friend who finds it hard to ask for help. When he was going through a bad time a few years ago, he said things that he's probably forgotten about now."
Josh looked at Donna and chewed his lip. "No I haven't. I'm still really sorry for the things I said." He smiled slightly, "You did look good in that dress though."
"I know, that's why I bought it." Donna smiled. "Call him, make sure he's OK."
Josh shook his head. "We'll just end up arguing again."
"Then I'll call."