Title: Miserable
warnings: male x male
disclaimers: not mine ^^*.*^^
notes: Insight of to be-couples and couples are in this chapter :)
Chapter 2
~ ~ ~
In our life there is a single color, as on an artist's palette, which provides the meaning of life and art. It is the color of love. ~Marc Chagall
~ ~ ~
Harry crept inside of the Shrieking Shack quietly, glancing around for any curious students that wanted to see if the ancient house was actually haunted. He'd make a tremendous ruckus and scare them off. Seeing that the coast was clear Harry lit a lamp and used a simple spell to repair the windows and frost them with a spell that would keep anyone from knowing that he was inside. He did this every night for no one in their right mind would visit the Shrieking Shack while it was dark. During the day, he spent his time wondering aimlessly in the forest or sometimes he'd try to disguise himself so he could go to the Muggle world but the scars that were emblazened on his skin never disappeared.
He removed his cloak, tossing it to drape over one of the chairs. Trousers and jumper followed leaving him bare, the scars lining his torso faint white. Harry knew that the most powerful potion couldn't diminish them for they were caused by Dark Magic and a few were caused by himself in an act of self-loathing. A large scar on his left pectoral was the size of a snitch with jagged edges; Voldemort would heal him and then re-do the wound so it hurt worse every time. Another scar stretched from his right shoulder to his left hip; Voldemort had found it great fun to punish Harry by using a blade. Scars on his back were caused by a flailing whip when Voldemort was in a particularly wretched mood. Of course, those were insignificant compared to the numerous claw imprints on his inner thighs and hips. The memories of Harry's rape often assaulted him whether he was sleeping or not. So many times Voldemort would force himself into Harry until finally the boy was too numb to feel the stinging pain.
He dressed in pajamas and curled into the transfigured bed. The duvet was spread around him like a cocoon. The light vanished and the moonlight streamed inside. Harry sighed, shifting positions to his side. He couldn't believe he'd seen Severus. Most people avoided the forest because it was suppose to have unfriendly ghosts inside but in reality it was the trees conversing that frightened the cowardly. Severus... Harry closed his eyes. The man hadn't changed much just more pale and slender. Same Grecian nose, same obsidian oculates, same raven hair, same dark beauty that had attracted Harry to him. Fifth year had brought Harry to a greater understanding of his secret love and made him understand that he did in fact care for Severus. It was during nights confined to his room at Privet Drive that he would develop erotic scenarios.
The prominent lustful dreams featured Severus teaching him all about sex and then showing him. Harry felt himself stiffen as he recalled the exact details of his wanking fantasies. Severus bending him over his desk, Severus with those seductive lips wrapped around his penis, Severus grunting underneath him as he pounded into him furiously. Two tears escaped from their cage to streak his cheeks. He couldn't even touch himself, no matter how much he wanted to give himself release from what the encounter with Severus did to him. He would see images of Voldemort leering at him before throwing him on his stomach and using his own blood to lubricate the passage of his perversion.
Harry cried himself to sleep; not for the first time and most definitely not for the last...
~ ~ ~
Severus gulped the glass of bourbon on rocks. This was not happening to him. He was not drowning his miseries like lushes and drunks. Hell, if he was going to be honest with himself then he would have to admit that seeing Harry disturbed him. That he wanted to bring the boy-no man, he corrected himself-to where he rightfully belonged but Severus knew it was futile. There were only two people that Harry would trust and one was missing, presumed dead while the other was in a deep coma and might not wake.
He slammed the glass on the table beside the couch. Harry wouldn't return so long as the two people he loved more than anything were unable to assit him recovering. Severus snorted. Why'd he even care if Harry came back or not? Perhaps it was because Severus felt he had to repent for not doing anything against the fools who blamed Harry or maybe it was because, deep down, Severus needed Harry to be there because he was the only one that could understand him.
Rising to his feet, he grabbed a potion that would clear him from the effects of the alcohol. Severus rummaged through the contents of a bookshelf, not caring that he was making a mess or that he broke several artifacts from flinging the books haphazardly. It was there. It had to be. A book with the fringes fraying and some of the pages tattered from misuse before Severus stole it from it's rightful owner-Lord Voldemort to be precise.
Severus was not sure what was driving him to this ferocious, all-consuming need as he flipped through the pages quickly, skimming the titles. He stopped, eyes widening. It was a difficult potion to make and the ingredients were incredibly rare to come across but Severus knew that Albus had most of them stored in his private storerooms in one of the abandoned wings of Hogwart's that no one dared to trespass upon; not even Peeves but Severus knew the password. He wouldn't have to owl the former Headmaster.
Lethargus Reseco. Severus let a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding escape. A potion that would restore Sirius Black to complete health. Severus loathed Sirius and Severus knew the feelings were mutual but he was doing this for Harry, not for Sirius. He would make the potion, no matter how difficult the task became or how many nights would be spent perfecting it.Harry deserved a future and Severus was determined to provide that if for nothing more then to know that he was needed again.
***
Morning came with the same lack of joy that Harry had once associated with the coming of the dawn. He quickly dressed, using his magic to return the Shrieking Shack to it's normal appearance. A simple cleansing spell rid was like taking a second-long shower but Harry missed being able to stand for long minutes underneath a warm spray or to lounge in the Prefect's bathroom until his skin wrinkled from being submerged too long in the water. A wave of nostaliga whipped across him. He missed his old life. Six years. Six long, lonely years by himself and never having human contact.
Harry apparated to just outside of Hogsmeade, making sure to pull the cowl of his cloak securely so his face wouldn't show. He paced wizards and witches, ignoring the curious stares he received or the invitation to speak. If they knew who he was, they would sing a different tune. He entered Hog's Head, ordering food and drink from the barman, lowering his voice so it wouldn't be distinguishable. He chose a table in the corner away from the hubbub.
The grub wasn't like Molly's had been but it filled a starving stomach well. He raised his eyes to see two of his old friends bickering at each other. Seamus and Justin. Harry's heart clenched tightly in his chest. Justin seemed to have put on weight; to anyone who didn't know the secrets of male pregnancy that the wizard's had discovered it would have seemed so but Harry knew. One of the few who had ever made a research on it when he realised he was gay summer before sixth year. He scoffed the rest of his meal, wanting to leave Hog's Head as soon as possible.
Harry avoided looking at the couple. It was too painful but just as he was exiting, he collided with a solid structure. Falling to the floor, he stared up at Dean Thomas. The tall, broad, chocolate-skinned man narrowed his eyes at Harry before going insanely round with recognition. Harry's cowl had fallen off. He was exposed. Gasps were heard from every direction followed by indignant outrage.
"Thought you'd hide, didn't you?" the barman asked, glaring savagely at Harry. "If I ever see you in here again, I'll finish what Voldemort started."
Harry's jaw clenched, hand grasping his wand and drawing it. He met the eyes of Justin, Dean and Seamus. They were filled with confusion but in Harry's imagination, he saw anger. Fleeing from the pub, Harry apparated to his beloved forest. Away from the accusing stares, the angry whispers, and the aura of death that seemed to follow him wherever he went.
~ ~ ~
Severus had no morning classes on Thursday's but he still had to be present at the staff table for breakfast. Draco was seated beside him and everyday the man's appearance became more like his father's. Albaster skin that seemed to have been chiseled to perfection from marble, completely unblemished except for the scar that ran diagonally across his nose. Stormy hued oculates were a mysterious blend of gold, lapis, and gray in a swirling abyss. Silver tendrils of flaxen hair tumbled luxiourously to his shoulders. Severus raised an amused brow at the population of admirers that Draco had accumulated and yet the man wasn't involved in a relationship.
"Severus, I thought I should tell you now instead of waiting." Draco sipped at his pumpkin juice, turning those amazing eyes on Severus. Severus arched his other brow. "Professor Murphy has to leave because of a family emergency and she won't be returning either. I've taken it upon myself to appoint a replacement starting today."
"And who might this person be?" Severus inquired, folding his arms in front of his chest and giving Draco his patented glare. Draco rarely consulted anyone in his decisions regarding the affairs of Hogwart's and kept most of the teachers out on the loop but he hadn't made any mistakes yet.
"Zacharias Smith," the man in question said, taking the empty seat beside of Draco. Severus glowered at the perfectly prim man, getting a reminsecent of Gilderoy Lockheart. Brown hair was held fast in a ponytail, long bangs framing his elfin face. Deep, sapphire eyes were hardly as soft as Gilderoy's had been but were hardened by the trials of war. Severus begrudingly admitted that Zacharias was a handsome man; tall and lean with bronzed skin.
Severus hned, finishing his biscuit. So, Zacharias was taking over Defense Against the Dark Arts for Professor Katherina Murphy? Severus glanced at the witch. She didn't seem to the in the least bit affected, happily munching on eggs and bacon. How very nice it must have been to not have any worries and would be able to be carefree. Katherina was a young witch and had just graduated from Hogwart's the year before. She hadn't participated in the final battle. She was innocent to all of the death. Severus swept his gaze at the students. Half of them were staring at Draco in lust while the rest were busy chatting amongst themselves. They didn't have to live in fear. It was a bit unfair.
"Neville! Luna! You're never going to believe who we saw!" Justin called, running inside with Seamus attached to the back of his shirt, trying to slow him down to a reasonable pace. The two Herbology teachers stopped their lovey-dovey routine to stare at Justin as if he'd grown another head. Neville, who was sitting two seats down from Severus with Luna being the only brave one to fill in the place next to Severus, just blinked at the Charms professor. Seamus, the flying instructor and Quidditch referee, smacked Justin gently.
"Love, you shouldn't announce it to the world. Some," Seamus meaningfully glanced a couple teachers and those students closest to the staff table, "Might not appreciate the news we have."
"Just tell us," Luna frowned. Severus, Draco, and Zacharais leaned closer to hear what was being said without appearing to be too nosy.
"We saw Harry at Hog's Head," Seamus whispered, recieving two gasps. "We didn't believe it either until he ran away from us."
"He ran away from you?" Luna asked, pursing her lips in thought. Severus eyed Draco from the corner of his eye, not missing the troubled look that passed over his visage for a few seconds before vanishing. Severus wasn't surprised when Draco excused himself, Zacharais following him. Guilty conscience on Draco's part, perhaps? "Why would he do that?"
"You know how it was for him after the War," Justin sighed, jabbing a fork into a napkin. "All those people hating him and we didn't do a damn thing to stop them either. It's no wonder he thinks we hate him. He looked like he was going to kill us before he got this scared look and just bolted. We figure he apparated because when we went to chase him down he was gone."
Luna shook her head in disbelief. "I thought that Harry was gone, that he'd left this country. I didnt know he was still here. I mean, it's been six years. Does he think we'd still blame him after all this time? At first we did but not anymore."
Neville slipped an arm around his wife, comforting her. "Harry's probably living in the past still. Its happened before. People having repressed memories and such. It could be he continues to see the hate."
"Or maybe he's completely off his bloody rocker," Seamus muttered, earning himself a glare from Justin. "We don't know what's going on with him for the past six years," Seamus explained. "He could have driven himself insane."
Severus knew that was a bunch of codswallop. Harry had been perfectly lucid the night before. He finished his breakfast and left. It was time to start on Lethargus Reseco and find all the ingredients he would need. Later, he would have to check in on Draco. Severus knew that somehow, Draco had had something to do with Harry's capture. The guilt would eat at Draco alive until he was forced to confess.
@ @ @
I thank all of you who reviewed from the bottom of my heart :) . Oh, shoot me XD) Goldengirl2, Immortal Memories (Right you are! The scar is like Kenshin's :P and Draco's is like Seifer's from FF8, if anyone is interested XD) Japanese Cowboy (lmao, I'm glad you like it! ^^)
warnings: male x male
disclaimers: not mine ^^*.*^^
notes: Insight of to be-couples and couples are in this chapter :)
Chapter 2
~ ~ ~
In our life there is a single color, as on an artist's palette, which provides the meaning of life and art. It is the color of love. ~Marc Chagall
~ ~ ~
Harry crept inside of the Shrieking Shack quietly, glancing around for any curious students that wanted to see if the ancient house was actually haunted. He'd make a tremendous ruckus and scare them off. Seeing that the coast was clear Harry lit a lamp and used a simple spell to repair the windows and frost them with a spell that would keep anyone from knowing that he was inside. He did this every night for no one in their right mind would visit the Shrieking Shack while it was dark. During the day, he spent his time wondering aimlessly in the forest or sometimes he'd try to disguise himself so he could go to the Muggle world but the scars that were emblazened on his skin never disappeared.
He removed his cloak, tossing it to drape over one of the chairs. Trousers and jumper followed leaving him bare, the scars lining his torso faint white. Harry knew that the most powerful potion couldn't diminish them for they were caused by Dark Magic and a few were caused by himself in an act of self-loathing. A large scar on his left pectoral was the size of a snitch with jagged edges; Voldemort would heal him and then re-do the wound so it hurt worse every time. Another scar stretched from his right shoulder to his left hip; Voldemort had found it great fun to punish Harry by using a blade. Scars on his back were caused by a flailing whip when Voldemort was in a particularly wretched mood. Of course, those were insignificant compared to the numerous claw imprints on his inner thighs and hips. The memories of Harry's rape often assaulted him whether he was sleeping or not. So many times Voldemort would force himself into Harry until finally the boy was too numb to feel the stinging pain.
He dressed in pajamas and curled into the transfigured bed. The duvet was spread around him like a cocoon. The light vanished and the moonlight streamed inside. Harry sighed, shifting positions to his side. He couldn't believe he'd seen Severus. Most people avoided the forest because it was suppose to have unfriendly ghosts inside but in reality it was the trees conversing that frightened the cowardly. Severus... Harry closed his eyes. The man hadn't changed much just more pale and slender. Same Grecian nose, same obsidian oculates, same raven hair, same dark beauty that had attracted Harry to him. Fifth year had brought Harry to a greater understanding of his secret love and made him understand that he did in fact care for Severus. It was during nights confined to his room at Privet Drive that he would develop erotic scenarios.
The prominent lustful dreams featured Severus teaching him all about sex and then showing him. Harry felt himself stiffen as he recalled the exact details of his wanking fantasies. Severus bending him over his desk, Severus with those seductive lips wrapped around his penis, Severus grunting underneath him as he pounded into him furiously. Two tears escaped from their cage to streak his cheeks. He couldn't even touch himself, no matter how much he wanted to give himself release from what the encounter with Severus did to him. He would see images of Voldemort leering at him before throwing him on his stomach and using his own blood to lubricate the passage of his perversion.
Harry cried himself to sleep; not for the first time and most definitely not for the last...
~ ~ ~
Severus gulped the glass of bourbon on rocks. This was not happening to him. He was not drowning his miseries like lushes and drunks. Hell, if he was going to be honest with himself then he would have to admit that seeing Harry disturbed him. That he wanted to bring the boy-no man, he corrected himself-to where he rightfully belonged but Severus knew it was futile. There were only two people that Harry would trust and one was missing, presumed dead while the other was in a deep coma and might not wake.
He slammed the glass on the table beside the couch. Harry wouldn't return so long as the two people he loved more than anything were unable to assit him recovering. Severus snorted. Why'd he even care if Harry came back or not? Perhaps it was because Severus felt he had to repent for not doing anything against the fools who blamed Harry or maybe it was because, deep down, Severus needed Harry to be there because he was the only one that could understand him.
Rising to his feet, he grabbed a potion that would clear him from the effects of the alcohol. Severus rummaged through the contents of a bookshelf, not caring that he was making a mess or that he broke several artifacts from flinging the books haphazardly. It was there. It had to be. A book with the fringes fraying and some of the pages tattered from misuse before Severus stole it from it's rightful owner-Lord Voldemort to be precise.
Severus was not sure what was driving him to this ferocious, all-consuming need as he flipped through the pages quickly, skimming the titles. He stopped, eyes widening. It was a difficult potion to make and the ingredients were incredibly rare to come across but Severus knew that Albus had most of them stored in his private storerooms in one of the abandoned wings of Hogwart's that no one dared to trespass upon; not even Peeves but Severus knew the password. He wouldn't have to owl the former Headmaster.
Lethargus Reseco. Severus let a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding escape. A potion that would restore Sirius Black to complete health. Severus loathed Sirius and Severus knew the feelings were mutual but he was doing this for Harry, not for Sirius. He would make the potion, no matter how difficult the task became or how many nights would be spent perfecting it.Harry deserved a future and Severus was determined to provide that if for nothing more then to know that he was needed again.
***
Morning came with the same lack of joy that Harry had once associated with the coming of the dawn. He quickly dressed, using his magic to return the Shrieking Shack to it's normal appearance. A simple cleansing spell rid was like taking a second-long shower but Harry missed being able to stand for long minutes underneath a warm spray or to lounge in the Prefect's bathroom until his skin wrinkled from being submerged too long in the water. A wave of nostaliga whipped across him. He missed his old life. Six years. Six long, lonely years by himself and never having human contact.
Harry apparated to just outside of Hogsmeade, making sure to pull the cowl of his cloak securely so his face wouldn't show. He paced wizards and witches, ignoring the curious stares he received or the invitation to speak. If they knew who he was, they would sing a different tune. He entered Hog's Head, ordering food and drink from the barman, lowering his voice so it wouldn't be distinguishable. He chose a table in the corner away from the hubbub.
The grub wasn't like Molly's had been but it filled a starving stomach well. He raised his eyes to see two of his old friends bickering at each other. Seamus and Justin. Harry's heart clenched tightly in his chest. Justin seemed to have put on weight; to anyone who didn't know the secrets of male pregnancy that the wizard's had discovered it would have seemed so but Harry knew. One of the few who had ever made a research on it when he realised he was gay summer before sixth year. He scoffed the rest of his meal, wanting to leave Hog's Head as soon as possible.
Harry avoided looking at the couple. It was too painful but just as he was exiting, he collided with a solid structure. Falling to the floor, he stared up at Dean Thomas. The tall, broad, chocolate-skinned man narrowed his eyes at Harry before going insanely round with recognition. Harry's cowl had fallen off. He was exposed. Gasps were heard from every direction followed by indignant outrage.
"Thought you'd hide, didn't you?" the barman asked, glaring savagely at Harry. "If I ever see you in here again, I'll finish what Voldemort started."
Harry's jaw clenched, hand grasping his wand and drawing it. He met the eyes of Justin, Dean and Seamus. They were filled with confusion but in Harry's imagination, he saw anger. Fleeing from the pub, Harry apparated to his beloved forest. Away from the accusing stares, the angry whispers, and the aura of death that seemed to follow him wherever he went.
~ ~ ~
Severus had no morning classes on Thursday's but he still had to be present at the staff table for breakfast. Draco was seated beside him and everyday the man's appearance became more like his father's. Albaster skin that seemed to have been chiseled to perfection from marble, completely unblemished except for the scar that ran diagonally across his nose. Stormy hued oculates were a mysterious blend of gold, lapis, and gray in a swirling abyss. Silver tendrils of flaxen hair tumbled luxiourously to his shoulders. Severus raised an amused brow at the population of admirers that Draco had accumulated and yet the man wasn't involved in a relationship.
"Severus, I thought I should tell you now instead of waiting." Draco sipped at his pumpkin juice, turning those amazing eyes on Severus. Severus arched his other brow. "Professor Murphy has to leave because of a family emergency and she won't be returning either. I've taken it upon myself to appoint a replacement starting today."
"And who might this person be?" Severus inquired, folding his arms in front of his chest and giving Draco his patented glare. Draco rarely consulted anyone in his decisions regarding the affairs of Hogwart's and kept most of the teachers out on the loop but he hadn't made any mistakes yet.
"Zacharias Smith," the man in question said, taking the empty seat beside of Draco. Severus glowered at the perfectly prim man, getting a reminsecent of Gilderoy Lockheart. Brown hair was held fast in a ponytail, long bangs framing his elfin face. Deep, sapphire eyes were hardly as soft as Gilderoy's had been but were hardened by the trials of war. Severus begrudingly admitted that Zacharias was a handsome man; tall and lean with bronzed skin.
Severus hned, finishing his biscuit. So, Zacharias was taking over Defense Against the Dark Arts for Professor Katherina Murphy? Severus glanced at the witch. She didn't seem to the in the least bit affected, happily munching on eggs and bacon. How very nice it must have been to not have any worries and would be able to be carefree. Katherina was a young witch and had just graduated from Hogwart's the year before. She hadn't participated in the final battle. She was innocent to all of the death. Severus swept his gaze at the students. Half of them were staring at Draco in lust while the rest were busy chatting amongst themselves. They didn't have to live in fear. It was a bit unfair.
"Neville! Luna! You're never going to believe who we saw!" Justin called, running inside with Seamus attached to the back of his shirt, trying to slow him down to a reasonable pace. The two Herbology teachers stopped their lovey-dovey routine to stare at Justin as if he'd grown another head. Neville, who was sitting two seats down from Severus with Luna being the only brave one to fill in the place next to Severus, just blinked at the Charms professor. Seamus, the flying instructor and Quidditch referee, smacked Justin gently.
"Love, you shouldn't announce it to the world. Some," Seamus meaningfully glanced a couple teachers and those students closest to the staff table, "Might not appreciate the news we have."
"Just tell us," Luna frowned. Severus, Draco, and Zacharais leaned closer to hear what was being said without appearing to be too nosy.
"We saw Harry at Hog's Head," Seamus whispered, recieving two gasps. "We didn't believe it either until he ran away from us."
"He ran away from you?" Luna asked, pursing her lips in thought. Severus eyed Draco from the corner of his eye, not missing the troubled look that passed over his visage for a few seconds before vanishing. Severus wasn't surprised when Draco excused himself, Zacharais following him. Guilty conscience on Draco's part, perhaps? "Why would he do that?"
"You know how it was for him after the War," Justin sighed, jabbing a fork into a napkin. "All those people hating him and we didn't do a damn thing to stop them either. It's no wonder he thinks we hate him. He looked like he was going to kill us before he got this scared look and just bolted. We figure he apparated because when we went to chase him down he was gone."
Luna shook her head in disbelief. "I thought that Harry was gone, that he'd left this country. I didnt know he was still here. I mean, it's been six years. Does he think we'd still blame him after all this time? At first we did but not anymore."
Neville slipped an arm around his wife, comforting her. "Harry's probably living in the past still. Its happened before. People having repressed memories and such. It could be he continues to see the hate."
"Or maybe he's completely off his bloody rocker," Seamus muttered, earning himself a glare from Justin. "We don't know what's going on with him for the past six years," Seamus explained. "He could have driven himself insane."
Severus knew that was a bunch of codswallop. Harry had been perfectly lucid the night before. He finished his breakfast and left. It was time to start on Lethargus Reseco and find all the ingredients he would need. Later, he would have to check in on Draco. Severus knew that somehow, Draco had had something to do with Harry's capture. The guilt would eat at Draco alive until he was forced to confess.
@ @ @
I thank all of you who reviewed from the bottom of my heart :) . Oh, shoot me XD) Goldengirl2, Immortal Memories (Right you are! The scar is like Kenshin's :P and Draco's is like Seifer's from FF8, if anyone is interested XD) Japanese Cowboy (lmao, I'm glad you like it! ^^)