5. Wufei and the weight watchers programme

The Chinese pilot was doing his daily meditation in the garden when his wife Sally told him to come in for dinner.

He had been fearing that moment ever since he had woken up that morning. He did not know what was wrong but, he started noticing quite a big change in their eating habits. The kitchen was full of wholemeal bread, fruit and veggies and every single sort of healthy food you can imagine. Wufei, being known for his gourmet tastes, was used to eat a lot and to enjoy the tasty delicacies from the Chinese cuisine. He would give up anything but two things: good food and his katana.

Wufei went inside the house and headed towards the dinning room. His plate was already on the table.

Oh no! Not again! It was the third night in a row. Bloody boiled carrots and green beans.

"Onna, what is this?" asked Wufei with the patronising tone of voice used exclusively to speak to women.

"It's dinner…of course…" replied his wife.

"Ah…I don't mean to be difficult but, am I mistaken or this is the third night in a row that we eat boiled carrots with green beans?" asked Wufei.

"No, you are right. This is the third time in a row" replied Sally nonchalantly.

"And may I ask why is that?" asked Wufei refusing to touch his food.

"Because we are on a diet," replied Sally starting to eat.

"And who has exactly decided we should be on a diet?" asked Wufei not believing his ears.

"Me, of course," replied Sally starting to get annoyed.

"But, why? I don't need to be on a diet," replied Wufei not knowing what he was about to face.

"SO! YOU DO THINK I NEED TO BE ON A DIET, DON'T YOU!?! YOU THINK I AM FAT!!" shouted Sally.

"What? Onna! You don't know what you're saying! I have not said such thing…" said Wufei still not knowing what he was about to face.

"YOU DON'T NEED TO! I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING! YOU THINK I'M FAT BUT YOU STILL DON'T WANT TO HELP ME!! YOU STUPID SELFISH BASTARD!!" Sally said getting even more angry and shouting even louder than before.

Wufei started, slowly to understand that his wife was angry with him.

"This is unjust. You are accusing me of doing something I have not done, onna, you need to calm down," started saying Wufei only to get interrupted by his wife crashing a plate on the floor.

"SO NOW I AM FAT AND HYSTERICAL, AREN'T I?" Said Sally now starting to cry.

Wufei did not know what to do at this stage. What was wrong with that onna anyway? Wufei knew that he could not expect much stability from someone as weak as a woman but, this was a tad exaggerated.

"Sally. I will repeat it once more. I do not think you are fat, never have. Now, can we have a normal dinner?" asked Wufei trying his best to sound at least a bit kind.

"You're only saying that because you don't want to help me. I know I am fat, I am not that stupid, and I know you think so too," said Sally sobbing.

"Can I know where you got that from?" asked Wufei totally confused.

"You told me yourself!" said Sally storming out of the room leaving Wufei thinking when the heck had he said such thing.

Not finding the answer, he decided to follow her. He found her in the bedroom, still sobbing.

"Sally…come on…stop crying…you know that I hate seeing you onnas cry…" said Wufei.

Then Sally turned to face him and shouted:

"YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK? I THINK YOU ARE TOO WEAK TO FOLLOW THE DIET WITH ME! I DON'T THINK YOU'D BE ABLE TO HAVE THE WILLPOWER TO DO IT! YOU'RE WEAK AND YOU ARE NOT SLEEPING HERE TONIGHT! LEAVE THIS ROOM AT ONCE!"

Wufei, seeing the onna was serious, decided to leave the room and saw her closing the door behind him. He still thought that if he left her alone for a while she would calm down when he heard the door being opened again. Sally threw at him his pillow at his face and mumbled 'goodnight', then closed the door again and this time she actually locked it.

"Sally. Onna, come on, open up!" Wufei shouted.

No reply.

"Sally…open up, please…" Said Wufei making an evident physical effort to say the word 'please'.

Still no answer.

"Arghh! THIS IS SO UNJUST!!!" shouted Wufei heading to the dinning room to settle for the night on the couch as comfortable as he could.

"That bloody onna! Too weak! She actually said she thought I was too WEAK to be on a diet!!" thought the Chinese man aloud. He could not believe it.

From the next day, Wufei dedicated himself to a diet consisting in wholemeal bread, boiled carrots and water. He refused to eat anything else. Till one day that he secretly heard Sally speaking to someone throw their videocom…

"Lucrezia, I'm afraid you'll have to give me the money: I have won the bet!".

"No way! Did you really manage to get Wufei on a diet?" replied Lucrezia.

"Sure I did!" exclaimed Sally sounding happy.

Wufei tried to react but, being too weak from the the lack of proper nutrition, he just fainted…

Next: Milliardo's bad hair day.