Tiger Truths - Epilogue - The Real Ending
(Wyn and Hakkai sit opposite each other in the room, Wyn holding a notepad and pencil. Hakkai sits quietly twiddling his thumbs and touching his ear cuffs nervously)
Wyn: Okay. Let's get started now. Before I ask you any questions, do you have any comments on what I have written so far?
Hakkai: Aaa… (looks confused) Isn't that already a question?
Wyn: (frustrated and tapping his pencil impatiently on his notebook) Look, what I meant was…
Hakkai: (large sweat drop) Erm… (looking apologetic) I was just joking?
Wyn: (rolls his eyes) Just continue.
Hakkai: Well, what do I think? I feel that the prologue doesn't really have much to do with the whole fic… And the epilogue too… The chapters don't really make sense and they don't link or connect in any way… Also, although you claim that chapters 1 and 3 are linked at the beginning, I don't see much of a connection. Moreover, how did Sanzo end up in my room in the middle of the night? And why didn't Gojyo and Goku appear? They are more likely to come to my aid, if I ever need it, then Sanzo? One more thing…
Wyn: (holds up his hands in exasperation) Hey, for starters, slow down. You're talking too fast for me to take note of what you're saying. For seconds, (tries to give a puppy-dog look, and fails badly) can't you be a little more forgiving and less cruel? It is my firs… second fic after all…
Hakkai: Sumimasen… (looks embarrassed) I was a little too carried away… (ponders a little) Maybe you should ask me the questions instead…
Wyn: I think so too. (reshuffles his notes and tries to look important) So, what do you think of the prologue?
Hakkai: I think that the beginning sounds a lot like a normal story, although you prove it to be otherwise in the later chapters. However, this may actually bore the readers, so I think that there is a high chance that no one will be reading this interview anyway.
Wyn: Please don't say that… I put so much blood and sweat into this…
Gojyo: (whispering to Goku behind the door) No wonder the keyboard stinks…
Wyn: (continues while trying to ignore the remarks) Besides, I'm one of your biggest fans, Hakkai…
Hakkai: Really? (blushes) I didn't know I had male fans as well… (eyes widen in fear) Don't tell me that you…
Wyn: (interrupts quickly) No! Not that way… I really like your character… If I were like that, I'd have so many girlfriends… But never mind… I've got something that I already share with you… (looks wistfully at the ceiling)
Hakkai: (clears his throat nervously) Aaa… I don't think…
Wyn: (grabs Hakkai excitedly) I've got the same birthday as you! Did you know? I think that next year I'll write a fic for the both of our birthdays! What do you think?
Hakkai: (breathes a sigh of relief) Oh… That would be nice… I'd appreciate that.
Wyn: (remembers himself) Anyway, what do you think of the chapters on the others?
Hakkai: (laughs) I think that Goku's POV chapter was excellent! Really… (giggles a little before continuing) I think that if we could read Goku's mind, that is exactly what we'd hear all the time!
(Muffled protests come from the corridor outside, followed by a warning (hopefully) gunshot, and silence.)
Wyn: I thought so too, that's why I wrote it. What about Gojyo's words?
Hakkai: (thinks a while) Well, knowing Gojyo for a couple of years now, I think that it's fairly accurate. I've never heard the way he tries to court ladies before, so I can't be sure, but I suppose that is the way he talks to people outside of the ikkou… I can't be absolutely sure though… Although…
Wyn: (nods at Hakkai to continue) Yes?
Hakkai: (smiles impishly) I think that he wouldn't say it to someone that old… (laughs) Yes, yes, I do know it is hard to get widow extras on short notice… But still… I think that you might have spared Gojyo a little by getting someone less… (ponders a little before laughing) I don't know… less…
Wyn: (joining in Hakkai's laughter) Less wrinkly?
Hakkai: (tries to stop) Hai… I suppose that is what you'd call that…
(The two of them look at each other before laughing uncontrollably…)
__________
(Two hours later, and after many more bouts of laughter)
Wyn: Right. Where were we?
Hakkai: Gojyo… Actually, it was the old hag…
Wyn: (trying to erase the memory of Gojyo speaking to the old widow) What do you think about chapter 3, then?
Hakkai: (listening to the sudden quietness in the hallway outside) Err… I think I had better not say anything about that…
Gojyo: (outside the room) I don't believe it! He really didn't say anything!
Sanzo: (also outside the room) I told you he wasn't like you two bakas.
Hakkai: (taking the momentary noise to cover his voice, whispers hurriedly to Wyn) I think that it's really great, and that you've really captured the true side of Sanzo… After reading that, I've vowed to be better to Sanzo…
Wyn: (rolls eyes and thinks about how it is possible for Hakkai to treat anyone better) Okay… (refers to notepad) And now for the most important of all… How you feel about the fourth chapter.
Hakkai: (shifts uncomfortably) Aaa… Can I not talk about it? (seeing the disappointment on Wyn's face) Demo… I…
Wyn: (looks at Hakkai expectantly) Hakkai, please? For your fan?
Hakkai: *sighs* Okay… I have to admit you are quite accurate about the Gonou and me thing. (frowns) But I don't think I am schizophrenic… I mean, I really resent my past [don't we all?], but I don't have a past me, and a present me, inside. I guess, from what you fans have seen of me, that maze thing that you wrote about must really seem so obvious, right?
Wyn: Right. (thinks for a while) Moving away from such a dark subject, what do you think of my writing style?
Hakkai: For my chapter? It's excellent, although you'll probably lose a few readers to confusion, but it's quite unique. It is rather dark for my liking, so I quite prefer chapters 1 and 2. Chapter 3 isn't quite bad, but I do prefer that if you were to "torture" me in the future, please don't be so serious about the whole thing… Arigato.
Wyn: (thinks about the readers and what they want to read) I'll take that into consideration…
Hakkai: Also, why must you choose Sanzo and me to bully? Why can't you go tease Gojyo, or Goku?
Wyn: (smile maliciously) Because you two are my favourite characters! I've done soooo… much research on you two! I know everything about you guys… Your birthdays… your blood group… the different ways to describe the colour of your hair, eyes and skin… (trails off) Oh yes! And I've also read at least 50 other fics by other authors of you two boinking yourselves silly!
Hakkai: Ano… (starts to back away towards the door slowly) I thought you said you weren't that kind of fan…
Wyn: (doesn't hear Hakkai) And then… I also love the way you act when you were Tenpo Gensui, Marshall of the West Army in Tenkai… And when Sanzo was Konzen Douji, Kanzeon Bosatsu's nephew… (sighs happily as he remembers the stories) I read this really nice one about you two when you were gods in your past lives… You were boinking Konzen on the floor of his study…
Hakkai: (begins to get extremely worried, reaches the door handle to find out…) Ahh! The door handle's broken!
Wyn: (snaps out of his daydream) What?! (sees Hakkai holding onto the broken door handle) Oh… Looks like it has broken again… (starts to smile mysteriously)
Hakkai: (starts pounding on the door) Sanzo! Gojyo! Goku! Somebody please! Get me out of here!!!
(A commotion in the hallway leads to Gojyo slamming the door open and Sanzo dragging Hakkai out of the room, through the house, and out the front door, followed by a hungry monkey and a water demon with an aching shoulder)
Wyn: (laughs hysterically) Oh man… That was so much fun… I can't believe that Hakkai panics so easily…
(A group of angry fan girls rush into the room yelling)
Fan girl 1: Hey! That's the author who made Hakkai's life so miserable! Let's get him!
Fan girl 2: Look gals! Wyn's over there!
Fan girl 3: What are we waiting for? Let's strangle him for doing all those horrible things to our darlings!
Wyn: (runs out of the room with the broken handle and locks the fan girls in) Whew! That was close.
__________
(Meanwhile, somewhere at the end of the street)
Gojyo: (hears the commotion and tells the ikkou) When did we become their darlings?
Goku: I don't know… Oy, Gojyo, are "darlings" edible?
Gojyo: (rolls his eyes) Baka! You'll never understand… (turns to watch the other two, and smiles)
Sanzo: (fussing over Hakkai) Daijoubu? He didn't do anything did he? If he did, I'll go back there and shoot his brains out…
Hakkai: (happy that Sanzo is so concerned) Daijoubu… Sanzo…?
Wyn: (seeing them from outside his house) Aha! So it is true! (ignores Sanzo and Hakkai sputtering indignation) All those stories about you guys being, ahem, are true!
Sanzo-ikkou: No! They aren't! We don't sleep with each other!
Wyn: I didn't say that you did… (grins wickedly) But since you insist…
Sanzo-ikkou: Noooo… … …!
Wyn: (laughs maniacally) You fate is in my hands!
__________
End of (the two really, really crazy and nonsensical) epilogues
Note: I know I'm really crazy… Don't shoot me… I don't know what I'm writing either… Now I'm really stuck 'cause I don't know which genre this fic is going to be under…
Extra note: For those wondering, I started out writing this fic to show others what I thought of the Sanzo-ikkou and why they are like the Chinese saying I talked about in the first chapter. When I wrote Gojyo and Goku's POV's, I got extremely side-tracked and ended up writing a little humour. So, I decided to go back to my original plan, but I ended up making Hakkai's life so miserable by writing such a dark chapter. Sanzo's chap wasn't too bad, but I also feel sorry for him.
Gomenasai Sanzo-ikkou! [Sees the dirty looks everyone is giving him] I wrote this fic… so… "Baka… wa ore… ka?"
"Hai!!! We all think so!"
[Grumbles angrily and threatens to kill them all in his next fic]
Additional note: This is for those literary people… (if there're still any reading this load of crap I uploaded onto fanfiction…) I sort of wrote this to see which type of writing style I should adapt and whether I should write serious or humour… You know, third person POV, first person POV, script-like fics, etc… So if there are any reading this, maybe you can review and tell me in the review which one you like and why, or why you hate certain writing styles… Arigato gozaimasu… I really need this info…
Final note: Yes, yes… I know I'm going crazy again… Sorry… Anyway, please review! I've already got my next two fic's story lines! Expect them some time soon! R&R!