Ok, so Has anyone ever just wanted to burn a chapter? That's kinda how I feel about the last one...like a soon as I posted it I was like ick...bad bad bad. But life must move on and I'll work with it. It pretty much just didn't go with the flow of the fic and as KS-Fan pointed out, it really didn't move the fic along...which I'm not sure this one does either, but maybe it does...(lol, ya im really not making any sense now, so moving on) After this chapter is Lance's surgery, then the chapter after that the plot just goes haywire and ill prolly confuse everyone, but ill try and sort it all out don't worry. Also, I ditched the Evan idea almost as soon as I posted...too much work when I've already got a lot going on.
Review Responses-
Nat- Umm, Remy, see...I only know evo, and as I'm sure you've noticed he's not in there much...He'll be in this fic yes, but not like in a huge role I don't think.
SilverFox1- Yes I agree, I like picking my own clothes too thank you lol. *shudders* I would NOT enjoy someone picking my clothes out for me...
Incrediblecuznz- I'm glad it made sense to you...I just didn't feel like it was as smooth as it shoulda been. But o well, least Todd has some X kids to hang out with.
Goofn1- Yeah, Lance is starting to be my favorite now too...it used to be Pietro...but now I don't know lol. Anyway, Lance and Wanda...now *that* is an intriguing idea...but it won't be happening in this fic, Lance is going to stay single, yeah yeah I know, bummer, but it's just how it has to be. *Files the Lance/Wanda idea in her future fic ideas file* And yeah, It's so easy to make Lance the bad guy where Kurt and Kitty are concerned, but I didn't want him like that. I don't think he's much of a bad guy at all really.
KS-Fan- I am so glad you put a finger on what it was that bugged me so much about the last chapter...It really didn't go anywhere..except to the mall lol. So ya, that's why I love you reviewers so much because you help me keep things on track. Please continue to do so otherwise this entire fic will spiral out of control. O and Lance's guitar thing, I was surprised to find out the other day while watching Evo that Lance *does* play the guitar. I didn't know that when I wrote it... but o well. Thanks also, for the prep info...hopefully I don't butcher any info in the surgery chapter.
MiracleChick- *whew* Tough review to swallow, but I am incredibly glad you told me all that. First off, the shallowness of the girls...Wow, to be honest, I never even thought about it...which is *bad* of me. Like big time. I took the easy way out and didn't give them any depth at all and made them all completely ridiculous. As a female (who happens to have a strong feminist side to her at times) I profoundly apologize. I simply didn't think about it and I should have. I am going to defend Evan's comment however...He was saying how much he disliked that attitude...he was mad at himself for thinking that way in the past. It's kinda my own way of making fun of middle school and even a lot of high school relationships. I am sorry it offended you and I do see what you're saying, and maybe I could've chosen different wording, but I'm not gonna take it back. Second...the romance. I could seriously hug you for reminding me of all that lol. Originally when I started this thing, Todd and Lance and pretty much Pietro (for the most part) were going to remain single throughout. I got a bunch of requests to hook them up so I started leaning that way...but no, I won't lol. As for the Rietro...I am *not* going to turn this into a 'o rogue I need your help blah blah blah' type of thing. So far, it's completely one sided, (as in Rogue's the one that likes Pietro and it's not a mutual thing) and it will stay that way for a looong time. Pietro is going to deal with himself b4 anything of that nature happens, if at all, ok? I agree with you 100% about the romance screwing them over in the long run, so I'll stay away from it.
Marye- I couldn't resist the fashion freak side of Pietro :)
Luna Fox- Why thank you :) Lol, I dunno where the scaring the kittens thing came from..it just kinda...happened lol.
Ok, so here we go...It's not as long as the others, and I'm not so sure it fits smoothly with the other chapter, but I've already established that I hated the last chapter lol.
Please review...they really make me want to keep writing this and it keeps me on track.
Chapter 13 Um, Haven't thought of a title for this one yet.
"So let me get this straight? You hurt yourself by running?" Dr. McCoy looked over at Pietro and tried not to seem too shocked by this new piece of information. He had known that Pietro was a bit of a mess, but self mutilation? It just didn't seem to fit.
Pietro shrugged and slouched lower into his seat. He hated this; absolutely despised it. He appreciated the fact that Hank acted as though they were having a normal conversation rather than a 'doctor to patient' one, but he still couldn't shake the feeling of shame that crept over him every time he spilled something to the beast.
Hank seemed to be digesting this new information and for a fleeting moment Pietro feared that Hank would tell him that his problems were beyond his ability to counsel and that the professor would be much more appropriate. He didn't however, and Pietro tried to calm his nerves.
"Well, how come?"
Pietro curled his lip and snapped his head up at Hank, briefly meeting his eyes. "You're the doctor. Aren't you supposed to tell me?"
Hank chuckled and shook his head. "No. Do you think eloquently worded theories are going to help you to help yourself? Come on now, you must have some idea why you do it."
Pietro jiggled his knee nervously and looked anywhere but at Hank. "I thought we established in out last meeting that I have serious insecurity issues."
"So you think you hurt yourself because you're insecure?" Hank asked skeptically.
"No."
"Trying to change the subject to something we've already discussed because you feel more comfortable talking about it?"
"Yep... Damn you."
"You know Pietro, just saying stuff out loud can help you realize things you didn't notice before. Like how you told Evan that you were never content being yourself, for example. As soon as you said it out loud you realized the reasons for it, didn't you?" Hank attempted to meet Pietro's reluctant gaze.
Pietro shrugged angrily and he placed a hand on his shaking leg before he began to tap it at his mutated speed. "Yeah. Because I never had someone who really cared about me. Except maybe Evan's family, but they were *his* family not mine."
"Pietro, we talked about this already. You're trying to change the subject again," Hank interrupted gently.
"Damn you," Pietro hissed, glaring at Hank.
"Pietro, the language..."
"What? Damn? Damn. Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, DAMN!" He kicked violently at the desk on the final 'damn' and settled himself back into his chair, a scowl etched on his face.
Hank removed his glasses and rubbed his brow with the back of his hand. There had been extremely smooth sessions, and extremely shaky ones. This one was proving to be an all out earthquake. Pietro had an angry streak in him and the doctor was beginning to wonder if it ran in the family.
He couldn't really blame Pietro for having trouble voicing hurt and pain. He'd been taught to see it as a weakness, as was the case with a lot of teenagers, but Pietro's absolute dread of it was almost abnormal. Trouble was, he wasn't sure how much longer the young mutant could handle himself. Hank was aware that he had let loose in front of Rogue, Pietro had offered that information voluntarily, but it wasn't enough. Rogue had her own issues to deal with and couldn't be expected to shoulder Pietro's as well.
"Dinner's going to be ready," Pietro announced, breaking the brief silence.
"It can wait," Hank said patiently, "Pietro are you still hurting yourself?"
Pietro's eyes flashed and he looked like he was ready to scream at Hank, for the thousandth time, but at the last minute he hesitated. Reluctantly, he nodded. "Not as much though. Just sometimes I can't stop myself."
"Do you even want to stop yourself?"
"Hell yeah I want to stop!" Pietro sneered. "You think I *want* to feel that much pain? Do you think I *want* to cause Todd and Lance that much pain? You know I've practically had to shove Lance's sleeping pills down his throat every night because he's afraid that if he sleeps I'll take off? You know that Todd wakes up in the night real frantic sometimes and I'm not there?" Pietro paused and took a deep breath. "Can we go down to dinner now please. I've had enough of this for one day."
Hank was about to protest when Pietro stood up, his decision made. "Sorry Dr. McCoy. I told you I was no good at this talking crap," he turned around quickly, and headed out the door to the dining room.
'Damn. I was feeling great. Doing *just fine* two days ago. I didn't even run those two nights! What the hell is up with this– this up and down thing. One day I'm up, next day I want to curl up into a ball and blow the whole freakin world to bits.'
The speedster stalked through the kitchen, took his usual seat between Evan and Rogue, and began to pile food onto his plate. He glanced over at Todd who was sitting between Rahne and Sam. It had sort of shocked him how close the toad had become with those two in such a short time, but he figured it was a good thing. Todd seemed a lot more relaxed now and he had told Pietro and Lance that his sessions with the professor had really been going well. Pietro had to admit he was jealous that Todd could just open up to baldy like that.
Lance absently gnawed on his steak and tried to pretend his head didn't feel like it was going to explode. Even with Hank's pain killers his headaches were still pretty intense. He could have kicked himself for using his powers yesterday. It had been worth it...for about five seconds.
His thoughts were cut short when Bobby suddenly slammed his glass down on the table.
"Fine!" he roared across at Amara.
"Well what does it matter?" she countered, "*You* never expressed any interest!"
"Well that's because *you* were too busy drooling over Earth Shaker and hanging all over Speedy!"
Amara glared at the IceMan and crossed her arms.
"Jeez. I wish my problems were as simple and immature as yours," Pietro said idly. He looked up suddenly, his eyes wide. He hadn't realized he was saying it out loud until it was too late.
"Well excuse me Mr. Teen Angst," Bobby snarled, "I'm terribly sorry that my problems don't measure up to yours. They must not be as important then!"
Pietro glared at Bobby, "You don't know what you're talking about so shut your mouth."
It was odd for Bobby to snap at anyone like this, but at the moment he was ready to pick a fight with the first person that presented themselves to him.
Pietro stood and began to walk out of the dinning room. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to do something other than listen to you losers." He made it halfway across the room when the scraping of a chair caught his attention.
"No way! I know what you're thinking and it's not gonna happen!"
To Pietro's surprise, Lance lunged across the room and grabbed him firmly by the arm before he had the chance to run off.
"Lance? Lance let me go!"
"Nope."
"Stop being so stupid and LET. ME. GO!"
Lance shook his head. "I know what you want to do and I'm not going to let you. I don't care if I'm creating a scene."
"COME ON LANCE!" Pietro roared. He didn't need this right now. The silver haired mutant wanted nothing more than to get away from everyone in the mansion, including himself.
Lance returned Pietro's yells with roars of his own, and before anyone knew what was happening, the two boys were screaming at each other, one in hyper speech and the other bellowing and shaking the walls, whether from his powers or the shear volume of his voice, no one knew.
Todd narrowed his eyes at the two of them and started shaking his head. "Guys. Guys! Hey!"
Neither of them heard him and continued their verbal onslaught until suddenly a thick, wet, something slapped them both hard across the face. Stunned, they turned to see what had hit them and saw Todd crouched next to them, glaring angrily.
"Uhg, sick! What the hell was that for?" Lance scowled, rubbing his cheek with his free hand.
"For you two being completely stupid yo!" Todd continued to glare at the older boys.
"Oh- for- crying- out- loud- would- you- just- shut- up-. Lance,- let- me- go!"
"No!"
The two boys began to scream at each other all over again, their voices melding together to the point where no one could decipher who was saying what. Todd clenched his fists at his side and took several deep breaths. It wasn't really his role to be the mature one or the one with the level head, but this was ridiculous.
"ENOUGH!" his voice boomed. He threw himself between Lance and Pietro and locked his knees so that he was standing at his full height. Although he still didn't make it to eye level with Lance, the difference was surprising. "What the hell is going on with you two?"
Pietro stared at Todd for a minute, but looked away. He couldn't take this, he had to get out of here, away from all their stares. He noticed that Lance's grip on his arm was looser due to Todd's surprise outburst and took his opportunity.
He pulled his arm back and put a foot up to take off but to his shock, Lance lunged for his ankles. The combined momentum of his preparation to run and Lance's arms pulling him back caused the two of them to fall to the floor with an unceremonious thud.
Pietro dug his fingers into the carpet and pressed his forehead into it as well. He bit his lip and struggled against Lance's arms that were now locked tightly around his knees, enabling him from kicking out at all. He couldn't bear this. He was laying face down on the floor with everyone staring at him and all he wanted to do was get away and hurt himself. Why he found hurting himself so utterly necessary at the moment was beyond him, but it was all he could think of at the moment.
Lance too, was aware of all the eyes on the pair of them, but he didn't care. He couldn't let Pietro do this to himself.
"Let go," Pietro pleaded, the anger gone from his voice.
"No."
"Lance, please," he whimpered, his voice muffled by the carpet. "...please, let go."
"*You* let go Tro. I mean it," Lance craned his neck to look over at the table of mutants and narrowed his eyes. Although he didn't care if they saw this, he knew Pietro would. "For crying out loud will you all stop staring! This ain't for your personal entertainment!"
Kurt suddenly appeared next to the three mutants, placed a limb on each of them, and teleported the entire group up to their room. Lance blinked a few times, getting his bearings again, and tightened his grip around Pietro's knees. He gave Kurt a thankful glance and the fury blue teen disappeared in a puff of smoke once again.
"Will one of you please tell me what's going on?" Todd said angrily. "I hate it when we fight!"
"We aren't fighting," Lance said, struggling with Pietro who was now trying frantically to free himself.
"Well you coulda fooled me yo! Pietro what the hell is wrong with you? Lance why don't you let him go?" Todd sat on the edge of Lance's bed, completely exasperated by the whole situation. He didn't know wether he was supposed to be helping Lance or Pietro.
Pietro gripped one of the bed's feet and tried to pull himself out of Lance's grasp. "You don't understand Lance! I have to!"
"Have to what?" Todd asked, "If one you doesn't explain..."
"He hurts himself Todd," Lance cut in, "when he runs."
Todd's jaw went slack as he stared numbly at the two teenagers wrestling in front of him. Pietro glanced up slightly, catching Todd's eyes and holding them. All at once he stopped struggling against Lance and went limp.
"You- you promised me. Didn't you? You promised you weren't going anywhere. Or did I make that up too? Holy..." the toad trailed off in a whisper and then looked up again, fear in his eyes, "Pietro no! You did say that right! I didn't just make it up like everything else! What are you thinking yo! I swear I...no...you *did* say it. I remember, you were right there and you told me you weren't going anywhere!" he pointed furiously at the top bunk and stared down at Pietro, "Tell me I didn't make that up too!"
Pietro turned his head away from Todd, awkwardly from his position on the floor. "You didn't make it up Todd. I promised you I wouldn't leave and I won't."
Todd sank slowly back down on Lance's bed again, staring at Pietro, awestruck. "Then...then why are you doing this to yourself?"
Pietro bit his lip and pounded his fist into the carpet. "I don't know! I can't stop it! I was fine for a couple of days and then it just all spirals out of control again. I don't understand it. I just have to ok? Lance, let me go. You just don't get it, let me go."
Lance tightened his grip and shook his head. "I *do* get it Tro. I used to do the same thing, remember?" All the anger was gone from the rock tumbler's voice as he continued to pin Pietro in place. "Trust me, I understand. You think the only way out of the hurt you feel is by replacing it with physical pain, so when things start to get too overwhelming you actually start to believe that the only way out is by cutting yourself up or in your case, running. But it won't work. It only brings more pain and makes things harder. By the time I realized that, it was almost too late, but it's not too late for you. I'm not going to let you come as close to destroying yourself as I did. Give Hank a chance, I know it's hard and I'd probably be the same way, but it'll be worth it in the long run. Talk to me, talk to Rogue. Hell, even Daniels could probably help you out with the whole dealing with accepting counseling thing. You have to trust us Tro, I know you don't do the whole trust thing very well but we'll be here for you."
Pietro pressed his forehead into the carpet yet again as tears formed in the corner of his eyes. He felt Lance loosen his grip around his legs and moved over to sit beside him, placing a hand on the speedster's shoulder. Todd came over to his other side and did the same, waiting until he was ready to get a grip on himself again.
"How long am I gonna be like this?" he said into the floor.
Lance squeezed his shoulder reassuringly, "Awhile I guess. Some days will be better than others. Same for you too Todd. It's one hell of a ride."
"Thanks for giving me something to look forward to man." Todd said sarcastically.
Pietro rolled onto his back and pulled himself into a sitting position between his two friends. He wiped his face with his sleeve and propped his arms up on his knees. "I don't get it Lance. How come you aren't a mess? We're the ones that should be helping you out right now."
"Hey don't worry about it. I'm gonna be fine, I have to be. Who else is gonna look out for you two louts?"
Pietro and Todd both frowned and looked at their feet. "Still." Todd said.
"Yeah I know," Lance sighed, "But there's no sense in worrying about it. Surgery is in two days and I won't know till then how bad things really are. McCoy says it could be just a simple matter of removing it and then recovering." He gave the two younger boys a lopsided grin, "Hey there ya go, you guys can take care of me while I'm trying to walk to the bathroom after surgery."
Pietro gave Lance a strange look and shook his head. "I find it hard to believe that you were ever as screwed up as me. I could never joke like that if I had a tumor. I'd be wallowing in self pity."
Lance shrugged, "I did at first. Then Kurt set me straight. Either I'm going to fight all the crap that happens to me or I'm just going to roll over and die, and since I already figured out I don't want to die any time soon, the decision wasn't too difficult."
"Man, we didn't even notice. How low is that," Todd said, shaking his head, "You always manage to be there for us idiots and the one time we need to be there for you, we blow it."
Lance rolled his eyes. "Quit it already will ya? You guys had bigger problems. Besides, you *did* do something for me," Lance pointed at Todd's hair and gave him a stern look. "Seriously Todd, I know you guys are there for me," he paused for minute, "Wanna know something you can help me with? Needles. I *hate* needles."
Todd and Pietro looked at Lance in surprise. "What for? They're just...needles yo."
Lance rolled his eyes. "Yeah I know. They just creep me out alright? So don't make fun of me when I throw a fit every time they shove one of those things in me."
~*~*~*~*~*~
Rogue braced herself and entered the common room that she had branded, 'the gamecube war zone.' Ever since Todd had beaten Kurt, the fuzzy one was determined to regain his throne, and she knew from experience that such tournaments could be highly intense and dangerous.
"Ahem, guys?"
The entire crowd of mutant males made no indication that they heard her, or even knew she was there. Ray and Roberto were at the controls and blasting away furiously at the small blips on the screen. Half the guys cheered while one of the boys took the lead and ended the game. Taking her opportunity while she could, Rogue jumped up on the couch behind Roberto and Ray, snatched the controllers, and stepped over the boys and in front of the TV.
"Rogue? Vaht are you doing? I'm up next to beat Ray!" Kurt whined.
"Calm down this'll just take a sec. Ya'll play this thing way to much anyway. Ya guys know how Lance has his surgery in two days? Right?"
There was several collective nods and 'yeahs' and a slight shiver from Todd who was perched on the top of the couch.
"Ok, well he's gonna hafta be sittin' around and doing a lot of nuthin for a while so Ah got an idea, but Ah need some money, and a driver," she looked pointedly at Kurt who nodded.
"So vahts za money for?" he asked.
Rogue grinned and surveyed the boys. "Well..."
~*~*~*~*~*~
Todd sat in front of the professor, trembling from head to foot. So far, his sessions had gone pretty well and he had to admit that they helped immensely, but the memories hadn't been too painful. Sure they were terrible, and no fun to relive, but none of them were too earthshattering for him. Until now.
He had moved somewhat beyond his recent blocks to the ones he had hidden long ago and didn't want to revisit ever again. The second the memory started to come back to him he would snap out of his train of thought and fight to hide the dreamlike remembrance, in the back of his mind once more.
"Todd," the professor said gently, "You know you can't keep doing this."
Todd swallowed and let his eyes dart around the room. "Yeah I know, but I don't think I'm ready for that stuff yet. I've got too much on my mind at the moment yo."
"Like what?"
Todd rolled his eyes, "You already know, so why do I gotta say it?"
Ever the patient one, Xavier didn't even bat an eye as he calmly explained to Todd for the hundredth time that saying things out loud would do him a lot more good then just expecting the professor to read his mind.
Todd sunk back into his chair and sighed. "It's Lance's surgery. I don't know how I'm gonna handle that. Let's face it prof, I'm not exactly strong enough to deal with that on top of everything else now am I? Plus Pietro is a mess too, so that doesn't help."
The professor nodded as he studied Todd. "I think maybe you should take a break for awhile then. Take some time to work through the things we've already uncovered about your past, and then after Lance's surgery we'll start back up again. By then you should be more at ease and ready to face the things that really caused you to block off all these memories."
Todd shuddered involuntarily, "That is if Lance...if he, you know, if he makes it."
"I'm not at all worried about Lance. From what Hank and Elenore have told me about the tests they've run, it should be a fairly simple operation. Unless something unexpected happens, he should come out of all this just fine."
Todd sighed and tilted his head in thought. He didn't know why he was so comfortable spewing everything to the professor. He figured that maybe it was because he was an adult and there wasn't any point in acting tough around adults. No one would want to use him if they just thought he was a weakling anyway. He almost wished he hadn't tried to act tough for Mystique, maybe then he wouldn't have gotten himself into this huge mess in the first place.
"It's just that, he's kinda what holds me and Pietro together. If it wasn't for him, we'd be either in jail, without heat or water at the house, or constantly trying to kill each other yo. Us three have the strangest relationship ever. We come off as thugs and stuff but around each other we're complete wusses. Barely an hour ago Pietro was balling his eyes out while me and Lance told him it'd be alright like some sappy, movie. We wouldn't be caught dead doing stuff like that in front of anyone else."
"I hardly think being emotional makes someone a wuss Todd. You boys have had to go through a lot together. The bonds you've created are to be expected."
Todd nodded and picked at a loose thread on the arm of the chair. Sometimes he really wished he could go back to the early days of the brotherhood, where all he had to do was act like the annoying little brother and be spared the burden that the older guys had to shoulder; like how to get money, and food, and keep out of trouble so that the authorities wouldn't split them up and shove them into foster homes. As soon as Fred went nuts though, his life of ignorant bliss was ruined. Pietro and Lance needed more help and he'd had to drop the immaturity act.
"So uh, proff man, Lance was saying that there's gonna be good days and bad days. That true?"
"How so?"
"I dunno, like some days I'll feel fine and then other days will be hell I guess. Like Pietro today, he was feeling pretty good the past couple of days and all at once he just lost it again."
The professor nodded, "I see what you mean. Yes, Lance is right, but it's all part of the process of healing."
"Yeah well the process bites."
The professor smiled and shook his head, "Yes, I agree."
"So, you really think Lance is gonna be alright?"
"I can't make any promises, but I'm not worried. Like I said, we'll take a break from your sessions until after Lance's surgery. In the mean time, just try to go on as usual. You'll get through this Todd, *that* I can promise you."
AN: Alrighty, let me know what you think pretty please. And I know that the tiny lil interlude in the middle was sorta strange...but ill get back to that next chapter. And sorry that its kinda short too. Oh yeah, one more thing, let me know if I'm over using "Yo" ok? Cuz that's a tuff one to judge I think
Review Responses-
Nat- Umm, Remy, see...I only know evo, and as I'm sure you've noticed he's not in there much...He'll be in this fic yes, but not like in a huge role I don't think.
SilverFox1- Yes I agree, I like picking my own clothes too thank you lol. *shudders* I would NOT enjoy someone picking my clothes out for me...
Incrediblecuznz- I'm glad it made sense to you...I just didn't feel like it was as smooth as it shoulda been. But o well, least Todd has some X kids to hang out with.
Goofn1- Yeah, Lance is starting to be my favorite now too...it used to be Pietro...but now I don't know lol. Anyway, Lance and Wanda...now *that* is an intriguing idea...but it won't be happening in this fic, Lance is going to stay single, yeah yeah I know, bummer, but it's just how it has to be. *Files the Lance/Wanda idea in her future fic ideas file* And yeah, It's so easy to make Lance the bad guy where Kurt and Kitty are concerned, but I didn't want him like that. I don't think he's much of a bad guy at all really.
KS-Fan- I am so glad you put a finger on what it was that bugged me so much about the last chapter...It really didn't go anywhere..except to the mall lol. So ya, that's why I love you reviewers so much because you help me keep things on track. Please continue to do so otherwise this entire fic will spiral out of control. O and Lance's guitar thing, I was surprised to find out the other day while watching Evo that Lance *does* play the guitar. I didn't know that when I wrote it... but o well. Thanks also, for the prep info...hopefully I don't butcher any info in the surgery chapter.
MiracleChick- *whew* Tough review to swallow, but I am incredibly glad you told me all that. First off, the shallowness of the girls...Wow, to be honest, I never even thought about it...which is *bad* of me. Like big time. I took the easy way out and didn't give them any depth at all and made them all completely ridiculous. As a female (who happens to have a strong feminist side to her at times) I profoundly apologize. I simply didn't think about it and I should have. I am going to defend Evan's comment however...He was saying how much he disliked that attitude...he was mad at himself for thinking that way in the past. It's kinda my own way of making fun of middle school and even a lot of high school relationships. I am sorry it offended you and I do see what you're saying, and maybe I could've chosen different wording, but I'm not gonna take it back. Second...the romance. I could seriously hug you for reminding me of all that lol. Originally when I started this thing, Todd and Lance and pretty much Pietro (for the most part) were going to remain single throughout. I got a bunch of requests to hook them up so I started leaning that way...but no, I won't lol. As for the Rietro...I am *not* going to turn this into a 'o rogue I need your help blah blah blah' type of thing. So far, it's completely one sided, (as in Rogue's the one that likes Pietro and it's not a mutual thing) and it will stay that way for a looong time. Pietro is going to deal with himself b4 anything of that nature happens, if at all, ok? I agree with you 100% about the romance screwing them over in the long run, so I'll stay away from it.
Marye- I couldn't resist the fashion freak side of Pietro :)
Luna Fox- Why thank you :) Lol, I dunno where the scaring the kittens thing came from..it just kinda...happened lol.
Ok, so here we go...It's not as long as the others, and I'm not so sure it fits smoothly with the other chapter, but I've already established that I hated the last chapter lol.
Please review...they really make me want to keep writing this and it keeps me on track.
Chapter 13 Um, Haven't thought of a title for this one yet.
"So let me get this straight? You hurt yourself by running?" Dr. McCoy looked over at Pietro and tried not to seem too shocked by this new piece of information. He had known that Pietro was a bit of a mess, but self mutilation? It just didn't seem to fit.
Pietro shrugged and slouched lower into his seat. He hated this; absolutely despised it. He appreciated the fact that Hank acted as though they were having a normal conversation rather than a 'doctor to patient' one, but he still couldn't shake the feeling of shame that crept over him every time he spilled something to the beast.
Hank seemed to be digesting this new information and for a fleeting moment Pietro feared that Hank would tell him that his problems were beyond his ability to counsel and that the professor would be much more appropriate. He didn't however, and Pietro tried to calm his nerves.
"Well, how come?"
Pietro curled his lip and snapped his head up at Hank, briefly meeting his eyes. "You're the doctor. Aren't you supposed to tell me?"
Hank chuckled and shook his head. "No. Do you think eloquently worded theories are going to help you to help yourself? Come on now, you must have some idea why you do it."
Pietro jiggled his knee nervously and looked anywhere but at Hank. "I thought we established in out last meeting that I have serious insecurity issues."
"So you think you hurt yourself because you're insecure?" Hank asked skeptically.
"No."
"Trying to change the subject to something we've already discussed because you feel more comfortable talking about it?"
"Yep... Damn you."
"You know Pietro, just saying stuff out loud can help you realize things you didn't notice before. Like how you told Evan that you were never content being yourself, for example. As soon as you said it out loud you realized the reasons for it, didn't you?" Hank attempted to meet Pietro's reluctant gaze.
Pietro shrugged angrily and he placed a hand on his shaking leg before he began to tap it at his mutated speed. "Yeah. Because I never had someone who really cared about me. Except maybe Evan's family, but they were *his* family not mine."
"Pietro, we talked about this already. You're trying to change the subject again," Hank interrupted gently.
"Damn you," Pietro hissed, glaring at Hank.
"Pietro, the language..."
"What? Damn? Damn. Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, DAMN!" He kicked violently at the desk on the final 'damn' and settled himself back into his chair, a scowl etched on his face.
Hank removed his glasses and rubbed his brow with the back of his hand. There had been extremely smooth sessions, and extremely shaky ones. This one was proving to be an all out earthquake. Pietro had an angry streak in him and the doctor was beginning to wonder if it ran in the family.
He couldn't really blame Pietro for having trouble voicing hurt and pain. He'd been taught to see it as a weakness, as was the case with a lot of teenagers, but Pietro's absolute dread of it was almost abnormal. Trouble was, he wasn't sure how much longer the young mutant could handle himself. Hank was aware that he had let loose in front of Rogue, Pietro had offered that information voluntarily, but it wasn't enough. Rogue had her own issues to deal with and couldn't be expected to shoulder Pietro's as well.
"Dinner's going to be ready," Pietro announced, breaking the brief silence.
"It can wait," Hank said patiently, "Pietro are you still hurting yourself?"
Pietro's eyes flashed and he looked like he was ready to scream at Hank, for the thousandth time, but at the last minute he hesitated. Reluctantly, he nodded. "Not as much though. Just sometimes I can't stop myself."
"Do you even want to stop yourself?"
"Hell yeah I want to stop!" Pietro sneered. "You think I *want* to feel that much pain? Do you think I *want* to cause Todd and Lance that much pain? You know I've practically had to shove Lance's sleeping pills down his throat every night because he's afraid that if he sleeps I'll take off? You know that Todd wakes up in the night real frantic sometimes and I'm not there?" Pietro paused and took a deep breath. "Can we go down to dinner now please. I've had enough of this for one day."
Hank was about to protest when Pietro stood up, his decision made. "Sorry Dr. McCoy. I told you I was no good at this talking crap," he turned around quickly, and headed out the door to the dining room.
'Damn. I was feeling great. Doing *just fine* two days ago. I didn't even run those two nights! What the hell is up with this– this up and down thing. One day I'm up, next day I want to curl up into a ball and blow the whole freakin world to bits.'
The speedster stalked through the kitchen, took his usual seat between Evan and Rogue, and began to pile food onto his plate. He glanced over at Todd who was sitting between Rahne and Sam. It had sort of shocked him how close the toad had become with those two in such a short time, but he figured it was a good thing. Todd seemed a lot more relaxed now and he had told Pietro and Lance that his sessions with the professor had really been going well. Pietro had to admit he was jealous that Todd could just open up to baldy like that.
Lance absently gnawed on his steak and tried to pretend his head didn't feel like it was going to explode. Even with Hank's pain killers his headaches were still pretty intense. He could have kicked himself for using his powers yesterday. It had been worth it...for about five seconds.
His thoughts were cut short when Bobby suddenly slammed his glass down on the table.
"Fine!" he roared across at Amara.
"Well what does it matter?" she countered, "*You* never expressed any interest!"
"Well that's because *you* were too busy drooling over Earth Shaker and hanging all over Speedy!"
Amara glared at the IceMan and crossed her arms.
"Jeez. I wish my problems were as simple and immature as yours," Pietro said idly. He looked up suddenly, his eyes wide. He hadn't realized he was saying it out loud until it was too late.
"Well excuse me Mr. Teen Angst," Bobby snarled, "I'm terribly sorry that my problems don't measure up to yours. They must not be as important then!"
Pietro glared at Bobby, "You don't know what you're talking about so shut your mouth."
It was odd for Bobby to snap at anyone like this, but at the moment he was ready to pick a fight with the first person that presented themselves to him.
Pietro stood and began to walk out of the dinning room. "If you'll excuse me, I'm going to do something other than listen to you losers." He made it halfway across the room when the scraping of a chair caught his attention.
"No way! I know what you're thinking and it's not gonna happen!"
To Pietro's surprise, Lance lunged across the room and grabbed him firmly by the arm before he had the chance to run off.
"Lance? Lance let me go!"
"Nope."
"Stop being so stupid and LET. ME. GO!"
Lance shook his head. "I know what you want to do and I'm not going to let you. I don't care if I'm creating a scene."
"COME ON LANCE!" Pietro roared. He didn't need this right now. The silver haired mutant wanted nothing more than to get away from everyone in the mansion, including himself.
Lance returned Pietro's yells with roars of his own, and before anyone knew what was happening, the two boys were screaming at each other, one in hyper speech and the other bellowing and shaking the walls, whether from his powers or the shear volume of his voice, no one knew.
Todd narrowed his eyes at the two of them and started shaking his head. "Guys. Guys! Hey!"
Neither of them heard him and continued their verbal onslaught until suddenly a thick, wet, something slapped them both hard across the face. Stunned, they turned to see what had hit them and saw Todd crouched next to them, glaring angrily.
"Uhg, sick! What the hell was that for?" Lance scowled, rubbing his cheek with his free hand.
"For you two being completely stupid yo!" Todd continued to glare at the older boys.
"Oh- for- crying- out- loud- would- you- just- shut- up-. Lance,- let- me- go!"
"No!"
The two boys began to scream at each other all over again, their voices melding together to the point where no one could decipher who was saying what. Todd clenched his fists at his side and took several deep breaths. It wasn't really his role to be the mature one or the one with the level head, but this was ridiculous.
"ENOUGH!" his voice boomed. He threw himself between Lance and Pietro and locked his knees so that he was standing at his full height. Although he still didn't make it to eye level with Lance, the difference was surprising. "What the hell is going on with you two?"
Pietro stared at Todd for a minute, but looked away. He couldn't take this, he had to get out of here, away from all their stares. He noticed that Lance's grip on his arm was looser due to Todd's surprise outburst and took his opportunity.
He pulled his arm back and put a foot up to take off but to his shock, Lance lunged for his ankles. The combined momentum of his preparation to run and Lance's arms pulling him back caused the two of them to fall to the floor with an unceremonious thud.
Pietro dug his fingers into the carpet and pressed his forehead into it as well. He bit his lip and struggled against Lance's arms that were now locked tightly around his knees, enabling him from kicking out at all. He couldn't bear this. He was laying face down on the floor with everyone staring at him and all he wanted to do was get away and hurt himself. Why he found hurting himself so utterly necessary at the moment was beyond him, but it was all he could think of at the moment.
Lance too, was aware of all the eyes on the pair of them, but he didn't care. He couldn't let Pietro do this to himself.
"Let go," Pietro pleaded, the anger gone from his voice.
"No."
"Lance, please," he whimpered, his voice muffled by the carpet. "...please, let go."
"*You* let go Tro. I mean it," Lance craned his neck to look over at the table of mutants and narrowed his eyes. Although he didn't care if they saw this, he knew Pietro would. "For crying out loud will you all stop staring! This ain't for your personal entertainment!"
Kurt suddenly appeared next to the three mutants, placed a limb on each of them, and teleported the entire group up to their room. Lance blinked a few times, getting his bearings again, and tightened his grip around Pietro's knees. He gave Kurt a thankful glance and the fury blue teen disappeared in a puff of smoke once again.
"Will one of you please tell me what's going on?" Todd said angrily. "I hate it when we fight!"
"We aren't fighting," Lance said, struggling with Pietro who was now trying frantically to free himself.
"Well you coulda fooled me yo! Pietro what the hell is wrong with you? Lance why don't you let him go?" Todd sat on the edge of Lance's bed, completely exasperated by the whole situation. He didn't know wether he was supposed to be helping Lance or Pietro.
Pietro gripped one of the bed's feet and tried to pull himself out of Lance's grasp. "You don't understand Lance! I have to!"
"Have to what?" Todd asked, "If one you doesn't explain..."
"He hurts himself Todd," Lance cut in, "when he runs."
Todd's jaw went slack as he stared numbly at the two teenagers wrestling in front of him. Pietro glanced up slightly, catching Todd's eyes and holding them. All at once he stopped struggling against Lance and went limp.
"You- you promised me. Didn't you? You promised you weren't going anywhere. Or did I make that up too? Holy..." the toad trailed off in a whisper and then looked up again, fear in his eyes, "Pietro no! You did say that right! I didn't just make it up like everything else! What are you thinking yo! I swear I...no...you *did* say it. I remember, you were right there and you told me you weren't going anywhere!" he pointed furiously at the top bunk and stared down at Pietro, "Tell me I didn't make that up too!"
Pietro turned his head away from Todd, awkwardly from his position on the floor. "You didn't make it up Todd. I promised you I wouldn't leave and I won't."
Todd sank slowly back down on Lance's bed again, staring at Pietro, awestruck. "Then...then why are you doing this to yourself?"
Pietro bit his lip and pounded his fist into the carpet. "I don't know! I can't stop it! I was fine for a couple of days and then it just all spirals out of control again. I don't understand it. I just have to ok? Lance, let me go. You just don't get it, let me go."
Lance tightened his grip and shook his head. "I *do* get it Tro. I used to do the same thing, remember?" All the anger was gone from the rock tumbler's voice as he continued to pin Pietro in place. "Trust me, I understand. You think the only way out of the hurt you feel is by replacing it with physical pain, so when things start to get too overwhelming you actually start to believe that the only way out is by cutting yourself up or in your case, running. But it won't work. It only brings more pain and makes things harder. By the time I realized that, it was almost too late, but it's not too late for you. I'm not going to let you come as close to destroying yourself as I did. Give Hank a chance, I know it's hard and I'd probably be the same way, but it'll be worth it in the long run. Talk to me, talk to Rogue. Hell, even Daniels could probably help you out with the whole dealing with accepting counseling thing. You have to trust us Tro, I know you don't do the whole trust thing very well but we'll be here for you."
Pietro pressed his forehead into the carpet yet again as tears formed in the corner of his eyes. He felt Lance loosen his grip around his legs and moved over to sit beside him, placing a hand on the speedster's shoulder. Todd came over to his other side and did the same, waiting until he was ready to get a grip on himself again.
"How long am I gonna be like this?" he said into the floor.
Lance squeezed his shoulder reassuringly, "Awhile I guess. Some days will be better than others. Same for you too Todd. It's one hell of a ride."
"Thanks for giving me something to look forward to man." Todd said sarcastically.
Pietro rolled onto his back and pulled himself into a sitting position between his two friends. He wiped his face with his sleeve and propped his arms up on his knees. "I don't get it Lance. How come you aren't a mess? We're the ones that should be helping you out right now."
"Hey don't worry about it. I'm gonna be fine, I have to be. Who else is gonna look out for you two louts?"
Pietro and Todd both frowned and looked at their feet. "Still." Todd said.
"Yeah I know," Lance sighed, "But there's no sense in worrying about it. Surgery is in two days and I won't know till then how bad things really are. McCoy says it could be just a simple matter of removing it and then recovering." He gave the two younger boys a lopsided grin, "Hey there ya go, you guys can take care of me while I'm trying to walk to the bathroom after surgery."
Pietro gave Lance a strange look and shook his head. "I find it hard to believe that you were ever as screwed up as me. I could never joke like that if I had a tumor. I'd be wallowing in self pity."
Lance shrugged, "I did at first. Then Kurt set me straight. Either I'm going to fight all the crap that happens to me or I'm just going to roll over and die, and since I already figured out I don't want to die any time soon, the decision wasn't too difficult."
"Man, we didn't even notice. How low is that," Todd said, shaking his head, "You always manage to be there for us idiots and the one time we need to be there for you, we blow it."
Lance rolled his eyes. "Quit it already will ya? You guys had bigger problems. Besides, you *did* do something for me," Lance pointed at Todd's hair and gave him a stern look. "Seriously Todd, I know you guys are there for me," he paused for minute, "Wanna know something you can help me with? Needles. I *hate* needles."
Todd and Pietro looked at Lance in surprise. "What for? They're just...needles yo."
Lance rolled his eyes. "Yeah I know. They just creep me out alright? So don't make fun of me when I throw a fit every time they shove one of those things in me."
~*~*~*~*~*~
Rogue braced herself and entered the common room that she had branded, 'the gamecube war zone.' Ever since Todd had beaten Kurt, the fuzzy one was determined to regain his throne, and she knew from experience that such tournaments could be highly intense and dangerous.
"Ahem, guys?"
The entire crowd of mutant males made no indication that they heard her, or even knew she was there. Ray and Roberto were at the controls and blasting away furiously at the small blips on the screen. Half the guys cheered while one of the boys took the lead and ended the game. Taking her opportunity while she could, Rogue jumped up on the couch behind Roberto and Ray, snatched the controllers, and stepped over the boys and in front of the TV.
"Rogue? Vaht are you doing? I'm up next to beat Ray!" Kurt whined.
"Calm down this'll just take a sec. Ya'll play this thing way to much anyway. Ya guys know how Lance has his surgery in two days? Right?"
There was several collective nods and 'yeahs' and a slight shiver from Todd who was perched on the top of the couch.
"Ok, well he's gonna hafta be sittin' around and doing a lot of nuthin for a while so Ah got an idea, but Ah need some money, and a driver," she looked pointedly at Kurt who nodded.
"So vahts za money for?" he asked.
Rogue grinned and surveyed the boys. "Well..."
~*~*~*~*~*~
Todd sat in front of the professor, trembling from head to foot. So far, his sessions had gone pretty well and he had to admit that they helped immensely, but the memories hadn't been too painful. Sure they were terrible, and no fun to relive, but none of them were too earthshattering for him. Until now.
He had moved somewhat beyond his recent blocks to the ones he had hidden long ago and didn't want to revisit ever again. The second the memory started to come back to him he would snap out of his train of thought and fight to hide the dreamlike remembrance, in the back of his mind once more.
"Todd," the professor said gently, "You know you can't keep doing this."
Todd swallowed and let his eyes dart around the room. "Yeah I know, but I don't think I'm ready for that stuff yet. I've got too much on my mind at the moment yo."
"Like what?"
Todd rolled his eyes, "You already know, so why do I gotta say it?"
Ever the patient one, Xavier didn't even bat an eye as he calmly explained to Todd for the hundredth time that saying things out loud would do him a lot more good then just expecting the professor to read his mind.
Todd sunk back into his chair and sighed. "It's Lance's surgery. I don't know how I'm gonna handle that. Let's face it prof, I'm not exactly strong enough to deal with that on top of everything else now am I? Plus Pietro is a mess too, so that doesn't help."
The professor nodded as he studied Todd. "I think maybe you should take a break for awhile then. Take some time to work through the things we've already uncovered about your past, and then after Lance's surgery we'll start back up again. By then you should be more at ease and ready to face the things that really caused you to block off all these memories."
Todd shuddered involuntarily, "That is if Lance...if he, you know, if he makes it."
"I'm not at all worried about Lance. From what Hank and Elenore have told me about the tests they've run, it should be a fairly simple operation. Unless something unexpected happens, he should come out of all this just fine."
Todd sighed and tilted his head in thought. He didn't know why he was so comfortable spewing everything to the professor. He figured that maybe it was because he was an adult and there wasn't any point in acting tough around adults. No one would want to use him if they just thought he was a weakling anyway. He almost wished he hadn't tried to act tough for Mystique, maybe then he wouldn't have gotten himself into this huge mess in the first place.
"It's just that, he's kinda what holds me and Pietro together. If it wasn't for him, we'd be either in jail, without heat or water at the house, or constantly trying to kill each other yo. Us three have the strangest relationship ever. We come off as thugs and stuff but around each other we're complete wusses. Barely an hour ago Pietro was balling his eyes out while me and Lance told him it'd be alright like some sappy, movie. We wouldn't be caught dead doing stuff like that in front of anyone else."
"I hardly think being emotional makes someone a wuss Todd. You boys have had to go through a lot together. The bonds you've created are to be expected."
Todd nodded and picked at a loose thread on the arm of the chair. Sometimes he really wished he could go back to the early days of the brotherhood, where all he had to do was act like the annoying little brother and be spared the burden that the older guys had to shoulder; like how to get money, and food, and keep out of trouble so that the authorities wouldn't split them up and shove them into foster homes. As soon as Fred went nuts though, his life of ignorant bliss was ruined. Pietro and Lance needed more help and he'd had to drop the immaturity act.
"So uh, proff man, Lance was saying that there's gonna be good days and bad days. That true?"
"How so?"
"I dunno, like some days I'll feel fine and then other days will be hell I guess. Like Pietro today, he was feeling pretty good the past couple of days and all at once he just lost it again."
The professor nodded, "I see what you mean. Yes, Lance is right, but it's all part of the process of healing."
"Yeah well the process bites."
The professor smiled and shook his head, "Yes, I agree."
"So, you really think Lance is gonna be alright?"
"I can't make any promises, but I'm not worried. Like I said, we'll take a break from your sessions until after Lance's surgery. In the mean time, just try to go on as usual. You'll get through this Todd, *that* I can promise you."
AN: Alrighty, let me know what you think pretty please. And I know that the tiny lil interlude in the middle was sorta strange...but ill get back to that next chapter. And sorry that its kinda short too. Oh yeah, one more thing, let me know if I'm over using "Yo" ok? Cuz that's a tuff one to judge I think