Chapter 9
Back in Rivendell Ithil and Legolas lay arm in arm. Ithil suddenly sits
up.
"What is it?" Legolas said looking at her with worry.
"Nothing, I'm all right." Laying back down she looks at Legolas, she sees her naked body. She cannot believe what she has just done.
Haldir is in pain, a great deal of pain; deep in her heart she knows somehow he found out. What has she done? She laid there, her mind and heart racing. Finally she decides on the only path that seems open to her.
She waits until the slow rhythmic breathing of Legolas tells her that he is deep asleep. Softly she gets up from the bed and quickly dresses in the gray of the pre-dawn. She would leave, leave Rivendell, and not return; nor would she return to Lothlorien. She would leave both of them behind and the life she knew, making for herself a new one. Taking one last look back at Legolas' sleeping form she whispers, "My heart shall always remember this sunrise, muin. Good-bye"
She walks out the door and quietly shuts it. Going down to the larder she fills some bags with as much food as they will hold. Then she makes her way to the armory and takes her bow and fills the quiver full of arrows, then takes her sword and dagger. Looking at the dagger she pulls it from its sheath.
'I have no time to dwell' she thinks to herself as she replaces the blade in its sheath. As stealthily as she can she makes her way to the stable, quickly finding her horse. As soon as it is loaded she mounts and rides off. Where she is going she does not know, all she knows is she cannot sort out her feelings here.
In Lothlorien Haldir is also making travel preparations. His horse is already lightly loaded so he can travel with the greatest of speed. He carries a few provisions and his weapons.
He does have one other thing in his pack, a gift for Ithil. A beautiful necklace, crafted by his own hands; the pendent is a rose carved from tiaidil, a precious green gemstone and the chain is delicate leaves wrought from mithril. It was to have been a wedding present. Mounting his horse he takes off as fast the wind blows. The sun is just starting to peek out over the horizon.
Legolas is just starting to stir from his sleep. Opening his eyes he sees he is alone in the bed. 'Must have gone for a morning walk' he thinks to himself. In that instant he knows what he wants to do. He would find the most gifted craftsman in Rivendell, get the most beautiful wedding gift possible and ask Ithil to be his bride. A smile sweeps across his face and he dashes from the bed and quickly dresses.
By this time Ithil is quite a way from Rivendel. She decides to stop and have some breakfast. She spreads out a blanket and takes some cakes and fruit from one of the bags. She sits down to eat, but she cannot eat a single bite. 'Well this is a fine mess to get myself into.' She thinks to herself. 'My first time away from home.' she sighs out loud. Packing the food and blanket away she thinks, 'maybe I will be able to eat later.' So she gets back onto her horse and starts to ride again.
Normally she would have enjoyed her horse ride, taking in the new land, and listening to the sounds around her; but her heart will not give her any rest from the torment it is in. She continues riding, not caring where she is going. The sun climbs higher and higher in the sky. Soon the sun is at its peak and mid-day is upon her. Her body reminds her that it has not eaten since two days before. Her mind comes to its senses and she finally starts to take a good look around. In the not to far distance she hears the familiar sound of a waterfall. Urging her horse forward she makes her way to it. She comes upon a large stream, with a scenic waterfall; the spray of water at its bottom makes a rainbow. Again she gets out the blanket and the food and spreads it on the ground under the shade of an old oak tree. Sitting down she still cannot eat; but she lets the sound of the water soothe her troubled mind.
The musical sound of the waterfall and weakness in her body make her drowsy and in no time she is asleep. The sun continues its climb high in the sky. Ithil opens her eyes to discover it is late in the afternoon and the sun has started its slow climb down out of the sky.
"Well I did it again! Slept away the whole day!" Ithil says out loud. 'Still this is a good spot, I think I will spend the night here.' She thinks to herself. Getting up she goes to collect firewood.
Legolas leaves Póthain's house, in his hand is a beautifully wrapped box. Inside the box is a bracelet of roses crafted from mithril and studded with diamond dewdrops. He has been searching for Ithil all morning but being unable to find her he decides to give her some time to be alone. He does not want to push her away. He knows that she is still in a very fragile state of mind and maybe some time alone will help her to sort things out. Besides he is sure she will be back later that night for the evening's celebrations; what better time to ask her to be his bride then during a party. So he passes the time by wandering in the gardens, but he does have hope that he will find her there.
Suddenly he hears a great deal of commotion. He follows the sound of voices to the stable. There he sees Haldir standing amid several elves.
Out of the corner of his eye Haldir sees Legolas turn and leave. Keeping his anger under control he asks the nearest elf to take him to Elrond. The pain in his wounds is becoming unbearable and there is another matter he needs to speak to him about. One of the elves consents to taking him to see Elrond. Looking back to where Legolas had been and not seeing him, Haldir walks away with the elf. Much time passes in Lord Elrond's chamber as he tends to Haldir's wounds and gives him counsel. Stepping out of the chamber Haldir knows what he must do. Getting his horse from the stable he rides out into the wild. Where he is going he does not know, all he knows is that his heart is leading him to his beloved.
It is past dinnertime, the sun has long since set but yet Ithil still could not eat. She tries a bite of cake, but though her eyes told her it is moist, in her mouth it tastes as dry as desert sand. Taking a wineskin filled with nectar from the bag, she lifts it to her mouth and she drinks deeply from it. She knows the nectar is sweet and will lift the spirits of those who drink it but the nectar tastes bitter in her mouth and instead of lifting her spirits she becomes more despondent.
"What am I to do?" she asks aloud into the night air, throwing the wineskin to the side. "I can not go on this way." Getting up from the ground she goes to her horse. Pulling the dagger out from its spot in the bag she walks back to her fire and stands there.
"Love is a cruel dagger that makes my heart its sheath." She says as she raises the dagger above her, ready to plunge it into her heart.
"You still breathe so loud I can still find you in the dark." A voice says behind her.
Turning around she sees Haldir, the firelight giving his face and hair a warm glow.
"No, leave me for I can not look on your face!" She cries. Turning away from him she makes to stab herself again.
"Ithil no!" Haldir leaps forward trying to knock the dagger from her hands. She refuses to let go until finally he wrenches it from her hand. Throwing the dagger aside, Haldir holds her by the hands and says pleadingly. "Ithil, no, do not do this terrible thing."
"Do not look at me, do not touch me. I am unworthy of you." Ithil buries her face in her hands but Haldir does not release her. He can feel the wetness of her tears flowing down his fingers.
"Ithil." he says gently. Prying her hands apart he makes her look at him. "Ithil my heart has led me to you." Here he pauses, "I know of last night for I saw it in Galadriel's mirror."
At this news Ithil cries out and tries to hide her face again but Haldir keeps a firm grasp on her wrists.
"I have not sought you out to condemn you Ithil, but to tell you that I still love you. If you will have me I still want you for my bride." Now it is his turn to look away. "But if I am no longer your desire, I will release you from your promise and leave you forever." He removes her ring from his finger and holds it out to her.
"Haldir I. I do not know what it is that I want." Looking at the ring, Ithil cannot control the flood of emotion that seek to overwhelm her, she breaks down in a fit of sobs, and she buries herself in his chest. She can smell the aroma of the Lorien on his clothes, she feels the familiarity of his arms as they go around her and hold her to him. She has not felt so safe since the last time Haldir held her before saying good-bye in Lothlorien.
Finally looking up into his face she sees tears flowing down his face and a deep sadness in his eyes. Seeing him that way and knowing that she is the cause of it is more than she can stand. She wipes his tears with her hands.
"I have never stopped loving you Haldir, but how can I marry you when I have betrayed your trust? I do not deserve you."
"Ithil, all I know is that my life, my heart, my soul is lost and empty without you. You are part of me I could no more leave you then I could put out my eye. But if your love is for Legolas alone, yes my heart would break, but your happiness would bring me joy."
Looking deep into his eyes her heart tells her where she belongs. "My love it is for you Haldir, if you will have me I will be your bride." Ithil says meaning it with all her heart.
"Truly?" Haldir holds her tight. "I have already spoken to Lord Elrond, if your answer was yes he agreed to marry us tonight!"
"Tonight?" Ithil asks.
"I wish to waste no time." Says Haldir.
"I don't understand. Is there something you haven't told me?" Ithil says looking at him with concern. Haldir releases her from his arms and turns away.
"There is something else that I had to see Lord Elrond about Ithil."
"Tell me, tell your bride."
"My bride?" Haldir says as he takes her back into his arms. "I can not tell you how that makes me feel to hear you call yourself that."
"Tell me what he said Haldir." Ithil says more firmly.
"I came not just for you Ithil but I came to Elrond for healing. My wounds from the battle at Helm's Deep have been getting worse of late." Stopping for a second he drops his arms from Ithil. "He said that the orc blade that gave me the wound in my back had poison on it. It has not been completely removed from my body and it is slowly poisoning me." Again he pauses, "It will kill me unless he can find a way to stop it."
"What?" Ithil says in shock.
"Lord Elrond is working on finding the cure. I will be just fine, you will see." Haldir says. "In the mean time let us make haste for Imladris and our wedding."
In the house of Elrond Legolas is at the evening celebration waiting for Ithil to appear. The box with the bracelet is as heavy as a dwarf in his pocket; the events of the past two days are weighing a great deal upon him. What if Ithil goes back to Haldir?
'If she does, she does and I will be happy for her.' He thinks to himself. 'It is my fault that she is in this dilemma. If I had just controlled myself none of this would be happening. If I had just left it alone, I could have buried my feelings for her over time, but now last night will haunt all my nights for the rest of my life.'
Out of the corner of his eye he sees someone go up to Lord Elrond and whisper something in his ear. At this Lord Elrond nods, gets up and leaves. 'That's a little odd' Legolas thinks but he thinks nothing further of it. After awhile he grows tired of waiting for Ithil to come. He decides to seek her out.
So he leaves the hall and makes his way to the gardens. He knows this is one of the places Ithil likes best. Searching here and there he can find no sign of her. As he rounds a corner his heart leaps for joy for he finally hears her voice, he takes the box from his pocket and makes to surprise her. The path here is overgrown with bushes and Ithil's voice comes from the other side of them. But he pauses for he hears more then one voice coming from the glen beyond the bushes. Cautiously he parts some of the branches and looks into the glen. What he sees makes his heart split open as if a sword cleaved it in two.
Ithil is there but she is not alone, there also is Lord Elrond and Haldir. Legolas sees Ithil and Haldir are holding hands.
Lord Elrond says. "May the blessings of the Valar be upon this union now and forever." And Haldir and Ithil kiss, and Haldir places a necklace upon Ithil.
Legolas looks at the box in his hand, then he looks at Ithil and he sees the joy on her face. He turns and walks away. He makes his way up to Ithil's room, opens the door and walks to the bed. It is still unmade; he stands there looking at it, as all emotion drains from him. Quickly he makes the bed, he opens the box and places the bracelet upon Ithil's pillow. Going to his room, he packs all his things and leaves.
He will return to Mirkwood and bury his love for Ithil forever.
"What is it?" Legolas said looking at her with worry.
"Nothing, I'm all right." Laying back down she looks at Legolas, she sees her naked body. She cannot believe what she has just done.
Haldir is in pain, a great deal of pain; deep in her heart she knows somehow he found out. What has she done? She laid there, her mind and heart racing. Finally she decides on the only path that seems open to her.
She waits until the slow rhythmic breathing of Legolas tells her that he is deep asleep. Softly she gets up from the bed and quickly dresses in the gray of the pre-dawn. She would leave, leave Rivendell, and not return; nor would she return to Lothlorien. She would leave both of them behind and the life she knew, making for herself a new one. Taking one last look back at Legolas' sleeping form she whispers, "My heart shall always remember this sunrise, muin. Good-bye"
She walks out the door and quietly shuts it. Going down to the larder she fills some bags with as much food as they will hold. Then she makes her way to the armory and takes her bow and fills the quiver full of arrows, then takes her sword and dagger. Looking at the dagger she pulls it from its sheath.
'I have no time to dwell' she thinks to herself as she replaces the blade in its sheath. As stealthily as she can she makes her way to the stable, quickly finding her horse. As soon as it is loaded she mounts and rides off. Where she is going she does not know, all she knows is she cannot sort out her feelings here.
In Lothlorien Haldir is also making travel preparations. His horse is already lightly loaded so he can travel with the greatest of speed. He carries a few provisions and his weapons.
He does have one other thing in his pack, a gift for Ithil. A beautiful necklace, crafted by his own hands; the pendent is a rose carved from tiaidil, a precious green gemstone and the chain is delicate leaves wrought from mithril. It was to have been a wedding present. Mounting his horse he takes off as fast the wind blows. The sun is just starting to peek out over the horizon.
Legolas is just starting to stir from his sleep. Opening his eyes he sees he is alone in the bed. 'Must have gone for a morning walk' he thinks to himself. In that instant he knows what he wants to do. He would find the most gifted craftsman in Rivendell, get the most beautiful wedding gift possible and ask Ithil to be his bride. A smile sweeps across his face and he dashes from the bed and quickly dresses.
By this time Ithil is quite a way from Rivendel. She decides to stop and have some breakfast. She spreads out a blanket and takes some cakes and fruit from one of the bags. She sits down to eat, but she cannot eat a single bite. 'Well this is a fine mess to get myself into.' She thinks to herself. 'My first time away from home.' she sighs out loud. Packing the food and blanket away she thinks, 'maybe I will be able to eat later.' So she gets back onto her horse and starts to ride again.
Normally she would have enjoyed her horse ride, taking in the new land, and listening to the sounds around her; but her heart will not give her any rest from the torment it is in. She continues riding, not caring where she is going. The sun climbs higher and higher in the sky. Soon the sun is at its peak and mid-day is upon her. Her body reminds her that it has not eaten since two days before. Her mind comes to its senses and she finally starts to take a good look around. In the not to far distance she hears the familiar sound of a waterfall. Urging her horse forward she makes her way to it. She comes upon a large stream, with a scenic waterfall; the spray of water at its bottom makes a rainbow. Again she gets out the blanket and the food and spreads it on the ground under the shade of an old oak tree. Sitting down she still cannot eat; but she lets the sound of the water soothe her troubled mind.
The musical sound of the waterfall and weakness in her body make her drowsy and in no time she is asleep. The sun continues its climb high in the sky. Ithil opens her eyes to discover it is late in the afternoon and the sun has started its slow climb down out of the sky.
"Well I did it again! Slept away the whole day!" Ithil says out loud. 'Still this is a good spot, I think I will spend the night here.' She thinks to herself. Getting up she goes to collect firewood.
Legolas leaves Póthain's house, in his hand is a beautifully wrapped box. Inside the box is a bracelet of roses crafted from mithril and studded with diamond dewdrops. He has been searching for Ithil all morning but being unable to find her he decides to give her some time to be alone. He does not want to push her away. He knows that she is still in a very fragile state of mind and maybe some time alone will help her to sort things out. Besides he is sure she will be back later that night for the evening's celebrations; what better time to ask her to be his bride then during a party. So he passes the time by wandering in the gardens, but he does have hope that he will find her there.
Suddenly he hears a great deal of commotion. He follows the sound of voices to the stable. There he sees Haldir standing amid several elves.
Out of the corner of his eye Haldir sees Legolas turn and leave. Keeping his anger under control he asks the nearest elf to take him to Elrond. The pain in his wounds is becoming unbearable and there is another matter he needs to speak to him about. One of the elves consents to taking him to see Elrond. Looking back to where Legolas had been and not seeing him, Haldir walks away with the elf. Much time passes in Lord Elrond's chamber as he tends to Haldir's wounds and gives him counsel. Stepping out of the chamber Haldir knows what he must do. Getting his horse from the stable he rides out into the wild. Where he is going he does not know, all he knows is that his heart is leading him to his beloved.
It is past dinnertime, the sun has long since set but yet Ithil still could not eat. She tries a bite of cake, but though her eyes told her it is moist, in her mouth it tastes as dry as desert sand. Taking a wineskin filled with nectar from the bag, she lifts it to her mouth and she drinks deeply from it. She knows the nectar is sweet and will lift the spirits of those who drink it but the nectar tastes bitter in her mouth and instead of lifting her spirits she becomes more despondent.
"What am I to do?" she asks aloud into the night air, throwing the wineskin to the side. "I can not go on this way." Getting up from the ground she goes to her horse. Pulling the dagger out from its spot in the bag she walks back to her fire and stands there.
"Love is a cruel dagger that makes my heart its sheath." She says as she raises the dagger above her, ready to plunge it into her heart.
"You still breathe so loud I can still find you in the dark." A voice says behind her.
Turning around she sees Haldir, the firelight giving his face and hair a warm glow.
"No, leave me for I can not look on your face!" She cries. Turning away from him she makes to stab herself again.
"Ithil no!" Haldir leaps forward trying to knock the dagger from her hands. She refuses to let go until finally he wrenches it from her hand. Throwing the dagger aside, Haldir holds her by the hands and says pleadingly. "Ithil, no, do not do this terrible thing."
"Do not look at me, do not touch me. I am unworthy of you." Ithil buries her face in her hands but Haldir does not release her. He can feel the wetness of her tears flowing down his fingers.
"Ithil." he says gently. Prying her hands apart he makes her look at him. "Ithil my heart has led me to you." Here he pauses, "I know of last night for I saw it in Galadriel's mirror."
At this news Ithil cries out and tries to hide her face again but Haldir keeps a firm grasp on her wrists.
"I have not sought you out to condemn you Ithil, but to tell you that I still love you. If you will have me I still want you for my bride." Now it is his turn to look away. "But if I am no longer your desire, I will release you from your promise and leave you forever." He removes her ring from his finger and holds it out to her.
"Haldir I. I do not know what it is that I want." Looking at the ring, Ithil cannot control the flood of emotion that seek to overwhelm her, she breaks down in a fit of sobs, and she buries herself in his chest. She can smell the aroma of the Lorien on his clothes, she feels the familiarity of his arms as they go around her and hold her to him. She has not felt so safe since the last time Haldir held her before saying good-bye in Lothlorien.
Finally looking up into his face she sees tears flowing down his face and a deep sadness in his eyes. Seeing him that way and knowing that she is the cause of it is more than she can stand. She wipes his tears with her hands.
"I have never stopped loving you Haldir, but how can I marry you when I have betrayed your trust? I do not deserve you."
"Ithil, all I know is that my life, my heart, my soul is lost and empty without you. You are part of me I could no more leave you then I could put out my eye. But if your love is for Legolas alone, yes my heart would break, but your happiness would bring me joy."
Looking deep into his eyes her heart tells her where she belongs. "My love it is for you Haldir, if you will have me I will be your bride." Ithil says meaning it with all her heart.
"Truly?" Haldir holds her tight. "I have already spoken to Lord Elrond, if your answer was yes he agreed to marry us tonight!"
"Tonight?" Ithil asks.
"I wish to waste no time." Says Haldir.
"I don't understand. Is there something you haven't told me?" Ithil says looking at him with concern. Haldir releases her from his arms and turns away.
"There is something else that I had to see Lord Elrond about Ithil."
"Tell me, tell your bride."
"My bride?" Haldir says as he takes her back into his arms. "I can not tell you how that makes me feel to hear you call yourself that."
"Tell me what he said Haldir." Ithil says more firmly.
"I came not just for you Ithil but I came to Elrond for healing. My wounds from the battle at Helm's Deep have been getting worse of late." Stopping for a second he drops his arms from Ithil. "He said that the orc blade that gave me the wound in my back had poison on it. It has not been completely removed from my body and it is slowly poisoning me." Again he pauses, "It will kill me unless he can find a way to stop it."
"What?" Ithil says in shock.
"Lord Elrond is working on finding the cure. I will be just fine, you will see." Haldir says. "In the mean time let us make haste for Imladris and our wedding."
In the house of Elrond Legolas is at the evening celebration waiting for Ithil to appear. The box with the bracelet is as heavy as a dwarf in his pocket; the events of the past two days are weighing a great deal upon him. What if Ithil goes back to Haldir?
'If she does, she does and I will be happy for her.' He thinks to himself. 'It is my fault that she is in this dilemma. If I had just controlled myself none of this would be happening. If I had just left it alone, I could have buried my feelings for her over time, but now last night will haunt all my nights for the rest of my life.'
Out of the corner of his eye he sees someone go up to Lord Elrond and whisper something in his ear. At this Lord Elrond nods, gets up and leaves. 'That's a little odd' Legolas thinks but he thinks nothing further of it. After awhile he grows tired of waiting for Ithil to come. He decides to seek her out.
So he leaves the hall and makes his way to the gardens. He knows this is one of the places Ithil likes best. Searching here and there he can find no sign of her. As he rounds a corner his heart leaps for joy for he finally hears her voice, he takes the box from his pocket and makes to surprise her. The path here is overgrown with bushes and Ithil's voice comes from the other side of them. But he pauses for he hears more then one voice coming from the glen beyond the bushes. Cautiously he parts some of the branches and looks into the glen. What he sees makes his heart split open as if a sword cleaved it in two.
Ithil is there but she is not alone, there also is Lord Elrond and Haldir. Legolas sees Ithil and Haldir are holding hands.
Lord Elrond says. "May the blessings of the Valar be upon this union now and forever." And Haldir and Ithil kiss, and Haldir places a necklace upon Ithil.
Legolas looks at the box in his hand, then he looks at Ithil and he sees the joy on her face. He turns and walks away. He makes his way up to Ithil's room, opens the door and walks to the bed. It is still unmade; he stands there looking at it, as all emotion drains from him. Quickly he makes the bed, he opens the box and places the bracelet upon Ithil's pillow. Going to his room, he packs all his things and leaves.
He will return to Mirkwood and bury his love for Ithil forever.