Disclaimer: I don't own HP characters, places, or things. I also don't own the Village People's "YMCA" (but I do own my lyrics to it!)
A/N: The song is in italics (and it's to the tune of YMCA), and more author notes are in bold italics.
At long last Harry woke up. He was glad that what had happened last night was just a dream, he wasn't sure he could take something like that happening. Harry got dressed and headed downstairs for breakfast. Ron was already out of bed, much to Harry's surprise.
Harry sat down next to Ron at the Gryffindor table. They sat across from Hermione and Luna. Harry was surprised to see Hermione and Luna soaked into a conversation. Hermione nodded, "You know what? I believe your right…but what I don't understand is how the Higglejub gets its own reservation, isn't that a bit discriminatory?"
Luna let out a dreamy sigh. "Well, I guess so, but that's the way it goes." She let her dazed glance fall upon Harry, "Oh, hello Harry, how are you? "
Harry nodded with a smile, "Doing pretty good, and you?"
Luna nodded , "Same".
Ron had planned this since last night. He reviewed what he was going to say over and over in his head. He didn't want to mess up. He coughed lightly and began to talk , "Oh, Luna…your hair…looks nice today…" He gave a very Ron-like smirk and then looked back down at his hash browns. Luna smiled, she fancied Ron a bit, and this was a confidence boost.
"Well , Ron… you're in Grigglegop shape, too." Ron looked confused. Harry on the other hand felt a twinge of something in his stomach. Could it be jealousy? Or perhaps the extra beans he had last night settling in… He shrugged the feeling off as he watched Hermione.
Hermione sighed, "There are no such things as Grigglegops, Luna, haven't we been through this already? They don't sleep under our pillows at night whispering rhymes and eating our ear wax and they definitely do not steal our toe cheese." Hermione paused, "People don't really have toe cheese anyway" she said in her slightly superior tone.
Luna frowned, "Well, we really don't know we have toe cheese…cause they steal it after they eat…that's their currency. They sell the cheese for other people's pillow rights. Eventually they move into the Slytherin dorms…where there is plenty of toe cheese to go around!" Luna gave a smirk. Hermione laughed , this was one of the first jokes she had heard Luna tell about the slytherins.
Luna stood up, "Well, I'm going to go back to my table I know there will be those who will miss tormenting me if I stay any longer." After Luna said that, the three friends looked at each other. They had never heard her say something like that. Maybe Luna was a little depressed, or maybe she was just constipated…
(Now…I know what you're thinking. Where's the fun? Where's the laughter? Where's the MISCHIEF?! Well, for all that we'd need to bring in Fred and George, but they aren't at the school, remember? But as we all know this is fan - fic land…so we're breakin' the rules!)
After breakfast Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Luna all went outside and sat near the lake. Suddenly, out of the sky erupted two figures. They looked a little closer and gasped. Fred and George swooped down on their brooms and landed on the ground with small thuds.
"Hello there, Harry and Pals" said Fred. "How have you four love birds been?" chimed in George. Harry
accidentally caught himself looking over at Luna, while Ron looked over at Hermione. The girls, however, had simply blushed and rolled their eyes. Fred saw this and sighed, "I was talking about Ron and Harry, sweets"
Ron stood up, not liking the turn of the conversation "What are you doing here anyway?"
Harry nodded, "I was wondering the same thing…"
Fred and George both grinned, "Well, since you've asked…we got a nice little letter when we were at work and we just had to reply!" said Fred with a smirk.
Hermione stood up as well, "And what exactly did this letter say?"
George winked at Fred, "Well, we are putting our shop in the temporary hands of a friend to teach you all Defense against the dark arts!"
Harry, Ron, and Hermione's eyes all widened. Luna, however had gone off into her little world chanting about random colors and shapes. Fred nodded, "Yes, that's right…you see…Dumbledore's plan is to keep Snape away from that job as long as humanly possible, so he'll stoop down to letting us teach the subject!" George laughed,
"Well, see you all in class, and don't think just cause we know you that you're going to get good marks!" Fred and George skipped over to the school.
Snape , being his evil self, randomly appeared behind them. "Ahhh, what would three young Gryffindors such as yourselves be doing outside on a day like this?" he said with an evil echo.
Harry raised an eyebrow, "First of all, it's sunny and warm out here and you said in the first movie you seemed to want us out on days like these, didn't you? And where did that echo come from?"
Snape snarled and with another strange echo growled "Don't talk back to me!"
Harry, utterly confused, looked at Snape, his green eyes filled with hate, "Again with the echo! Just cause you didn't get the job doesn't mean you can take it out on us"
Snape gasped, "How…dare you!" ~echo, echo~
(This is where this gets a little weird…so you were FOREWARNED!)
Snape narrowed his beady black eyes. "That is sooo it, girlfriend! Five points from Gryffindor!" Harry looked at him oddly. Little did Harry know that Snape had a secret crush on Harry, almost as bad as his huuuge crush on Tonks! He had trading cards, a website, and his own little collage of pictures he had stolen from Colin Creevey! Harry must never know about this though! Snape's lips curled into that evil smile of his, "And…bring out the new version of the wizard Village People!"
Suddenly some of the students appeared. Crabbe was wearing a policeman outfit and Goyle, a contruction worker one. Neville had an Indian chief costume on and Draco Malfoy was dressed as a biker, his face had marker marks on it from where someone must have drawn a fake moustache and beard. Suddenly, they burst out into song.
Draco led the pack, still irritated that he lacked another good Slytherin and had to deal with Neville (whom was enjoying his part a little too much…).
" Young boy, there's no reason to sass,
I said young boy, don't you want to pass?
You've got a potions exam coming up,
so why don't - you -just -suck - up?!"
The boys all did dramatic dance moves while the people around them cringed in fear. Neville stepped up, getting a solo,
"Young boy, you're just a young little Wiz."
Crabbed jumped out,
"I said Young boy, you want an A on your quiz?"
Then Goyle jumped out
"You, you know you want the grade"
They all sang, Draco jumping back in the middle,
"Then you've got -to- have- it -may-hade" (made)
[den den den den den]
It's fun to suck up to Sn-a-a-ape,
it's fun to suck up to Sn-a-a-ape!
When you want your grade's cu-re…
just be a brown noser!
[den den den den den]
It's fun to suck up to Sn-a-a-ape, it's ---"
Suddenly Snape shouted "That's enough!" Snape ran a hand through his "hadn't-been-washed-in-ten-years" hair before straightening up and saying with an eyebrow raised, "Maybe next time you'll think before you speak…or you'll have to go through that again!" Snape walked away, leaving the four friends cringing on the ground.
They all gave each other terrified looks before heading back inside, their minds permanently scarred by that most disturbing image.
(To be continued…)