Inuyasha?
Kagome's head snapped up, and her heart thundered wildly in her chest. Her eyes moved frantically around the room, looking for any sign of the voice she thought she'd heard.
It took several minutes of searching-the closet, the hallway, and out the window-for her to realize she must've imagined it. Perhaps she'd dozed off while trying to study. She was exhausted, after all. Since coming back to her time, she'd been doing little aside from catching up on all the schoolwork she'd missed during the continuous string of 'illnesses' which had kept her out of school while she gallivanted around feudal Japan.
For the millionth time, Kagome wished she hadn't left. She missed her friends, and she missed Inuyasha. She missed him more than she'd ever imagined.
Maybe I should've stayed. I mean, what if he's lonely?
She shook her head. No, that was silly. He had Miroku, Sango, and Shippo. They wouldn't leave him, she knew. And he had Kikyo.
She made herself take a deep breath to ward off the sudden tightness in her throat and moisture building in the corners of her eyes. Yes, Inuyasha had Kikyo, would be with her forever if she had her way about it. Considering she'd been gone nearly a week, he may already have given his soul over to her, just so they could be together.
She'd wanted to beg him not to, but she'd also known better than anyone why he felt he had to. Even after everything she'd done and said, he loved Kikyo.
If her heart hadn't been breaking with longing for him, it would've probably seemed extremely romantic. Under the circumstances, though, it was anything but. In fact, the idea of a woman who so desperately clung to her hatred and need for revenge, stealing souls of the dead just to remain among the living until she could drag Inuyasha into hell with her, royally pissed Kagome off.
It wasn't fair. Kikyo wanted to capture Inuyasha's spirit, and trap him forever. Sure, she'd claimed to love him, but she'd also admitted that she loved her hatred of him; it gave her power over him. But Kagome wanted Inuyasha to live, and be happy with his life. She wanted to see him find the inner peace he'd desperately looked for. Even if it meant losing him, she would've been willing to let him go, if he'd wanted it.
That's the difference between us, Kagome mused. She loves to hate him, but I just want to love him..
Of course, he'd made his decision many months ago. The memory of that night was still vivid in Kagome's mind, the chilling image of Kikyo in Inuyasha's arms as he declared he'd always protect her. He hadn't know she was hiding behind a tree only a few feet away, but when she'd stepped out...well, it was the first time he hadn't looked away in embarrassment after being caught with Kikyo.
That's when she'd known his mind was made up. She hated it, hated Kikyo for a while too, but it was something she'd forced herself to accept.
Partially, because it wasn't her decision to make, and partially because she'd hoped to change his mind over time. It had been a longshot, but she'd been willing to take the chance, just on the remote possibility that he would realize how different her feelings for him were, compared to Kikyo's.
She'd known she couldn't compete with his dead first love. She'd been murdered by Naraku in Inuyasha's form all those years ago, just as Inuyasha had been attacked by the same youkai in Kikyo's form, all so the Shikon no Tama would be corrupted. And he blamed himself for her premature death.
Kagome knew Naraku was the one to blame for all of it-Inuyasha's confusion, Kikyo's animosity, and her own heartache. And yet, even though Naraku was gone, it still didn't feel like justice had been done; the good guys were still paying the price for that bastard's deceit. What was fair about that?
There's no reason to dwell on this, her conscience scolded. I couldn't be selfish about it. Inuyasha loves Kikyo; I had no right to get in the way of his happiness.
Sure, she knew she'd done the right thing from a moral standpoint, but it didn't stop her heart from aching any less, knowing she'd basically handed Inuyasha over to Kikyo-a woman who hated him as much as she loved him-without a fight.
She found herself going over their last conversation in her mind once again, looking for anything she should have done differently. Anything at all that would have changed things between them...
***
"What're you doing out here?" Inuyasha piped up as he entered the small clearing where the well sat, and where Kagome was standing next to it. "Everybody's looking for you."
Kagome shrugged, though her eyes never left the Shikon no Tama, hanging from a long chain around her neck once again, just as it had when she'd first received it from Kaede. "Just thinking, I guess."
"Feh, you think too much," he scoffed as he took his usual place at her side. "C'mon, we beat Naraku Miroku doesn't have to worry about disappearing, Sango's got her brother back, and the Jewel's in one piece again"
"Yeah, everything's back to the way it should be. It looks like we really did it," she replied softly.
Inuyasha let out and exasperated growl. "So what the hell's your problem? Instead of being happy, you look like somebody died"
"I guess I'm just wondering, what now?"
He blinked a few times, a confounded look on his face. "What do you men, what now? What else is there? We did our part."
She nodded. "All that's left is...for me to go back to my world, right? Then everything will be like it was before I came here."
"Um...well, I don't know about all that, but..." Inuyasha stopped suddenly and scowled. "Wait a minute. You're making out like we're never gonna see you again or something. As long as you have the jewel-"
"I've already decided. I'm not taking it with me," Kagome whispered.
He stared at her for a few minutes, looking for any sign she was putting him on, but he found none. "What are you talking about? I mean...who's gonna guard the thing?"
"You will."
"Me?" He shook his head. "No way. That damned thing's already caused enough trouble. I don't plan on protecting it anymore."
She swallowed hard and took a deep breath before taking his hand into one of her own. He opened his mouth to protest, but fell silent when she finally let her gaze meet his. With her free hand, she took the jewel from around her neck and placed it in his palm, closing his fingers around it as he watched her in disbelief.
"You don't have to protect it. I'm giving it to you, so you can use it," she explained.
"You're serious," he breathed.
She nodded. "I know how badly you wanted it."
"Well...yeah, but-" He fell silent, frowning thoughtfully for several minutes. "Why?" he asked suddenly. "You've never been too thrilled with the idea of me becoming all demon, and you and I both know Kikyo won't let me use the jewel to revive her. So why are you giving it to me?"
"I want you to live and be happy, Inuyasha. If the jewel can give you what you want, then you're the one who should have it." Kagome sniffled and cleared her throat. "I know the only thing left for you to do is settle things with Kikyo..."
She bowed her head, commanding her body to ignore how badly she wanted to grab onto him and never let go.
"Ka-Kagome...?"
"I already said my goodbyes to everyone this morning," she stated, her words rushed and jumbled so he wouldn't see her cry, "but you were gone, so-"
"You already...what? Hey, wait a minute!" Inuyasha interrupted. He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her forward until they were nose to nose, with every intention of finding out exactly what she meant, but the expression on her face was all the answer he needed.
She knew she couldn't hold out much longer. "Thank you for keeping me safe while I was here," she managed, despite the fact her throat was painfully tight, "and for letting me stay with you." She smiled sadly. "I'll never forget you, Inuyasha. Take care of yourself."
Before he could say anything else, she jerked away from him and leapt into the well, mentally begging him to forgive her just as the first tear escaped down her cheek. She squeezed her eyes shut when he called out to her, and she refused to look back when she heard him jump in after her. Part of her wished, once she was back on solid ground again on her side of the gateway, he'd land right next to her, mad as hell at her for trying to run away. But she'd known before she'd left, it wouldn't turn out that way.
Alone and in the dark, she stayed for what seemed like hours at the bottom of the shaft in her own time, unable to do anything except drop her head in her hands and sob uncontrollably.
***
Kagome gasped shakily and wiped her moist eyes roughly with the back of her hand, pushing the agonizing memories aside. She knew she'd never forget the way he'd looked at her before she left, or the sound of his choked, panicked cries, which followed her even as she vanished from his world.
Still, she'd done the right thing. She had to believe that.
"But if it was really the right thing to do," she muttered to herself, "why does it feel so wrong?"
*~*~*~*