Other Things
I make my way into the newly reopened Bronze with exactly one thing on my mind: her. The slayer. The bane of my existence. Can't bloody stand her is what it is. Her and the bloody Scoobies, bugger 'em all with their self righteousness and superhero tendencies, it's enough to drive a vamp insane it is. The slayer's the worst, strutting around like she owns all of Sunnyhell, I'd like to show her a thing or two if I got this sodding chip out of my head, put her in her place, in fact there are a lot of other things I'd like to show the slayer.
Bad vampire! Don't think of the slayer that way, she's my natural enemy, the little girl I've spent a lot o time trying to kill. The girl that put me in a wheel chair a while back. Filthy sodding human. God she's beautiful, I've just spotted her, sitting all alone at a table, watchin' her chums all off with their lovers.
"Bleedin crime it is," I offer conversation casually as I sit down beside her. "Jackin' up the price to pay for this stink hole. Not my fault insurance doesn't cover act of troll." I wonder if she's noticed that I dressed nicely for her tonight, more human like. Not that I want to resemble captain cardboard, not that I want her to see me as a man, not that I even did it for her really. I just wonder if she'll notice - if she'll like it?
"Gee maybe it's time you found a new place to patronize," God I love it when she talks to me.
"I've half a mind to! Especially since the flowering onion got remodeled off the sodding menu," I lean in towards her wondering if she likes the scent of my new cologne. "'S the only thing this place had going for it."
She scrunches her face into an unpleasant look, "What are you doing?" she inquires.
I'm a bit caught off guard. What am I doing? Flirting? NO! vampires do not flirt with slayers, not unless they're poofy ensouled vampires. "Wha, what do you mean what am ... I ..." Smooth Big Bad, real smooth.
"Here? At this table? Talking to me. Like we're some kind of talking buddies." She sounds irritated, usually I love it when I irritate her, but this time I'm too busy coming up with an excuse to try to vex her further.
"Well, I saw you ... sitting here alone. Thought, I don't know, you could, maybe do with a bit of, uh, you know, company." She quirks and eyebrow at me and I'm disgusted with myself for being such a Nancy. "Suit yourself!" I reply trying to maintain my dignity. I'm about to leave when I see her look back at the dance floor, "Although." I sit back down wondering if I can finally win he over tonight. "It's just, we took on that Glory chippie together, I was right there with you, fightin' the fight."
"Actually, you were sleeping the sleep of the knocked unconscious," she reminds me. Oh, so she's going to play that game.
"Still, points for intent." I argue. She looks doubtful and I begin to lose hope. "You'd think that would be enough to cut me a sliver of slack. Earn a little consideration, respect."
I'm rudely interrupted by the whelp. "Hey, uh, Evil Dead, you're in my seat."
I'm done dealing with this. I knew I hated these people for a reason. " Buggar it." I knock over a beer bottle as a distracting as I pocket the whelp's money laying on the table. I head in the direction of the bar, I need some booze, who am I kidding, I always need booze. Just as I'm paying for my bourbon, the construction worker shows up to scold me on what a naughty boy I've been for stealing his money. Sometimes I think annoying this boy is almost as fun as annoying the slayer, usually less painful as well actually.
That's when I notice Buffy chatting with some bloke over by the sofa. All the fun is gone out of our argument. I need to get out of her, this girl drives me bloody INSANE!
~~
I steal the paper out of an old mans hands at the bus stop, ignoring his shouts of anger, oh yeah, I'm still the Big Bad. Looks like there's a new badass vamp in town. And I care because why? Well, there are some sorry minions living near the scene of the mass murder (this vamp obviously wasn't just killing to feed), maybe the slayer would like to know about these vamps. Maybe she'd like me to show her. Maybe I could show her some other things.
I make my way into the newly reopened Bronze with exactly one thing on my mind: her. The slayer. The bane of my existence. Can't bloody stand her is what it is. Her and the bloody Scoobies, bugger 'em all with their self righteousness and superhero tendencies, it's enough to drive a vamp insane it is. The slayer's the worst, strutting around like she owns all of Sunnyhell, I'd like to show her a thing or two if I got this sodding chip out of my head, put her in her place, in fact there are a lot of other things I'd like to show the slayer.
Bad vampire! Don't think of the slayer that way, she's my natural enemy, the little girl I've spent a lot o time trying to kill. The girl that put me in a wheel chair a while back. Filthy sodding human. God she's beautiful, I've just spotted her, sitting all alone at a table, watchin' her chums all off with their lovers.
"Bleedin crime it is," I offer conversation casually as I sit down beside her. "Jackin' up the price to pay for this stink hole. Not my fault insurance doesn't cover act of troll." I wonder if she's noticed that I dressed nicely for her tonight, more human like. Not that I want to resemble captain cardboard, not that I want her to see me as a man, not that I even did it for her really. I just wonder if she'll notice - if she'll like it?
"Gee maybe it's time you found a new place to patronize," God I love it when she talks to me.
"I've half a mind to! Especially since the flowering onion got remodeled off the sodding menu," I lean in towards her wondering if she likes the scent of my new cologne. "'S the only thing this place had going for it."
She scrunches her face into an unpleasant look, "What are you doing?" she inquires.
I'm a bit caught off guard. What am I doing? Flirting? NO! vampires do not flirt with slayers, not unless they're poofy ensouled vampires. "Wha, what do you mean what am ... I ..." Smooth Big Bad, real smooth.
"Here? At this table? Talking to me. Like we're some kind of talking buddies." She sounds irritated, usually I love it when I irritate her, but this time I'm too busy coming up with an excuse to try to vex her further.
"Well, I saw you ... sitting here alone. Thought, I don't know, you could, maybe do with a bit of, uh, you know, company." She quirks and eyebrow at me and I'm disgusted with myself for being such a Nancy. "Suit yourself!" I reply trying to maintain my dignity. I'm about to leave when I see her look back at the dance floor, "Although." I sit back down wondering if I can finally win he over tonight. "It's just, we took on that Glory chippie together, I was right there with you, fightin' the fight."
"Actually, you were sleeping the sleep of the knocked unconscious," she reminds me. Oh, so she's going to play that game.
"Still, points for intent." I argue. She looks doubtful and I begin to lose hope. "You'd think that would be enough to cut me a sliver of slack. Earn a little consideration, respect."
I'm rudely interrupted by the whelp. "Hey, uh, Evil Dead, you're in my seat."
I'm done dealing with this. I knew I hated these people for a reason. " Buggar it." I knock over a beer bottle as a distracting as I pocket the whelp's money laying on the table. I head in the direction of the bar, I need some booze, who am I kidding, I always need booze. Just as I'm paying for my bourbon, the construction worker shows up to scold me on what a naughty boy I've been for stealing his money. Sometimes I think annoying this boy is almost as fun as annoying the slayer, usually less painful as well actually.
That's when I notice Buffy chatting with some bloke over by the sofa. All the fun is gone out of our argument. I need to get out of her, this girl drives me bloody INSANE!
~~
I steal the paper out of an old mans hands at the bus stop, ignoring his shouts of anger, oh yeah, I'm still the Big Bad. Looks like there's a new badass vamp in town. And I care because why? Well, there are some sorry minions living near the scene of the mass murder (this vamp obviously wasn't just killing to feed), maybe the slayer would like to know about these vamps. Maybe she'd like me to show her. Maybe I could show her some other things.