Part 1 Complicate you
"You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you
you let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you"
I don't know why I did it. But just seeing him there, and I felt all the heat in my body rush to my head and if I hadn't touched him I would have fainted, or something worse, felt his pain in my bones. That's one thing we've got. We can read each other like a book. No better than that. We know what the others thinking, only to cower from it of course. We know the emotions of the others face so well that if for a split second something changes we know exactly what it is, and believe me, we cower from that too. That's what we've been reduced too, cowering little children hiding from the likes of Love. Letting myself have a good snicker at that, a small low one that only Draco could ever understand. One showing how remarkably unprepared we were. The Golden Boy was in love with The Slytherin Who 'Knew All'. Totally crazy if you asked me. So I pushed him against the wall when he tried to make a joke out of it all. It's not funny it's downright obscene. What's obscene you may ask, all of it I would answer you. Knowing you still wouldn't understand, I'd laugh and walk away. It would cruel to try explaining. It was unimaginable, it was unexplainable, and it was a heaven in hell. It was burning to death in a land of ice. It was, it was everything. When I'm with him, the world tilts and I fall into his arms. I feel horrified and perfect and I'm all of a sudden back in that world of ice, where everything's on fire. He says my souls made of ice; I'm only now starting to believe him. I melt him. Just like he burns me. Just touching him now makes everything spin and I fall into his arms. Again. Sighing I reach up and ask him the only question I could ask that would mean anything.
"Why is it that you're only happy when I'm in pain? Why is it you're a dirty, immoral bastard, yet it's when I'm with you that the earth spins and I feel right?"
He just stared, I could see in his eyes the answers to my questions. I could see them swirling in his head. I could see that if he weren't so caught up in how angry I was to speak, he would have. He really should have, I was getting tired of not knowing how we got stuck with each other. But I did know didn't I. It was all the hate we had wasn't it? Bitter Irony. So I just stared back at him waiting for the answers I knew he'd never say. I got lost in the hidden pools of expression. They were ice. I felt frozen in place by them. Mesmerized. I felt him caught too, I felt him trying to look away but locked, I couldn't leave him like that. I couldn't stand it when he was weak. I'd never tell him that though, I couldn't tell him he had taken everything from me. And by everything I do mean it. He'd taken my pride, he'd taken the very me and placed it where he could get it whenever he would like. But I guess I'd done the same to him haven't I. Damn; I looked away quickly not wanting him to read my thoughts. He couldn't know that I was in pain too. When I looked back at him, still waiting for the unnecessary response to my unnecessary question, his eyes were closed. Even with his eyes closed I could feel his pain and suffering. I confused me how I had left this man so weak and fragile, just by being myself. He opened his eyes looking right into mine saying everything with just one look but I refused to except that answer, I didn't even want to know if that was the real answer. So I asked again, my anger weakening considerably under his icy gaze.
"Well? Are you even going to answer me? Are you going to come off your high horse and stop being so bloody wicked?"
His response came before I was even ready for one. Before even I had calculated the words through my mind.
"Are you sure that's what you want. Potter?" I shivered under his voice. I shivered after his use of my last name. I shivered just because he knew I didn't want the answer. There I was again, cowering from him. He was winning again, that's all this was, a sick scary game, where no one ever won. It was impossible to win. But then again, anything's possible, just being here was proving that to me. I looked straight into his eyes again; I'd dropped my gaze after he'd said my name with such the icy chill. He never used that chill. Not with me.
"Don't think you actually mean anything to me. Don't think you ever will. Don't think I want anything from this relationship that I cant get somewhere else. Don't think you mean anything."
I could literally feel the words shake him. His eyes flickered and I could feel him wanting desperately to run away from the words before they calculated his mind. I knew he knew that I was only wishing. He was now a part of me. I didn't feel right without him. It was like I was forgetting something all the time when he was away. I knew he felt the same too. I don't know how, maybe the 'Malfoy's Know All' thing was rubbing off on me.
It was times like this when I knew he wasn't playing games with me. Not an unusual thought for me. I mean, what if this was all a sick joke and he was video taping my emotions and playing them for the Slytherin house? What then? But not now, not when my lies were so visibly shaking him. Even he knew they were lies, but just the fact that I wanted them to be true was enough to bring him to near tears. The tears seemed to sooth him though, as if letting go of some pressure held deep within him. They probably were too. He spoke strongly and confidently, even though his fists were clenched so tight that the knuckles were whiter than his usually pale skin. I dropped my hands from his shoulders where they had been pressing against him. He took a deep breath and looked up into my eyes, his wet and mine not far from and spoke into my hair.
"You don't mean that Harry, the only thing that should mean nothing is love, we both know that."
"You let me violate you, you let me desecrate you
you let me penetrate you, you let me complicate you"
I don't know why I did it. But just seeing him there, and I felt all the heat in my body rush to my head and if I hadn't touched him I would have fainted, or something worse, felt his pain in my bones. That's one thing we've got. We can read each other like a book. No better than that. We know what the others thinking, only to cower from it of course. We know the emotions of the others face so well that if for a split second something changes we know exactly what it is, and believe me, we cower from that too. That's what we've been reduced too, cowering little children hiding from the likes of Love. Letting myself have a good snicker at that, a small low one that only Draco could ever understand. One showing how remarkably unprepared we were. The Golden Boy was in love with The Slytherin Who 'Knew All'. Totally crazy if you asked me. So I pushed him against the wall when he tried to make a joke out of it all. It's not funny it's downright obscene. What's obscene you may ask, all of it I would answer you. Knowing you still wouldn't understand, I'd laugh and walk away. It would cruel to try explaining. It was unimaginable, it was unexplainable, and it was a heaven in hell. It was burning to death in a land of ice. It was, it was everything. When I'm with him, the world tilts and I fall into his arms. I feel horrified and perfect and I'm all of a sudden back in that world of ice, where everything's on fire. He says my souls made of ice; I'm only now starting to believe him. I melt him. Just like he burns me. Just touching him now makes everything spin and I fall into his arms. Again. Sighing I reach up and ask him the only question I could ask that would mean anything.
"Why is it that you're only happy when I'm in pain? Why is it you're a dirty, immoral bastard, yet it's when I'm with you that the earth spins and I feel right?"
He just stared, I could see in his eyes the answers to my questions. I could see them swirling in his head. I could see that if he weren't so caught up in how angry I was to speak, he would have. He really should have, I was getting tired of not knowing how we got stuck with each other. But I did know didn't I. It was all the hate we had wasn't it? Bitter Irony. So I just stared back at him waiting for the answers I knew he'd never say. I got lost in the hidden pools of expression. They were ice. I felt frozen in place by them. Mesmerized. I felt him caught too, I felt him trying to look away but locked, I couldn't leave him like that. I couldn't stand it when he was weak. I'd never tell him that though, I couldn't tell him he had taken everything from me. And by everything I do mean it. He'd taken my pride, he'd taken the very me and placed it where he could get it whenever he would like. But I guess I'd done the same to him haven't I. Damn; I looked away quickly not wanting him to read my thoughts. He couldn't know that I was in pain too. When I looked back at him, still waiting for the unnecessary response to my unnecessary question, his eyes were closed. Even with his eyes closed I could feel his pain and suffering. I confused me how I had left this man so weak and fragile, just by being myself. He opened his eyes looking right into mine saying everything with just one look but I refused to except that answer, I didn't even want to know if that was the real answer. So I asked again, my anger weakening considerably under his icy gaze.
"Well? Are you even going to answer me? Are you going to come off your high horse and stop being so bloody wicked?"
His response came before I was even ready for one. Before even I had calculated the words through my mind.
"Are you sure that's what you want. Potter?" I shivered under his voice. I shivered after his use of my last name. I shivered just because he knew I didn't want the answer. There I was again, cowering from him. He was winning again, that's all this was, a sick scary game, where no one ever won. It was impossible to win. But then again, anything's possible, just being here was proving that to me. I looked straight into his eyes again; I'd dropped my gaze after he'd said my name with such the icy chill. He never used that chill. Not with me.
"Don't think you actually mean anything to me. Don't think you ever will. Don't think I want anything from this relationship that I cant get somewhere else. Don't think you mean anything."
I could literally feel the words shake him. His eyes flickered and I could feel him wanting desperately to run away from the words before they calculated his mind. I knew he knew that I was only wishing. He was now a part of me. I didn't feel right without him. It was like I was forgetting something all the time when he was away. I knew he felt the same too. I don't know how, maybe the 'Malfoy's Know All' thing was rubbing off on me.
It was times like this when I knew he wasn't playing games with me. Not an unusual thought for me. I mean, what if this was all a sick joke and he was video taping my emotions and playing them for the Slytherin house? What then? But not now, not when my lies were so visibly shaking him. Even he knew they were lies, but just the fact that I wanted them to be true was enough to bring him to near tears. The tears seemed to sooth him though, as if letting go of some pressure held deep within him. They probably were too. He spoke strongly and confidently, even though his fists were clenched so tight that the knuckles were whiter than his usually pale skin. I dropped my hands from his shoulders where they had been pressing against him. He took a deep breath and looked up into my eyes, his wet and mine not far from and spoke into my hair.
"You don't mean that Harry, the only thing that should mean nothing is love, we both know that."