Chapter 10: Search And Rescue

July 2, 1991 - Tuesday

Ellie pulled up to her old apartment building and slowly got out of the car. She was exhausted from worrying and she knew she needed sleep. But the thoughts of Alan out there . . . alone . . . hurt . . . possibly dead, kept running through her mind. There was a ground and aerial search that had started the day before, but so far nothing of importance had been found. After arguing with just about everyone she came into contact with, Rob had finally talked her into getting some sleep. She didn't want to stay in Alan's trailer, and Allison had offered the apartment to her, so she accepted the hospitality.

She got to the door, fumbled with her key for a second, and then finally managed to open it. She immediately went to the refrigerator and found a beer near the back. She opened it and drank most of it right there, standing next to the fridge. All day she had felt like breaking down, but she stayed strong, so that people wouldn't realize her feelings for Alan. It had been two days since anyone had seen or heard from him, and she wasn't taking it well. She was by herself now, though, so she could cry to her heart's content. She finished the beer and set it on the counter and went to take a shower. It was a long and hot shower, as she attempted to clear her mind and relax some. It didn't work. All she could see was Alan's face in her mind. She kept seeing certain images of him. Like when they were at the creek. She kept picturing him almost falling, spinning around on one of the slippery rocks. She smiled to herself, as she remembered all of the closeness that they had shared in the last few weeks. She longed to see him right now. To kiss him and have him tell her everything was okay.

She hadn't realized how much she cared for him. She knew that she enjoyed his company very much, but now she was feeling as though she would have a hard time going on without him. Could she really be in love? That's what it seemed like, but she didn't say it out loud. She only dared think these thoughts in her mind and nowhere else.

Wandering into the bedroom, she collapsed on the bed, not even bothering to turn it down. She grabbed a hold of the nearest pillow, gripped it tightly and began to slowly fall apart. At first, she lightly sobbed into the pillow, but the sobs turned into tears, and that quickly turned to full fledged crying. Then anger began to set in and she hit the defenseless pillow several times while swearing to herself. She cried herself to sleep, hoping and praying that he would somehow be found.

Alan lay on his back, staring at the stars in the Montana sky. His leg was throbbing continuously, but at the moment it wasn't bothering him. He was in a small trance-like state, almost on the verge of passing out. He focused on one star in particular, as it was the brightest. The image would blur occasionally as he stared at it. He began to feel as if he wouldn't be found in time. He toyed with the idea of dying and his thoughts immediately drifted to Kathryn. All he could do was to envision her face as she took her final breath. He had been holding her hand in the hospital room and she had turned her head toward him. He remembered thinking that she had smiled, although the doctors insisted that she couldn't have done that. With all the drugs in her system, it was next to impossible that she even had a clue as to what was going on. But Alan knew better. The woman that he had loved had smiled at him and he had been certain of it.

He continued to lie in the dirt, looking up at the stars. He forced himself to smile. To smile at Kathryn, as his mind began to allow him to see her face in the night sky.

"I'm coming home," he hoarsely whispered into the darkness.

He closed his eyes, giving up his fight. With the vocalization of those three words, came a blinding bright light. He had to squint in order to maintain his vision of the night sky. He felt himself being pulled into another place. The night sky faded away and in its place, daylight slowly and methodically seeped in. Against all reality, Alan found himself standing. Standing next to a cliff. It didn't take Alan long to figure out where he was, as the dig site was like a second home to him. Confused by what was happening, he looked around trying to find answers to the dozens of questions floating in his mind.

The sky was bright and the day was moderately warm and sunny, indicating that it was springtime. Springtime in the Badlands of Montana was absolutely the best time of the year. As he fought with his mind, trying to focus on what was happening, he heard a familiar voice.

"Hello, Alan."

He immediately turned around. There, plainly standing in the sunlight, was . . .

"Kathryn," he breathed, almost like a prayer.

She was dressed in the clothes from the picture in his trailer.

"What have you got yourself into this time?" she asked.

Her voice slightly echoed, but Alan didn't find it to be strange in the least. In fact, he ignored it, just as he ignored the question.

"Where am I? How did you get here?" he asked.

"You're close to heaven . . . the eternal resting place . . . whatever you want to call it."

"Am I dead?" he asked.

Kathryn smiled.

"No, you're not dead. But you are in between life and death."

"I've missed you so much, Kathryn," he said, tears coming to his eyes.

"I've missed you, too," she said.

She came closer to him. When she was only a small distance from him, Alan reached out and embraced her. She returned the embrace and wrapped her arms around his neck very tightly. He couldn't believe that he was touching her. He had longed to embrace her again and now it was happening. A thousand emotions whipped around his mind as he held onto his one true love. He could stay this way forever. He was ready to go. He was ready to stay with Kathryn for eternity.

Kathryn seemed to read his thoughts.

"You cannot stay here, Alan."

Alan let her go, backing away slightly. She wiped some of his tears away from his face and smiled.

"I want to stay with you. I love you," he almost begged.

"I love you, too. But it's not your time, Alan."

"Yes, it is."

Kathryn turned slightly and Alan was suddenly hit with images of his life with her. Their first meeting, their first kiss, their wedding, their honeymoon, their endless days together. The images flooded all five senses, as he was transported back to relive all of their important moments. His tears of sorrow turned to tears of happiness and that's when Kathryn reached for his hand.

"Alan, these are all of the memories that I keep with me. These memories keep me going. I can hold onto these special times in our lives and be content for years to come."

Alan pulled her toward him again.

"I want to stay here with you, Kat."

Kathryn gently touched his face.

"What about Ellie?" she asked, slowly caressing his cheek.

He hadn't thought of Ellie. In fact, seeing Kathryn made it so he could think of nothing else but Kathryn.

"Ellie?"

"Yes, Alan. She loves you."

"How do you know Ellie?"

"I know quite a bit about a lot of things, Alan. Who do you think pushed her in your direction?"

"But . . ."

"You're quite articulate today, aren't you?" Kathryn remarked, laughing.

He was at a loss for words, as he focused on his former wife's facial features as she laughed. Kathryn filled in the void with dialogue of her own.

"You cannot be with me yet. You have way too many adventures to live through still. Ellie will need you. And you will need her, too."

Images of Ellie flashed into Alan's mind. He really did feel something for her. It was right then, when he realized that he must have loved her. There wasn't much of a difference between his feelings for the two women. Looking back at Kathryn, he began to feel guilty for even having thoughts such as those.

"I feel like I'm betraying everything we had together. I don't want you to be alone."

"I'm not alone, Alan. And Ellie is willing to share your heart with me. I can feel that. She is a smart one, as I'm sure you've noticed.

"Yes, she is," Alan whispered, thinking about Ellie's beautiful smile.

"Go to her, Alan. Find her and don't let her go."

The scene around them was fading now, stars coming back into focus and the blues and indigoes of the night returning.

"Kathryn, please . . . wait."

"It's time, Alan. Know that you will always be loved. You have a strong will to live, remember that."

"I will love you forever, Kat," Alan said, watching her gradually fade from his sight.

She disappeared and was replaced with the night sky once again, combined with the chilly night air. He lay there, motionless, thinking of Kathryn's voice. Only a few minutes went by, before something new entered his mind. He opened his eyes and took some deep breaths.

"Ellie," he whispered. Then he began to repeat something Rob had instilled into his mind, "Let her go and start over . . . let her go and start over . . . "

July 4, 1991 - Thursday

After stopping several times on the side of the road to compose herself, Ellie finally pulled into the dig site. Almost immediately, Rob was at her car window. He looked like he hadn't gotten any sleep.

"Any word?" she asked, although she could have guessed the answer since he didn't look at all happy either.

"Nothing. They can't even figure out where he might have gone."

Ellie felt herself getting angry.

"Why can't they figure that out? Aren't they professionals?" she half yelled.

"I'm going to go for a ride today, to see if I can find anything."

"Rob, that's not a good idea. I've thought about doing that myself, but I was talked out of it by some of the rescue people."

"What's so bad about it?"

Rob had no idea of what to do about the disappearance of his friend. At times, he would feel anger for not being able to offer much help to the rescuers. And then, sometimes, he would feel guilty about not trying to find out where Alan was going, in the first place.

"Well, for one, we have no idea where he went. And secondly, the same thing could happen to you."

For some reason, Ellie was surprised at Rob's reaction. He was always so cheerful, joking all of the time. It was something to see him so serious.

"I just don't want to wait it out. It's agonizing," he sighed.

"I know. I know it is. But, for now, that's the best thing to do. To just wait by the phones," Ellie said.

Rob looked at her and she could see that his eyes were somewhat watered.

"He's got to be okay, Ellie."

She reached out and grabbed him. They embraced, as Ellie began to cry some, too.

"He's going to be fine. We've got to keep believing that," she said, repeating out loud what she had been saying to herself for days.

Allison tried to stop Ellie from verbally attacking the man a few yards in front of them, but it was no use. Allison had just heard the rescuers talking about calling off the search and she had just told Ellie, who did not take the news well. Ellie marched up to the closest rescue worker. The man was in the middle of a conversation with someone, when she interrupted.

"What do you mean you're stopping the search?" Ellie yelled in anger.

"Yes, we are. Look. I'm sorry if you don't agree, but you are not experienced enough in these situations, to object to my decision."

"Well, let me put it this way," Ellie snarled, as she got closer to the clearly stupid man, "If you call of this search, I'm going out there . . . alone. Then you'll have to search for me, as well."

"Dr. Sattler, please don't talk like that. You have to realize that the chances of the victim being alive and well, after four days, is all but impossible."

"I don't care what you think. There is still a slight chance, and that slight chance is what I plan on holding onto, you asshole!" Ellie yelled.

"Ellie!" Allison said, trying to calm her friend down.

The man just shook his head and began to walk away. Ellie began to follow him, and that's when Allison grabbed her by the arm.

"Please, just leave that man alone. He's been searching for eight hours straight and he's exhausted. He's not thinking straight . . . and neither are you, for some reason."

Ellie looked at her friend. She knew she had decided not to tell anyone about Alan and herself, but she needed Allison to understand.

"I love him, Allison."

"Who? Alan?" Allison asked, completely puzzled by Ellie's statement.

"Yes," Ellie whispered.

She didn't want anyone else around them to hear what she was saying. Allison took the queue and began to whisper, too.

"When the hell did this happen?"

Ellie looked around uneasily.

"About two weeks ago."

"Two weeks? You go from student/teacher to love in two weeks?" Allison whispered rather strongly.

"It was more than that. I'll explain later. Right now, I have to find him, Allison. I have to find him now."

"Okay. Okay. I'll help you. We'll get another rescue guy in here to look for him," Allison said.

Ellie began to breath easier.

"Thank you."

"It won't be easy, though. It's a holiday, you know."

Ellie stood still for a second. She couldn't handle it. She jogged toward Allison. As she approached Allison and another pilot, she saw the man shaking his head in a disappointed manner.

"What's going on?" she asked, hoping and praying that they hadn't found Alan dead.

Allison grabbed her wrist.

"Ellie, he's still missing. They're calling off the search for an hour. Just an hour, okay?"

Ellie was about to protest, when another rescue worker standing by the radio in an ambulance, began shouting something to the workers near him. He looked happy. Ellie quickly ran toward him, leaving Allison and the pilot standing there. In a matter of seconds she was close enough to hear what the man was saying, but she couldn't believe it.

"He's been found?" she asked, with tears forming in her eyes.

The man was looking at someone else when she came up to him. He looked at her and nodded enthusiastically.

"Yes. A woman just dialed 911. Apparently, he's in her field."

"Where?" she asked urgently.

The man turned around and began to write the address on a piece of paper.

"Hurry up! Hurry up!" Ellie screamed.

The man gave her the paper.

"It's a pretty remote place. There's an ambulance on the way already."

"Good," she said, as she ran, full speed, toward her car.

Allison stood by and watched as her friend jumped into her car and sped away from the area. Dust was everywhere from her accelerating so fast.

Ellie's Taurus actually beat the ambulance to the woman's house. She stopped with a screech and then ran from the car. In her haste, she had forgotten to put the car in park, so she quickly got back inside the rolling vehicle and stopped it. Then she ran toward the front door of the house. The house was of moderate size and it was also the only house in the immediate area. She reached the front door of the giant enclosed porch and peered inside. There were no signs of movement. She leaned back and double checked the address on the mailbox affixed to the porch. It was the correct address, so she started pounding on the screen door. As she was knocking repeatedly, she heard a woman's voice, coming from the side of the house. She stopped knocking, following the voice. She spotted an elderly woman staring at her. She had a blanket draped over one of her arms.

"Are you with the police, dear!" the woman asked, confused as she glanced at the unmarked car in the gravel driveway.

"Uh, no . . . no, I'm not. I'm just a friend of Dr. Grant's."

"Oh, I see. Well, he's back here. I was afraid to move him," the woman said, as she turned to walk toward the field.

Ellie quickly followed, scanning the area for him. The elderly woman was having a difficult time navigating on the uneven ground. Ellie assisted her by grabbing under her arm, as they continued to walk.

"He's in pretty dire shape, my dear. He kept trying to stand, but I insisted that he stay put."

"He is awake?" Ellie asked.

"He goes in and out of consciousness. I was just bringing the young man a blanket. He was shivering."

Ellie was only half listening, as she desperately tried to spot Alan. The grass in the field was very tall, making it hard to see very far in the distance.

"I'm really sorry, but I'm very eager to see if he's all right. Could you point me in the general direction, please?"

The woman smiled. She handed Ellie the blanket and pointed. Ellie smiled back.

"Thank you very much," she said as she ran in the direction the woman had gestured.

Alan was resting the best that he could in the middle of the field. He had been slightly groggy, dozing off constantly, but from the moment he heard Ellie's concerned voice, he quickly pepped up.

"Ellie?" he asked, leaning forward just enough to make himself wince.

Ellie heard his voice, knowing that she was very close. She was smiling as she came upon him, but when she saw Alan and the condition that he was in, her smile faded into concern. She swiftly made her way to him, leaning down beside him.

"Oh, my God. Are you okay?"

Before he could answer, Ellie was already gently embracing him and kissing him.

"I've been better," Alan managed to say, wincing and hugging her back.

Ellie laughed at him and began to take a closer inventory of his injuries. He was covered in dirt, basically from head to toe. Looking past the dirt, she saw that he had about a one-inch gash over his left eye, a very large scrap across his left arm that actually tore the fibers from his shirt sleeve, and some blood coming down his neck. His right leg was the absolute worst injury by far, though. The kind woman had propped up his leg on a milk crate and had placed a pillow under his broken leg, elevating it properly. As Ellie looked closer, she could see that it was obviously broken. It was an open, or compound fracture, as she could see that the bone had broken through the skin. His lower pant leg was ripped and folded away from the break. Ellie began to feel lightheaded, as her happiness began to dwindle away right before her eyes.

"What happened?" she gasped, as she gently covered him with the blanket.

Alan was about to answer, when they could hear the sirens coming closer. The elderly woman had made her way to them by now, too.

"His truck turned over and he walked a few miles to find help. I found him laying in my field. It's a good thing that I go out there periodically to check on things. He was unconscious when I found him, but when I talked to him he had opened his eyes."

Alan smiled at the woman and then looked at Ellie, who was still hovering over him.

"Ellie, this is Margaret. She is the nice woman who was nice enough to help me with this nice little milk crate, and then call for help."

Ellie was slightly amused by his extensive use of the word "nice". He was very much out of it. She got up from Alan's side and shook the woman's hand, and then hugged her, too.

"Thank you so much for taking care of him, Margaret. I know we both appreciate that."

"It was no trouble. I just hope the young lad will be able to walk again."

Alan looked up at the two women. Cobwebs were clouding his mind, but he had heard the negative tone in the elderly woman's voice.

"What?" he managed to whisper.

Ellie looking down at him. She quickly leaned next to him again, grasping his hand.

"Nothing, Alan. Just relax, okay? Help is coming."

He nodded and smiled at Ellie. It was the beginning of dusk and the sunset made everything look beautiful and colorful. He thought she looked like an angel, glistening in the sunset, lingering over him.

Alan opened his eyes and could do nothing but stare at the strong light on the ceiling above his head. He blinked a few times, trying to chase the cobwebs away, but to no avail. There was a spot somewhere on his face that itched, so he brought his hand up to his face. He was very drug-induced and slowly came to realize this, as his hand couldn't find its desired target. It felt as though he was a drunk person trying to touch his nose. After a few more failed attempts, he began to stir in the bed. It was then that he noticed he was in a hospital room. The events of the last few days kept crawling back into his mind, causing him to wince slightly. There was an I.V. inserted into his left wrist and a slew of other various wires and rubber tubes connected, protruding from the sheet that was draped over his body. He tried to sit up, but that didn't work in his favor in the least.

"Ouch," he winced and whispered to no one in particular, as he slowly rested his head back on the uncomfortable pillow.

It only took that one barely audible word to awaken Ellie, who was sleeping in a chair next to his bed. She opened her eyes and quickly jumped out of the chair.

"What is it? Something wrong?" she asked in a slight panic.

He smiled at her. He just felt like smiling at her. And that's all he did for the time being.

"You're in the hospital, Alan. You broke your leg, sprained your wrist, bruised some ribs, and managed to give yourself a mild concussion."

"Is that all?" He whispered, "I thought I was really bad off."

This statement made Ellie smile, which is what he intended. He was starting to become a little more alert now, and with alertness came pain. He adjusted his right leg and winced again.

"Are you having a lot of pain? If you are, I can call a nurse."

He nodded, while gritting his teeth. He couldn't believe the intenseness of the pain. It placed him right back into the middle of nowhere and trying to walk out of there. Ellie hurried and pushed the call button and then went out into the hallway, yelling for a nurse. It only took a few minutes for someone to respond to her constant calling. A nurse walked in, adjusted one of the bags, and then smiled at Alan.

"Okay. You should feel better in just a few minutes."

He nodded again, not really believing her, since it was still hurting. Ellie pulled the chair closer to the bed, sat down, and took his hand in hers. It was the hand with the I.V., causing him to wince a little more.

"Just try and relax, okay? Everything is going to be all right. You just need to rest and relax."

"Okay," he said.

"Good, good," she commented, as she leaned down and kissed his hand.

She gently let go of him and then leaned back in the chair, looking at him.

"You scared me to death, Alan Grant," she said.

"Sorry," he said with another one of his faint smiles.

She moved forward in the chair, leaned in, and kissed him on the cheek. She stayed in that position for a few seconds, brushing aside a few strands of his messed up brown hair. As she leaned back into the chair, Alan could see how noticeably tired and worn out she looked.

"Why don't you get out of here. Try and get some sleep."

"I'm okay."

"You look tired, Ellie."

"I'm holding up just fine."

Alan tried a different approach.

"Look. I'm just going to lie here and sleep. There's nothing exciting and interesting about that. Really. It would make me feel better if I knew you were getting some rest."

"Okay, okay," she said, finally giving in, "But I'm not leaving the hospital. I'll just go find somewhere more comfortable to sleep."

"Like where?"

"I don't know."

"Just go home. I'm okay. I'll call you if I decide to run a marathon or something."

Ellie laughed at his attempt at humor. What really caught her attention was his reassurance that he was okay. That was one of the things that she longed to hear when she couldn't find him. And now she was here alone with him, and he was reassuring her. She knew he was right, that she should go home. But she wasn't ready to leave his side yet.

"I will in a minute. I just want to stay a little bit longer."