Chapter 9
Luka entered the NICU a few minutes later, searching for Abby's son. He spotted him easily in the middle of numerous doctors and nurses, all poking and prodding the small child. The label on the crib read, "Baby Boy Carter, 20 weeks." Hesitantly, Luka approached the controlled chaos and peered into the crib.
There lay the smallest baby Luka had ever seen. His hand was no bigger than Luka's thumb and his body was smaller than a football. Luka had to look away and gather himself for a minute, he was a doctor, but it all became so real suddenly. This tiny baby was alive but no one in the room spoke the truth. It was all hanging over their heads like a black cloud, but it was left unspoken. This baby had no chance of survival.
The doctor turned towards Luka, "Dr. Kovac, as you can tell, this baby is in grave condition. His lungs are not mature enough to allow him to breath on his own, and we are going to have to make some tough decisions. Does Miss Lockhart want us to intubate the child? If we put him on the ventilator, we will never get him off of it. If we don't intubate, he will die in a matter of minutes." The doctor's voice was solemn and he turned to look sadly at the baby, "Has his mother talked to you about his options?"
Luka was surprised at the tears gathering in his eyes. Embarrassed, he brushed them away and regarded the doctor bravely, "I know Abby won't want him to suffer but can you please do everything you can to keep him alive so she can see him and say goodbye?"
The doctor nodded, "We will intubate him now and let Abby decide the next step." The doctor turned back to the baby. "Debbie, please hand me that laryngoscope."
Luka left the room as they intubated Abby's son. He staggered over to the water fountain and splash cool water on his face. His heart was breaking for Abby and even for Carter. Luka didn't know the exact details of how their romance had ended but he knew the pain first-hand of losing a child and he did not wish that on anyone.
The doctor re-emerged from the NICU. "We've got him intubated and the ventilators are breathing for him. How about we go talk to his mother?" The doctor, Dr. Ambrosia, pushed the button on the elevator. When the doors opened he motioned for Luka to join him.
Luka gathered himself and followed the young doctor. He knew how hard Abby was going to take this and he dreaded being there when she found out. But, he could not bear to have her hear this alone.
* * *
"Abby, are you going to be okay?" Luka was sitting next to her on the hospital bed, absently running his fingers along her arm comfortingly. She wiped away a few lingering tears and sniffed, "I don't know Luka. I can't even think right now. These last few days have been a complete blur."
"I know. Stupid question." Luka moved his hand from her arm to her back and he leaned over and kissed her softly. "Do you want me to call Carter?"
At his words Abby burst into a fresh wave of tears, "Oh my god Luka. What am I going to say to him?" She buried her face in her hands and tried to regain her composure. "He is going to be so upset! What am I going to tell him?" She turned to Luka looking right into his eyes, as if they held the answer.
"I'll talk to him Abby. You just stay in bed. I know you and Carter have had your differences but I know he won't be mad, just upset at the loss. Just relax and I'll go phone him. If you are feeling up to it later, you can give him a call ok?"
Abby wiped her face dry, "Thank you Luka."
He smiled at her, "Its okay. I'll be right back.
* * * * *
25 minutes later
Luka returned to Abby's room after talking with Carter in the Congo. As he suspected, he was very upset with the news of his son's premature delivery. He wanted to know if Abby was ok and if she wanted him to return. Luka told him that they didn't expect the baby to live any longer than a few hours so it would be pointless for him to fly out tonight. He decided he would come back only if Abby wanted him to. He didn't want to add anymore to her already huge stress load.
"Abby?" Luka whispered softly. She was lying in her bed, her eyes closed.
At his voice, Abby's eyes drifted open and she focused on him as he entered the room. "Hey, did you get a hold of Carter?"
"Yeah, he wants to know if you want him to come back or would that only complicate things?"
"I'm going to call him soon Luka. I just want to see my baby."
Luka shifted nervously and sat down in the chair beside her bed, taking her hand. "Abby, Dr. Ambrosia just told me that the baby is not oxygenating well, even on the ventilators. He doesn't think it will be long before," Luka's voice trailed off and he cleared his throat. "He doesn't think it will be long before the baby stops breathing. And he wants to know if you wish to have your son on the ventilators any longer."
Abby bit back a sob, "No. Tell them to take him off, there is nothing to hold on to anymore."
Luka nodded, "That is a very brave and right decision Abby. I'll tell them to take him off but bring him here for you to say goodbye to." Luka couldn't help the tear that rolled down his cheek. He tried to brush it off before Abby noticed, but to no avail.
"Its okay Luka, you can cry you know." Abby leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him. Even though it wasn't his baby, Abby knew Luka was really looking forward to its birth and to see her being a mother. She also knew he was somewhat reliving the pain of losing his own children years earlier. She felt his shoulders shake and he pulled out of her embrace, tears evident on his handsome face.
"I'm so sorry Abby. This isn't fair." He leaned in and kissed her, "I love you."
Abby was shocked by his words. That was the first time he had ever said that to her and she could tell by the look on his face that he meant it. At that moment, she realized she felt the same way. Softly she replied, "I love you too."
They embraced again before Luka stood and started to leave the room. "I'll go get your son Abby."
Luka entered the NICU a few minutes later, searching for Abby's son. He spotted him easily in the middle of numerous doctors and nurses, all poking and prodding the small child. The label on the crib read, "Baby Boy Carter, 20 weeks." Hesitantly, Luka approached the controlled chaos and peered into the crib.
There lay the smallest baby Luka had ever seen. His hand was no bigger than Luka's thumb and his body was smaller than a football. Luka had to look away and gather himself for a minute, he was a doctor, but it all became so real suddenly. This tiny baby was alive but no one in the room spoke the truth. It was all hanging over their heads like a black cloud, but it was left unspoken. This baby had no chance of survival.
The doctor turned towards Luka, "Dr. Kovac, as you can tell, this baby is in grave condition. His lungs are not mature enough to allow him to breath on his own, and we are going to have to make some tough decisions. Does Miss Lockhart want us to intubate the child? If we put him on the ventilator, we will never get him off of it. If we don't intubate, he will die in a matter of minutes." The doctor's voice was solemn and he turned to look sadly at the baby, "Has his mother talked to you about his options?"
Luka was surprised at the tears gathering in his eyes. Embarrassed, he brushed them away and regarded the doctor bravely, "I know Abby won't want him to suffer but can you please do everything you can to keep him alive so she can see him and say goodbye?"
The doctor nodded, "We will intubate him now and let Abby decide the next step." The doctor turned back to the baby. "Debbie, please hand me that laryngoscope."
Luka left the room as they intubated Abby's son. He staggered over to the water fountain and splash cool water on his face. His heart was breaking for Abby and even for Carter. Luka didn't know the exact details of how their romance had ended but he knew the pain first-hand of losing a child and he did not wish that on anyone.
The doctor re-emerged from the NICU. "We've got him intubated and the ventilators are breathing for him. How about we go talk to his mother?" The doctor, Dr. Ambrosia, pushed the button on the elevator. When the doors opened he motioned for Luka to join him.
Luka gathered himself and followed the young doctor. He knew how hard Abby was going to take this and he dreaded being there when she found out. But, he could not bear to have her hear this alone.
* * *
"Abby, are you going to be okay?" Luka was sitting next to her on the hospital bed, absently running his fingers along her arm comfortingly. She wiped away a few lingering tears and sniffed, "I don't know Luka. I can't even think right now. These last few days have been a complete blur."
"I know. Stupid question." Luka moved his hand from her arm to her back and he leaned over and kissed her softly. "Do you want me to call Carter?"
At his words Abby burst into a fresh wave of tears, "Oh my god Luka. What am I going to say to him?" She buried her face in her hands and tried to regain her composure. "He is going to be so upset! What am I going to tell him?" She turned to Luka looking right into his eyes, as if they held the answer.
"I'll talk to him Abby. You just stay in bed. I know you and Carter have had your differences but I know he won't be mad, just upset at the loss. Just relax and I'll go phone him. If you are feeling up to it later, you can give him a call ok?"
Abby wiped her face dry, "Thank you Luka."
He smiled at her, "Its okay. I'll be right back.
* * * * *
25 minutes later
Luka returned to Abby's room after talking with Carter in the Congo. As he suspected, he was very upset with the news of his son's premature delivery. He wanted to know if Abby was ok and if she wanted him to return. Luka told him that they didn't expect the baby to live any longer than a few hours so it would be pointless for him to fly out tonight. He decided he would come back only if Abby wanted him to. He didn't want to add anymore to her already huge stress load.
"Abby?" Luka whispered softly. She was lying in her bed, her eyes closed.
At his voice, Abby's eyes drifted open and she focused on him as he entered the room. "Hey, did you get a hold of Carter?"
"Yeah, he wants to know if you want him to come back or would that only complicate things?"
"I'm going to call him soon Luka. I just want to see my baby."
Luka shifted nervously and sat down in the chair beside her bed, taking her hand. "Abby, Dr. Ambrosia just told me that the baby is not oxygenating well, even on the ventilators. He doesn't think it will be long before," Luka's voice trailed off and he cleared his throat. "He doesn't think it will be long before the baby stops breathing. And he wants to know if you wish to have your son on the ventilators any longer."
Abby bit back a sob, "No. Tell them to take him off, there is nothing to hold on to anymore."
Luka nodded, "That is a very brave and right decision Abby. I'll tell them to take him off but bring him here for you to say goodbye to." Luka couldn't help the tear that rolled down his cheek. He tried to brush it off before Abby noticed, but to no avail.
"Its okay Luka, you can cry you know." Abby leaned forward and wrapped her arms around him. Even though it wasn't his baby, Abby knew Luka was really looking forward to its birth and to see her being a mother. She also knew he was somewhat reliving the pain of losing his own children years earlier. She felt his shoulders shake and he pulled out of her embrace, tears evident on his handsome face.
"I'm so sorry Abby. This isn't fair." He leaned in and kissed her, "I love you."
Abby was shocked by his words. That was the first time he had ever said that to her and she could tell by the look on his face that he meant it. At that moment, she realized she felt the same way. Softly she replied, "I love you too."
They embraced again before Luka stood and started to leave the room. "I'll go get your son Abby."