Unwarranted Guilt



Sydney had barely stepped out onto the front porch when someone wrapped her up in an embrace and led her back inside.

"Vaughn," Sydney mumbled as the person in question rained kisses on her neck and began to fumble with the buttons on her shirt. "Vaughn, stop."

Vaughn stopped what he was doing, allowing Sydney to step back, putting some distance between them.

"Sydney, what's wrong?"

We need to end this.

"We need to end this," Sydney said slowly, looking Vaughn in the eye and voicing what her mind told her to say.

"Why?"

Because I'm not in love with you.

"I can't do this," she said quietly, ignoring the voice.

"But why, Syd?" Vaughn questioned, his forehead creasing.

Because I'm not in love with you.

Sydney ignored the voice again and silently wished that Vaughn could hear what she was thinking so she wouldn't have to say it aloud.

"Sydney, I need a reason," Vaughn pleaded.

Sydney could hear Vaughn's voice breaking and she considered telling him to forget everything she had just said and go back to the way things were. But she knew she couldn't.

I'm too far along now and I don't want to go back. I have to do this.

"Vaughn," she began slowly, taking a deep breath, "I'm not in love with you."

I'm in love with Sark.

Sydney had to bite her tongue to prevent that response from slipping out.

Vaughn stared at her for a few moments, seeing her tense shoulders relax and her sigh of relief. Those things alone were what convinced him that she had gotten something huge off her chest and made him realize that she wasn't lying to him.

"You know I love you, though, right?" Vaughn asked softly.

Sydney nodded and Vaughn pondered this for a minute. "Vaughn, don't make this harder than it already is." She exhaled sharply. "Please."

"Okay," Vaughn said, his voice low and rough from the sobs he harbored in the back of his throat. "I guess this is it, then."

"Yeah, I suppose it is," Sydney said, gazing into his eyes.

Vaughn nodded and Sydney instantly felt guilty when she saw a tear glistening in his eye. She clenched her jaw. She shouldn't feel guilty. She didn't love him and that was the truth. She wasn't about to live a lie when there was someone else that she loved.

Sark.

Warmth spread through her, as always, just at the thought of him. That helped reconfirm that she wasn't in love with Vaughn. Whenever Vaughn popped into her head or was near, she never felt like this. She didn't feel anything at all, and it made her wonder why—why a love as strong as what Vaughn felt towards her could be one-sided. But she knew why it was that way. She knew exactly why she didn't love Vaughn.

I'm in love with Sark.

Vaughn's voice tore her from her thoughts. "Good luck in Tuscany. I guess I'll see you when you get back." He stepped forward and gave her an awkward hug.

"We can still be friends, can't we, Vaughn?" she asked suddenly, her voice filled with hope. "We have a strong friendship and I would hope that our failed attempt at a relationship hasn't ruined that." Sydney bit her lip nervously.

"Yeah, Syd. Of course we can still be friends. I'm not about to destroy an incredible friendship just because we decided that a romantic relationship wouldn't work." Vaughn gave her a small smile. "I'll see you when you get back."

"See you."

Vaughn left.

Sydney waited until she heard the engine roar to life and the car drive off before she grabbed her suitcase again and walked out the door.


Sydney arrived at the CIA a few minutes later and received some last-minute instructions before she, her father, and Dixon boarded the cargo plane that would take them to Tuscany. She laid her suitcase next to her and leaned up against the side of the plane, drawing her knees to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. She stared at an invisible spot on the floor.

Jack and Dixon engaged in small talk for a while before Dixon announced that he was going to get some sleep. Jack agreed and Dixon retreated to a quiet corner of the plane.

Jack turned and looked for Sydney and spotted her staring off into space. "Sydney," he said gently, and she looked up, her doe eyes wide. He sighed when she looked down again and got up from his seat to go sit next to her.

Sydney remained silent although she knew that her father wanted her to tell him what was wrong. She took a deep breath and finally spoke. "I broke up with Vaughn."

Jack gave a short chuckle. "I didn't even know you were dating."

Sydney swallowed. "Yeah, we sort of began something after SD-6 was destroyed."

Jack nodded and stared down at his lap. "What happened?"

Sydney frowned. "Well, quite simply, I don't love him."

"I see," Jack murmured. "How long did it take you to realize it?"

"Not that long. I mean, we were doing fine, I suppose, but then it was kind of sudden, and I just realized that my feelings for him weren't those of love. They were—" She shrugged and lowered her voice, suddenly a bit embarrassed, "—physical attraction."

"I see," Jack murmured again, not knowing quite what else to say as his daughter had practically just told him that she had just been casually fucking Vaughn.

Sydney spoke again. "So anyway, I realized that I didn't love him and ended it."

Because I'm in love with Sark.

Jack looked over at his daughter and saw that she was looking down at her hands resting in her lap. "Are you all right?"

Sydney looked up and gave her father a small, reassuring smile. "I'm fine. It's just—I can't help but wonder if I made the right decision, you know? Like if I should have given it a little more time, and maybe I would have been able to open up and love him." She almost rolled her eyes.

How lame. But I can't exactly tell him I'm in love with an assassin, now can I?

"Well, love does take time," Jack told her, "but if you already realized that you don't love him, then you would have been a fool to stay in the relationship to see if things would change. You would already know that they wouldn't change, and you would not only be wasting your time, but you'd be wasting Vaughn's as well. Not to mention, letting him think there was something there when there wasn't."

Sydney suddenly cracked up.

"What?" Jack asked, his tone serious and a bit irritated.

"You," she said, still laughing, "you, Jack Bristow of all people, giving out romantic advice."

Jack smiled a little. "Doesn't really seem like something I would do, does it?"

"Not really," Sydney said, grinning.

Jack's smile grew wider until Sydney could actually see some of his teeth. She started laughing again.

"This is one for the record books. You're giving me advice on my love life, and you're smiling to the point of where I can actually see your teeth." Sydney grinned broadly at him and joshingly elbowed him.

This only caused Jack to start laughing. "Maybe the smile couldn't go in the record books, but I'm sure there's a camera lying around."

Sydney laughed again and wiped her eyes, as tears of laughter had started to spill out of them. She looked at her father suddenly, her eyes serious. "Dad?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks."

"Of course."

Sydney smiled and leaned her head on her father's shoulder when he put an arm around her. Not more than a few minutes later, they had both drifted off to sleep.