"Unwanted Paradise"
Disclaimer- I don't the song, nor the characters.
A/N- This was something I thought of one night while listening to songs my cousin had. I had thought about Saito as I heard this. Whoever the gal who played Buffy is sings it. It weird, but nice nonetheless.
This is a bit shonen-ai and its typed really fast and popped out of no where... So don't blame me if its bad...
Okay-
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I can't remember,
When I was Young...
... My life goes on,
But not the same,
Into your eyes,
My face remains...
...I was so blind,
I could not see,
Your paradise,
Is not for me...
... There is a light above my head...
Into your eyes,
My face remains...
... I can't remember
When I was wrong,
Into your eyes,
My face remains...
'Your paradise,
Is not for me...'
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Humans are hard to understand. They need many things I don't need, such as food and water and shelter. I need no such thing, and in a way, I'm glad, for I don't need to worry. Only the fear of Deletion fazes me. Deletion is the term humans use when Net-Navies, such as I, are 'killed'. Humans are usually 'deleted' by 'Death. The stopping of one's functions causes death. This is caused by disease, murder, 'accidents during labor', and old age. It's astonishing that humans, though it's the inevitable, that they try find ways to prevent death. It is actually quite humorous to watch the humans working on the cure, then the people take the medicine, or do surgery, and die. It doesn't surprise me as it does the other Net-Navies I have met. This is because I am aware that I used to be one of them. I used to be called Hikari Satio. I died of a heart failure. I find that's the way with some twins. One dies because the other has better health. It's how life is.
My twin brother and operator is Hikari Netto. He and I are a team that has battled many villainous humans and their net-navies. It is our clashes that wear me out more than those fights. It seems that he is care-free and would rather net-battle than to study for tests and do homework. He is also very kind, and helpful when needed. He cares much about others, most of the time putting himself in danger instead of the people that he has sworn to protect.
I, however, find that responsibilities come first, and that things need to be taken more seriously. Though, I'm like him when loved ones are in danger. Such as the time he was in trouble; I couldn't help but be furious at the experience of seeing my brother in pain while fighting the Net-Mafia called 'Gospel'. It is that 'human instinct', my papa says, that makes me different from the others that inhabit the network. In a way, I feel... safe that I have such emotions... but I feel vulnerable because of this... so many wish for my- as Netto says it- head on a pole. They are jealous because of my understanding of this and the real world.
I only wish to understand one world, such as the world my brother resides in.
It saddened me to see him grow up, for I could not be there with him. I wasn't there to protect him, to comfort him when he had those water droplets running down his face when he's sad. Tears.... I believe they are called. It is the way many like Netto let out there melancholy.
I find them to remind me of tiny waterfalls, cascading down warm cheeks.
But his smile is different. It brightens the entire space around me. The way his irises glitter and his cheeks round a bit more than usual. I feel my data 'warm' over, and if I had a heart, it would probably thump loudly. I want to reach out and caress his cheek, but it's impossible, and only wishful thinking. I would only meet glass.
I told him that. He told me he hated that he couldn't touch me... that he couldn't hug me or nudge me. I bet it's kind of boring being an only child. No one to play with on rainy days, no one to wrestle or play catch with when others can't. I feel guilty that I didn't fight harder for my life. Maybe, if I had been older, and understood the situation better, maybe I would have been able to stay with Netto.
But there are several advantages to being a Net-Navi. I have an endurance level that surpasses human. I cannot die of old age, but of a virus or deletion, and I have weapons to help me through my world. Though I wish I could taste the several delicacies in the Real World, and feel a breeze tease my hair, and smell mama baking cookies... I wish I could do those things.
But I grew up in the Network. I wouldn't last a minute in Netto's world. I am not familiar with is customs, even though I have read on the web-sites how the real world acts. Many details go into one's life. Such as mine... But how to walk a street, cut vegetables, roller-blading (Netto's favorite) and how write with my hands... I couldn't accomplish these tasks to save my life.
I have learned to grow accustomed to my life as a Net-Navi, and to the limits between the real world and me. I have friends and allies, and Netto has his friends... and I have Netto... And Netto has me...
...
But he doesn't like the boundaries between us. In fact, he loathes them and curses at them...
I remember having a conversation with him one night after he asked me a question that took me by surprise...
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"If I had the power... could we be together... in your world?"
I shifted softly to look at him.
"... I don't know, Netto..."
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He went on saying that when he got older he would be smart like papa...
He told me that... he and I would be together...
He told me... that he wanted to be in my world... to be with me...
I told him it was an Unwanted Paradise... No one wants to be taken away from their lives and put into a new one...
He then asked me if I wanted to be in his world... I took a moment or two to think how to answer him.
"I have been in your world, Netto... It wasn't meant for me..."
-Owari-