Uninhibited



Sydney went straight for Vaughn's pants, wanting there to be no chance for Vaughn to refuse her. She had unzipped them when Vaughn pushed her away, anger and confusion in his eyes. Sydney was breathing heavily, her face flushed with arousal.

"Sydney, what the hell are you doing?" Vaughn demanded, zipping up his pants.

"I need you, Vaughn," Sydney said quietly. "Please."

"Sydney, this doesn't make any sense. You barge in here, give me a quick line about how you supposedly broke up with Sark and then you just start to—ravish—me," Vaughn told her angrily, his green eyes flashing.

"I can't trust Sark," Sydney conceded. "I mean, I would like to, but I'm so afraid that he's putting on an act for me just so he can destroy me later."

"Sydney, why didn't you say this before?" Vaughn asked. "If you had suspicions, you should have said something, the CIA would never have hired him or your mother."

"It was sudden," Sydney said, her voice shaking, "it was just last night. Something happened and I tried to find some reason to believe what Sark told me, but by this morning I just couldn't, so I ended it."

"What happened, Syd? What are you talking about?" Vaughn demanded, taking a step towards her.

"I'll tell you later," Sydney promised, "but right now, I just—" She left her sentence unfinished as she advanced on Vaughn.

Vaughn stepped back, away from her. "Tell me now or I'm calling the CIA right now to tell them that Sark is betraying us." He moved to the phone and picked it up.

"No!" Sydney said quickly, taking the receiver from him and slamming it back down. She looked up at Vaughn and saw that he was waiting for her to explain. She opened her mouth to speak when the phone suddenly rang.

Vaughn snatched up the receiver and looked almost questioningly at Sydney as he asked whom was speaking. The person on the other end began to speak rapidly and Vaughn's eyes softened as he quickly averted his gaze from Sydney.

Sydney's face fell and she stepped backwards until she made contact with a wall. She felt tears sting her eyes and she slid to the floor, drawing her knees to her chest, shaking all over. She was sobbing by the time Vaughn had ended the call and she was grateful when he lifted her up and led her to the couch.

Sydney cried into his shoulder and Vaughn avoided telling her what the call had been about because he could tell that she obviously knew. So he let her cry and mumble about how she made the mistake of thinking she could love Sark and how she was so afraid that the worst would happen and that she was absolutely unprepared for it to happen.

Vaughn sighed into her hair, gently rubbing her back and whispering that she would be able to get through this. Sydney looked up at him, her eyes red and her cheeks stained with tears. She stared into Vaughn's soft green eyes that looked comforting yet upset for her.

Sydney remembered her plan and decided she would continue to go through with it, even though she knew it would only be temporary. She knew deep down inside that she could never learn to love Vaughn. Whether or not she still loved Sark didn't matter, she just couldn't see past a friendship or a purely physical relationship with Vaughn, thus why their failed attempt at a relationship consisted only of sex, sex, and more sex. Hell, she hadn't even seen his apartment until today and they had dated for over two months.

But regardless of whether or not she would be using Vaughn, she needed him right now. She needed to feel close to someone, to feel cared for, because she had hit rock bottom and she wasn't sure how the hell she would be able to get back up on her feet again.

She looked into his eyes again and saw something receptive in them, so she cupped his face in her hands and laid a gentle kiss on his lips. She pulled back and looked up at him, saw his eyelids were heavy. She leaned in again and kissed him harder this time, letting her hands drop from his face down to his chest as she pushed him back against the couch and began to climb on top of him.

It was then that Vaughn pushed her away. He gently grabbed her shoulders and pushed her back as he sat up. He sighed heavily and raked a hand though his hair.

"Sydney, we can't do this," he said softly, turning to face her and seeing that she was clearly dejected.

"Vaughn—"

"No, Sydney," Vaughn said, cutting her off. "I'm not going to let you use me."

Sydney scoffed, but felt a pang of guilt in her chest. "Vaughn, I'm not using you, I want to give us another try."

Vaughn shook his head. "Sydney, you and I both know that isn't true, so don't kid yourself. You're certainly not kidding me."

Sydney swallowed and spoke quietly. "If you're thinking this has something to do with Sark, that I'm just looking for sympathy, you're wrong. Yes, Sark and I were together, and yes, I thought I loved him. But this is about us, you and me. I didn't give this a chance because I was blinded by lust. I couldn't see how good you were to me."

Vaughn stood up. "Syd, about Sark, you looked so incredibly happy when you were telling me about him the day you came back from Tuscany. I know you were trying to hide it, but your face just lit up. You were in love, and I understood that. Then when I saw you two outside when I was getting ready to go home that night, you were in his arms and I had never seen you look so fulfilled. You never acted that way with me. I'm not saying I'm jealous or that I want to force you to love me, I'm just saying that I could see where your heart was, and—Sark or no Sark—it was never with me." He sighed and looked at her, saw her nod and stand up.

"You're right," she said softly. "I'm just so sorry that I couldn't—"

Vaughn shook his head vigorously. "Don't apologize, Syd. You have nothing for which you need to be sorry. This is just how things were meant to be, and it's fine."

Sydney wrapped her arms around him, hugging him tightly. Vaughn's arms went around her and he gently stroked her hair. Sydney pulled back after a few moments and smiled weakly.

"Thank you for putting up with me," she whispered.

Vaughn smiled back. "You're welcome."

Sydney chewed on her lip. "I should go."

Vaughn nodded. "Were you going to come into work today?"

Sydney shook her head. "Just tell them you gave me the news and that I just can't really deal with this right now and that I decided to stay home."

"Okay," Vaughn said with a nod, and Sydney walked to the door after thanking him again. "Hey—Syd?"

Sydney turned around. "Yeah?"

"Things are going to be all right," Vaughn told her, "I just want you to know that."

Sydney gave him a small smile and walked out the door. She heaved a sigh and wrapped her arms around herself, suddenly feeling rather cold. She eventually made her way back to her car, and was hesitant upon climbing in, because she knew once she got going, there was no turning back.

She planned to tell Will about the double Sloane had had take Francie's place after whomever the double was had killed her. A thought struck Sydney: she hadn't asked Sark about the identity of the double. She cursed herself for blowing up at Sark then forgetting to obtain such a critical piece of information.

She started the engine and began in the direction of her home. She swallowed hard and reached a hand up to her mouth where she intended to chew on her nails again, her hand shaking and the rest of her body trembling. On quick inspection, she saw that her nails hadn't grown back any after the hour or so since she had last been unconsciously biting the shit out of them.

Given her state of mind, the fact that they hadn't grown back struck her as odd and she began pondering it, almost as if to get her mind off of Francie and the double and the truth she had to reveal to Will.

Sydney switched the heater on, trying to warm herself. It was sunny and comfortable outside but Sydney was shivering almost uncontrollably inside the car, feeling as if she was being torn into pieces with everything that had happened.

Her best friend murdered by an unknown source.

The same unknown source taking her best friend's place and spying on her for Sloane.

Sark and her mother betraying her.

Again.

She tensed her jaw, trying to stay composed because she knew Will wasn't going to be composed by any stretch of the imagination.

A little while later, she pulled into the driveway, relieved to see that Will was still home. She turned off the engine and climbed out of the car, cringing as the sound of the door slamming filled her ears and made her feel as if she'd lost her only connection to some sort of safety within the confines of the vehicle.

She slowly made her way up the walk and pulled her key out of her pocket. She sighed as she turned it in the lock and pushed open the door.