Disclaimer: Final Fantasy VIII and all its characters are property of Squaresoft

Twilight by remote_mine

Chapter 4 – Ignosco

He watched the two who had gone through so much finally lay bare the truth. And what he saw was nothing more than grief. The shadows where he watched from seemed to darken as he saw how much Rinoa was hurting. And those words that explained the entire situation seemed to shimmer and fade into nonexistence. He couldn't bear to watch the two's reunion, and tore his vision away from them.

And Zell saw something he knew was wrong.

It's two o'clock in the morning.

Two people were walking straight for Squall and Rinoa from behind them, oblivious to the three hidden in the shadows of the balcony. The two were female, and he recognized one; she was one of the people from Odine's lab that had joined Garden to help with the search. A slight reflection of light off something held in their hands caught his attention. He couldn't tell what it was, but his SeeD training told him that their intentions were more than likely not friendly. Creeping over to Irvine, he tapped him on the shoulder.

"Can you tell what those two people are holding?" He whispered directly into Irvine's ear as to not draw attention.

He waited as Irvine took out a pair of binoculars, aiming it directly at the two's hands. Zell barely caught the strap of the binoculars as Irvine dropped it, startled at what he had seen. Taking out his Exeter, Irvine checked the clip and carefully reloaded it while being careful to make no noise. Quickly digging into his pocket, he removed a block-like object that he attached to the barrel, a silencer. He gave Zell a quiet, terse answer. "Guns."

"Shoot to disarm. I'll give a signal, but I want to see if I can knock them out."

Getting up, he hoped that he would be able to get close enough before it was too late. Instant comprehension of why Odine had ordered the search came to his mind.

Odine wants to kill Rinoa. It wasn't for the benefit of the world. It must've benefited him in some way, or else he wouldn't even suggest it.

Observing the scene in front of him, he mentally swore. He couldn't stick to the shadows any longer, and those two females were much closer to Squall and Rinoa than he was. Looking back to see if Irvine finished readying his weapon, he saw that Irvine had his gun aiming directly at their hands. Holding his hand up, he pointed three fingers up. He put down one. And another. And there were none.

Bright flashes of light erupted everywhere, the silenced sounds of gunfire barely making an indent in the relative quiet of the night. Blinded by the sudden change of lighting, Zell hoped that neither of the assassins was dead; he wanted to question them. He blinked away the white flashes of light and looked over at the two women. He knew something went horribly wrong. One of them cradled her arm, blood dripping down her clothes. The other gaped at the sight before her eyes, her weapon still in her hands. Zell followed the sight of that person's gaze to Squall and Rinoa. He didn't want to believe it.

Both Zell and Irvine had forgotten something important. Both forgot one little fact. Both forgot that you can only fire at one target at a time.

His eyes told him the dreadful truth. He saw Squall lying on the ground in Rinoa's embrace, his blood staining her clothes and the floor. Bullets that pierced his chest had been meant for Rinoa, but Squall got in the way. Zell could see the agony that Squall was going through. He knew Squall had gotten in the path of the bullets at the last second, pushing Rinoa out of the way. He could see the pain that both felt. The tears ran down Rinoa's face as she cradled him, her sobs echoing through the area.

Ever the knight. This was the ultimate sacrifice, wasn't it?

He knew what he had to do. He had to help his friends. And the first thing he could do was to remove the threat.

~-~

His thoughts were muddled, confused. He didn't know what to make of the distorted images that swirled in his vision, ever changing. Streaks of color blurred and were remade into different patterns, taunting him. Nothing he tried made his vision any better or his thoughts any more clear.

Squall laid there, his senses telling him too many different things at once. He could feel everything and nothing at the same time. His thoughts finally organized enough to the point where he could think of what had brought him there.

I took the bullets that were meant for Rinoa.

When he heard her confession, he felt as if he belonged nowhere. The black and white world became gray. And he still couldn't understand why. He traced his memories back to when he finally noticed the two people a distance behind Rinoa with their arms slowly being raised. And when he saw what they were holding, he didn't even think before his body acted. Nearly jerking her off the bench as he took her place and pushed her behind him, he shielded her with his body. And he took the bullets.

He fought to remember his emotions. He struggled with the darkness that tried to overwhelm him. He clung to his thoughts, hanging onto them as his lifeline. And he started to wonder.

Why did I take those bullets?

Maybe that was the fastest way to end the pain. Maybe because he wanted her to live so she could feel the suffering he had. Maybe he couldn't bear to see her die. But it wasn't anything he thought.

It was something he knew. And he struggled in his thoughts more to understand what he felt. It taunted him, teased his consciousness. His thoughts were like water in his hands, without shape and far too slippery to grasp. He couldn't make sense of it. And he broke through his haze to reality, where the muddled mess straightened a bit more.

Opening his eyes, he watched the tears that dripped down Rinoa's face as she grieved over him. The reality was almost painful for his eyes, clarified beyond his normal vision. Things he never noticed, he took in. He could smell the salt, taste her tears on his skin. The pain of the damage doubled, quadrupled in power, sapping his strength. But he didn't give up. And the ebbing pain gave way to grief, grief for what both he and Rinoa had gone through, overwhelming him. His consciousness wavered between the fine line of dreams and reality, threatening to take him to the darkness.

A sudden rush of memories assailed his mind, making him think of what he wanted to do when he set out to find her. He relived the agony that he went through, her sudden decision of leaving Garden while he was left behind. The hope that died with him had ignited a far deadlier flame, one that crippled his rationality to the point where he wanted to lash out at her for his pain. So the thoughts that sprung were to make her grieve, if she wasn't lying when she left.

"I love you, so I have to leave."

He took those words as his revenge, the ultimate revenge. His entire premise was built on that sentence. If he left her, nothing could possibly abate the suffering that she would come across. He had nothing left on the world for him. Suicide was his answer to both; suicide in front of her, while she was watching would end his meaningless existence and give her what he felt, those years ago when she walked out of his life. And suddenly, he was afraid of death. He couldn't comprehend the staggering feeling of ultimate loss that he would inflict upon two tortured souls, lost in the darkness. Death seemed far too real, but too ultimate; and he questioned himself.

Is death what I really wanted?

But he knew the answer already. The question was nothing more than a way to make him think of the consequences of his actions. In the moment of lucidity, he admitted what he hadn't to himself those years ago. He never wanted to die; death was so final, something no one could ever escape.

He felt himself being slowly lifted up by several people. The dimmer lights of the Garden's main dome gave way to the bright lights of the Infirmary, making him squint. His chest felt warm, but he couldn't feel the sensation of his clothes against his skin. It gave him an odd feeling of existence, yet not truly there, like a dream that's become reality. That thought flitted across his mind again, making him wonder. With a sudden realization ringing in his mind, he gave in to unconsciousness.

~-~

Even when they removed him from her arms, she couldn't stop crying. Nothing made any sense anymore. Terror gripped her as she had observed how pale his skin had become. And only one thought was in her mind.

Why?

Rinoa collapsed to the ground, looking at the blood that stained the floor. And then the memory of her nightmare returned to her, a storm of images. This time, she recalled the pain, the agony that jarred her senses. She remembered how vividly the blood glimmered, and how the darkness crept around him. And the feeling of ultimate loss when he disappeared into the darkness overwhelmed her.

Why did you take those bullets? After everything I did to you, you still gave your life for mine. Why? I should be the one bleeding to death instead of you.

But she wasn't. She barely felt the arms that helped her up and to the room where Squall lay. And by his side, she looked again to the unconscious form of her knight. Her eyes followed him as he was carried into the operating room, not leaving the doors that closed behind him. Those same emotions came back again, making her fall deeper into the pit of despair. Images from her nightmare stuck in her mind, an instant frozen for eternity. She tried to shut them out but they stayed there, burned into her mind's eye.

She heard nothing of what Zell and Irvine were talking to her about, after they came out of the operating room. Nothing could snap her out of the world she had imprisoned herself in, a final end to everything she lived through. Those words that came out Zell's mouth went unheard. She didn't hear Zell's explanation of Odine's mission and true intent for the study of the power of multiple sorceresses in one, the information finally wrung from the two assassins. All she could hear and see was the blood dripping from Squall's body, the memory of reality superimposed on the image from her nightmares.

And through her grief, she finally noticed. She saw what she hadn't before in the image of Squall on the ground, bleeding. Realization swept over her, as what she had dreamed was a gash in his chest. But a gash isn't the same as bullet wounds. Her nightmare had end in such a predetermined, fatal way. That small fact gave her hope again. Nightmares aren't reality.

She opened her eyes, flinging the images from her mind. And she waited outside the operating room as the doctor operated on him, carefully removing the bullets. She had her hope again.

I've come this far, and I won't give up. I won't! You've given me more than I deserve. You saved my life far too many times. And I told you the truth of why we met, and even still you're willing to die for me. I won't fail you this time, my knight.

Nervously, she paced the waiting room while hoping that they could be successful in removing the bullets from Squall's body. She knew she had nowhere else to go. If Squall was gone, her place on the world wouldn't exist either. And she stared at the doors that separated her from her love, still hoping.

Can this be it? Are we defined in the stars to end this way? If so, I'll deny fate this time. I won't let my life be swept away, to take it where it wants me to go. I can fight, and I'm not alone.

Those tears she had shed had finally dried, taking some of the suffering that she felt with them. The nervous pacing stopped, turning into a silent prayer, where she pleaded with whatever higher power there was to give her another chance to make things right. She didn't know what she would do if she lost her knight.

Would I turn into another Ultimecia? Hatred in its purest form? Utter destruction, annihilation? Would I take away the happiness of others, because I lost mine? I can't lose him!

Her pacing picked up again, continuing from where she had stopped. She didn't know how long she had been awake, but it didn't matter. Her eyes were stuck to those doors, her thoughts solely upon that person that lay in there. She waited. The time stretched unbearably long, her emotions running rampant through her as she clung to her hope like a lifeline. Seconds became minutes, minutes to hours. She hardly dared to blink, as if a blink would tear him away from her to eternally separate two souls.

And she watched as the door slowly opened, her heart pounding furiously in her as one lone, white-clad doctor stepped out of the room. She snapped her eyes on the face of the doctor, pleading for any information with only her eyes.

"He's alive, but I don't know if he'll make it. You can go see him."

Those words surged through her, erasing doubts and those images that had so been engraved in her mind. Without thinking, she nearly slammed the swinging doors against the walls as she made her way past the doctor into the room where Squall lay. She ran to the only bed where a person lay, dozing lightly with many bandages wrapped around his chest.

The tears that she had shed earlier came back as she looked again on the form of her sleeping knight, this time a river of tears. Her fears and doubt came back, her hope shoved aside as she saw just how weak and pale he was. The form in front of her blurred as the tears filled her eyes, openly weeping as she still couldn't believe what had happened between her and Squall. Her fingers ran themselves through his hair as she sat in a chair next to the bed and leaned over him, the feeling welcome but empty. The guilt rushed over her, leeching the strength from her as she buried her face in her hands and pondered the meaning of her existence. She didn't know what she wanted anymore.

I was such a fool. I don't think I'll be able to take another breath without feeling guilty, if he doesn't survive. It'll be too much for me to handle. To think of what I had done to him; he's willing to die for me even though I betrayed him, and I had thrown that away when I left him. I don't deserve his love.

Her tears wiped away, the sunlight slightly warmed her skin as she looked to the dim light of the sunrise. She didn't know how long she stared at that image of how the sun seemed to hold so much joy and grief, together yet forever apart. Her eyes lowered down to the sleeping figure, and she broke down again, feeling the pain and the agony of the hell she put him through. Her eyes closed and tears streaming down her face, she wished she could change things; she wished she never left him.

A feather-light touch to her wet cheek startled her, as she opened her eyes in surprise. Those stormy blue-gray eyes that she had loved to look into seemed to have calmed down, tranquil. His hand wiped her tears as she didn't know what to think, feeling cleaner than ever and her inner thoughts soothed by his touch. And his hand broke contact with her skin and slumped weakly to his side, his eyes closing along with the window to his emotions.

He had forgiven her.

---

A/N: Err ... I bet most of you didn't see that coming, did you? I can feel the flames already. Yeah, yeah, I needed something big to make Squall rethink of what he wanted to do. Anyways, one of the reasons why I had to include that was because of the nightmare that Rinoa had. For some mysterious reason, in many other fanfics, nightmares are perfectly accurate to the last detail. So what if they aren't? Had to mess with your minds! Hehehe. This is the last chapter, but I still have an Epilogue coming up.

bembem: Thanks for beta-reading; what you said means a lot to me! I enjoyed writing this chapter, as far as trying to see what it would have felt like from each person's point of view if I were them.

Leonhart Loire: Wow! Thanks for the compliment! I love your writing too, ya know (God, that sounds like Raijin).

dayon: I'm not even going to bother. Look at the genre.