By Jane Doe
Disclaimer: I do not own CSI and all research done for this is accessible by the Encyclopedia Smithsonian. Everything else is my imagination.
Notes: One of my all time favorite G/S moments was one I didn't see coming. The demeanor Grissom possessed by the hockey rink is still a pleasure even though I've seen it several times. I used that similar abruptness and shock in this piece. I think it serves it well.
Unlike the other installments, this one proved the most difficult. It was the first part of 'Mating Rituals' that I wrote down, hence giving me direction for the others.
Well, please read and review if you have the time. Thanks and like always, enjoy.
Part III: Mating
Internal fertilization by insertion of the male intromittent organ into the female genital tract for deposition of sperm is the usual method of copulation. There are exceptions, of course, and the most dramatic is perhaps the bedbug, where males actually pierce the body cavity of the female with their penis to deposit sperm. Springtails (Order Collembola) are exceptional also in that the male produces spermatophores and places them in a circle around the female. The male then performs a courtship dance, encouraging the female to cross the circle.
Sara pushed into the drafty garage of CSI headquarters in search of him. The garage was lit by several high wattage bulbs allowing maximum lighting everywhere but the gray shadows in the corners and around cars brought in for criminal inspection.
"I got your page. It seemed urgent." She stopped when she realized Grissom was nowhere in sight. A bit angrily she called his name. "Grissom? Where are you?"
Her voice finally reached him as he straightened a blue mat over the concrete floor. "I'm over here, behind the red SUV."
She stood on her tiptoes searching for his familiar figure at the far end of the garage. "I can't see you."
"Right here." He said as he rose from his crouched position.
"What are you doing?" She asked approaching him. Instead of a logical answer, she got more confusion when the sparring mat from storage came into view.
His eyes lit up like they always did when a case was reaching it's climax. "DB found in the desert."
Her delicate brow furrowed. "Is that the Reyes case you and Nick are working on?"
He nodded. "Yeah, dead female, freezing temperatures, found by a passerby, not much evidence due to exposure."
"Yeah it has been really cold this year. Any suspects?" She prodded.
"We got a lead on the sister, but that turned cold because she had a solid alibi. We investigated the ex-boyfriend but again didn't find anything suspicious. Every turn we made led us back to the start."
"But..."
"Well, I may have found something that won't have us chasing our tails anymore. Where was the last place Tracy Reyes was seen alive?"
"Didn't you say it was at a laundry mat?" She offered folding her arms across her chest.
"Yes I did." He smiled. "I had a look at the witnesses confirming Reyes's arrival and departure from the laundry mat."
"And one caught your eye."
"His name is Carl Allens. He had a run in with the law for following a woman to her apartment yesterday. If he had tendencies such as that, I thought maybe we were looking in the wrong place."
"A spontaneous attack? Not very standard." She thought aloud.
He shrugged. "This wouldn't be the first time our suspects weren't standard."
"Yeah." She said looking around. "So what are we doing in here?"
"Two reasons. That's his car."
Sara's eyes followed his finger to the red SUV behind her. "How did you get a warrant on so little?"
He ignored the question. "I already examined the car and not to my surprise it has been recently cleaned."
She rolled her eyes dramatically. "They think they are so smart."
"But we are smarter." He opened the file pulling forth the pictures of the initial crime scene. "These erratic drag marks in the dirt suggested struggle, so Tracy Reyes was still alive and strong to fight her captor, which is the second reason we are in here. We need the extra space."
She felt his eyes land on her expectantly as silence sank through the concrete walls. "Oh no. Come on Grissom that's why they have computer simulations."
"I agree but the parameters are not the same."
"You can enter in the parameters."
"You cannot enter in personality, Sara. Tracy Reyes was taking self defense classes and had a black belt in Karate. A computer cannot understand her willingness to comply with a stranger. I need to give this a personality so we know where to look for clues."
"Technically this isn't my case."
He sighed in disappointment. "We work as a team. Besides, no matter how much I need Nick to be a woman right now it just couldn't happen."
"My lunch..." She started to whine about missing lunch for the third time that week but it all ended with a loud sigh. "I guess I'm Tracy."
"I'll be Carl Allens." He stated. "Okay we know she was drugged with a chloroform rag and more than likely the killer, Allens, put her in the back seat of his SUV." He stepped around her and opened the car door. "Get in. I'm going to take you for an imaginary ride."
She flashed an irritated thousand watt smile as she got into the back seat. "I hope I'm getting a promotion for this."
"Sorry, but I have to see your acting credentials first."
Her eyes became narrow slits resembling that of a lioness ready to make a kill. "Let's just get this finished before my food gets cold."
He stared at her for a moment lost in thought. "Something isn't right."
"There is no way I am letting you drug me."
"No." He frowned. "I don't understand why I would dump the body so soon. Something had to have gone wrong. What would make me stop the car?"
"There could be several reasons. He got scared. He wanted to rape her. Or maybe Tracy woke up and attacked him while he was driving. Whatever the reason, the car was stopped and there was a struggle."
The images formed in his head as she effortlessly removed the mental block. "Okay, you run and..." Sara scooted out of the car and slowly began to walk away when his hand grabbed her arm. "I go after you."
The words froze her in place. Grissom, on the other hand, carried on without noticing what was said.
"I need you to lay down on the mat." He said releasing her and taking an open file in his hands.
"Excuse me?"
"The patterns in the dirt found thirteen feet from the body are pointing to a fight on the ground, not standing up."
She frowned. "Why didn't you find any trace of Allens in the dirt collection?"
"Thanks to the great Las Vegas Police Department, all collections were ruined. Just another reason this case is becoming a headache." He spat the words with disgrace and annoyance. "Just don't ask and lay down."
"But...but..." Taking part in Grissom's experiments were fun as long as you weren't part of the experiment.
"Please lay down?"
This could be a huge step towards building trust again. Or a big mistake, she thought bitterly. "Okay." She eased onto her back with her hands clasped across her stomach.
He removed his glasses setting them on the side table. "Well we are fighting, so I guess that puts me on the ground with you."
"Huh?" She sat upright as he began to kneel next to her. "You cannot be serious. Are you?"
"Why would I not be serious?" He frowned at her. "Just hit me, Sara."
"What? Grissom..." She felt the uneasiness become a thick knot in her stomach.
Had he finally lost all perception of human behavior and temptation outside of science? She wasn't sure this was a good idea. Wounds don't heal as easily as in the movies. What was left of their friendship needed grave repair. Instead the only treatment it received was time and caution. Their relationship was not the same, indeed nothing could be the same, but some familiar contact was being made when they weren't busy pushing each other away.
"Hit me. Fight me like you were in danger." He instructed, eagerly lost in the comfort of the simulation.
She gaped at him. "I'm not attacking you. No."
He knew the only way to sway her decision. "It's for the victim. You know as well as I do that sometimes putting a new perspective on things can lead to a breakthrough."
She considered his words carefully and somewhat scornfully because he knew her so well, and muttered a sharp, "Fine" in compliance.
"Okay really come at me."
She waited with unease. How... ?
"Sometime today, Sara." He chirped breaking through her thoughts.
After a small disciplinary discussion of self-control, she launched her body forcefully knocking him onto his back. Using her hips and hands she pinned his body with ease to the floor mat before he could plan any defense; a move she learned from her self-defense classes. Then she saw the look on his face. "Did I hurt you?"
"No." He coughed out. "Um...I think I've got a clear picture now. You can get up." He said ignoring the warmth of her body smashed against him. Be professional, he told himself. What the hell were you thinking when you thought this was a great idea?!
"Wait. You made me act like your puppet, so you play your own game for a change. If you want me off, you push me off. You should be good at that."
She said it absently but it was said nonetheless and she knew it hurt him. Unable to look Grissom in the face, she closed her eyes with remorse.
"This isn't a game." He retorted with a tinge of pain.
Her eyes flew open and all ill regret left. "I wish someone would have let me know a little sooner."
He blushed with anger but remained silent. As often as they grew closer, they were as equally thrown apart. This pattern was not new. In fact it was exhausted.
"I'm leaving." She fumed throwing poisoned daggers with her eyes.
As she began to back off, he easily rolled reversing the positions and pinning her to the mat. In the quick instant for this to occur, he lost all knowledge of the outside world, and the consequences of a physical engagement during work hours. Sara, on the other hand, just stared up at his bitter face in total shock trying to catch her breath. He was stronger than he looked, or rather he was stronger than she expected him to be with her. She grew more irritated with him.
Another game.
Keeping an evil trained eye to distract him, she managed to shift her weight to displace his strength. It created a weak spot allowing her to roll him again using her leg and back muscles.
His back hit the padding below with a thwack radiating a stinging pain up and down his body. Still his conscious mind told him to end it, but he was too exasperated by the muscular woman sitting on top of him. He pulled the same move on her with great ease as his strong muscles overcame her once again. This time he applied more pressure to her forearms keeping her in place when she tried to get away.
"Jerk."
"Pardon me?" He asked trying to slow his breathing.
"Nothing." She mumbled settling herself against his firm hold. "Are we done yet?"
He scanned her face before his eyes rested on his hands keeping her pinned to the floor. He smiled. "Where are my hands?"
"Huh?"
He cleared his throat. "Where are my hands?"
"You know where, Sherlock." She said with distaste.
"Just answer the question, Sara." He spat back.
"On my forearms."
"Which side of your forearms?"
"The underside." Her voice suddenly lost it's sharp edge. "Was the victim lying face up or face down?"
"Face down as if she were trying to crawl away."
"Her forearms. Freezing temperatures. Possible preserved prints." She whispered realizing where all of him currently sat.
He observed her closely completely lost in her eyes. "I think I've got all the data I need."
She thrust her head upwards and captured his lips without thinking, yet with perfect knowledge of the leap she was taking. His hands immediately unpinned her arms only to slam back to the mat in surprise as her tongue danced across his lips begging for entry. His open eyes grew wide before losing the battle of the moment and falling shut.
He cautiously dipped his tongue in her mouth before he could stop himself. The action pushed her to solidly connect with the blue mat giving her strength to push against his desire with her own. He thought she tasted like peppermint that mingled wildly with the coffee taste of his own mouth. His hand held her exposed waist while the other caressed her face with familiarity as if he had been kissing her for years. Her own hands were winding through his hair before running the length of his hypersensitive back.
Nothing existed but them and an endless need as slippery tongues clashed, noses bumped, and teeth were barely avoided.
Everything changed in just a matter of seconds.
"Gris are you in here?! Grissom?!" Nick stood in the farthest entryway to the garage looking for his boss. "Where the hell is he?" He mumbled to himself.
Four eyes shot open, tingling lips parted in panic, and two bodies froze with fear.
"Hey Grissom?!" Nick called again as he began to walk the length towards the red SUV. Before he could take another step his cell phone rang. "Stokes. I can't find him. Oh real nice. No. Okay I'll page him. Yeah." Turning on his heels he began to page Grissom.
Still only inches apart and hidden from view Sara ran her hand up to Grissom's belt just in time to silence the page. A few seconds later the door closed and the garage grew quiet except for two thumping hearts and a whirlwind of contained thoughts. Their eyes remained transfixed for only a fraction of time before they parted to safe standing positions.
Both of them were pink faced and breathing harder than normal.
She glanced at him reading his posture and felt ashamed of herself. The words came out in a meaningless tepid onslaught. "Grissom I am so sorry I don't know what I was thinking it was inappropriate and I am so sorry I put you in that kind of position it's just...I'm so sorry."
"No I'm sorry." He rushed to interrupt or explain. "Things got out of hand. It was a mistake."
She winced. Mistake? How could anger become a stubborn want to show him what it was like to kiss her and then become mutual desire, which was now a mistake? Was that possible?
She swallowed hard to pass the lodged lump in her throat.
His gaze to her lips as she swallowed, suddenly wanting to feel them pressed against his skin. He shook the thought away. "Someone could have seen us. There are three doors into this room and not one of them is locked. I'm sorry. It was unprofessional of me. It won't happen again." He said solidly.
The silence pressed in on Sara's heart waiting to burst with pain. Grissom opened his mouth to apologize one more time for having feelings other than professionalism, but he decided otherwise and dropped his eyes to the floor. It could do no good.
It was a mistake, he kept telling himself. One kiss changes everything, and he knew it. He couldn't be ready for the direction this would take. He wasn't ready at all. How could he let this happen? This moment, this kiss (that sparked something dead inside of him, which he was too frightened to find out what it might become), this feeling, how could he allow this to happen?
Gil, look at her. Grissom raised his head to Sara as the voice instructed. You officially lost her over some bullshit idea that it wouldn't work, it can't work, or it shouldn't work. Maybe all three. Maybe it's true and you are as terrified as you taught yourself to be. Tell yourself whatever you like, but you know it wasn't a mistake. You've always felt what you thought was right and disregarded the rest. But not anymore. It wasn't a mistake. No, it wasn't possibly a mistake.
"I better go." She whispered as she eyed the glowing exit sign. She never felt so unwanted and hurt.
He shook away the thoughts. "Um yes, I think we have everything we need for now. Don't you?"
Hot burning tears blurred the door just beyond him, but she refused to cry. Not now. She straightened her shoulders. Walk away girl, she coached herself. Just walk away. For good. His reaction was proof nothing would ever happen between them. Just walk away for good. It's over.
Are you ready to do that? You apologized for your feelings, but you should never be ashamed of loving someone. And yes, you do love him. You can't stop it anymore than you can stop the rain or the sun setting on another day. It hurts, but it wasn't a mistake. Kissing him wasn't a mistake but walking away can be.
"No." She said quite forcefully.
"What?" The word confused and startled him.
"No Grissom, I do not have everything I need. You owe me more." Suddenly the sad hurt became vexation. "You owe me something because I can't do this anymore."
He felt as if his knees were cut out from under him. He chest felt heavy, almost ready to give under the pressure. What happened to his control? How did this happen again?
He could play dumb, but he knew she was tired of the game-- the "this". He groped for words. "I'm sorry."
"Try again."
"Look this isn't the time nor place, Sara." It was assertive enough to end it right then, but it didn't.
"When?!" She cried with a shaky voice. "No, I need more right now or never."
There have been times in which Gil Grissom didn't know how to proceed, and in those times he remained silent and reflective. Most recently he went through surgery to avoid the silence. He could have lost one of his five senses and with it her voice, her laughter and yet he, standing in front of her, remained in a cold chosen silence. He didn't know what to do.
"Say something! Anything!" It rang loudly making him jump slightly.
"I don't know what to do." He said obediently. "I can't..." He groped for the words. "Solve the puzzle?"
She stared at him bewildered. "What the hell are you talking about? What puzzle? I'm not talking about the case, Grissom. I'm talking about the k-"
"I know the topic of conversation." He quickly spat. "Sara, I...don't know why..." He trailed off.
She pinched the bridge of her nose to alleviate the sharp pains forming the fuzzy outline of her pain when she felt his hand take hers.
"I'm sorry."
"Stop." She begged wanting the strength to push him away as the first tear slid down her face. "Just stop."
"I just can't." It came out laden in anguish as he stepped closer.
Her breath caught in her chest when his lips found hers. He had no idea what he was doing or where it would take him. He needed to kiss her. He needed to kiss her not for an cosmic understanding of love, or of sudden enlightenment that he always needed her, but because he loved her. It was a long chaste kiss, involving no crude lust as before, but as much raw emotion as anyone could bear.
"I can't." He repeated when the kiss ended.
The pause seemed endless.
"I can't stop needing you." He said shakily.
She rested her head upon his shoulder. When his arms pulled her tightly against his warm chest, she could close her eyes.