TITLE: Connected - Part 2 - Sleepless In Georgetown
AUTHOR: Jacinta
SUMMARY: Josh can't sleep and he's a good idea why. Josh POV.
SPOILERS: Anything up to S4
CHARACTERS: Josh and Donna
RATING: G
DISCLAIMER: Most certainly not mine.
I can't sleep. I'm lying here in the darkness and I'm wide awake. When I was a kid and I had a sleepless night, I believed I was the only person in the world who was awake, which use to scare me a little. So I'd get up and I'd go downstairs, I'd turn all the lights on, then I'd sit in the kitchen drinking milk. When I was very young Joanie was usually the one who came down and found me. She'd tease me and then make cocoa and we'd sit a drink it together before she took me back to bed. After she died and I was woken by nightmares of the fire I still followed the same ritual, but she never appeared at the kitchen door, not even in my imagination. Usually my mom or dad would find me in the morning, asleep at the kitchen table or on the sofa.
That's why I like living in the city, surrounded by other people, because, as I lie staring at the darkened ceiling, I can hear cars on the street, sirens in the distance, people talking as they walk past the front of the building, and I know that I'm not the only one who's awake. It's very comforting on nights when thinking about work, or a nightmare, leaves me restless and awake. Though I don't feel the need to go and sit in the kitchen and wait for Joanie anymore. Maybe it's because I'm not scared of being alone in the world now, or maybe it's because I learnt long ago that she's not going to appear.
Tonight though it's not work that's keeping me up. I haven't been woken by a nightmare. Tonight I have an entirely different reason for not being able to sleep. Donna. Donna's the reason I can't sleep tonight. I can't get her out of my head and it's ridiculous. I've known her for five years, so why am I suddenly being kept awake thinking about her?
I've been thinking about her since the reception on Friday. The night had been amazing, yet it was no different to any other reception we've attended. Dancing with Donna though, that had made it special. I could have spent all night on that dance floor, just holding her. On the flight home on Air Force One, she'd fallen asleep on my shoulder, something that she often does, but in the early hours of Saturday morning, it had taken all my strength not to hold her tight and kiss her.
Of course it doesn't help that she's currently asleep in my spare room. Have I mentioned that? Donna is lying in bed just the other side of my lounge. It's not the first time she's stayed in my spare room, she stayed often in the summer and fall of 2000. But this is different. Then she stayed because I was ill and she's my friend, a very close friend, but that was all I thought of her as. Honestly, it really was. Now though. Now she's asleep in my spare room and I'm suddenly thinking of her as more than a friend. Much more.
You're wondering why Donna's staying at my apartment aren't you? When we got back from Georgia we went straight to work and didn't leave until around 7 that evening. My mom says I work Donna too hard and I'm beginning to think she has a point. Anyway, I'd been home about 5 minutes when my phone rang. It was Donna, there'd been a flood in the apartment above hers, the power had shorted out and it won't be fixed until Monday. So of course I told her to come on over and stay with me.
And that's why I can't sleep. On Friday night, while dancing at a reception in Atlanta, I suddenly realized that I couldn't deny my feelings for Donna any longer. On the flight home all I wanted to do was tell her how I felt. I spent the rest of the day trying to avoid being in close proximity to her and then, for some reason beyond understanding, I invited her to stay at my apartment. Now it's 3.18 and I'm wide awake, I guess it's time to revive an old ritual.
OK, I've been sat in the kitchen for twenty minutes trying to get this straight in my head. I had no cocoa and the milk was off, so I'm drinking sweet black tea and I've come to a conclusion. You're no more likely to solve your problems by sitting in the kitchen at night when you're 42 than when you were 10. Maybe if I'd used tealeaves instead of teabags then staring into the bottom of my mug would offer some answers. I could ring Sam, I think California's three hours behind so there's a chance he's still awake......
"What you doing?"
What the...? I must remember to tell Leo that CJ's not the only one who needs a bell.
"Are you alright?"
"Yeh, I'm fine, I was thirsty. You?" What the hell am I saying?
"Why are sitting in the kitchen staring into an empty coffee mug at 4 in the morning?"
Reasonable question I guess, now all I need is a believable answer. Come on Lyman, 760 verbal SAT surely you can come up with a good answer, one that won't make her think you're ill or even worse, addled. Anytime now will do. Got one. "Couldn't sleep." Yeh that'll work.
Donna's now sat down next to me and is looking concerned, so my cleverly thought out answer worked a treat. "Bad dream?" she asks.
"No, it's just too hot to sleep."
"So you thought you'd sit in the kitchen and drink coffee?" she asks me.
"It's tea." Good comeback there, Joshua. "You want one?"
"No, I'm going to go back to bed, and so should you," she smiles. Then just as she leaves the kitchen she turns to face me. "I had a really good time last night. All of it. Good night."
This is bad on more levels than I can express, but let me try. I'm awake because I can't stop thinking about Donna, thinking about her in a way that I'm not sure is entirely appropriate. Last night, which we'd spent dancing exclusively with each other, we'd almost kissed. The last dance ended, we were in each others arms, faces very close together and our eyes locked. Luckily that was when Leo chose to walk up to us and the moment was gone. Afterwards we'd told each other that it meant nothing, we'd just drunk too much.
I walk into the lounge. "Donna," I call and she turns at the hall doorway. "All of it?"
"All of it," she agrees.
"Me too. Good night."
She smiles at me and we both head back to our bedrooms.