Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VIII and all its characters is property of Squaresoft.
Twilight by remote_mine
Chapter Two – Defaeco
Squall felt those long suppressed emotions wash over him. An unearthly calm settled over his body, making him relax his tense muscles. The nightmare that had haunted him continuously after she had left him claimed him yet once again, making him uneasily lose his consciousness. It made him think. It made him remember.
What did I do to deserve this?
His nightmare returned to him. It used to be only one of his unforgotten memories of the Sorceress War, but that was before she left. Now it only came to haunt him.
Space. When he had ejected himself from the escape pod and went after her, guiding her to the Ragnarok that was when he had admitted to himself that he actually cared for her. He knew he couldn't understand the emotions that he felt for her, but he struggled to clear up his confusion. And that's when he knew.
On some subconscious level deeply hidden, he knew he loved her. There was no turning back at that point. It explained why it hurt so much when she had wanted to go with the Estharian soldiers to have her powers sealed. He didn't want her to go, because unknowingly he felt the love that he had for the young, raven-haired sorceress.
The world didn't matter; only she did.
He honored her wishes on the sole fact that it seemed like she really wanted it, but his heart knew better. His brain only caught up when he realized how glad he was when he had gone to rescue her and saw her with her arms outstretched, to embrace him. That was the closest anyone had ever been to him since Sis left. And the memory faded to that of when he found himself in her embrace in the middle of the flower field, feeling so tired yet content with her by his side.
The moment when he had finally admitted to himself that maybe people couldn't live their life while shutting everyone out. He had tried, and he had failed. He needed someone to help him. She was the one who got him out of time compression.
He needed her. And after all these years, he still needed her.
It was like an infection; his reliance on her ate away at him, leaving him a shadow of his former self. No one truly knew what had happened when she walked out. He wasn't just hurt, or felt as if his soul was torn in two; he died. Then and there, he had already given up.
The promise she had made gave him hope, but after a few months it had faded away. A false hope and half a year later, his mind had believed that she was never coming back. His heart finally believed it too. He had stubbornly clung onto her words those first months when he believed that she would show up again someday, and he could wrap his arms around her, hold her, kiss her, and she would never leave him again.
Cold reality slapped him on the face when one day, he admitted to himself that she wasn't coming back. And that was when his spirit died. His body was functional; his habits were so engrained that he would eat and sleep without him even consciously thinking about it.
The other part of him died. The part that had thought that she was right when she had said that no one can go through life alone. The part that had trusted her when she had said that she wasn't going to leave him. The part that had loved her.
Only his physical body remained. And this shell of the former SeeD Commander was there to give her a final message. After that, he didn't care what happened. Even if Rinoa stabbed him through the heart, he wouldn't care. He would welcome death with open arms. The willingness to live on that he had only felt with her had dissipated along with her presence leaving Balamb Garden. Before he met her, he had been lost. Now, the only person he cared for left him, and it was even worse than death. Nothing in the world mattered to him anymore. The temptation was there. One single little cut, and all his problems would be over.
I don't feel anything anymore, so what's the point? If she came back now, it's probably too late. Pick up my gunblade, slash my left wrist. The pain would probably not even make an impact on my senses. I had cared so much, I lost it all. I can't feel anything anymore. But he couldn't. He knew he couldn't. Not yet, at least.
~-~
Those same dreams had changed into something else. It was like darkness. A darkness that ate at her, leaving her hopeless and vulnerable. And nothing could stop it. Those dreams that plagued her ever since she left; now, they had changed. They were different. An odd sense of foreboding filled her as she watched with horror at the events unfolding.
This was what the future would hold. But I must stop it.
The dream, no, nightmare, that filled her mind was one that shook her through and through. But she could never remember the jarring impact it had on her emotions when she woke up.
Her eyes trailed down to the slash in his chest while she was frozen, not a foot away from him. And she couldn't do anything as the blood gushed out of that fatal wound, taking his life away from him. She felt the horror as her mind felt his spirit receding from her connection with him, leaving an emptiness that couldn't be characterized by mere words. Then the darkness covered him, leaving behind only the stained ground that mocked her for her failure.
The scene before her eyes suddenly vanished entirely as her mind was filled with the sensations of morning. Rinoa groaned as she lazily opened her eyes, looking around and slowly remembering where she was.
Timber.
Her life spent away from home was here, where she had most of her good memories. Her father, General Caraway, was so overprotective during her childhood that she felt something was missing. And she found it in Timber, after she had run away from home. She found her freedom here away from regulations and fame.
Getting up, she remembered the long train ride that had taken her from Winhill hours ago, to find Balamb Garden. It was constantly on the move since they had found it was mobile, and it was never in the same place for too long in fear of terrorist attacks. So she had to find out where it was and get to it before it moved too far. She could contact them, but she wasn't sure if they would even want to pick her up. Quickly dressing, she sighed as she walked into the bathroom of the hotel that she had stayed at overnight. Her memories came back again as she remembered the fight that she had with Squall over at the TV station. Those words he said had stung her deeply.
"How serious are you ...? Really ...? The three of you plop down on the floor to discuss strategy? On top of that, you can't make a decision without our input, right? How do you think we feel, working for such an organization?"
And she remembered the bitterness that lingered in her throat at his insult that was probably unintentional, but was still there. She cared so much about her resistance group, even if she had dragged Squall into it for the sole purpose of doing what Seifer wanted. It's not a game. It was never a game. Those were her thoughts that she remembered when she was talking to Squall about Forest Owl. And now I made things worse. For everyone. My stupid little game with Seifer.
Finishing packing, she checked out of the hotel and walked toward the train station. If anywhere, the best place to start looking would be Fisherman's Horizon. That was where Balamb Garden was normally docked after they had the Ragnarok.
She shuddered as another memory that she had long cherished and had loathed at the same time came up.
The Ragnarok.
When Squall had comforted her by just being there, holding her even though he cringed at physical contact. And that was when she knew that her feelings for Squall had progressed far more than 'I want to get close to him to make him open up.' Then it was, she knew. And she knew what she felt for the SeeD that was with her, comforting her.
She felt her love for him. Not love like a friend's, but one of wanting to know the person so intimately that there would be no bounds between them. She knew how much it would hurt to leave him. So she opted for the easy way out. She chose to be sealed away, so she couldn't hurt Squall and herself anymore.
Being a sorceress was her explanation of her decision to him. And when Squall had rescued her from the Sorceress Memorial, she was half-torn between staying so she wouldn't hurt them, and also being happy that he had come for her.
That was the moment when their hearts had found each other, one short moment and one long eternity. The way he hugged her and stroked her hair almost made tears escape from her eyes as she was struck by how much he cared. For her. Not for anyone else, but for her. And she had let it all go.
Now was her second chance, and she wasn't going to let it escape from her grasp. When she believed that she was right in leaving Squall, it was a lie. She knew, and it tore her apart now. She had to get back to him. She needed to heal things, one step at a time.
I never should have made that promise. But now is not the time for regrets, now is the time to change things.
And with strengthened resolve, she boarded the train heading for FH.
~-~
"Your new mission is to find the Sorceress Rinoa Heartilly."
Oh, crap.
Those were the first words that had popped into Irvine's mind when he heard that one sentence. And it had been a bit longer than half a year after the conclusion of the war against Ultimecia.
The Garden had suddenly become awash with rumors as people were talking about the Commander's old relationship with the Sorceress. Irvine remembered those words that were spoken about how Rinoa had put a spell onto Squall, or that Squall was blind to her true nature. He remembered that Rinoa had left less than a month before, and Squall had been devastated. Squall became a true island; nothing seemed to touch him. Only the Estharians hunting for Rinoa seemed to barely shock him. And not a week later, SeeD had discovered that it was Doctor Odine who leaked the information and reported that he wanted to re-seal her in the Sorceress Memorial for the 'good of ze world.'
Maybe it was a good thing she left right before then. Odine, that idiot. I don't believe that one bit. Rinoa would never hurt anyone intentionally if she didn't have to.
He was one of the SeeDs who were being hired by the Estharian government to find her. But he knew he could never betray a friend. So he played along willingly, making sure he would find her first so that she could escape.
He recalled one nasty mission barely a month after the news broke out where Squall had nearly gotten his right arm dismembered, and it hadn't even slowed the speed that he lashed out his gunblade at the monsters attacking him.
I thought he had changed.
But Irvine knew how much Squall had changed. Squall was nothing like how he was when Rinoa was around. That blank look in Squall's eyes struck fear into Irvine whenever he happened to glance his way. Irvine sensed that something was going to happen, and he didn't like how Squall wouldn't even talk to anyone about Rinoa leaving. Whenever the topic came up, Squall would change the subject or ignore it. Something about it made him worry, and he could never get the feeling out of his head. It seemed like Squall was intentionally repressing the memory of her leaving, and it made Irvine wonder what Squall was really up to.
Shaking his head, he silently berated himself.
That's just paranoia talking. Squall's fine. He always pulls through. No one can compare with him. Even when Squall nearly had his limbs broken after Griever's Shockwave Pulsar, he still fought harder and better than I've ever seen anyone fight, and that's saying something. He'll get through this, find someone, and get his mind off of Rinoa. Maybe he'll even be happy again.
He would never believe how wrong he was this time.
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A/N: Wow. Thanks for all the reviews of the Prologue and the first chapter. All your guys' encouragement meant a lot to me. I'll try to update this fic every two weeks or so, my schedule allowing.
bembem: Thanks for beta-reading this chapter. Your suggestions were quite helpful. I just realized that I probably gave you a headache because I hadn't spaced the paragraphs distinctly. Sorry! Thanks so much for the help!