Title: The Evil
Chapter 2 : The Horror at Ollivanders Pt. 2
Rated: PG-13 (this will be very necessary later on; rating might even go
up!)
Warnings: Naughty language; sick insinuations; excessive drinking of
coffee; mentions of "medication"; senseless violence; needless bashing of
characters; and, though it annoys many people, self insertion. But we're
funny and bash ourselves, plus this is *our * fic, so bite it! There is
constant stupidity ,and later on possible slash and/or near-lemons. Maybe.
So be forewarned.
Disclaimer: We do not own Harry Potter ; Gundam Wing (though I'd like a
couple of the pilots) ;Tenchi Muyo ; The Nightmare Before Christmas;
Edward Scissorhands ; The Simpsons; Johnny The Homicidal Maniac; Playboy
and/or girl magazines; Highlights for Kids magazine; KoRn; Elvis Presley;
System of a Down; Ozzy Osbourne; Hot Topic; Toys 'R' Us; K-Mart; Denny's;
Popeyes Chicken; or Subway(or it's diet). Santa Claus owns himself, the
North Pole, and his reindeer. The Evil Squirrels own themselves and their
empire. The Martians aren't mine either and they come from Mars, which we
don't own. We don't own the Macarena or the can-can. I don't own a handgun
or a laptop, I stole them from Heero Yuy and will probably die for it. We
do not own sporks. They are trademark of the genius who invented them. I
would like a spork, and I do own one in here. I own myself(Beeb), my wand,
my magical bottomless backpack and most of what comes out of it aside from
Ozzy and the Deathscythe Hell Custom. Marie says I own her. Actually she
owns herself(Marie: No I don't! It's a lie!), her handy-dandy little
notebook, her medication(Marie: ooooohh.medication.COFFEE!), a wand, and
later on a Mr. Coffee. (Marie: Yay!!)
However, we're poor(both curse) and if you sue us all you'll get is a couple of sporks and some coffee grounds. (Marie: No not my coffee grounds!!!!). Not worth your trouble.
Now on with the show!
CameraMan: (Zooms in on two girls standing in what remains of Ollivanders shop. One is short and skinny, with pale skin, excessive amounts of bushy, brown hair and almond-shaped hazel eyes behind spectacles. She is clad from head to toe in black and red and grips a long skinny wand in one hand. The other is taller and more, ahem, full-figured, with more normal skin color, equally bushy but shorter brown hair and green eyes. She's lucky enough to not wear glasses. She grips a small green notebook in one hand and a half- full cup of coffee in the other. She is twitching so badly that she's dumped most of it down her vivid green robes. Due to lack of free hands, her wand is clasped between her teeth.)
Beeb(the little, pale, bespectacled one): (Notes your arrival and grins in a way that would send Lord Voldie screaming for his mommy.) Hi! Welcome back, we are still at
Ollivanders: Makers of Fine Wands since 382 B.C.! Low and behold, as we are preparing to interview Mr. Ollivander.(Gestures passionately towards their victim.)
Ollivander(the victim): ( Is bound tightly to an uncomfortable-looking chair, with a strip of duct-tape slapped across his mouth.)Mr mmble muh mi mr mleh! (looks terrified.)
Marie(the larger, green-clad, twitching one):(chuckles darkly and opens her handy-dandy little notebook in a threatening manner.)
Beeb:(adopts an authoritive, Evil-looking stance that is commonly found among military leaders and much-feared Dark Lords.) Sooo...Where were you on the night of June 17th, 1983? Hm ? Speak up. What's that? I can't HEAR you! (shines a light in the poor man's eyes.)
Ollivander and Marie: (sweatdrops) Marie: Um. Coffee. Maybe you should. Coffee! Take off the. Where's my frickin' coffee! Tape.
Beeb:(grins sheepishly) Oh ye-eah! (rips off the tape.)
Ollivander: YeeOWCH! My face!
Beeb: What's your name? (duh)
Ollivander: Um..
Beeb: What grade are you in? (W.T.F.!)
Ollivander: er..
Beeb: Zodiac sign?
Ollivander: Virg-
Beeb: Your age?
Ollivander: Two-thousand, four-hundred and three! (Wow, he finally gets a word in edgewise!)
Beeb:(curious) Really?
Ollivander: Yes! See the sign?! See! It says "since 382 B.C." I was 18 when I started the business.
Beeb: Oh. You don't look that old. What's your favorite food?
Ollivander: Sp-
Beeb: color?
Ollivander: Bl-
Beeb: Marital status?
Ollivander: (Thinks this could be a good chance to "get some" and tries to look cool and casual) Well, I-
Beeb: Feelings towards World Domination?
Ollivander: Ah-
Beeb: THE WORLD IS MINE! AS IN NOT YOURS! AS IN YOU CAN'T HAVE IT! MINE, ALL MINE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Marie (Who has been jolting down answers): (winces) And they say I'm the crazy one. Coffee..
Beeb: And one last question. Why the HELL does everybody like coffee?!
Ollivander: (Slightly frightened) Ah, well.
Marie: Cause coffee is frickin' awesome!!! COFFEE!!!!!!!!!!!
Ollivander: Yeah!
Beeb: (Pulls out wand and Obliviates Ollivander.)
Marie: Why the. Coffee. Hell did you do that?
Beeb: Always wondered what it felt like to completely erase an innocent person's memory. I could have Avada Kedavra'd him, ya know.
Marie: (Is nervous because Beeb looks like she's considering it.) Uh. Coffee. Let's just go find someone else to interview. COFFEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
END!!
Beeb: Yay! Second chappie, woohoo! Wasn't it awful? We only had like, one reviewer so far. So although we promised more chappies, we wont update again until we get at least a couple more! Hah!!! Chappie 3 will be "Voldie gets spork'd", but that will only be if and when we get a decent amount of reviews. We welcome flames, though they will be used to roast marshmallows and Relina Piece-crap. (HP fans who have no clue what she's talking about or don't like Gundam Wing either face-vault or ask their neighbors what's going on.) And thank you Miste for actually reading and reviewing this crap. Keep reading and tell your friends!! By the way I'm doing the (a/n)'s and stuff cuz' Marie claims she sucks at 'em. But pretty soon I'll force her to do one!
Marie: Eeep!! (Runs and hides in closet, but has a blowtorch with her just in case Beeb manages to chew through all the padlocks on the door.) COFFEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
However, we're poor(both curse) and if you sue us all you'll get is a couple of sporks and some coffee grounds. (Marie: No not my coffee grounds!!!!). Not worth your trouble.
Now on with the show!
CameraMan: (Zooms in on two girls standing in what remains of Ollivanders shop. One is short and skinny, with pale skin, excessive amounts of bushy, brown hair and almond-shaped hazel eyes behind spectacles. She is clad from head to toe in black and red and grips a long skinny wand in one hand. The other is taller and more, ahem, full-figured, with more normal skin color, equally bushy but shorter brown hair and green eyes. She's lucky enough to not wear glasses. She grips a small green notebook in one hand and a half- full cup of coffee in the other. She is twitching so badly that she's dumped most of it down her vivid green robes. Due to lack of free hands, her wand is clasped between her teeth.)
Beeb(the little, pale, bespectacled one): (Notes your arrival and grins in a way that would send Lord Voldie screaming for his mommy.) Hi! Welcome back, we are still at
Ollivanders: Makers of Fine Wands since 382 B.C.! Low and behold, as we are preparing to interview Mr. Ollivander.(Gestures passionately towards their victim.)
Ollivander(the victim): ( Is bound tightly to an uncomfortable-looking chair, with a strip of duct-tape slapped across his mouth.)Mr mmble muh mi mr mleh! (looks terrified.)
Marie(the larger, green-clad, twitching one):(chuckles darkly and opens her handy-dandy little notebook in a threatening manner.)
Beeb:(adopts an authoritive, Evil-looking stance that is commonly found among military leaders and much-feared Dark Lords.) Sooo...Where were you on the night of June 17th, 1983? Hm ? Speak up. What's that? I can't HEAR you! (shines a light in the poor man's eyes.)
Ollivander and Marie: (sweatdrops) Marie: Um. Coffee. Maybe you should. Coffee! Take off the. Where's my frickin' coffee! Tape.
Beeb:(grins sheepishly) Oh ye-eah! (rips off the tape.)
Ollivander: YeeOWCH! My face!
Beeb: What's your name? (duh)
Ollivander: Um..
Beeb: What grade are you in? (W.T.F.!)
Ollivander: er..
Beeb: Zodiac sign?
Ollivander: Virg-
Beeb: Your age?
Ollivander: Two-thousand, four-hundred and three! (Wow, he finally gets a word in edgewise!)
Beeb:(curious) Really?
Ollivander: Yes! See the sign?! See! It says "since 382 B.C." I was 18 when I started the business.
Beeb: Oh. You don't look that old. What's your favorite food?
Ollivander: Sp-
Beeb: color?
Ollivander: Bl-
Beeb: Marital status?
Ollivander: (Thinks this could be a good chance to "get some" and tries to look cool and casual) Well, I-
Beeb: Feelings towards World Domination?
Ollivander: Ah-
Beeb: THE WORLD IS MINE! AS IN NOT YOURS! AS IN YOU CAN'T HAVE IT! MINE, ALL MINE! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Marie (Who has been jolting down answers): (winces) And they say I'm the crazy one. Coffee..
Beeb: And one last question. Why the HELL does everybody like coffee?!
Ollivander: (Slightly frightened) Ah, well.
Marie: Cause coffee is frickin' awesome!!! COFFEE!!!!!!!!!!!
Ollivander: Yeah!
Beeb: (Pulls out wand and Obliviates Ollivander.)
Marie: Why the. Coffee. Hell did you do that?
Beeb: Always wondered what it felt like to completely erase an innocent person's memory. I could have Avada Kedavra'd him, ya know.
Marie: (Is nervous because Beeb looks like she's considering it.) Uh. Coffee. Let's just go find someone else to interview. COFFEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
END!!
Beeb: Yay! Second chappie, woohoo! Wasn't it awful? We only had like, one reviewer so far. So although we promised more chappies, we wont update again until we get at least a couple more! Hah!!! Chappie 3 will be "Voldie gets spork'd", but that will only be if and when we get a decent amount of reviews. We welcome flames, though they will be used to roast marshmallows and Relina Piece-crap. (HP fans who have no clue what she's talking about or don't like Gundam Wing either face-vault or ask their neighbors what's going on.) And thank you Miste for actually reading and reviewing this crap. Keep reading and tell your friends!! By the way I'm doing the (a/n)'s and stuff cuz' Marie claims she sucks at 'em. But pretty soon I'll force her to do one!
Marie: Eeep!! (Runs and hides in closet, but has a blowtorch with her just in case Beeb manages to chew through all the padlocks on the door.) COFFEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!