Why, Indeed?, a highlander fanfic

DISCLAIMER: Highlander and its canon characters are the property of Davis/Panzer Productions; no copyright infringement is intended.

Note: This short story is a sequel to "Awakening." It's part of my main fanfic universe, and includes relationships established in "Absolutely Not." There's also a reference to a situation described in "Somewhere Else," but no explanation is needed beyond what's given here.

Methos glanced at his watch and chuckled.

Joe Dawson turned to him with a smile and asked, "What's so funny?"

"The time. It's high noon. Can you believe how far we've come, how all our lives have changed, since midnight?"

Joe shook his head in wonderment. "There are moments when I can't believe it. Seems like a different world."

The two men were leaning on the rail of Duncan MacLeod's barge, watching MacLeod and Richie Ryan set off, side by side, on an exercise run. A run, not a race - Methos knew beyond a doubt that those two would stay side by side for miles. Reunited after believing each other dead for three and a half years, they couldn't be pried apart on this blissful day.

Straightening now, Methos looked thoughtfully at Joe. "You know, you've been in a world of your own for the last couple hours - on the phone, mostly. What gives?"

Joe shifted evasively. "Watcher stuff. Hey, I've been waiting to get you alone, to ask what you mean to do about -"

"We have lots of time," Methos cut in. "What kind of 'Watcher stuff'?" He sensed he was onto something.

Joe looked uncomfortable. "Well, it's not only about the Watchers. I'm trying to sort some things out in my head. Nothing's wrong, just...strange. I'm not sure I should talk about it yet."

Methos tensed. "Something to do with the Ahriman mess?"

"Uh, yeah."

He grabbed Joe's arm. "Then you damn well are going to talk about it!"

Joe was apparently convinced by whatever he read in the Immortal's face. He sighed. "Okay. Can we go inside, out of the cold?"

Methos relaxed and smirked. "Best idea you've had since the coffee."

In the main cabin, over more coffee, Joe began, "For one thing, I had to tell the Watchers Richie's alive. Hard to explain, after I'd claimed Mac had a nervous breakdown and killed him! I said that was a case of mistaken identity - Mac was so screwed up he thought he'd killed Richie, and I never saw the head. And Richie found out about it and seized what he saw as an opportunity to get the Watchers off his back, for good."

Methos pondered that. "Sounds reasonable. No one who knows Richie would believe his abandoning MacLeod, but the organization should buy it.

"That's not all that's been going on with you, though." Watching the other man closely, he said, "You weren't thinking about any of this until you got a call from someone. From what I heard of your end it sounded like a routine 'Happy New Year' call, but it shook you up."

Joe gave a bemused nod. "It was a routine 'Happy New Year' call. From a fellow Watcher. Only problem is...she was one of the Watchers killed by Ahriman!"

"Wh-what?" Methos was glad he was sitting down.

He needed a minute to absorb what he'd heard. Joe understood, and kept his mouth shut.

At last Methos said, "So...those phone calls you were making later, the ones where you were off in a corner whispering..." He couldn't finish the thought.

Joe did. "I was checking on other victims. The other murdered Watchers, Jason Landry, Sophie Baines, Father Beaufort's brother Jackie - all of them are still alive. Even the ones who were prompted to kill themselves."

"A true happy ending." Methos was shaking his head, but in astonishment rather than disbelief. He knew Joe too well to question the facts. "Must have happened at the turn of the millennium. That made Ahriman's defeat official, and the world was set right. I suppose everyone's memories were changed except for ours, because we were so closely involved..."

He suddenly noticed Joe was peering intently at him. Studying his expression.

"I can see you're just as stunned as I was," Joe said. "So you never remembered...any more...about when you were the Champion?"

Methos realized what he meant. Blurted out a shocked "No!"

When he'd composed himself and organized his thoughts, he said, "If I'd remembered the dead coming back to life, I definitely would have told you. We might have agreed not to tell MacLeod and risk getting his hopes up, in case it didn't always work the same way. But I wouldn't have kept anything from you.

"Maybe there's some 'cosmic rule' that keeps a former Champion from remembering that, and being able to give the current one that much encouragement - even when the battle is over.

"Or maybe none of the people who'd died in my long-ago era had really been close to me, and I never learned they'd come back.

"But why didn't you tell MacLeod right away? He'll be overjoyed. This is the icing on the cake -"

He'd never be sure whether the thought struck him before or after he saw the anxiety in Joe's eyes.

"Richie?" That idea brought Methos out of his chair. "You're thinking Richie may have been dead too, and he was restored to life like the others, with a set of false memories?"

"I don't know. He was here on the barge, challenging Mac, before the turn of the millennium, but..."

This time it was Methos who finished the thought. "But it was before the turn of the millennium in Paris." He continued slowly, "We assumed this time zone was all-important because after MacLeod's battle with Ahriman began here, it had to end here. Ahriman didn't follow him to Malaysia. But that may only have been significant for the battle. The dead may have been restored to life when the year changed to 2001 on the International Date Line."

They stared at each other for a long moment.

"It's only a possibility," Joe said at last. "He may not have been like the others. We'll never know."

"We have to tell MacLeod. And Richie."

Joe nodded. "You're right. This is no time to keep secrets. But it'll give them the creeps, so I think we should wait till at least tomorrow. Agreed?"

Methos said hoarsely, "Agreed."

Then he decided he'd had enough coffee, and went in search of a beer.

Stunned as he was by Joe's revelations, Methos hadn't missed the hint in the Watcher's "no time to keep secrets" line. He'd been mulling over his own secrets most of the morning, and still hadn't decided what to do about them.

Joe broached the subject before he'd finished his first beer of the day. "Time for the question I meant to ask you. Are you going to tell them you're Mac's father - and he's Richie's?"

Methos said honestly, "I don't know."

Joe's jaw dropped. "What's the problem? I know you want to claim Mac as your son. You couldn't do it with Richie dead - whether or not he really was - because if Mac learns Immortals can have kids, he'll be able to put the dates together on his own and realize Richie is his. I agreed with you that with Richie dead by his hand, that probably would have killed him. But not now! They'll both be delighted."

"I haven't decided, okay? I'm still thinking about it."

Joe gave an exasperated grunt.

"You've promised to keep it to yourself," Methos reminded him. "My decision, whichever way it goes."

Joe grunted again.

Methos adjourned to the deck, cold though it was, and brooded there for the next hour.

Joe's right. There's nothing that should hold me back now. We put the Horsemen business behind us years ago. I'm sure MacLeod will be as happy with me as a father as with Richie as a son.

But male Immortals can only impregnate mortal women, and the women always die in childbirth. Will either of them be pleased to know their birth killed their mothers?

How will the knowledge that it can happen affect their sex lives? Pregnancies are rare. MacLeod lived with Tessa Noel for over a decade - undoubtedly not using birth control, since she knew what he was - and she never conceived. But if they know it can happen, and will kill the woman, will they be too inhibited to enjoy sex at all?

Or will they simply use birth control, as they'd have to do with most women in any case, and be grateful for the warning?

I keep coming back to the fact that their birth killed their mothers. Maybe, with pregnancies as rare as they are, I could skip telling them that part?

I told Joe that MacLeod is my son while MacLeod was agonizing over having killed Richie. Before Joe knew how Richie fits into the picture, he urged me to tell MacLeod the truth because he was alienated and depressed. It would have meant the world to him to know that he really is a MacLeod, courtesy of his mother...that he was loved and wanted by both parents...that he has a living father who still loves him.

My son needed me then. But I couldn't tell him anything because it would have led him to the truth about Richie's paternity, and that would have shattered him completely.

He needed me then. He doesn't need me in that way now. He'd been comfortable with his identity as Duncan MacLeod of the Clan MacLeod for centuries, and he's comfortable again; Richie's being alive was all it took to straighten him out.

Richie is young enough, and a new enough Immortal, that he and MacLeod could have a real father-son relationship. But MacLeod and me? I doubt it. I've had more experience, but not much of it is relevant in the twenty-first century. We're equally mature men.

As the sun sank visibly lower in the sky, he urged himself to reach a decision.

They could be back any minute.

Is Joe right about this being "no time to keep secrets"?

If I don't level with them, he'll keep nagging me...

Suddenly, he sensed the two approaching Immortals. Sensed them, of course, before he saw them on the dock.

He felt a rush of affection for both of them.

And all at once, he knew what really mattered.

Duncan MacLeod and I have laid our lives on the line for each other, more times than I care to count. Hopefully, we'll still be doing it at the turn of the next millennium.

But he's been risking his life for me out of friendship. Is there even a chance he'd take more risks for me, foolish risks, if he knew I'm his father?

Be honest. Have I taken risks for him - at least before I knew him well - that I wouldn't have taken if he weren't my son?

He had his answer.

While MacLeod and Richie were taking turns in the shower and changing their clothes - in Richie's case, changing from one ill-fitting outfit of MacLeod's to another - Joe arched his eyebrows and said, "Well?"

Methos replied tersely, "Follow my lead. Don't volunteer anything."

He waited until they'd scraped together and eaten an early dinner. When they were relaxing over their beverages of choice, he set his beer aside and said, "I know it's been hard for all of us to absorb everything that's happened today. Maybe I should let this go for now...but I can't."

He looked from one to another of his companions. All three were clearly interested, but only two appeared puzzled.

That would change.

"MacLeod," he said quietly, "did you notice that from the day we met, I took a special interest in you? Did you ever wonder about it?"

MacLeod looked flustered. "To tell the truth..." He reflected briefly, then admitted, "My life has been so hectic lately, so much going on, that it never struck me. But when I think back, I can see it."

Methos smiled. "All right. The fact is that I've been keeping a secret. Guarding this secret, which is critically important, for centuries."

MacLeod and Richie leaned forward, listening intently.

"It became even more crucial within the last few years. I knew I had to share my knowledge with someone. And there was a reason why you, MacLeod, were the obvious choice.

"But while I was weighing what and how to tell you, bad things happened. You went through the Dark Quickening. I fell in love with Alexa and had to cope with her illness and death.

"I wasn't sure of your stability after the Dark Quickening. At different times, you were on the outs with Joe and with Richie.

"Then you learned about my past with the Horsemen. For a while after that, I didn't think you'd want to hear anything I had to say."

He sneaked a look at Joe.

Here's where I surprise you, my friend.

"In fact," he went on, "there came a time when I felt I had to share the secret with someone else. Not the ideal person - it was just a stopgap measure.

"Remember, Joe? A few years back, when I gave you a sealed letter to pass on to Cassandra?"

The Immortals looked stunned, and Joe almost choked.

The letter was real - everything Methos was saying was true. But Joe undoubtedly hadn't guessed what it dealt with. After a few moments he managed to say, "Yeah, I remember. I had no idea what was in it, of course. But I'm sure she received and read it."

Methos nodded. "Right. Despite the bad blood between us, she got in touch with me and we discussed it.

"Like I said, it was you I really wanted to tell, MacLeod. But when I was getting close to doing it again -"

MacLeod grimaced. "You had reason to doubt my stability again."

"Yes. First I didn't believe in the demon, thought you were mentally ill. By the time I learned the demon was real, you weren't ill exactly, but you were depressed, with good reason."

Richie cleared his throat. "I guess I was the reason. Listen, Methos - if you're going to tell Mac this big secret now, do you want me to get out of earshot? It's okay, my feelings won't be hurt."

Grandson, my already high opinion of you just shot up even higher.

"Thanks, Richie, but that won't be necessary. I've decided to tell all three of you. Joe already knows part of the secret, but not all.

"I was in Paris during the French Revolution -"

The suddenness of that leap startled all of them. Especially Joe; it wasn't a part of the story he knew. He blurted out, "The French Revolution? In the eighteenth century?"

"That's the one. I was in Paris...and I helped Darius escape.

"Darius had a child with him, a two-year-old boy named Marcellus. If that doesn't sound like an eighteenth-century French name, it's because he was an Immortal two-year-old boy."

MacLeod and Richie winced. Even if they'd never encountered anyone made Immortal at such a horrifically young age, they'd thought about the possibility.

"Darius had assumed responsibility for him...but there was more to it." Methos looked back and forth between the two Immortals. "He told me Marcellus was his biological son, fathered before he became a priest."

They both gasped.

Methos stole a glance at Joe.

No lying here, Joe. Just a little misdirection. The encounter during the French Revolution was real, and that was when Darius first admitted his paternity.

Can I help it if they assume it was only then that I learned Immortals can father children?

He turned back to the Immortals. "Darius told me he learned from personal experience and later research that male Immortals are fertile, very infrequently, and only with mortal women. The children can be either sex, but they're always pre-Immortal.

"Very few Immortals understand this. Most who do know they have children get as far away from them as they can - to prevent enemies' doing to their children what an enemy of Darius did to his."

Tears were welling in MacLeod's eyes.

Good, he doesn't question it. He knows Darius wouldn't lie. And whatever he may think of me, he can't imagine my having a reason to misquote Darius on a point like this.

MacLeod reached out to clutch Methos's arm. "Darius is dead. What's become of the child? Is he still alive?"

"Yes," Methos said gently. "That's what I've been leading up to. After I saved them during the Revolution, Darius asked me to promise that I'd take responsibility for Marcellus if anything happened to him.

"I've been his guardian since Darius died in '93. I provide a good home for him, with a wonderful young woman, a former Watcher named Jillian O'Hara, as his nursemaid. I visit him often, and" - yes, it was true - "I love him."

He could see that Joe was more dazed than the Immortals. Joe had known about Darius's son. But he hadn't known whether he was still alive. And he hadn't been aware Methos had discussed the subject with Darius, or ever met him again, after the priest helped him to see the truth about Margaret MacLeod's pregnancy in 1592.

Methos continued, "At the time Darius died, MacLeod, it's believed he admired you more than he ever had any other Immortal. I'm guessing he still thought I'd be the best guardian for Marcellus because I've proven I'm very good at surviving." He made a face. "But I think you can understand why I hoped to recruit you as a backup."

"Yes," MacLeod said softly. "I can also see why Cassandra was the best alternative, with her love of children. You and she may have been enemies, but you know her very well."

"Methos?" There were tears in Richie's eyes, too. "Do you think I could...see Marcellus, someday? If I'm very careful not to lead enemies to him?"

After unexpectedly having to blink to clear his own vision, Methos said, "He'd love it."

It was nearing midnight when Methos and Joe left the barge. As soon as they were alone on the dock Joe began grousing, "Why didn't you tell them?"

"I did," Methos retorted. "Care to bet on how long it will take MacLeod to figure out they're father and son?"

"You know what I mean. He could have handled the truth."

Methos smiled, recalling another long-ago exchange with Joe. When they'd thought he might have to give a newspaper editor some kind of "explanation" of Immortals.

Once again he said wryly, "Why would I tell the truth?"

The End