Sorry this one took me longer than the other ones have been taking. This is where Pietro has his crying fit (Yay!) Now, I must have gone through about a thousand million options for this chapter in my head. (That's partly why it took me so long. It's not even close to how I originally planned it to go) I have mixed feelings about it but over all I like how it came out. I'll see what you guys think before I share my own thoughts on it. The other reason this took so long is because school like...attacked me or something this week lol. I dunno...stupid Latin homework (don't get me wrong..I like Latin and all...but bleh)
Now for everybody's favorite thing...Review responses! (Actually, I have no idea if these annoy ppl or if they like my rambling...but whatever. You guys take the time to review for me so I'm gonna take the time to respond)
KS Fan- *Grins* Yeah, Evan grabbing the clippers was what I liked best about that scene too. Funny how the stuff I end up liking the best is the stuff I come up with randomly...not the stuff I think out really carefully and stuff. Joyride is prolly my fav now too...and uhh...last but not least, excellent rule...if I ever stray from it...send me red flags lol.
Maikafuiniel- I've got it! He can keep his eyes shut and Kitty can just phase them through his lids :) lol
SilverFox1- Yes, I agree too *sigh* lol. I actually went back and forth about my no German bad German statement...and I just decided to go with it. I'll either take Jack B up on his offer to translate in the future, or just not use it. I haven't decided if I'll need to yet. And don't worry, the emotional problems aren't going anywhere (I've got plans for Pietro and daddy dearest hehe...poor guy) Also, it's summer, so the guys wont get school reactions to their hair...but I've got an idea for some public humiliation for em lol.
RogueFanKC- Nah, I'm not gonna make Fred evil. It may seem that way at first...but don't worry, he's got a whole bunch of problems of his own hehe. And thanks for calling me talented :) Boosts thee old self esteem.
JKJ- Yes, I *twitch* had problems with *twitch* that myself lol. But I just had to! It...yeah, *sigh* It'll be back by the end of the fic lol...his hair grows fast I've decided hehe. I'm glad u liked the evan/rogue/pietro scene cuz it was just kinda random...but thatll be happening a lot more often now...so good that u liked it lol. Yay about the accents...man those are annoying lol. I realized that I'm prolly gonna be bringing Gambit in eventually and uhhh O.o yeah. Anywho...yeah Sam is cannonball...I'll try to put notes in when I use new recruits...I had to go look them up lol.
MiricleChick- Yeah, he didn't deserve the butt kicking...but I just *had* to! Lol. And what's LMAO mean?
Jack B. Nimble- I may take u up on your translation offer :) Like I told silver...I take it back now lol. And I'm liking your fic btw...just a note.
Marye- Although a great idea...I think I've officially decided im not gonna kill anyone. (Well..not officially, but pretty sure...? lol) And don't worry about me understanding the 1 am philosophies after pathetic highschool days...I'm well acquainted with them lol. And uh... "virgin suicide?" never heard of it...
So...three million zillion words later...I give you...
Chapter 10- Losing It
Lance glanced at the clock on his bedside table and groaned. It was time to go down to dinner and he felt horrible. His head was throbbing and some of the medication Hank had given him was definitely not being friendly. What the medication was for-- Lance couldn't remember. Hank was using so much medical jargon with him that Lance had lost track of what he was taking and why, and had decided to trust the Beast rather than try to figure it all out.
Deciding that maybe he could at least stand the smell of food, Lance forced himself out of bed and towards the dinning room. He groggily took a random seat, ending up between Evan and Ray. Everyone had already begun eating and he amused himself with the idea of taking a nap in the mashed potatoes sitting in front of him. They looked a lot more comfortable than his hard back, wooden, chair.
"Hey Lance, pass the carrots would ya?"
It registered somewhere in his medicine fried head that Pietro had been the one to make the request and he started to hand the bowl to his friend when he suddenly froze, still holding the carrots. His mouth opened slightly as he looked at Pietro.
"Um, Lance, your elbow is in my chicken. I was kinda planning on eating that," Evan said, pulling his plate away from Lance, who sure enough, had stuck his arm in the center of Evan's barbequed chicken thigh.
Lance glanced at Evan then did a double take. Both Evan and Pietro were looking at him as though they had no idea what was so phenomenal. He heard Amara giggle from across the table and she quickly looked down at her plate, still grinning. Lance began to scan the table and his jaw became even more slack.
Kitty was staring at Kurt with a mixture of horror and admiration. He followed her gaze and noticed that a large chunk of Kurt's hair was missing as well. He was seemingly oblivious to Lance's stares as he continued to devour his food. Lance's eyes continued along the rows of chairs and took in Todd, Sam, and Bobby (who was too busy trying to get Amara's attention to notice Lance's steady regard).
"Dr. McCoy," Lance said, his throat dry, "I think you need to put me on some different medication. Whatever you've got me on is making me hallucinate."
Hank merely grinned.
"I'm serious. If you knew what I was seeing... you would think so too."
The table erupted into giggles.
"Lance, we see it too," Rogue said, grinning, "They look nihce don't they?"
Lance stared from one shaved head to the next, his mouth still hanging open. He seriously couldn't believe it. He knew Todd and Pietro cared about him, it was one of the few things he could count on when life sucked, but it amazed him that even his former enemies would do something like this for him.
"Lance?" Kitty said, pulling him from his stupor, "You had *better* appreciate this."
She turned back to Kurt and the look on her face was not one of great pleasure. She had almost fainted when the German had entered the room with a chunk of his gorgeous blue hair missing.
"Guys...that's...this's really... it's really cool of you."
Grinning, the five boys looked up at Lance then went back to their food.
"You just better hope I don't lose a girlfriend over it," Kurt said, narrowing his eyes briefly at Kitty.
Kitty blushed and mumbled something that sounded like an apology into the table cloth.
Lance, still in a numb state of shock, began to clean his barbeque covered elbow when a collective gasp filled the room.
"No way. No freakin way!"
Lance looked up to see what Rogue had 'no wayed' about and for the second time that night, he did a double take. This time, his jaw nearly succeeded in hitting the table and his eyes widened at the sight of Scott.
Scott took a seat and began to pile food onto his plate without looking at anyone. The entire left side of his head had been shaved smooth to the point where it could have been waxed.
Evan and Kurt glanced at each other and erupted into laughter.
"Dude you have *got* to be kidding me," Evan said, still laughing.
Scott looked up, but not at Evan. Instead he stared straight at Lance, though it was hard to tell through the ruby quartz.
"I figured this is the only type of apology you'd listen to. Truce?"
Lance stared at Scott in disbelief. He could take this two ways. One; he could tell Scott to shove it with his lame attempts at being heroic and trying to come across as the good guy. Or two; he could shake Scott's hand and get over the feud between them. 'Ah, what the hell? There's too much to worry about anyway.'
"Truce."
Pietro raised an eyebrow at Lance, but didn't comment. He was obviously thinking along the lines of Lance's first option.
The professor beamed at the two oldest boys. "Now that's more like it. And I must say Scott, such a fine style is very becoming on you."
Everyone except Todd and Pietro laughed and went back to their food. Todd was lost in thought and hadn't really been paying attention to anyone. Pietro was too annoyed with Scott to laugh at the moment. Besides, it didn't seem appropriate to be laughing when your best friend had a tumor.
~*~*~*~*~*~
In an odd sort of daze, Pietro headed to the kitchen and got himself some water. He glanced at the clock and noted he had run longer than usual. It was now two in the morning. He collapsed into a chair, his chest heaving as he forced air into his lungs. He clenched his eyes shut and an odd sort of rage surfaced. 'Why can't I stop!'
He gripped his glass tighter and then, with a roar of frustration, sent it hurtling toward the wall. It shattered and the tiny pieces rained down onto the tile floor.
Not having the energy to be angry, he let himself sink into a more somber mode. He wasn't sleeping much anymore. It was as though the instant he *wanted* to stop running, it got worse. The more he told himself to stop, the harder it became. For close to an hour, he sat and stared aimlessly out the window, feeling more like he was dreaming than awake. He barely moved until the soft click of the door handle made him jump.
A very groggy Rogue stumbled around the kitchen in search of a drink. She winced as she stepped onto the broken shards of glass that Pietro hadn't bothered to pick up. Muttering to herself, Rogue hopped on one foot towards the light switch and flipped it on.
"Pietro!" She gasped and lost her balance when Pietro's presence was suddenly illuminated, "What are you *doing?*"
Pietro looked over at her and shook his head. "Careful. There's glass over there."
Rogue glared at the speed king and picked herself up off the floor. She was about to yell at him when she caught a clear glimpse of his face. Her expression softened.
"Go ahead and ask me. I know you want to." His voice was low and somewhat hollow.
"Ask ya what?"
"If I'm ok."
Rogue looked at Pietro intently for a few moments and then headed toward the pile of glass. She began to pick up the broken pieces and discard them into the garbage can.
"Ah already know the answer ta that so why should Ah bother askin?"
"What makes you think you know me so well Miss Rogue? You think you know *so* much," Pietro's voice was void of its usual sarcasm, though it was obvious that was what he had been aiming for. He was too tired to play his own game at the moment though.
Rogue tilted her head and peered up at the silver haired boy sitting at the table like a rag doll. 'Well this is...different.' Pietro always truncated conversations that touched on emotions immediately. He never attempted to make them move forward by edging the questioner on, nor did he sit like that. Pietro always carried himself like he was king of whatever room he was standing in, even though Rogue saw straight through the disguise. But tonight, he wasn't even attempting to feign confidence.
"Ah'd know a lot more if you'd clue me in once in a while."
"I told you. I..."
"Don't talk about stuff. Yeah, yeah, Ah know."
Pietro glared at the goth. He wanted more than anything to be mad at her, to be so livid that he could bring himself to scream at her and make her feel guilty for trying to pry into his thoughts when he was most vulnerable. He always felt that he wouldn't have the emotional strength to stand up to even a joke after he ran, and tonight it was particularly bad.
Images of Todd waking up and not finding Pietro in the bunk below him or Lance looking to the speed demon for support and not finding any, kept playing out in his head with graphic detail. The guilt, among about a thousand other things, was eating away at him at the moment and he knew that if Rogue kept hanging around he wouldn't be able to keep it all in check.
Rogue watched carefully as Pietro avoided her eyes and stared straight over her shoulder. 'He's not even trying to pretend he's ok.' It suddenly dawned on her that if she was ever going to get Pietro to tell her something, *anything,* it was going to be now.
"Ya need ta talk about stuff Pietro. If ya don't, you'll just...lose it."
"Ha! This from the mistress of isolation. Don't be a hypocrite Rogue."
"Ah *do* confide in someone when Ah have to, thank you very much!" she shot back.
"Well I'll be the judge of when I have to confide in someone then! I can handle this Rogue!" He said it more to convince himself than Rogue, but he didn't believe it. He used to; but not anymore.
"Liar!"
"Am not!"
"Pietro ya can't do this alone!"
"Watch me!" he roared, standing up. 'I will not let her get to me. I will not let her get to me. I will not let her get to me...'
"You're gonna end up hurting yourself!" Rogue stood as well and her eyes blazed. 'I will not strangle the stubborn fool, I will not strangle the stubborn fool...'
"TOO LATE!"
The room fell silent and Pietro immediately noted his mistake. Rogue leaned forward on the table and forced him to look her in the eyes.
"What do ya mean?" she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
"Nothin."
"Don't screw with me Pietro! What. Did. You. Mean," although firm, Rogue kept her voice soft.
Pietro forced himself to concentrate on taking deep and controlled breaths. He could feel the foreign lump lodging itself in the back of his throat and knew opening his mouth was going to be risky.
"I meant," he paused and took a *very* deep breath, he was *not* going to lose control, "that I already hurt myself. Happy?"
"How?"
"Running. Running until I can't breath and my lungs burn, until my calve muscles feel like they've been ripped off the bone, until I burn off so much fat and muscle that I'm almost never warm anymore. The long sleeves are to keep me warm as well as hide how disgusting I look Rogue."
Rogue closed her eyes tightly for a second, then bore them into Pietro's again. 'Don't scream at him. He's hurt and sick and if you scream at him he's gonna shut down again.'
"Pietro, you have to stop. You..."
"Don't you think I've *tried!* It didn't start out this bad! I used to be ab..." he cut himself off abruptly as the lump in his throat became too much to handle. He looked at Rogue for a few seconds, then turned to leave. He wasn't going to give in.
"Pietro...please don't..."
He continued to ignore her and slowly continued to make his way to the door. It wouldn't occur to him until days later that *slowly* walking away was odd for him. He later realized that it was because part of him knew he had to stay in the room until either him or Rogue gave in.
"Damn you! You're running away again. Does it really help to just run away from it all? Physically, emotionally...Todd even does it mentally! Have ya noticed that Lance is doing halfway decent? Wanna know why?"
Pietro paused but still didn't turn around.
"Cuz he's tryin ta face things," Rogue said calming down slightly.
The two mutants stood in the kitchen, Pietro's back still to Rogue, leaning against the doorframe. Two solid minutes crept by and Rogue waited. It was in Pietro's court now.
"You know what I wish?"
Rogue took a few steps toward him. She could barely hear him.
"I wish I could be seven years old again."
Rogue's eyes widened as the silver haired prince of speed, master of the smirk, and king of self confidence broke down in front of her. She had no idea what his wish had to do with anything, but that wasn't important at the moment. What mattered now was that Pietro had just slid down along the wall and silent tears were falling down his face. He was staring at the ceiling in a failing attempt to keep the liquid from making it's way out of his tear ducts.
She started to move toward him and then cursed to herself. 'Short sleeves and no gloves. Perfect'
"Pietro, promise me you won't move until I get back."
Still staring upward and biting his lip, Pietro nodded.
Rogue raced through the halls and up the stairs to her room in record time. Grabbing the first pair of gloves she could find and an oversized sweatshirt, she headed back to the kitchen.
As promised, Pietro hadn't moved. He had given up on keeping his tears back and his face was now red and streaked with salty liquid. Rogue kneeled down next to the trembling boy and forced him to look up at her.
"No one's ever told you it's ok ta cry have they?"
Pietro stared at her for a few seconds and shrugged, not seeing the point in her question.
"Ah'm serious. It's important. It *is* ok to cry. You need ta know that."
Pietro hesitated, then wrapped his arms fiercely around Rogue. He had no recollection of ever crying like this-- clinging to someone as though his life depended on it and letting his pain bleed from his eyes and into someone else's shoulder– but he somehow knew that he didn't need to be ashamed about it at the moment.
"Inevermeanttohurtanyone...IneverwantedWandato...goaway...Dadhates...ussomuchnow...andiwassuchajerkoffto...Evanwhenhewastheonlythingthat...keptmegoinginmiddleschool...peoplearesofullofcrapRogue...I...I..."
Rogue didn't have a clue what Pietro was talking about it. One, he was going so fast that she couldn't decipher it. Two, he was sobbing loudly now and was choking on every word. And three, he was spouting completely random stuff that didn't seem to have any relevance to anything. She gently shushed him and let him cry all he wanted and needed.
Eventually, Pietro's mumbling confused even himself, and he just held on to Rogue's slim waist for all he was worth until at last his sobbing subsided into silent tears.
"Feel better?" Rogue asked softly.
Pietro thought about it for a minute then nodded slowly, his cheek still pressed into Rogue's shoulder. "Sorta. I just wish... I dunno."
"Hey, none of that now. No more Mr. Aloof."
He sighed and sat up straighter, wiping his face with the back of his hand. "I wish someone could understand. I can't put this crap into words. Even if I could describe it, they still wouldn't feel the same thing I'm feeling. Just pity...and I don't want pity. That's why I have to deal with stuff alone ok?"
"No, it's not ok."
The two teenagers just looked at each other for a minute, not really knowing what to say. Pietro was beginning to feel incredibly dumb for losing his cool, and the tears were still falling quietly.
"Pietro," Rogue's voice was barely audible, "There *is* someone who can understand."
Pietro shook his head. "Rogue...no, there really isn't. I just told you, I can't even explain stuff to people so how..."
"Ah'm serious. My powers."
"Huh?"
"Ah take memories, thoughts, emotions, everythang. It's like you're literally inside my head. Ah'm kinda surprised ya didn't know that."
Pietro blinked at Rogue a few times and gave her a blank look. "You never went into that much detail. Haven't you touched me before though?"
"Yeah, but you were focused on different things, and I didn't hold on too long. Right now you're focused on your memories and emotions. Get it?"
"Yes," he said slowly, "But...you'll feel what I feel? All the pain? Everything?"
"Pretty much. Except now Ah'm a lot better at differentiating my own thoughts from the people's Ah touch. Ah could keep it under control."
"I don't think I want to do that to you."
"Would it make you feel like you weren't in this alone?" she asked, crossing her arms defiantly.
"Probably, but,"
"Then Ah'm not giving ya a choice. Listen ta me Pietro, you need someone ta help you right now and Ah'm not letting you ignore that."
Pietro looked down at the tile floor and thought about what Rogue had said. 'Maybe she's right. Or maybe I'm too exhausted at the moment to think straight. But either way, if it means I can stop hurting myself...if I can feel freaking normal again...even just a *little* normal...'
"Alright."
The two of them stood up, went out to the lounge, and took a seat on the couch. Rogue slid her glove off and rested it close to Pietro's face.
"This won't be pleasant," she warned.
"Yeah, I remember that much. You're sure you don't mind doing this?"
Instead of answering him, Rogue gently touched her bare fingertips to his cheek. Pietro winced and let out a slight groan as his life force was sucked into the goth's fingers. She held on for as long as she dared, then pulled her hand back. Pietro's eyes rolled back into his head and he slumped into the couch.
Rogue clamped her hands over her head and focused intently on the new thoughts swirling in her head. Carefully, she made sure to keep her own thoughts separate, but at the same time she let Pietro's thoughts and memories effect her emotions.
"Holy shit Pietro..." she whispered, clenching her eyes shut tighter, tears beginning to form in the corners of them, "Why you?"
AN; Mmmmk...please let me know what you think of this, cuz like I said, I've got mixed feelings about it. So yeah, I will be explaining Pietro's outbursts (like his hyper speed stuff he was mumbling about...and what Rogue saw when she got his memories...ext ext) throughout the fic...I didnt want him to like spill it all once. It didn't seem like something he was ready to do just yet and it wouldnt have flowed well if id tried to write it all out at once. So, anyone pissed that Lance wasn't there for this? Umm...another thing...If there's anything you'd like to see happen...just mention it. Not saying I'll do it or anything, but I'm always willing to take ideas. Also, I'm gonna start throwing in just some random interaction scenes with the boys and the X-Kids.... Pretty please review...it makes my day :) Thanks.
Now for everybody's favorite thing...Review responses! (Actually, I have no idea if these annoy ppl or if they like my rambling...but whatever. You guys take the time to review for me so I'm gonna take the time to respond)
KS Fan- *Grins* Yeah, Evan grabbing the clippers was what I liked best about that scene too. Funny how the stuff I end up liking the best is the stuff I come up with randomly...not the stuff I think out really carefully and stuff. Joyride is prolly my fav now too...and uhh...last but not least, excellent rule...if I ever stray from it...send me red flags lol.
Maikafuiniel- I've got it! He can keep his eyes shut and Kitty can just phase them through his lids :) lol
SilverFox1- Yes, I agree too *sigh* lol. I actually went back and forth about my no German bad German statement...and I just decided to go with it. I'll either take Jack B up on his offer to translate in the future, or just not use it. I haven't decided if I'll need to yet. And don't worry, the emotional problems aren't going anywhere (I've got plans for Pietro and daddy dearest hehe...poor guy) Also, it's summer, so the guys wont get school reactions to their hair...but I've got an idea for some public humiliation for em lol.
RogueFanKC- Nah, I'm not gonna make Fred evil. It may seem that way at first...but don't worry, he's got a whole bunch of problems of his own hehe. And thanks for calling me talented :) Boosts thee old self esteem.
JKJ- Yes, I *twitch* had problems with *twitch* that myself lol. But I just had to! It...yeah, *sigh* It'll be back by the end of the fic lol...his hair grows fast I've decided hehe. I'm glad u liked the evan/rogue/pietro scene cuz it was just kinda random...but thatll be happening a lot more often now...so good that u liked it lol. Yay about the accents...man those are annoying lol. I realized that I'm prolly gonna be bringing Gambit in eventually and uhhh O.o yeah. Anywho...yeah Sam is cannonball...I'll try to put notes in when I use new recruits...I had to go look them up lol.
MiricleChick- Yeah, he didn't deserve the butt kicking...but I just *had* to! Lol. And what's LMAO mean?
Jack B. Nimble- I may take u up on your translation offer :) Like I told silver...I take it back now lol. And I'm liking your fic btw...just a note.
Marye- Although a great idea...I think I've officially decided im not gonna kill anyone. (Well..not officially, but pretty sure...? lol) And don't worry about me understanding the 1 am philosophies after pathetic highschool days...I'm well acquainted with them lol. And uh... "virgin suicide?" never heard of it...
So...three million zillion words later...I give you...
Chapter 10- Losing It
Lance glanced at the clock on his bedside table and groaned. It was time to go down to dinner and he felt horrible. His head was throbbing and some of the medication Hank had given him was definitely not being friendly. What the medication was for-- Lance couldn't remember. Hank was using so much medical jargon with him that Lance had lost track of what he was taking and why, and had decided to trust the Beast rather than try to figure it all out.
Deciding that maybe he could at least stand the smell of food, Lance forced himself out of bed and towards the dinning room. He groggily took a random seat, ending up between Evan and Ray. Everyone had already begun eating and he amused himself with the idea of taking a nap in the mashed potatoes sitting in front of him. They looked a lot more comfortable than his hard back, wooden, chair.
"Hey Lance, pass the carrots would ya?"
It registered somewhere in his medicine fried head that Pietro had been the one to make the request and he started to hand the bowl to his friend when he suddenly froze, still holding the carrots. His mouth opened slightly as he looked at Pietro.
"Um, Lance, your elbow is in my chicken. I was kinda planning on eating that," Evan said, pulling his plate away from Lance, who sure enough, had stuck his arm in the center of Evan's barbequed chicken thigh.
Lance glanced at Evan then did a double take. Both Evan and Pietro were looking at him as though they had no idea what was so phenomenal. He heard Amara giggle from across the table and she quickly looked down at her plate, still grinning. Lance began to scan the table and his jaw became even more slack.
Kitty was staring at Kurt with a mixture of horror and admiration. He followed her gaze and noticed that a large chunk of Kurt's hair was missing as well. He was seemingly oblivious to Lance's stares as he continued to devour his food. Lance's eyes continued along the rows of chairs and took in Todd, Sam, and Bobby (who was too busy trying to get Amara's attention to notice Lance's steady regard).
"Dr. McCoy," Lance said, his throat dry, "I think you need to put me on some different medication. Whatever you've got me on is making me hallucinate."
Hank merely grinned.
"I'm serious. If you knew what I was seeing... you would think so too."
The table erupted into giggles.
"Lance, we see it too," Rogue said, grinning, "They look nihce don't they?"
Lance stared from one shaved head to the next, his mouth still hanging open. He seriously couldn't believe it. He knew Todd and Pietro cared about him, it was one of the few things he could count on when life sucked, but it amazed him that even his former enemies would do something like this for him.
"Lance?" Kitty said, pulling him from his stupor, "You had *better* appreciate this."
She turned back to Kurt and the look on her face was not one of great pleasure. She had almost fainted when the German had entered the room with a chunk of his gorgeous blue hair missing.
"Guys...that's...this's really... it's really cool of you."
Grinning, the five boys looked up at Lance then went back to their food.
"You just better hope I don't lose a girlfriend over it," Kurt said, narrowing his eyes briefly at Kitty.
Kitty blushed and mumbled something that sounded like an apology into the table cloth.
Lance, still in a numb state of shock, began to clean his barbeque covered elbow when a collective gasp filled the room.
"No way. No freakin way!"
Lance looked up to see what Rogue had 'no wayed' about and for the second time that night, he did a double take. This time, his jaw nearly succeeded in hitting the table and his eyes widened at the sight of Scott.
Scott took a seat and began to pile food onto his plate without looking at anyone. The entire left side of his head had been shaved smooth to the point where it could have been waxed.
Evan and Kurt glanced at each other and erupted into laughter.
"Dude you have *got* to be kidding me," Evan said, still laughing.
Scott looked up, but not at Evan. Instead he stared straight at Lance, though it was hard to tell through the ruby quartz.
"I figured this is the only type of apology you'd listen to. Truce?"
Lance stared at Scott in disbelief. He could take this two ways. One; he could tell Scott to shove it with his lame attempts at being heroic and trying to come across as the good guy. Or two; he could shake Scott's hand and get over the feud between them. 'Ah, what the hell? There's too much to worry about anyway.'
"Truce."
Pietro raised an eyebrow at Lance, but didn't comment. He was obviously thinking along the lines of Lance's first option.
The professor beamed at the two oldest boys. "Now that's more like it. And I must say Scott, such a fine style is very becoming on you."
Everyone except Todd and Pietro laughed and went back to their food. Todd was lost in thought and hadn't really been paying attention to anyone. Pietro was too annoyed with Scott to laugh at the moment. Besides, it didn't seem appropriate to be laughing when your best friend had a tumor.
~*~*~*~*~*~
In an odd sort of daze, Pietro headed to the kitchen and got himself some water. He glanced at the clock and noted he had run longer than usual. It was now two in the morning. He collapsed into a chair, his chest heaving as he forced air into his lungs. He clenched his eyes shut and an odd sort of rage surfaced. 'Why can't I stop!'
He gripped his glass tighter and then, with a roar of frustration, sent it hurtling toward the wall. It shattered and the tiny pieces rained down onto the tile floor.
Not having the energy to be angry, he let himself sink into a more somber mode. He wasn't sleeping much anymore. It was as though the instant he *wanted* to stop running, it got worse. The more he told himself to stop, the harder it became. For close to an hour, he sat and stared aimlessly out the window, feeling more like he was dreaming than awake. He barely moved until the soft click of the door handle made him jump.
A very groggy Rogue stumbled around the kitchen in search of a drink. She winced as she stepped onto the broken shards of glass that Pietro hadn't bothered to pick up. Muttering to herself, Rogue hopped on one foot towards the light switch and flipped it on.
"Pietro!" She gasped and lost her balance when Pietro's presence was suddenly illuminated, "What are you *doing?*"
Pietro looked over at her and shook his head. "Careful. There's glass over there."
Rogue glared at the speed king and picked herself up off the floor. She was about to yell at him when she caught a clear glimpse of his face. Her expression softened.
"Go ahead and ask me. I know you want to." His voice was low and somewhat hollow.
"Ask ya what?"
"If I'm ok."
Rogue looked at Pietro intently for a few moments and then headed toward the pile of glass. She began to pick up the broken pieces and discard them into the garbage can.
"Ah already know the answer ta that so why should Ah bother askin?"
"What makes you think you know me so well Miss Rogue? You think you know *so* much," Pietro's voice was void of its usual sarcasm, though it was obvious that was what he had been aiming for. He was too tired to play his own game at the moment though.
Rogue tilted her head and peered up at the silver haired boy sitting at the table like a rag doll. 'Well this is...different.' Pietro always truncated conversations that touched on emotions immediately. He never attempted to make them move forward by edging the questioner on, nor did he sit like that. Pietro always carried himself like he was king of whatever room he was standing in, even though Rogue saw straight through the disguise. But tonight, he wasn't even attempting to feign confidence.
"Ah'd know a lot more if you'd clue me in once in a while."
"I told you. I..."
"Don't talk about stuff. Yeah, yeah, Ah know."
Pietro glared at the goth. He wanted more than anything to be mad at her, to be so livid that he could bring himself to scream at her and make her feel guilty for trying to pry into his thoughts when he was most vulnerable. He always felt that he wouldn't have the emotional strength to stand up to even a joke after he ran, and tonight it was particularly bad.
Images of Todd waking up and not finding Pietro in the bunk below him or Lance looking to the speed demon for support and not finding any, kept playing out in his head with graphic detail. The guilt, among about a thousand other things, was eating away at him at the moment and he knew that if Rogue kept hanging around he wouldn't be able to keep it all in check.
Rogue watched carefully as Pietro avoided her eyes and stared straight over her shoulder. 'He's not even trying to pretend he's ok.' It suddenly dawned on her that if she was ever going to get Pietro to tell her something, *anything,* it was going to be now.
"Ya need ta talk about stuff Pietro. If ya don't, you'll just...lose it."
"Ha! This from the mistress of isolation. Don't be a hypocrite Rogue."
"Ah *do* confide in someone when Ah have to, thank you very much!" she shot back.
"Well I'll be the judge of when I have to confide in someone then! I can handle this Rogue!" He said it more to convince himself than Rogue, but he didn't believe it. He used to; but not anymore.
"Liar!"
"Am not!"
"Pietro ya can't do this alone!"
"Watch me!" he roared, standing up. 'I will not let her get to me. I will not let her get to me. I will not let her get to me...'
"You're gonna end up hurting yourself!" Rogue stood as well and her eyes blazed. 'I will not strangle the stubborn fool, I will not strangle the stubborn fool...'
"TOO LATE!"
The room fell silent and Pietro immediately noted his mistake. Rogue leaned forward on the table and forced him to look her in the eyes.
"What do ya mean?" she said, her voice barely above a whisper.
"Nothin."
"Don't screw with me Pietro! What. Did. You. Mean," although firm, Rogue kept her voice soft.
Pietro forced himself to concentrate on taking deep and controlled breaths. He could feel the foreign lump lodging itself in the back of his throat and knew opening his mouth was going to be risky.
"I meant," he paused and took a *very* deep breath, he was *not* going to lose control, "that I already hurt myself. Happy?"
"How?"
"Running. Running until I can't breath and my lungs burn, until my calve muscles feel like they've been ripped off the bone, until I burn off so much fat and muscle that I'm almost never warm anymore. The long sleeves are to keep me warm as well as hide how disgusting I look Rogue."
Rogue closed her eyes tightly for a second, then bore them into Pietro's again. 'Don't scream at him. He's hurt and sick and if you scream at him he's gonna shut down again.'
"Pietro, you have to stop. You..."
"Don't you think I've *tried!* It didn't start out this bad! I used to be ab..." he cut himself off abruptly as the lump in his throat became too much to handle. He looked at Rogue for a few seconds, then turned to leave. He wasn't going to give in.
"Pietro...please don't..."
He continued to ignore her and slowly continued to make his way to the door. It wouldn't occur to him until days later that *slowly* walking away was odd for him. He later realized that it was because part of him knew he had to stay in the room until either him or Rogue gave in.
"Damn you! You're running away again. Does it really help to just run away from it all? Physically, emotionally...Todd even does it mentally! Have ya noticed that Lance is doing halfway decent? Wanna know why?"
Pietro paused but still didn't turn around.
"Cuz he's tryin ta face things," Rogue said calming down slightly.
The two mutants stood in the kitchen, Pietro's back still to Rogue, leaning against the doorframe. Two solid minutes crept by and Rogue waited. It was in Pietro's court now.
"You know what I wish?"
Rogue took a few steps toward him. She could barely hear him.
"I wish I could be seven years old again."
Rogue's eyes widened as the silver haired prince of speed, master of the smirk, and king of self confidence broke down in front of her. She had no idea what his wish had to do with anything, but that wasn't important at the moment. What mattered now was that Pietro had just slid down along the wall and silent tears were falling down his face. He was staring at the ceiling in a failing attempt to keep the liquid from making it's way out of his tear ducts.
She started to move toward him and then cursed to herself. 'Short sleeves and no gloves. Perfect'
"Pietro, promise me you won't move until I get back."
Still staring upward and biting his lip, Pietro nodded.
Rogue raced through the halls and up the stairs to her room in record time. Grabbing the first pair of gloves she could find and an oversized sweatshirt, she headed back to the kitchen.
As promised, Pietro hadn't moved. He had given up on keeping his tears back and his face was now red and streaked with salty liquid. Rogue kneeled down next to the trembling boy and forced him to look up at her.
"No one's ever told you it's ok ta cry have they?"
Pietro stared at her for a few seconds and shrugged, not seeing the point in her question.
"Ah'm serious. It's important. It *is* ok to cry. You need ta know that."
Pietro hesitated, then wrapped his arms fiercely around Rogue. He had no recollection of ever crying like this-- clinging to someone as though his life depended on it and letting his pain bleed from his eyes and into someone else's shoulder– but he somehow knew that he didn't need to be ashamed about it at the moment.
"Inevermeanttohurtanyone...IneverwantedWandato...goaway...Dadhates...ussomuchnow...andiwassuchajerkoffto...Evanwhenhewastheonlythingthat...keptmegoinginmiddleschool...peoplearesofullofcrapRogue...I...I..."
Rogue didn't have a clue what Pietro was talking about it. One, he was going so fast that she couldn't decipher it. Two, he was sobbing loudly now and was choking on every word. And three, he was spouting completely random stuff that didn't seem to have any relevance to anything. She gently shushed him and let him cry all he wanted and needed.
Eventually, Pietro's mumbling confused even himself, and he just held on to Rogue's slim waist for all he was worth until at last his sobbing subsided into silent tears.
"Feel better?" Rogue asked softly.
Pietro thought about it for a minute then nodded slowly, his cheek still pressed into Rogue's shoulder. "Sorta. I just wish... I dunno."
"Hey, none of that now. No more Mr. Aloof."
He sighed and sat up straighter, wiping his face with the back of his hand. "I wish someone could understand. I can't put this crap into words. Even if I could describe it, they still wouldn't feel the same thing I'm feeling. Just pity...and I don't want pity. That's why I have to deal with stuff alone ok?"
"No, it's not ok."
The two teenagers just looked at each other for a minute, not really knowing what to say. Pietro was beginning to feel incredibly dumb for losing his cool, and the tears were still falling quietly.
"Pietro," Rogue's voice was barely audible, "There *is* someone who can understand."
Pietro shook his head. "Rogue...no, there really isn't. I just told you, I can't even explain stuff to people so how..."
"Ah'm serious. My powers."
"Huh?"
"Ah take memories, thoughts, emotions, everythang. It's like you're literally inside my head. Ah'm kinda surprised ya didn't know that."
Pietro blinked at Rogue a few times and gave her a blank look. "You never went into that much detail. Haven't you touched me before though?"
"Yeah, but you were focused on different things, and I didn't hold on too long. Right now you're focused on your memories and emotions. Get it?"
"Yes," he said slowly, "But...you'll feel what I feel? All the pain? Everything?"
"Pretty much. Except now Ah'm a lot better at differentiating my own thoughts from the people's Ah touch. Ah could keep it under control."
"I don't think I want to do that to you."
"Would it make you feel like you weren't in this alone?" she asked, crossing her arms defiantly.
"Probably, but,"
"Then Ah'm not giving ya a choice. Listen ta me Pietro, you need someone ta help you right now and Ah'm not letting you ignore that."
Pietro looked down at the tile floor and thought about what Rogue had said. 'Maybe she's right. Or maybe I'm too exhausted at the moment to think straight. But either way, if it means I can stop hurting myself...if I can feel freaking normal again...even just a *little* normal...'
"Alright."
The two of them stood up, went out to the lounge, and took a seat on the couch. Rogue slid her glove off and rested it close to Pietro's face.
"This won't be pleasant," she warned.
"Yeah, I remember that much. You're sure you don't mind doing this?"
Instead of answering him, Rogue gently touched her bare fingertips to his cheek. Pietro winced and let out a slight groan as his life force was sucked into the goth's fingers. She held on for as long as she dared, then pulled her hand back. Pietro's eyes rolled back into his head and he slumped into the couch.
Rogue clamped her hands over her head and focused intently on the new thoughts swirling in her head. Carefully, she made sure to keep her own thoughts separate, but at the same time she let Pietro's thoughts and memories effect her emotions.
"Holy shit Pietro..." she whispered, clenching her eyes shut tighter, tears beginning to form in the corners of them, "Why you?"
AN; Mmmmk...please let me know what you think of this, cuz like I said, I've got mixed feelings about it. So yeah, I will be explaining Pietro's outbursts (like his hyper speed stuff he was mumbling about...and what Rogue saw when she got his memories...ext ext) throughout the fic...I didnt want him to like spill it all once. It didn't seem like something he was ready to do just yet and it wouldnt have flowed well if id tried to write it all out at once. So, anyone pissed that Lance wasn't there for this? Umm...another thing...If there's anything you'd like to see happen...just mention it. Not saying I'll do it or anything, but I'm always willing to take ideas. Also, I'm gonna start throwing in just some random interaction scenes with the boys and the X-Kids.... Pretty please review...it makes my day :) Thanks.