Chapter 3:  You're Not Leaving

             Rogue stepped into Remy's bedroom later on that night, it was late, and she was exhausted, but she'd forced herself to at least go to apologise to the man before she had the sense to go to bed and catch up on the sleep she'd missed from the previous night.  Remy was sitting at his desk, smoking, he was reading through some papers there flat on the desk apparently, his head bent over them in deep concentration, even with his back turned Rogue could tell he was reading them carefully.  His long coat was trailing on the floor, hanging on the back of the chair in a careless fashion.

             "Remy?" Rogue knocked on the door, which had been hanging slightly ajar, she'd pushed it gently, hearing the soft squeak of the hinges that were obviously badly in need of oiling. 

             Remy didn't look up from his papers, the cigarette wedged between two fingers, a build up of ash growing upon its tip.  Rogue didn't wait for his reply, she wandered over slowly, she placed both hands on his shoulders.

             "I'm sorry for earlier," she murmured softly, she squeezed his shoulders a little, hoping this would give him some form of comfort if he should still be brooding about their fight earlier that evening.

             "Forget about it, I have," he sighed, he rubbed his forehead, he leaned back a little, her hands still upon his muscular shoulders, "I snapped, I'm just a bit tense," he tapped the end of a pen absently upon the desk near where the papers he'd been reading were.

             "What are those?" Rogue asked, she leaned over a little, glancing at them.

             "Divorce papers, I need to sign them, giving them one more quick check over before I do…" he said, he stretched a little.

             "How long will it take before divorce is final?" Rogue asked, she reached over and picked up the papers to overlook them, the text on them seemed to be a confusing drone of senseless information she couldn't begin to understand.

             "I've been promised three months," Remy replied, he sighed, "But you know lawyers, its probably gonna take nine," he stubbed the cigarette out in a nearby gaudy ashtray that had a naked woman painted in the centre.   Remy watched the smoke still rising from the ashtray from the stubbed out cigarette.

             Rogue sat on the edge of the desk so that she was looking down and facing him, "why'd you keep putting it off?" she asked.

             "I don't know.  I guess I don't want it dragged through the court about Genevieve, there are people in New Orleans who don't even know, Chere, and word travels fast…"

             "I don't understand…why is it a big deal about dragging it through the court?" Rogue folded her arms casually, she crossed one leg over the other.

             Remy looked at her, "It'll all come out in court about her bein' what she is…" he explained carefully, "it could cause A LOT of problems…not just for me, but for her."

             "Why for her?"

             "Well, if it comes out in court that she is what she is and that I never even slept with her…well, marriage isn't really binding and all that – you know if you don't consummate the marriage it can be annulled, right?  If the marriage is annulled then technically she isn't entitled to a green card, she'd be deported."

             "Oh…so what about you?"

             "I have to stand up in court and admit I knew I was married to someone who has a bigger pair of balls than I do!" Remy frowned, "that kind of thing is bound to mess up my reputation for sure…" he trailed off, "and then the rumours will start that I'm queer or something like that," he rolled his eyes.

             "Your reputation is already messed up," Rogue smirked a little, "what does it matter if people think you're 'queer'?" she asked, "You know you're not," she chewed her lip, "and I most definitely know you're not," she smirked.

             "It'd disgrace my family," Remy stated, "and the guild."

             "Everything you do disgraces them according to you, Remy, what's one more thing?  Besides, you said you'd washed your hands of it all," she said with a yawn, she climbed down onto his lap, she heard the desk chair creak slightly under both their weight, she put her arms around his neck, "you need to relax a little, huh?" she asked.

             Remy looked up at her, "Chere, lets just…I dunno, run away from everything, change our names, our identities, me and you, start a new life…get away from this fucking shitty life we're in."

             Rogue looked at Remy, "you serious?"

             Remy looked away, "for once, I am," he reached up and stroked her hair away from her face, "as much as I love bein' an X-Man, and livin' here in the lap of luxury…I…I'm sick of the suspicions, I'm sick of the fear that one day Assassin's are gonna come and get me if they find out about Gabrielle…I'm sick of always doin' what I'm told but never gettin' a pat on the back or a gold star," he sighed, "I'm sick of people from my past comin' back to haunt me…and things I did and do that always end up disgracing my guild or family…" he looked at her, "but if I were to start a new life…I wouldn't be able to do it without you…Ma cherie."

             Rogue looked away, she stood up and walked over to the window, pulled the blinds apart and looked outside into the cold November night sky, "Remy…that's an insane proposition."

             "No…no it's not…I know people who can get us new identities…I got enough money to get us started, I've been saving up…and we can go where no one will find us, maybe a small village in Paris or…I don't know…somewhere else…" he watched her.  "I can get a proper job if that's what it takes…get us an apartment…pay rent, do what the normal people do…" he looked at her, "it might be tough for some time, but…if we got each other…"

             Rogue turned and looked towards him, she gave a laugh of disbelief, "and live in fear?  Pretendin' to be someone else, hidin' that we're mutants…moving away from our true friends…?" she looked at him.

             Remy looked down to the floor guiltily.

             "Remy…this…" she gestured to the room around them, "this building, this mansion, is our home…these people who took us in as one of their own, they are our family, and they accept us no matter what we do, they take us back no matter how much we screw up, and they help us when we're so low we can't do anything ourselves," she folded her arms stubbornly, "and you want to walk away from that all?  Remy, admit it, you've NEVER had it so good."

             Remy's eyes swayed slowly back up to her, then away again, "it was just a dream, Chere," he murmured, "maybe one I'll never get to live."

             Rogue walked back over to him, sitting back on his lap again, arms around his shoulders, "this IS a dream.  We're mutants, and we're outcasts, this is about as good as it gets for us…this is as good as it gets for anyone, there are people in foreign countries who don't have food or water who'll never have it good as WE have it," she looked at him.

             Remy watched her, his eyes burning right into her, as much as he didn't want to admit it, she was right.  He tenderly put his arms around her, placing his hands on her back, "don't you ever want to get away from it all?" he asked, "start fresh?" he tried again.  He was hoping she would go with him, that maybe tonight they could be shot of everything and start new, a new beginning, and maybe this time everything would go right.

             Rogue paused for thought, she stroked the hair out of his face with her gloved fingers, and she affectionately brushed her fingers against the skin just above his left eyebrow, she looked into his eyes, she could see how completely stressed out he was, everything was getting to him.  She'd once thought nothing could bother him, and now everything seemed to.  He'd become so serious, and he'd always said it was the one thing he never wanted to be.  She couldn't understand though why he'd want to run now.  Were things getting too comfortable?  Was this because finally they'd taken the next step in their relationship and they couldn't turn back?  Or was there something he just wasn't telling her.

             Remy let out a sigh, his heart sinking, "you wouldn't go with me, would you."

             Rogue hated the answer, but she gave it, "no."

             Remy's eyes dropped to the floor, his lids heavy, "I see."

             "Remy, this is my home…" Rogue swallowed nervously, she was afraid this would be the start of another argument, "it's your home.  Don't start talking about new beginnings and starting fresh now, you did it already – when you came here you started a new life."

             Remy rubbed the crease forming between his eyebrows wearily, "I know."

             "What's brought this on?" Rogue asked.

             "I don't know, alright!  I just want to get away from the past," he got up, which ultimately meant she was knocked off of him, she almost fell but caught herself by grabbing onto the nearby desk.  "I can't sleep decent at night anymore, Chere!  All these fucking thoughts goin' through my head, wonderin' when the next thing is gonna happen that's gonna screw up my life – or the next thing that I'm gonna do that's gonna make me lose you forever!" he looked at her, "I get so distraught over everything that sometimes I find it difficult to breathe!"

             Rogue's eyes widened, she wondered if this was what a nervous breakdown looked like, for Remy had gone so pale, and wide eyed, and shaky that she was sure he'd take a panic attack just like the ones she'd taken before.   Her heart began to race with immediate concern. 

             The room seemed to grow even more tense, Remy's fists were clenched.

             Rogue swallowed her fear, she walked over to him, taking both his wrists in her hands, "I get that way all the time," she said sternly, "and whenever I do, you're the first to tell me to relax…to stop thinking about it, to let things go…"

             Remy looked away from her as if he couldn't look into her eyes anymore, he felt that if he looked at her one more time he might break down completely, she'd just told him that if he left she'd never go with him, what did it say for love?  She'd once said she'd go anywhere for him, now she'd let him leave alone.

             "Nothing on earth is going to screw up your life unless you let it," Rogue looked at him, "and you're a fighter, you won't," she reminded sternly, she let go of his wrists and patted his chest in a firm, reassuring way, "and…you're not going to lose me forever," she promised.

             Remy pulled her in his arms and held her close, "god I think I'm cracking up," he lamented, his voice dry.

             Rogue held onto him tightly, "We all crack, sometimes, Remy, and we're all here for each other when we do," she closed her eyes, pressing her face into his chest.

             "Why would you not go with me?" he demanded softly.

             Rogue moved back, "do you really want to know?"

             Remy gave a vague nod, his eyes full of emotion.

             "Because if I left with you, I'd be forfeiting my chance to help make a difference to this world…and if I did that, I might never learn anything," she looked at him, "or learn how to control my powers…" she sighed, "I'm really…really tired, and its late."

             Remy looked at her, he realised she was right, if she left with him, she might never control them, and he didn't have the knowledge to help her cope with controlling her abilities.  "I…I understand," he murmured, softly, "I wouldn't blame you if you stayed."

             "But you're not leaving are you, Remy?"

             Remy gave a wan smile, "Nah."