Chapter 11
We made our way back to Hogwarts in complete silence. A tense, embarrassed silence that you could have cut with a knife. Mike didn't say a word, but I could see his clenched fists, knuckles white.
I walked beside him, going hot and cold all over as I thought about what had happened. Mike had caught me wrapped in the arms of my Gryffindor coach when I was supposed to be dying of flu in the hospital wing. I was so embarrassed. I didn't even have the words to describe how I felt. If I could have dug a big hole and buried myself in it, I would have.
I didn't understand how Mike had found out where I was. Why hadn't he stayed in the library like he was supposed to? Had Cissa given the game away? I'd have to get it all out of her when we got home. Still, how Mike had found out was the least of my worries. The point was he had.
Feeling totally depressed and ashamed, I wondered if Mike would ever speak to me again. We'd always had a pretty good relationship, although Kate said he spoiled me. And talking of Kate, was Mike going to tell her? I groaned at the thought of all the grief I was going to get. I'd probably be grounded until I turned thirty at this rate.
We arrived at Hogwarts, and mike said nothing to me as we walked over to the front door. I was completely unnerved, and didn't know if I should say something first. But what could I say? "By the way, I lied to you again so I could play Quidditch, and I'm also in love with my coach, who you saw me hugging"? I think mike knew most of that, without me having to spell it out.
As we went inside, I heard the murmur of voices from the common room. I was shocked to see that it had been cleared of students, and that Lucius and his revolting parent were there, talking to Kate. Cissa was sitting halfway up the dormitory stairs wearing one of her best robes and made-up to within an inch of her life. She grinned and beckoned to me as we went in.
"Oh, here he is," Kate beamed, as she spotted Mike. I braced myself for a million questions about where I'd been when I was supposed to be sick, but Kate barely noticed me. "Lucius's parents have come to speak to us about the wedding."
I hurried up the stairs towards Cissa. "What's happening?"
"Luc's mum and dad have come to eat dirt," Cissa whispered, smiling all over her face. "Stupid cow, I don't know who she thinks she is in those dress robes."
"No mother can stand by and see her son go through this," Luc's mother said melodramatically. She seemed to have forgotten that it was their fault that the wedding was called off in the first place. "Lucius has been devastated."
"Well, our Narcissa, she didn't come out of her room for days," Kate chimed in.
"Lucius also," his mum shot back. "For days he has eaten nothing."
"Our children's happiness should come first," Luc's dad added.
It was beginning to look as if the wedding was definitely back on, then. Cissa beamed happily at me, and I forced a smile. I was glad something was going right for somebody.
Lucius's parents were all sweetness and light as they said goodbye – a bit different from the last time they'd come to talk to us. Cissa, Kate and Mike walked to the Entrance Hall to see them off, while I moped listlessly round the common room. I wished Mike would tell Kate and get it over with. I wanted to know what my punishment was going to be.
A sudden thought struck me. I wondered how long Mike had been at the ground. Maybe he'd actually seen me play? Score a few goals? Maybe he'd been impressed by my skills – or just disgusted at my fouls… The brief excitement that had flared up inside me died away. As far as my family were concerned, I was going to join the Ministry, and that was that. My NEWTs were coming up in a few weeks, and I was beginning to wish that I'd fail. The Ministry wouldn't accept me without top grades.
Cissa whirled back into the room, looking like she'd just won the lottery.
"I'm getting married!" she announced, hugging Kate and then me. I glanced over at Mike, trying to catch his eye. I was sort of hoping that he might have softened a bit now we had some good news. But he still wouldn't meet my gaze.
"We'll give them a wedding party they won't forget their whole lives! Kate announced firmly. "We must find what date the Hall of Commitments is free again.
Mike went over to the fire.
"Lily, get the old wedding invitations," Kate went on. "They're in my office. We can use a charm to change the date."
I went to get the box of invitations. When I came back, Mike was talking into the fire. Asking about possible dates for the wedding.
"We'll have to talk to the house elves about the wedding feast. We'll show them we're not poor!" Kate was boasting.
Dad brought his head out of the fireplace, and looked at Kate and Cissa. "Will Sunday the 25th be OK?" he asked.
"The 25th?" I repeated, my insides flipping over. The 25th was the day of the final against the Rochester Raptors.
"No, that's too soon," Kate hissed, much to my relief. "We need more time."
Mike shook his head. "The 25th is the only available date," he said. "After that, there's nothing for five months."
"Oh, please, don't make me wait that long," Cissa wailed anxiously.
"But, Mike – " I began. I could see my chances of playing in the final going even farther down the drain than they already were.
"Quiet!" Mike said sternly. "Your cousin needs you."
I swallowed hard. Kate and Cissa were too busy looking at the invitations and discussing the wedding food to notice that I was trying desperately to stop myself from crying. I'd promised myself that the final would be my very last game. Even if I had to lie and cheat my way out of Hogwarts on the 25th, I'd decided I was going to do it. After all, it was only one day out of the rest of my life, and from then on I was going to do what my family wanted. But now it had all been taken out of my hands. There was no way I could miss my cousin's wedding.
It was the week before the wedding, and Mike was redecorating the common room for the reception. I helped, levitating the fairy lights he conjured into position. We still weren't speaking, although I was relieved that Mike didn't seem to have said anything to Kate, and she and Cissa were too hassled by all the wedding preparations to notice that anything was wrong.
Levitating the fairies, I was daydreaming about the final I wouldn't be playing in, when I suddenly got a huge shock. Abby was walking across the room towards me, an embarrassed look on her face.
"Lily," she said.
I stared at her. "Hi," I gulped.
"I need to talk to you," Abby muttered, looking as if having to talk to me was worse than having her ears transfigured into pineapples.
I nodded, and looked over at Mike. He must have recognised Abby from the team, but he didn't say anything as I led her up to my dorm. Kate and Cissa were in her office, arguing about food for the reception, and they were making so much noise they didn't hear us going upstairs.
I took Abby into my dorm, and closed the door. She glanced round at my Pendragon posters, then sat down at my desk. I looked at her curiously as I plonked myself down on my bed. I was dying to know why she was here when she'd barely said two words to me recently.
There was silence for a moment.
"We all missed you at training today," Abby said eventually. "Especially James." We both blushed. "He told me what happened with your… you know, cousin-in-law? Is that right?"
I was more interested in what she'd said rather than what she called Mike. "He did?" It looked as though James and Abby had sorted things out between them, then. I wondered how that had come about.
"Yeah, he's worried that he's got you into even more trouble," Abby went on, sounding concerned herself, which was the last thing I expected.
"I'm really in the shit," I burst out. "Mike hasn't talked to me since. He'll never let me go back to James and the team."
Abby looked at me pleadingly. "But you can't miss the final, Lily! James told me there's going to be scouts from Europe there. They've already seen us play in Hungary, but I didn't know until James told me this morning."
So that was why Abby had forgiven James. She was concentrating on being spotted by a scout and what it might mean for her Quidditch career.
"I can't play," I said dully. Abby was talking about her own future here, not mine. Mine was already decided. "It's the same day as my cousin's wedding."
For once, Abby didn't have a quick answer. "Well, can't you get away for a bit?" she asked at last.
I shook my head. "You don't understand…" It was unthinkable. Kate would mutilate me!
"You're giving up Quidditch now," Abby said sharply. "What are you going to have to give up next?"
"Oh don't rub it in!" I retorted, stung. She'd hurt me, and now I wanted to hurt her back. "You only came here cos you need me if that bloody scout shows up!"
Abby jumped up, looking wounded, and I felt terrible. "Look, I came here because James was worried about you," she snapped, pulling the door open. "I'll tell him he's wasting his bloody time, shall I?"
She clattered off down the stairs before I could reply, and I heard the common room door slam shut behind her. I lay down on my bed, and buried my head in the pillow. I hadn't meant to hurt Abby, but the truth was – I was jealous. Everything was working out for her, and nothing was going right for me. My exam results were due in a few days, and if I got my EEs and Os I was off to the Ministry, to be stuck behind a desk someplace doing something 'useful'. My life was unfolding in front of me, and I had no say in the matter. None at all.
"Hurry up, Kate," I said impatiently.
I was standing there in my dressing-gown, while Kate was praying in front of the portrait of Salazar Slytherin, my NEWT results in the envelope in her hand. I hadn't had a chance to open it yet. Mike was waiting to find out my results too, and he was already late for work.
Kate handed me the envelope, and I tore it open. Half of me was hoping that I'd failed, which would solve the problem of getting a job in the Ministry. But when I focused on the results, I saw numbly that I'd got what I needed. Os in Charms, DADA and Arithmancy, an EE in Transfiguration and an A in Herbology.
Silently I passed the letter to Mike. His face lit up when he saw it, and he looked proud of me for the first time in days. That didn't make me feel any better though.
"Good." He gave the letter to Kate, who was beaming and thanking Salazar. "Now you'll have a successful job in the Ministry and make something of your life."
I nodded and turned away. I saw Kate and Mike look at each other, as if they couldn't understand why I was so down. I couldn't tell them that it felt like I'd signed my own death warrant.
I trailed upstairs to get dressed. After that, I started taking my Pendragon posters off my bedroom walls. Kate had reminded me that Wilhelmina and her granddaughter would be staying in here for the wedding reception, and she didn't want to look at pictures of some Quidditch bum. I took the posters down carefully, although I didn't know if I'd be putting them back up again. What was the point? I ought to start putting up posters of famous Ministry officials now…
Later that day, the school, empty for the summer holidays, began to fill up with our relatives and friends, although most could be more accurately referred to as vague acquaintances, whose blood was pure enough for it to be acceptable to be seen with them. Inbred cretins! We all gathered in the grounds for the Limpiaza ceremony. Cissa was glowing and happy in new green dress robes, enjoying being the centre of attention as she sat in the middle of everyone. Pureblood brides have to go through a kind of cleansing ceremony before marriage. The women spread the Limpiaza potion on Cissa's face and arms, to get rid of any 'impurities'. It was also supposed to ensure that she didn't give birth to a Squib. I heard Sadie and Bubbly muttering that it would take more than that to make Cissa pure. They could talk!
Anyway, we were all sitting there when Mike came outside with Wilhelmina, who'd just arrived. I hadn't seen her for years because she lived in Nairobi, and I'd forgotten how incredibly old she was. I think she'd forgotten too, because she was wearing bright red lipstick and loads of gold jewellery and dressed like she was about thirty-five instead of a hundred and thirty-five.
Her grandchildren were with her, carrying their cases. The dreaded air-head granddaughter, and the even more dreaded macho grandson. I suppose he was OK looking. Monica, Bubbly and Sadie certainly thought so. They were checking him out big-time, and Bubbly's tongue was virtually down to her knees. I didn't really take a lot of notice of him – until I saw that he seemed to be watching me. Whenever I looked around, he was staring, and once he even winked. I glared at him, and kept out of his way after that. I didn't want Kate or any of my matchmaking elderly relatives getting ideas.
That evening, all the women were outside, discussing their wardrobes, and putting the finishing touches to some of the dishes for the reception tomorrow. Traditionally, the bride has to cook the first meal of her married life – the feast for the reception – so no house elves were allowed. Cissa was a horrible cook, though, so most of our female relations had been roped into helping. The majority of the men (including Wilhelmina's grandson, thank Merlin) had gone inside to drink whisky, but Mike was toasting chestnuts on the outside cooker he'd conjured up (they were for garnishing the raspberry parfait, and supposedly were infinitely superior when cooked in the open air). I'd managed to escape so far. I was tossing a Quaffle around the lawn, dreaming of scoring endless goals in the finals tomorrow, even though I wouldn't be playing – when Kate pounced.
"Liliana, do I have to die before you offer to help us?" she snapped. "Go and give your aunties a hand by sugar-frosting the violets."
Gloomily I joined the end of the 'production line', tapping each flower with my wand and muttering "Glucagus." Meanwhile, the aunties chattered on, ignoring me. I thought I might scream with boredom if something didn't happen soon.
It did, although it wasn't quite what I'd expected. We'd all moved inside, into the common room, and Wilhelmina was dancing around, carrying Cissa's Auunim candle above her head. Wizarding babies are given an Auunim candle at their Blessing ceremony (the wizard equivalent to a Christening), and it is burnt down only when a great change takes place in a witch's or wizard's life. It changes colour each time, representing the change in the wizard, and regenerates as if it were never lit. At a wizard's funeral, the Auunim candle, coloured black, is placed on top of the coffin and burnt down to the stub, before being buried with the wizard. Mike told me that historically, the bride's relatives used to sing and dance their way through the village with the Auunim the night before the wedding. Lucky we didn't have to dance round Hogsmeade with it – we'd probably have been arrested, or admitted to St Mungo's.
Wilhelmina passed me the Auunim and everyone cheered and applauded. I began to spin round slowly in a circle, holding the candle above my head and trying to stop it setting my hair on fire.
"She's next in line," I heard someone say gleefully.
"Wilhelmina's grandson is a nice boy," someone else replied.
Suddenly I felt dizzy and hot. An auntie took the candle, and I stumbled out of the room, avoiding Wilhelmina's grandson who was standing near the door. I needed some fresh air.
I headed down the corridor and froze. Mike was by the doorway, watching James walk off down the hall.
"Mike!" I gulped, rushing over to him. "What did you say?"
Mike looked at me sternly. "Don't play with your future, daughter," he warned me, and walked away.
I could have let it go, but I didn't. I glanced back at the party, before I turned and ran straight after James.
"Wait!"
James turned around, looking surprised but pleased.
"I'm sorry about the final," I told him.
"No, I'm sorry, Lily," James said gently.
"I got my results," I explained. "I'll be getting a Ministry job soon. So I won't have time for training and stuff." My voice sounded pathetically feeble, as if I was trying to convince myself.
"That's a shame," James said bluntly. "I could've seen you playing for England some day. Abby still has a shot."
"She told me about the scouts coming," I mumbled, wishing I didn't feel so jealous. "I'm sorry I'm letting her down." I don't know why I didn't just tattoo I'm sorry on my forehead. It was all I seemed to be saying these days.
"I asked that scout to come for you too," James went on, "He's interested in both of you. That's what I was telling Mr Charbet."
"He's interested in me?" I gasped. Suddenly a whole, tempting new world was opening up again – and it didn't involve the Ministry and becoming a paper-pusher. "Why are you doing this to me, James?" I looked up at him sadly. "Every time I talk myself out of it, you come around and make it sound so easy."
"I guess I just don't want to give up on you," James admitted quietly.
We stood in silence. In the background we could hear loud singing coming from the Slytherin rooms, as if to remind me where I belonged.
"So, are you promised to one of those blokes in there?" James asked, trying to sound casual.
"No, don't be silly." I blushed bright red and stared down at my shoes. I couldn't look at him. "I'm not promised to anyone – dirty blood, you see."
"You're as pure as they come," James said. "Go on, you'd better get back. Hope it all goes well for your cousin tomorrow, and good luck for the Ministry." I realised with a pang that he was saying goodbye. "Come and see us sometime."
I watched him turn the corner and disappear down a secret passage. There was nothing more to say. I'd made my decision – or rather, I'd had it made for me.
I dragged myself back inside, trying to put on a cheerful smile even though I felt nauseous. Loud music was playing and everyone was up on their feet, dancing, even Kate and Mike. I gritted my teeth as Wilhelmina's grandson grabbed my hand and pulled me over to dance with him. I put up with it for a couple of minutes, but then he picked me up in his arms and whirled around the room with me. I felt like punching him. Everyone was watching and pointing and nudging each other. I didn't want to know what they were saying about us, but I could guess.
I wriggled out of his grasp, and headed for the door. He looked a bit annoyed, but when he turned round Bubbly was standing there, ready to jump in and take my place, so he soon cheered up.
I stood by the dorm stairs, feeling suddenly alone in the middle of all those people. A job in the Ministry, marriage to someone like Wilhelmina's grandson, kids…
I couldn't see any way out. I was trapped.