Joey sat back on the couch and cleared his throat, with the air of an expert instructing a lowly amateur. "Well, you remember the first three moves, right? I look into her eyes, I kiss her, and then I do the thigh thing." When Chandler nodded, Joey continued, "Okay. So then, my fourth move is to put my other hand on her shoulder."

Chandler shrugged and joked, "Sort of like twister--right hand thigh, and left hand shoulder." He reached out and pretended to put his hands on the thigh and shoulder of an imaginary woman in front of him.

"No, no!" Joey corrected impatiently. "Not on her right shoulder. On her left."

"Her left? How would you do that?" Chandler was confused as he tried to picture this.

"Well, you reach around the back of course! Like this." Without warning, Joey pulled him closer and demonstrated the move. His left arm slipped behind Chandler's back until his hand rested on Chandler's left shoulder, while his right hand lingered Chandler's left thigh again.

"Oh, um, I-I see." Chandler swallowed nervously.

Joey realized what he had done and let go, backing away to the other end of the couch. "Sorry."

"No, it's okay," Chandler dismissed it with a shrug. "I didn't want to do it the wrong way with Monica. Just, you know, try to tell me instead of showing me. Or, or you can use the couch cushion to show me." He turned and handed a cushion to Joey.

"Uh, yeah. I guess." Joey turned the cushion about, unsure of which part to designate the head, shoulders, etc.

Oblivious to this problem, Chandler cleared his throat and prompted him, "So that's the fourth move, huh? What's next?"

Joey rested the cushion vertically on the couch, bending the lower portion of it forward to represent a small lap. He put his right hand on the "thigh" and his other arm around the "shoulder" of the cushion. "Well, um, this part needs to be coordinated. 'Cause I'm starting to caress her thigh more and rub her shoulder too, and of course I'm looking into her eyes to make sure that she's getting really turned on. Sometimes she'll put her arms around me too or just give me a look to encourage me. It depends on the woman."

"Sure, right." Chandler was glad that he had Monica, whose mood he could usually read just from her face and posture, instead of some other woman whose signs might be totally different or confusing. Chandler had learned over the years that he didn't adapt well to new women; that was why, for a few years at least, he had continually gone back to the comforting familiarity of Janice.

Joey continued his lecture, "Sometimes she'll kiss me too, which is always good. So then my fifth move is that I slide my hand off her shoulder and over to her back, around here." He tried to show where on the cushion, but since it really didn't resemble a woman's body at all, he floundered. "Well, um, just the place where her bra clasp would be, if she's wearing a bra at all. Sometimes I get a nice surprise there, you know?"

Chandler grinned and wished that Monica went without a bra more often.

Joey said, "So I start lightly caressing her back, you know? Trying not to rush it, because some girls want you to just keep kissing them at this point, so I have to just brush her ever so softly, biding my time and figuring out what kind of clasp she's got on--if she's wearing a bra."

"And what if she isn't wearing a bra?"

"Well, she might like the caressing anyway, or I might see if she's got a zipper I can get ready to undo here."

"Oh! Nice." Chandler tried to imagine this scenario. "So when do you move your other hand around and unhook her bra?"

"What? My other hand? I usually do it one-handed."

"Really?!" he was shocked and amazed. "But with just your left hand? Isn't that hard?"

"Not really. I'm an expert, remember."

"Oh. Right." Chandler on the other hand couldn't work bras with any skill at all.

Joey shrugged and sighed pensively. "Well, at least usually I am. I guess something just didn't feel right with Rachel. I don't know, maybe she was right; maybe I do have another level, and I couldn't cross that line with her."

Chandler came closer and hugged him comfortingly. "Sorry." He pat Joey's shoulder. "You'll find somebody else soon."

"Yeah, I'm okay." Joey let go of the cushion and returned Chandler's hug with both arms. Then he smiled and teased, "Hey, look, you're making your move already!"

"What? Oh!" Chandler blushed, but Joey kept him from pulling completely away.

"Wait, let me show you something first. See, this is where you wanna touch her." Sitting next to Chandler, Joey put his hand on the middle of his back, lightly caressing his spine. "Sometimes the girl is kind of sensitive around there, from wearing a bra so much. You gotta rub her the right way."

"You do?"

"Yeah. Hey, you should practice on me. Come on, put your arm around me too. Oh, wait, let me switch first so you can do it with your left hand." He traded places with Chandler on the couch, then resumed touching Chandler with his right hand this time.

"Uh, okay." Chandler reached around Joey's back and tried to imitate his movements.

"A little bit lighter," Joey coached him.

Chandler adjusted his touch and kept rubbing him in gentle circles. "And what do you do with your other hand, then?"

"Well, I keep playing with her thigh and squeezing it. You know, maybe see if she'll let me lift up her skirt or reach around to grab her ass."

"Wow. That's a lot of things to remember to do all at once."

"It's not that hard, Chandler. What, you don't do this kind of stuff with Monica?"

"Well, yeah, a little bit, but lots of times I just let her lead the way."

Joey chuckled and rolled his eyes disapprovingly. "Yeah, you're lazy like that."

Chandler shrugged, and didn't bother to protest that it was more a matter of Monica enjoying being bossy and in control. He said, "I guess it will be more natural when I'm doing it with her. We'll be all kissing and hot, and it should be easier then."

"Right," Joey agreed. "The important thing is not to think too much and just go with the flow. Sometimes I don't get done with all my six moves before the girl will be all over me and wanting to go to bed."

"Wow. What are the six moves again? Isn't there another one?"

Joey reviewed the sequence to figure out what he'd missed. "Let's see, the look, the kiss, the thigh, the shoulder, the back... Oh yeah, there's one more. I leave her mouth then and start kissing my way down her neck and shoulders. Maybe also nibble on her ear. Some girls like that a lot."

"Really?" Chandler was surprised. "Monica doesn't. Says I slobber too much."

"Oh yeah, that's a rookie mistake all right."

Chandler pouted and folded his arms. "Well, how should I do it then?"

"Well, you know, teasingly and delicately and..." Joey tried to come up with more words, but as his vocabulary was limited, he decided to demonstrate his meaning. So he turned Chandler to face him and started to move closer.

"Hey!" Chandler reacted anxiously, unfolding his arms to reach out and push Joey away, but then Joey leaned into his neck and kissed him softly.

Chandler's eyes widened and his voice utterly failed him. His hands froze in place and no longer pushed Joey away.

Joey whispered against his skin, "Just around here." He moved lower. "And here." He kissed again. "And here." At the same time, Joey automatically grazed Chandler's thigh again, and rubbed his back with his other hand.

Chandler blinked and found himself exposing more of his neck toward Joey's mouth. His hands now rested on Joey's arms, not quite encouraging Joey's movements, but still hypnotized by them. It was almost like hearing Joey tell his backpacking through Europe story and getting caught up in wondering what would happen next.

Joey kept whispering his instructions. "Not like teenagers giving each other hickeys, but softly and slowly. And if her earrings don't get in the way, try this." He nibbled on Chandler's earlobe.

Chandler closed his eyes and moaned.

Joey nodded obliviously. "Yeah, she'll moan like that. Especially if you--" He coordinated the movements of his hands and mouth to maximize Chandler's pleasure, drawing another breathless moan out of him.

Giving in to temptation, Chandler started kissing Joey in return and got very hot.

No longer talking, Joey lost himself in the touch as well, eagerly exploring the different tastes, textures, and sounds of Chandler. The more incoherent Chandler got, the better, and Joey now ran his fingers through his hair and tightened their embrace.

They finally turned their faces and kissed each other, but soon their lips parted and gave way to a more passionate, urgent kiss. They moaned again and tasted each other deeply. It was so much better than their New Year's kiss long ago.