What Will The Wind Bring, Chapter 1
A/N: This is the first time I've ever really written a fanfic. I hope it goes well, and I hope that if anyone's reading this, they'll review! (I'd even be thrilled with one, lol) If it's a flame, well, at least someone read my work. :)
Swish. Then a roar. Men and women hugging each other, giving high fives, or with their heads hung in disappointment. Calm azure skies along with the sun's radiance matched the energy of the open-air stadium, as many watched and mimicked what they spectated before them. This was humanity running on emotion, from all ends of the spectra -- expressive, yet guarded with the air of bravery and the drive to succeed.
This was sport - this was blitzball.
Yet to Yuna, who, just previous to the games gave a speech to inspire the world, she felt the bravest face in the stadium belonged to her. To smile, and cheer, when the Goers scored a goal on Nimrook. To cheer on Wakka, who now had all the time in the world to raise a team of legendary calibre.
Perhaps, rivaling even the Zanarkand Abes Tidus always spoke of.
She wondered what had happened to him once he took the plunge, and with it her own inspiration, her hopes and dreams. That, she supposed, was a bitter victory: Sin, vanquished from the world, but with it gone the one who understood her, as well as Sir Auron, who knew her father better than anyone else. Even the spheres found on her pilgrimage gave her little to cherish her father by; rather, most were of Jecht. Sighing, Yuna thought maybe she knew Sir Jecht better than she would ever know her father.
It took her a long time to figure out what Tidus was exactly, and to this day she still did not know the details. Even now, all she could accept that he was gone. Secretly, she cursed and thanked the fayth that had given her Tidus, had given the world hope, but once that job was completed, her friend was gone. More than a friend, perhaps, but she would not let herself think of that.
A gloved hand patted her shoulder. "You ok?" Rikku asked, her swirling eyes mirroring an obvious concern for her cousin. Even she was quiet for a long time after Tidus had vanished that day, but that was because she had grown up so quickly on that pilgrimage. All of them had, in one way or another.
Yuna met her eyes and nodded slowly, forcing a smile. "Yes, I feel fine."
Rikku smiled. "Good!" But her eyes narrowed a bit. "Yunie! Can't you speak normally, ever?"
Yuna scowled inside, but asked, "What do you speak of?"
Rikku wasn't so good at hiding her emotions, pouting for a moment. "That's what I'm talking about! All the formal speech, the concealed emotions, even when you're not on a mission!" She then clapped Yuna on the back. "That's your new mission, I guess, Summoner!"
Yuna looked up. "Huh?" didn't even begin to describe her confusion.
Rikku grinned, that mischief in her blue eyes apparent again. "Your new mission! To learn to speak like a normal person!"
In spite of how she felt, even Yuna had to chuckle a bit at her cousin's enthusiasm. "I suppose I will."
Rikku grinned even more. "Tidus would've loved to hear you say that!" But as soon as that popped out of her mouth, Yuna's mood sank even more. Tidus would have? She couldn't accept that he was dead, or worse, he just ceased to. exist.
Lulu placed her hand on Rikku's shoulder. "Yuna's just thinking, Rikku. Let's just watch the game." She looked into Rikku's eyes. "Please." Even though that really wasn't a request at all.
And watch the game they did, all silent, except when Rikku told Lulu she'd look better as a blonde. Now that exchanged look really got Rikku to fixate on the game.
*** ~~ ***
His eyes opened.
Where was he?
What was he?
He couldn't see anything around him.
The water was too blurry.
There was a light, though, shining above him.
He was too much in shock, still, to move.
Until he heard a voice.
Come on, boy. Don't be a runt forever.
His father's voice.
The voice he had finally forgiven, because he thought he had ceased to exist.
He guessed he was wrong.
You're never going to be like me. Grow up, come on, boy.
He tried to move his arms, his legs.
They worked.
Swimming, he made his way towards hope.
Ironic.
He'd hated his father, resented him for years, without a trace of optimism.
And now his father represented hope.
***~~~***
"I swear," Wakka said between bites of his dinner, "That I would never have thought Zu could taste so good!"
Yuna nodded her head, and kept devouring. Moping around for a long time was a good way to work up an appetite.
Rikku waggled a finger in front of him with mock seriousness. "And you said I couldn't cook!" Then she grinned. "Seeing as Home was on a desert island and I was tired of fish, I pestered Father to bring back a Zu the next time he went out hunting. It's a bit tough, but sprinkle some Ether on it, roast, and poof! Out comes something to complement Lulu's vegetarian, and therefore bland, soup!"
Lulu glared at her briefly, then re-arranged her black dress. "It is rather hard to do something with Gysahl greens, and at least they're not 50% fat."
"Heyyyyyyy!" Rikku whined. "It's not my fault Brother gave me the old one!"
Wakka shook his head. "First I find out Rikku is Al Bhed, next I find out she cooks the best out of anyone." Putting his hands out defensively when Lulu simply stared at him, "Aside from Lulu, of course." He stopped eating for a moment. "What's going to happen next? We find out Rikku is, I dunno, a summoner in disguise?"
"Summoners don't exist anymore, remember Wakka," Lulu said chidingly.
"Yea yea..."
Yuna looked up a bit in surprised. She had completely forgotten about losing all of her aeons. But then she looked back at the fire, no more downcast than she had been before. The aeons were gone, but she didn't need them anymore; the world didn't need them. If not for that horrendous war 1000 years ago, aeons would never have had to exist anyway. Looking, listening at the crackling orange sparks, she realized she still didn't know exactly what Yu Yevon was, or what had happened to corrupt the summoner so. It was a fascinating story, really: a powerful summoner that would've lived on for eternity, grafting the final aeon to himself countless times whilst the world would remain in stasis, both technologically and culturally. But did Yu Yevon himself actually control Sin?
Another bite of medium-rare Zu whilst enjoying the starry sky, to regard with intensity brought her mind back to Yu Yevon. If Yu Yevon had truly controlled Sin, would they have died on their long pilgrimage to Zanarkand, far before realizing the religious sham known as Yevon, which was constructed to give the world hope by extinguishing those means by which it might've had a chance to defend itself? The machina the Al Bhed excavated were used to far better means than Bevelle's purpose of self- denial of what it once was, the technocratic city of aggression. Looking back at her plate, scooping up the remains of vegetables and rice, was Yu Yevon the embodiment of the Zanarkand of old? Was he a summoner who had lost control of his aeon? What did happen when a summoner lost control of his aeon?
". don't you think so, Yuna?" Rikku poked her gently in the ribs.
Yuna looked back around the fire, everyone's eyes were on her. "What.?" Why were they so intent on her.
"Don't you think Tidus would've appreciated a night with us after defeating Sin?"
Yuna's eyes focused on Rikku's intent expression. "I." Yuna paused, "I don't know."
"Kimahri protect Yuna," a deep rumbling voice said behind her while putting a furry paw on her shoulder. "Yuna tired. Needs to sleep."
"And don't we all," Wakka said. "Because tomorrow, you're going to do more diving practice, Yuna!"
But Yuna wasn't even listening. She could only see Tidus; glorious Tidus, the star that shone too bright. She remembered laughing with him in Luca, easing his tension as they proceeded along the Mi'ihen Highway. She remembered him being the only one to stand up to the thought of her dying. Tidus saved her life. Tidus had given her unconditional friendship and lent his zeal to her final voyage, or so she had thought then.
Tidus had become a part of her in such a short time.
And with him went her purpose.
A tear fell down her cheek.
"Oh, uh, Yuna, hey," Wakka started quickly, "I was just joking."
More tears fell to the ground, more than she had even shed thinking she was destined to die.
"Wakka," Lulu said in her abrupt, commanding tone. Immediately she went over to Yuna and put Yuna's head on her shoulder. Rubbing Yuna's back, she cooed softly, "It's ok, it'll be ok."
"No it won't," Yuna said, and finally the dam of pent-up emotions, shock, and weariness burst.
But unbeknownst to her, that night would be the start of a series of other cathartic moments.
***~~~***
He kept swimming.
Where am I? he wondered.
How long have I been here?
All he remembered was defeating Yu Yevon, saying his goodbyes, killing his father. jumping off the ship.
As well as other memories that he would never have a chance to explore fully.
But what had happened? He should've ceased to exist.
Is this what the Farplane is?
He kept moving through the azure blue, feeling the water against his skin, gliding towards the bright light. He was about to take a break from swimming when he saw a building emerge into his line of sight. Intrigued, he kept swimming.
And he heard his father yet again.
That's it, boy, keep coming.
He finally emerged from the water, barely needing to take a breath. The Abes had always admired the fact he managed to stay submerged for hours at a time, and because of that he had become the Abes' stamina coach. Rubbing the water from his eyes, he took a step as he gazed at what was around him.
And stopped in midstep, shocked.
The familiar darkness, the skyscrapers, the tower that stood in front of him. His home.
Zanarkand.
He looked behind him. He saw the lake that bordered the Zanarkand of old. His Zanarkand.
What was going on?
And he heard a whisper.
"Come on boy, I can see you now."
Jecht.
He felt around for any weapons he might have. It had been a bittersweet victory to have killed his father. The glow of knowing that he had saved the world had canceled out the anguish of finally realizing that his father did truly love him. And the only words he had said were "I hate you, Dad".
What kind of son was he?
He entered his house. Looking around, everything looked exactly the same as when he had originally left for the game he would never forget. The pictures were all off-center, a result of the party he had thrown in anticipation of another victory; it was such a precise copy, even the carton of milk he'd left out because he realized he was late for practice was still there. He could hear his father's breathing, light and labored, on the next floor. Muscles tensed, not knowing what to expect, he went slowly, but surely, up the stairs.
"In here, boy." Jecht's voice croaked out. The bedroom.
There he was - the man who had abandoned his son and his wife.
The one his son had learned to hate, but in the end, to love with hesitance.
And who now had the chance to say the proper goodbye.
He stepped into his bedroom; the window was still half-open, the chest of drawers still half-opened from finding his blitzball uniform, the only thing different was his dad on the bed.
And the fact that he was bleeding profusely into it.
Tidus stopped for a moment in shock. His father had multiple cuts and bruises all over his body. Tidus recognized the burn mark from one of Lulu's spells branded on his thigh, not to mention a great gash across the forehead due to Yuna summoning Bahamut, the turning point in the battle where he had to save the world and kill his dad at the same time. Those wounds would heal, though; the hole in the chest would not.
The wound caused by his sword running his dad through, for once and for all, finalizing his hate for the father he never knew. His moment of glory, he had thought then.
But realizing at the last that his father had loved him made it a mixed victory.
He crept forward. "Dad?" he asked hesitantly, not sure of what to say. No response but a groan from the bed. "Are you going to." he gulped, and finished it quickly. ". die?"
Jecht's breath came labored. "I never die, son," he said with a grin that twisted into a half-grimace of pain. He coughed. "I never thought you would ever beat me, too, but in the end I'm glad you did."
Tidus crept closer. He could see the fine creases on his father's face; the past 10 years had been a maturing process for both of them. Looking into Jecht's eyes, he saw that while the grin was more sneer and the words harsh, there was real affection in his old man's eyes. As a boy he would have been stung by the words, but now he could read beneath the surface. Tears began to well in his eyes as his throat clenched tight, as tight as when his mother had passed on; maybe even tighter. "I. love you, Dad," he squeezed out hoarsely.
A hand gripped Tidus; how Jecht could manage so much at the edge of death was amazing. The fact it was for him, made it all the more special. "C'mon son, I love you too. Now, look at me." Tidus managed to look directly at those harsh eyes, which then softened once they had his full attention. "I have to tell you one last thing." and with that his voice gave out into a muted whisper.
Bending over right over Jecht's face, he could hear the hoarse whisper that emanated. "You're still.." and he trailed off, into a bloody coughing fit. Tidus put a hand to Jecht's chest to try and ease the pain.
Tidus could barely hear the last word. ". alive." and then came a slight convulsion, a sigh of breath, and then complete silence. Those intense eyes that had held scorn while he was a kid, a kind of mutual respect as a man, were now staring openly at the ceiling. Tidus' body shook a bit as he raised himself; the scrappy fighter, the wily veteran, living on for ten years as destruction itself, was dead.
It couldn't be; he should live forever. All heroes lived forever. But he had slain a hero, someone he had always emulated, always admired even though that adulation was tinged with hate. "I'll never forget you, Dad," was all Tidus could say now, tears staining his cheeks as a torrent of emotions, spanning the spectrum from respect to mockery, from hate to unbound love, came out in full force. Gripping his face with his hands, Tidus staggered to his knees, unanswered questions aplenty.
Why did this reunion have to come replete with blood and tears?
And, what did he mean? I am alive?
What does it matter now, though?
After what seemed to be hours of weeping, he finally pushed himself off his feet and studied his father's body again. Closing the eyes, Tidus noted that maybe now his father was finally at peace. Free of pain, and happy; two things he never really was on this earth. A little smile rose on his lips; yes, maybe he was already sent, secure with all the other souls of the Farplane.
But almost as abruptly, that smile vanished. Could his father even have been sent there, or his mother? Could dreams dare to really exist?
What did he mean, I am alive?
But almost abruptly, his train of thought was interrupted by the noisy clearing of someone's throat behind him. Indignation bubbled, but it was pure rage that came to life as he swung backwards, yelling "Leave me alone! Don't you see my dead father." as his eyes came to meet something he didn't expect.
Someone he didn't expect.
Now what's going on?
***~~~***
"How's she doin'?" Wakka whispered to Rikku as she exited the large Summoner's tent.
"She's doing ok, I guess," Rikku said, sighing as she helped herself to a mug of water Wakka offered. "She's finally sleeping, and if something does wake her up, Kimahri and Lulu are going to give whatever did it a quick journey to the Farplane."
Wakka nodded and quietly chuckled as he sipped from his own cup. Studying Rikku a bit, there was a small pause while he studied her quietly. In a few short weeks, they had grown close enough that Wakka felt he had known her his whole life. The whole Al Bhed revelation would've been enough to have shocked him for weeks; making friends with one so quickly was even more startling. Especially since this one had had the inner strength to fight Sin and triumph alongside him.
But now, as he stared as Rikku, he couldn't help but notice how young she really was. A cousin of Yuna's, she had an innocent energy about her that glowed. She had been even more excitable and optimistic when Tidus was around, but in his absence that had developed into a maturity that spoke volumes when she looked at him with her glassy-blue and swirling eyes.
Those eyes still scared him, but it was the fact that she had kept going with the rest of them that made him appreciate her. Slightly shaking her mane of golden hair, Wakka couldn't help but look at the shadows cast by the fire amidst the light it gave. It helped him directly into her eyes, to see the innocence, joy and pain that he had never really taken the time to notice. But she noticed his look, and shot him a quizzical glance, shattering his concentration, which he then refocused on his cup. A fascinating tin mug, complete with dent from a barfight.
Frowning at his mug, he then looked into her eyes and asked, "It just hasn't been the same without him, eh?" Looking into the fire, he sighed and leaned over, his face propped up by his right hand. "I mean, I guess, I, uh. she really misses him, doesn't she?" Not even noticing if Rikku made a move to reply, he stood, frustration warring with sadness on his face. "I told her not to fall in love wit' him, I told her to concentrate on her journey; I thought I would be the one to tell kids Sin was dead, that they didn't have to die like Chappu did, y'know? I thought a Calm would happen, and it did, a permanent one. Better yet, Yuna didn't even die in the process." But with an exhale, his profile sagged, his back to Rikku. "I always thought these would the happiest days of my life, most definitely if Yuna were here to celebrate."
A hand gripped his shoulder lightly, and Rikku's voice came softly into hearing. "But it's not, isn't it?" His head shook slightly, and an arm draped over his body in a soothing gesture. He looked to the right, into her eyes, wavering between tears and steely determination. "No, it's not. I keep remembering when he told me he was thinking of a way for Yunie to not die. I remember panicking on our way to Zanarkand, when he collapsed at Mount Gagazet near the wall of fayth; he still hadn't figured a way to save Yunie. Even after fighting Yunalesca and scaring Maester Mika into vanishing, he still couldn't do anything but his resolve intensified." Her eyes blinked and a tear slowly ran its course down the recesses of her face, but she continued on. "I'd even given up hope at that point. I wondered whether we had done the right thing, ending the only way for the world to enjoy a Calm, even if it was temporary. If we were stuck with Sin forever, and that atonement would only come with the end of the universe." Poking a stick into the fire, she looked away into the flames.
"Tidus, though, he never stopped having faith; even when we'd come up an impossibly large wall, that would only strengthen his resolve. If he couldn't climb it, he'd charge through, give it all he'd got." The stick had finally caught fire, and he watched it as the leaves were consumed by the orange glow, curling up, shriveling, darkening, until all that was left was a coating of soot on that section of bark. "He matched Yunie in determination, though whilst she was focused on dying for the good of the world, he didn't care about that. He wanted to go home to his Zanarkand first, but in the end he saved her from making the biggest mistake of her life. None of us could see any alternative, and all it required was someone who'd never had to fear that kind of random death to see it through."
The leaves had all burned out, and one by one the embers faded from a glowing orange to black. Her eyes focused back on his. "He loved her, and she loved him. Did you know that?"
He nodded, and she continued on. "I guess that first time when Dad and I had made him find that machina airship, I had developed a crush on him too." A small smile broke out on her lips, and he couldn't help but stare in amazement as to how young she was, yet ever so mature. Her lips trembled a bit as she pushed the words forth. "I came to love him like I do Brother, though, only he never stuck a baby Cactuar in my bed. He was my rock of security, constantly determined and never willing to give up. I guess Sir Auron was like that too, but he just gave me the creeps. Anyway, he made me realize, through our journey, how strong I was. How I would ride out anything for my big cousin, how I would sacrifice myself if I had to be her final Aeon, because I would not want to live in a world where my cousin died because the only crime she committed was being able to summon things. I think he helped me find myself, my own identity; before I was always the good girl who obeyed others incessantly." She looked down at the ground, and her lower lip trembled even more. "What he gave Yunie though, was far more important than anything he gave me. He gave her love - and she gave it back, only she couldn't do anything for him as he vanished."
"Love hurts," Wakka said softly, their eyes meeting, his brown depths and her multicolored irises exchanging more meaning than was just said in that exchange. Tears were now freely streaming down her eyes, but she stood resolute. Firm. Strong, just as she said Tidus had made her. Wakka felt his heart pound slightly faster, and beneath the backdrop of the moonlit night and the flickering tendrils of light from the fire, he noticed Rikku, not just as a traveling companion, not just as an Al Bhed, but as a friend. A friend he found himself wishing he could be more with, someone with a strength of character all her own, someone he could share his inner thoughts with. Unlike Lulu, who'd dismiss his ideas as the ramblings of a concerned but ultimately stupid brother, or Yuna, who'd always need him to be there, or Kimahri, who he'd never actually spoken with, just exchanged looks (and orders) with. No, Rikku was the only one who'd listened to him, and shared back in return. Even after ostracizing her for her origins, she still gave her full attention to him, even though she had the best excuse for not giving him even the time of day. That forgiveness was the same easy- going spirit he had with everyone, except Sin, or course, but then again, Sin couldn't control itself; only Yu Yevon pulled its strings, whatever Yu Yevon was exactly. His head hurt just thinking about what that tick-like creature was, and how that at one time was the greatest summoner in the world, perhaps in all of history. No, Yuna had been the best summoner. After all, she'd defeated that thing, but he could only look out for her like an older brother, because that's all either of them felt for each other. With Rikku, though, he felt like he was an equal, and that she respected him fully for who he was and not what he symbolized. He felt a smile come onto his lips. I wonder.? What an absurd thought, but it just might work.
Rikku sniffled a bit through her tears, but she noticed the curvature on his lips and started to smile as well. It looked forced, though, strained in some way, but in the same light it was the purest expression of joy he had ever seen on anyone. Her eyes danced with amusement in between moments of despair. "What," she whispered, "what are you thinking about?"
"Nothing," he replied, still smiling faintly, though the image in his mind was just too vivid, too plausible, and all too funny. His smile grew larger and he laughed in spite of himself. He couldn't believe he was thinking about this, especially now, of all moments, and that caused him to laugh even more. Oh well, perhaps he needed to relieve the tension that badly after such a heady, depressing talk. It really was a funny idea, though.
Rikku stood before him, one hand on her hip, one shaking a finger in mock seriousness at him. She was grinning from ear to ear, now, and her eyes glowed with happiness, though she didn't know what for. "Wakka," she said in a tone wavering between sternness and cracking up, "You tell me what you're thinking right now or I'll thump you with the remainder of that Zu!"
Still chuckling, he got up and took her arms in his hands. Yevon, they feel so good. Eyes fixed on hers, his smile met hers and slowly, tenderly, he asked his question. "Rikku, we've known each other for a month or two now, ya?" She nodded uncertainly, but he went on before she could give that a second thought. "We've fought together, we've cried together, we've watched our friends, our beliefs go from us an' had no way to keep them with us, jus' watch them go into the sunset. We've always been together though, and y'been there for me every step of the way. Y'been there for everyone each step to Zanarkand, and beyond, even when I tried to drive you away because of my preconceptions of Al Bhed people. I was wrong in my thoughts though; you're one of the strongest people I know, nice an' funny an' all that stuff. Y'never gave up in the face of a challenge, and me, I respect people who do that." Her eyes glowed with pride and she even seemed to grow taller with the words. Hot damn, those lips...
He rushed on. "Rikku, would y'like to be a player on the Aurochs?"
She shook her head, her eyes indicating she was unsure if she had just listened correctly. Looking at him with intently, she pressed one of her hands to his shoulder almost as if to balance herself. Damn, he thought, why is she this surprised? Taking a few deep breaths as if to calm herself, she looked unsure, she stumbled at bit in his arms and her head swung down to help focus her jerky movements, but what shocked him the most was the slight cringe at the corner of her mouth when she finally raised her head to look at him again. What'd I do to make her so upset?
Finally raising her head so she could look at him square in the eyes, she took in a deep breath and expelled it slowly. Those swirling eyes glistened ever so slightly. Wakka had never imagined Rikku could be so deep in thought, especially concerning something like this.
"Rikku?" he asked with careful tenderness. The response was silence. His arms held her, kept her from falling, and all she could do was stare at him with those swirling eyes. She'd stopped cringing, though, and he took this as a sign to carry on. "You're quick an' ya can swim really well, Tidus told me that much. You gotta great head on your shoulders and y'throw things really well, we've seen that on Yuna's pilgrimmage so many times. I really think you'd be a great player, y'know? I mean, Tidus had his Jecht shot n' stuff, and I think you could come up with something too. The Rikku Slam, or maybe you're a better goalie cuz y'catch so well, and."
"Shh."
She laid her chest on his shoulder for a bit, and he could see that she was crying, ever so slightly, even with her eyes averted from his face. Cradling her in his arms, he swayed ever so slightly, the quiet breeze in the wind casting a peaceful sense of serenity with the moon peaking behind the clouds as a perfect after-effect. They stayed that way, in the heat of the blazing fire, their shadows making a heart-shaped silhouette in the interplay of darkness and light.
When she did move her head to face him, he saw the swirling eyes, and for a second, did he see pain? Oh, he understood perfectly - her cousin was crying her eyes out in a tent near them, and she could do nothing. He ached to help Yuna, who he considered as his little sister, but here he was, still mourning over the loss of his brother after all these years. Wounds never healed; one just started to ignore them after living with them all this time, but when another cut came the pain revived itself. Human nature was fraught with that, and Wakka knew that the only way Yuna would ever live with herself was to come to terms with it on her own - no one could help her; they could only provide a small solace, a small piece of what she had felt with Tidus, or everyone's 'brudda'.
A small smile on her lips, Rikku joked with a small tremor in her voice, "Will I get first class in Luca's Paradise Hotel everytime we play a tournament there, at least?"
Wakka's eyebrows climbed to his flying hair faster than he could control them. "I might be a great coach, miss Rikku," he said in the sternest voice he could fake, "But I am not made of money!"
Rikku laughed, a quiet, amused sound. "Thank you, Wakka," she whispered, "I'd be honored," and then kissed his cheek.
A/N: This is the first time I've ever really written a fanfic. I hope it goes well, and I hope that if anyone's reading this, they'll review! (I'd even be thrilled with one, lol) If it's a flame, well, at least someone read my work. :)
Swish. Then a roar. Men and women hugging each other, giving high fives, or with their heads hung in disappointment. Calm azure skies along with the sun's radiance matched the energy of the open-air stadium, as many watched and mimicked what they spectated before them. This was humanity running on emotion, from all ends of the spectra -- expressive, yet guarded with the air of bravery and the drive to succeed.
This was sport - this was blitzball.
Yet to Yuna, who, just previous to the games gave a speech to inspire the world, she felt the bravest face in the stadium belonged to her. To smile, and cheer, when the Goers scored a goal on Nimrook. To cheer on Wakka, who now had all the time in the world to raise a team of legendary calibre.
Perhaps, rivaling even the Zanarkand Abes Tidus always spoke of.
She wondered what had happened to him once he took the plunge, and with it her own inspiration, her hopes and dreams. That, she supposed, was a bitter victory: Sin, vanquished from the world, but with it gone the one who understood her, as well as Sir Auron, who knew her father better than anyone else. Even the spheres found on her pilgrimage gave her little to cherish her father by; rather, most were of Jecht. Sighing, Yuna thought maybe she knew Sir Jecht better than she would ever know her father.
It took her a long time to figure out what Tidus was exactly, and to this day she still did not know the details. Even now, all she could accept that he was gone. Secretly, she cursed and thanked the fayth that had given her Tidus, had given the world hope, but once that job was completed, her friend was gone. More than a friend, perhaps, but she would not let herself think of that.
A gloved hand patted her shoulder. "You ok?" Rikku asked, her swirling eyes mirroring an obvious concern for her cousin. Even she was quiet for a long time after Tidus had vanished that day, but that was because she had grown up so quickly on that pilgrimage. All of them had, in one way or another.
Yuna met her eyes and nodded slowly, forcing a smile. "Yes, I feel fine."
Rikku smiled. "Good!" But her eyes narrowed a bit. "Yunie! Can't you speak normally, ever?"
Yuna scowled inside, but asked, "What do you speak of?"
Rikku wasn't so good at hiding her emotions, pouting for a moment. "That's what I'm talking about! All the formal speech, the concealed emotions, even when you're not on a mission!" She then clapped Yuna on the back. "That's your new mission, I guess, Summoner!"
Yuna looked up. "Huh?" didn't even begin to describe her confusion.
Rikku grinned, that mischief in her blue eyes apparent again. "Your new mission! To learn to speak like a normal person!"
In spite of how she felt, even Yuna had to chuckle a bit at her cousin's enthusiasm. "I suppose I will."
Rikku grinned even more. "Tidus would've loved to hear you say that!" But as soon as that popped out of her mouth, Yuna's mood sank even more. Tidus would have? She couldn't accept that he was dead, or worse, he just ceased to. exist.
Lulu placed her hand on Rikku's shoulder. "Yuna's just thinking, Rikku. Let's just watch the game." She looked into Rikku's eyes. "Please." Even though that really wasn't a request at all.
And watch the game they did, all silent, except when Rikku told Lulu she'd look better as a blonde. Now that exchanged look really got Rikku to fixate on the game.
*** ~~ ***
His eyes opened.
Where was he?
What was he?
He couldn't see anything around him.
The water was too blurry.
There was a light, though, shining above him.
He was too much in shock, still, to move.
Until he heard a voice.
Come on, boy. Don't be a runt forever.
His father's voice.
The voice he had finally forgiven, because he thought he had ceased to exist.
He guessed he was wrong.
You're never going to be like me. Grow up, come on, boy.
He tried to move his arms, his legs.
They worked.
Swimming, he made his way towards hope.
Ironic.
He'd hated his father, resented him for years, without a trace of optimism.
And now his father represented hope.
***~~~***
"I swear," Wakka said between bites of his dinner, "That I would never have thought Zu could taste so good!"
Yuna nodded her head, and kept devouring. Moping around for a long time was a good way to work up an appetite.
Rikku waggled a finger in front of him with mock seriousness. "And you said I couldn't cook!" Then she grinned. "Seeing as Home was on a desert island and I was tired of fish, I pestered Father to bring back a Zu the next time he went out hunting. It's a bit tough, but sprinkle some Ether on it, roast, and poof! Out comes something to complement Lulu's vegetarian, and therefore bland, soup!"
Lulu glared at her briefly, then re-arranged her black dress. "It is rather hard to do something with Gysahl greens, and at least they're not 50% fat."
"Heyyyyyyy!" Rikku whined. "It's not my fault Brother gave me the old one!"
Wakka shook his head. "First I find out Rikku is Al Bhed, next I find out she cooks the best out of anyone." Putting his hands out defensively when Lulu simply stared at him, "Aside from Lulu, of course." He stopped eating for a moment. "What's going to happen next? We find out Rikku is, I dunno, a summoner in disguise?"
"Summoners don't exist anymore, remember Wakka," Lulu said chidingly.
"Yea yea..."
Yuna looked up a bit in surprised. She had completely forgotten about losing all of her aeons. But then she looked back at the fire, no more downcast than she had been before. The aeons were gone, but she didn't need them anymore; the world didn't need them. If not for that horrendous war 1000 years ago, aeons would never have had to exist anyway. Looking, listening at the crackling orange sparks, she realized she still didn't know exactly what Yu Yevon was, or what had happened to corrupt the summoner so. It was a fascinating story, really: a powerful summoner that would've lived on for eternity, grafting the final aeon to himself countless times whilst the world would remain in stasis, both technologically and culturally. But did Yu Yevon himself actually control Sin?
Another bite of medium-rare Zu whilst enjoying the starry sky, to regard with intensity brought her mind back to Yu Yevon. If Yu Yevon had truly controlled Sin, would they have died on their long pilgrimage to Zanarkand, far before realizing the religious sham known as Yevon, which was constructed to give the world hope by extinguishing those means by which it might've had a chance to defend itself? The machina the Al Bhed excavated were used to far better means than Bevelle's purpose of self- denial of what it once was, the technocratic city of aggression. Looking back at her plate, scooping up the remains of vegetables and rice, was Yu Yevon the embodiment of the Zanarkand of old? Was he a summoner who had lost control of his aeon? What did happen when a summoner lost control of his aeon?
". don't you think so, Yuna?" Rikku poked her gently in the ribs.
Yuna looked back around the fire, everyone's eyes were on her. "What.?" Why were they so intent on her.
"Don't you think Tidus would've appreciated a night with us after defeating Sin?"
Yuna's eyes focused on Rikku's intent expression. "I." Yuna paused, "I don't know."
"Kimahri protect Yuna," a deep rumbling voice said behind her while putting a furry paw on her shoulder. "Yuna tired. Needs to sleep."
"And don't we all," Wakka said. "Because tomorrow, you're going to do more diving practice, Yuna!"
But Yuna wasn't even listening. She could only see Tidus; glorious Tidus, the star that shone too bright. She remembered laughing with him in Luca, easing his tension as they proceeded along the Mi'ihen Highway. She remembered him being the only one to stand up to the thought of her dying. Tidus saved her life. Tidus had given her unconditional friendship and lent his zeal to her final voyage, or so she had thought then.
Tidus had become a part of her in such a short time.
And with him went her purpose.
A tear fell down her cheek.
"Oh, uh, Yuna, hey," Wakka started quickly, "I was just joking."
More tears fell to the ground, more than she had even shed thinking she was destined to die.
"Wakka," Lulu said in her abrupt, commanding tone. Immediately she went over to Yuna and put Yuna's head on her shoulder. Rubbing Yuna's back, she cooed softly, "It's ok, it'll be ok."
"No it won't," Yuna said, and finally the dam of pent-up emotions, shock, and weariness burst.
But unbeknownst to her, that night would be the start of a series of other cathartic moments.
***~~~***
He kept swimming.
Where am I? he wondered.
How long have I been here?
All he remembered was defeating Yu Yevon, saying his goodbyes, killing his father. jumping off the ship.
As well as other memories that he would never have a chance to explore fully.
But what had happened? He should've ceased to exist.
Is this what the Farplane is?
He kept moving through the azure blue, feeling the water against his skin, gliding towards the bright light. He was about to take a break from swimming when he saw a building emerge into his line of sight. Intrigued, he kept swimming.
And he heard his father yet again.
That's it, boy, keep coming.
He finally emerged from the water, barely needing to take a breath. The Abes had always admired the fact he managed to stay submerged for hours at a time, and because of that he had become the Abes' stamina coach. Rubbing the water from his eyes, he took a step as he gazed at what was around him.
And stopped in midstep, shocked.
The familiar darkness, the skyscrapers, the tower that stood in front of him. His home.
Zanarkand.
He looked behind him. He saw the lake that bordered the Zanarkand of old. His Zanarkand.
What was going on?
And he heard a whisper.
"Come on boy, I can see you now."
Jecht.
He felt around for any weapons he might have. It had been a bittersweet victory to have killed his father. The glow of knowing that he had saved the world had canceled out the anguish of finally realizing that his father did truly love him. And the only words he had said were "I hate you, Dad".
What kind of son was he?
He entered his house. Looking around, everything looked exactly the same as when he had originally left for the game he would never forget. The pictures were all off-center, a result of the party he had thrown in anticipation of another victory; it was such a precise copy, even the carton of milk he'd left out because he realized he was late for practice was still there. He could hear his father's breathing, light and labored, on the next floor. Muscles tensed, not knowing what to expect, he went slowly, but surely, up the stairs.
"In here, boy." Jecht's voice croaked out. The bedroom.
There he was - the man who had abandoned his son and his wife.
The one his son had learned to hate, but in the end, to love with hesitance.
And who now had the chance to say the proper goodbye.
He stepped into his bedroom; the window was still half-open, the chest of drawers still half-opened from finding his blitzball uniform, the only thing different was his dad on the bed.
And the fact that he was bleeding profusely into it.
Tidus stopped for a moment in shock. His father had multiple cuts and bruises all over his body. Tidus recognized the burn mark from one of Lulu's spells branded on his thigh, not to mention a great gash across the forehead due to Yuna summoning Bahamut, the turning point in the battle where he had to save the world and kill his dad at the same time. Those wounds would heal, though; the hole in the chest would not.
The wound caused by his sword running his dad through, for once and for all, finalizing his hate for the father he never knew. His moment of glory, he had thought then.
But realizing at the last that his father had loved him made it a mixed victory.
He crept forward. "Dad?" he asked hesitantly, not sure of what to say. No response but a groan from the bed. "Are you going to." he gulped, and finished it quickly. ". die?"
Jecht's breath came labored. "I never die, son," he said with a grin that twisted into a half-grimace of pain. He coughed. "I never thought you would ever beat me, too, but in the end I'm glad you did."
Tidus crept closer. He could see the fine creases on his father's face; the past 10 years had been a maturing process for both of them. Looking into Jecht's eyes, he saw that while the grin was more sneer and the words harsh, there was real affection in his old man's eyes. As a boy he would have been stung by the words, but now he could read beneath the surface. Tears began to well in his eyes as his throat clenched tight, as tight as when his mother had passed on; maybe even tighter. "I. love you, Dad," he squeezed out hoarsely.
A hand gripped Tidus; how Jecht could manage so much at the edge of death was amazing. The fact it was for him, made it all the more special. "C'mon son, I love you too. Now, look at me." Tidus managed to look directly at those harsh eyes, which then softened once they had his full attention. "I have to tell you one last thing." and with that his voice gave out into a muted whisper.
Bending over right over Jecht's face, he could hear the hoarse whisper that emanated. "You're still.." and he trailed off, into a bloody coughing fit. Tidus put a hand to Jecht's chest to try and ease the pain.
Tidus could barely hear the last word. ". alive." and then came a slight convulsion, a sigh of breath, and then complete silence. Those intense eyes that had held scorn while he was a kid, a kind of mutual respect as a man, were now staring openly at the ceiling. Tidus' body shook a bit as he raised himself; the scrappy fighter, the wily veteran, living on for ten years as destruction itself, was dead.
It couldn't be; he should live forever. All heroes lived forever. But he had slain a hero, someone he had always emulated, always admired even though that adulation was tinged with hate. "I'll never forget you, Dad," was all Tidus could say now, tears staining his cheeks as a torrent of emotions, spanning the spectrum from respect to mockery, from hate to unbound love, came out in full force. Gripping his face with his hands, Tidus staggered to his knees, unanswered questions aplenty.
Why did this reunion have to come replete with blood and tears?
And, what did he mean? I am alive?
What does it matter now, though?
After what seemed to be hours of weeping, he finally pushed himself off his feet and studied his father's body again. Closing the eyes, Tidus noted that maybe now his father was finally at peace. Free of pain, and happy; two things he never really was on this earth. A little smile rose on his lips; yes, maybe he was already sent, secure with all the other souls of the Farplane.
But almost as abruptly, that smile vanished. Could his father even have been sent there, or his mother? Could dreams dare to really exist?
What did he mean, I am alive?
But almost abruptly, his train of thought was interrupted by the noisy clearing of someone's throat behind him. Indignation bubbled, but it was pure rage that came to life as he swung backwards, yelling "Leave me alone! Don't you see my dead father." as his eyes came to meet something he didn't expect.
Someone he didn't expect.
Now what's going on?
***~~~***
"How's she doin'?" Wakka whispered to Rikku as she exited the large Summoner's tent.
"She's doing ok, I guess," Rikku said, sighing as she helped herself to a mug of water Wakka offered. "She's finally sleeping, and if something does wake her up, Kimahri and Lulu are going to give whatever did it a quick journey to the Farplane."
Wakka nodded and quietly chuckled as he sipped from his own cup. Studying Rikku a bit, there was a small pause while he studied her quietly. In a few short weeks, they had grown close enough that Wakka felt he had known her his whole life. The whole Al Bhed revelation would've been enough to have shocked him for weeks; making friends with one so quickly was even more startling. Especially since this one had had the inner strength to fight Sin and triumph alongside him.
But now, as he stared as Rikku, he couldn't help but notice how young she really was. A cousin of Yuna's, she had an innocent energy about her that glowed. She had been even more excitable and optimistic when Tidus was around, but in his absence that had developed into a maturity that spoke volumes when she looked at him with her glassy-blue and swirling eyes.
Those eyes still scared him, but it was the fact that she had kept going with the rest of them that made him appreciate her. Slightly shaking her mane of golden hair, Wakka couldn't help but look at the shadows cast by the fire amidst the light it gave. It helped him directly into her eyes, to see the innocence, joy and pain that he had never really taken the time to notice. But she noticed his look, and shot him a quizzical glance, shattering his concentration, which he then refocused on his cup. A fascinating tin mug, complete with dent from a barfight.
Frowning at his mug, he then looked into her eyes and asked, "It just hasn't been the same without him, eh?" Looking into the fire, he sighed and leaned over, his face propped up by his right hand. "I mean, I guess, I, uh. she really misses him, doesn't she?" Not even noticing if Rikku made a move to reply, he stood, frustration warring with sadness on his face. "I told her not to fall in love wit' him, I told her to concentrate on her journey; I thought I would be the one to tell kids Sin was dead, that they didn't have to die like Chappu did, y'know? I thought a Calm would happen, and it did, a permanent one. Better yet, Yuna didn't even die in the process." But with an exhale, his profile sagged, his back to Rikku. "I always thought these would the happiest days of my life, most definitely if Yuna were here to celebrate."
A hand gripped his shoulder lightly, and Rikku's voice came softly into hearing. "But it's not, isn't it?" His head shook slightly, and an arm draped over his body in a soothing gesture. He looked to the right, into her eyes, wavering between tears and steely determination. "No, it's not. I keep remembering when he told me he was thinking of a way for Yunie to not die. I remember panicking on our way to Zanarkand, when he collapsed at Mount Gagazet near the wall of fayth; he still hadn't figured a way to save Yunie. Even after fighting Yunalesca and scaring Maester Mika into vanishing, he still couldn't do anything but his resolve intensified." Her eyes blinked and a tear slowly ran its course down the recesses of her face, but she continued on. "I'd even given up hope at that point. I wondered whether we had done the right thing, ending the only way for the world to enjoy a Calm, even if it was temporary. If we were stuck with Sin forever, and that atonement would only come with the end of the universe." Poking a stick into the fire, she looked away into the flames.
"Tidus, though, he never stopped having faith; even when we'd come up an impossibly large wall, that would only strengthen his resolve. If he couldn't climb it, he'd charge through, give it all he'd got." The stick had finally caught fire, and he watched it as the leaves were consumed by the orange glow, curling up, shriveling, darkening, until all that was left was a coating of soot on that section of bark. "He matched Yunie in determination, though whilst she was focused on dying for the good of the world, he didn't care about that. He wanted to go home to his Zanarkand first, but in the end he saved her from making the biggest mistake of her life. None of us could see any alternative, and all it required was someone who'd never had to fear that kind of random death to see it through."
The leaves had all burned out, and one by one the embers faded from a glowing orange to black. Her eyes focused back on his. "He loved her, and she loved him. Did you know that?"
He nodded, and she continued on. "I guess that first time when Dad and I had made him find that machina airship, I had developed a crush on him too." A small smile broke out on her lips, and he couldn't help but stare in amazement as to how young she was, yet ever so mature. Her lips trembled a bit as she pushed the words forth. "I came to love him like I do Brother, though, only he never stuck a baby Cactuar in my bed. He was my rock of security, constantly determined and never willing to give up. I guess Sir Auron was like that too, but he just gave me the creeps. Anyway, he made me realize, through our journey, how strong I was. How I would ride out anything for my big cousin, how I would sacrifice myself if I had to be her final Aeon, because I would not want to live in a world where my cousin died because the only crime she committed was being able to summon things. I think he helped me find myself, my own identity; before I was always the good girl who obeyed others incessantly." She looked down at the ground, and her lower lip trembled even more. "What he gave Yunie though, was far more important than anything he gave me. He gave her love - and she gave it back, only she couldn't do anything for him as he vanished."
"Love hurts," Wakka said softly, their eyes meeting, his brown depths and her multicolored irises exchanging more meaning than was just said in that exchange. Tears were now freely streaming down her eyes, but she stood resolute. Firm. Strong, just as she said Tidus had made her. Wakka felt his heart pound slightly faster, and beneath the backdrop of the moonlit night and the flickering tendrils of light from the fire, he noticed Rikku, not just as a traveling companion, not just as an Al Bhed, but as a friend. A friend he found himself wishing he could be more with, someone with a strength of character all her own, someone he could share his inner thoughts with. Unlike Lulu, who'd dismiss his ideas as the ramblings of a concerned but ultimately stupid brother, or Yuna, who'd always need him to be there, or Kimahri, who he'd never actually spoken with, just exchanged looks (and orders) with. No, Rikku was the only one who'd listened to him, and shared back in return. Even after ostracizing her for her origins, she still gave her full attention to him, even though she had the best excuse for not giving him even the time of day. That forgiveness was the same easy- going spirit he had with everyone, except Sin, or course, but then again, Sin couldn't control itself; only Yu Yevon pulled its strings, whatever Yu Yevon was exactly. His head hurt just thinking about what that tick-like creature was, and how that at one time was the greatest summoner in the world, perhaps in all of history. No, Yuna had been the best summoner. After all, she'd defeated that thing, but he could only look out for her like an older brother, because that's all either of them felt for each other. With Rikku, though, he felt like he was an equal, and that she respected him fully for who he was and not what he symbolized. He felt a smile come onto his lips. I wonder.? What an absurd thought, but it just might work.
Rikku sniffled a bit through her tears, but she noticed the curvature on his lips and started to smile as well. It looked forced, though, strained in some way, but in the same light it was the purest expression of joy he had ever seen on anyone. Her eyes danced with amusement in between moments of despair. "What," she whispered, "what are you thinking about?"
"Nothing," he replied, still smiling faintly, though the image in his mind was just too vivid, too plausible, and all too funny. His smile grew larger and he laughed in spite of himself. He couldn't believe he was thinking about this, especially now, of all moments, and that caused him to laugh even more. Oh well, perhaps he needed to relieve the tension that badly after such a heady, depressing talk. It really was a funny idea, though.
Rikku stood before him, one hand on her hip, one shaking a finger in mock seriousness at him. She was grinning from ear to ear, now, and her eyes glowed with happiness, though she didn't know what for. "Wakka," she said in a tone wavering between sternness and cracking up, "You tell me what you're thinking right now or I'll thump you with the remainder of that Zu!"
Still chuckling, he got up and took her arms in his hands. Yevon, they feel so good. Eyes fixed on hers, his smile met hers and slowly, tenderly, he asked his question. "Rikku, we've known each other for a month or two now, ya?" She nodded uncertainly, but he went on before she could give that a second thought. "We've fought together, we've cried together, we've watched our friends, our beliefs go from us an' had no way to keep them with us, jus' watch them go into the sunset. We've always been together though, and y'been there for me every step of the way. Y'been there for everyone each step to Zanarkand, and beyond, even when I tried to drive you away because of my preconceptions of Al Bhed people. I was wrong in my thoughts though; you're one of the strongest people I know, nice an' funny an' all that stuff. Y'never gave up in the face of a challenge, and me, I respect people who do that." Her eyes glowed with pride and she even seemed to grow taller with the words. Hot damn, those lips...
He rushed on. "Rikku, would y'like to be a player on the Aurochs?"
She shook her head, her eyes indicating she was unsure if she had just listened correctly. Looking at him with intently, she pressed one of her hands to his shoulder almost as if to balance herself. Damn, he thought, why is she this surprised? Taking a few deep breaths as if to calm herself, she looked unsure, she stumbled at bit in his arms and her head swung down to help focus her jerky movements, but what shocked him the most was the slight cringe at the corner of her mouth when she finally raised her head to look at him again. What'd I do to make her so upset?
Finally raising her head so she could look at him square in the eyes, she took in a deep breath and expelled it slowly. Those swirling eyes glistened ever so slightly. Wakka had never imagined Rikku could be so deep in thought, especially concerning something like this.
"Rikku?" he asked with careful tenderness. The response was silence. His arms held her, kept her from falling, and all she could do was stare at him with those swirling eyes. She'd stopped cringing, though, and he took this as a sign to carry on. "You're quick an' ya can swim really well, Tidus told me that much. You gotta great head on your shoulders and y'throw things really well, we've seen that on Yuna's pilgrimmage so many times. I really think you'd be a great player, y'know? I mean, Tidus had his Jecht shot n' stuff, and I think you could come up with something too. The Rikku Slam, or maybe you're a better goalie cuz y'catch so well, and."
"Shh."
She laid her chest on his shoulder for a bit, and he could see that she was crying, ever so slightly, even with her eyes averted from his face. Cradling her in his arms, he swayed ever so slightly, the quiet breeze in the wind casting a peaceful sense of serenity with the moon peaking behind the clouds as a perfect after-effect. They stayed that way, in the heat of the blazing fire, their shadows making a heart-shaped silhouette in the interplay of darkness and light.
When she did move her head to face him, he saw the swirling eyes, and for a second, did he see pain? Oh, he understood perfectly - her cousin was crying her eyes out in a tent near them, and she could do nothing. He ached to help Yuna, who he considered as his little sister, but here he was, still mourning over the loss of his brother after all these years. Wounds never healed; one just started to ignore them after living with them all this time, but when another cut came the pain revived itself. Human nature was fraught with that, and Wakka knew that the only way Yuna would ever live with herself was to come to terms with it on her own - no one could help her; they could only provide a small solace, a small piece of what she had felt with Tidus, or everyone's 'brudda'.
A small smile on her lips, Rikku joked with a small tremor in her voice, "Will I get first class in Luca's Paradise Hotel everytime we play a tournament there, at least?"
Wakka's eyebrows climbed to his flying hair faster than he could control them. "I might be a great coach, miss Rikku," he said in the sternest voice he could fake, "But I am not made of money!"
Rikku laughed, a quiet, amused sound. "Thank you, Wakka," she whispered, "I'd be honored," and then kissed his cheek.