Chapter 27
Beverly Crusher sat alone on her frontroom couch with a holophoto frame in her hands. She wasn't looking at it yet. She was putting it off for some reason. She was leaning her arm over the back of the couch, looking out at the billions of stars through the window behind her. She could remember how, from on Earth, far fewer stars were visible, and they seemed to flicker, their light bent through the atmosphere. Sometimes she felt safe within that atmosphere, as if she were protected in a dome, and keeping her son in it as well. But wild horses couldn't keep Jack in it. Heck. Forcefields, tractor beams and shields on full couldn't keep Jack on Earth.
She wondered where he was right now. Was he thinking of her? Could he see her? Did he think that Starfleet was the right decision for herself and Wesley? Did he still love her?
She sighed and turned away from the window. What was it with Humans and staring out windows? People spend their entire lives gazing through glass, at stars, at birds, even through their own eyes, as if people still had to wear glasses and contact lenses, back before corrective surgery made all that unnecessary. How strange that people should look through their own eyes as if they were panes of glass between themselves and freedom. Jack didn't have that barrier anymore. Where was he? He promised that they would be together forever, but he was always having adventures without her. He would go off for months into space and return with the most wonderful stories. And now she had finally gotten out into space, and he wasn't there anymore. He was one step ahead of her again.
She finally looked at the holophoto. And there he was, frozen, holding a very tiny Wesley up in the air, and grinning ecstatically at him. And Wesley's four-year-old face was all grin and full of tiny teeth. She could still hear Jack's voice, feel his comforting embrace. And the creature's interference with her memories was nullified.
Wes walked in and dropped a PADD on the chair near the door. He stopped when he saw his mother. "Mom? Are you okay?" He walked over to the couch and sat down beside her.
She gave him a watery smile. "You know your father loved you very much."
"I know, Mom."
"I remember when you were just a baby, sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night, and Jack wouldn't be in bed. I would find him sitting in the old rocking chair we had, right next to your crib, just... watching you sleep. As if he were afraid you might disappear or that someone would take you away, if he didn't keep watching."
"But it wasn't me who disappeared..." Wes looked at the photo his mother was holding. "I heard that log entry from the day I was born. On the Neverland. The last time I listened to it, I remembered being so angry with him for not coming back. But it was different this time. I guess I understand better now."
"I like to think he still watches you, like he did when you were a baby, making sure nothing happens to you."
Wes hugged her. She held onto him for a moment, surprised by how grown-up he'd become while she wasn't paying close attention. She felt almost the same security in his arms now as she had yesterday in Jean- Luc's.
"I'm sorry about all this, Mom. I never meant to make you worry."
"I'm your mother," she squeezed him. "It's my job to worry about you."
* * *
Wes lay awake for a long time that night. He just couldn't seem to stop his thoughts. He thought about Robin and how confusing things were with her. He thought about Briyen and what type of life he would choose. He thought about Billy Nolan and worried about him never being able to get into the Academy on his current course of study.
The Academy...
Wes had been both anticipating and dreading Starfleet Academy. What if he's just not cut out for command? Or Engineering? Or even Security, Science, Medical? Or what if he has a wife and children, then gets killed, like his father? What if he's not Starfleet material at all? And would it be so bad if he wasn't?
But he didn't know anything about anything except Starfleet. What else could he do? Live on Earth forever like Captain Picard's brother Robert, defying progress, refusing to buy a replicator, and have a son like Rene who would stargaze and wish he could be out there? Could he do anything that... mundane?
He wondered if his mother was right, that his father was watching out for him, guiding him along like a guardian angel. But a mental picture of his father in long, flowing white robes and wings, playing a harp, entered his mind and he almost laughed out loud.
Yet he couldn't shake the feeling that there was something he wasn't considering, something being whispered in his ear just softly enough for him not to understand. Or was it just that he longed so much to have a father to guide him?
Even Mozart, to whom Wes had once been compared, had his father to drag him from palace to palace with a violin and from harpsichord to pianoforte with a blindfold.
Now, what made him suddenly think of Mozart?
He sighed and rolled over on his stomach, burying his face in the pillow, as if not staring at the same spot on the ceiling could banish the deep and incomprehensible thoughts from his mind. It worked, and he eventually slept.
* * *
The Traveler smiled wearily. The boy's first step had been a difficult one, and questions needed answering now -- questions he'd never thought existed before.
Wesley's guilt over not being able to help the children was misplaced. He had sensed the ability within himself and overlooked the fact that he lacked the training to use it.
When he saved his mother from being trapped inside his own shrinking warp bubble, he actually phased out of what Humans consider normal time. He could do it again. He didn't think he could, but the Traveler knew he could. He could be so much more than a starship captain or a Starfleet admiral. But the decision was ultimately up to the young man.
It wasn't long after this incident that the boy was finally confronted with the decision. A brief few years, in fact. A decision that, if proposed to him now, would horrify him.
Leave the Federation and Starfleet and the Enterprise and his mother and Captain Picard and all of he Human race and every accostumed way of thinking behind forever. Boldly go where no man has gone before.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A/N: You know... I'm kind of sad that it's over. Hm. I'll have to dig through my others and see what I should post next. Thanks to all who have commented, you've been fantastic and helpful!
Beverly Crusher sat alone on her frontroom couch with a holophoto frame in her hands. She wasn't looking at it yet. She was putting it off for some reason. She was leaning her arm over the back of the couch, looking out at the billions of stars through the window behind her. She could remember how, from on Earth, far fewer stars were visible, and they seemed to flicker, their light bent through the atmosphere. Sometimes she felt safe within that atmosphere, as if she were protected in a dome, and keeping her son in it as well. But wild horses couldn't keep Jack in it. Heck. Forcefields, tractor beams and shields on full couldn't keep Jack on Earth.
She wondered where he was right now. Was he thinking of her? Could he see her? Did he think that Starfleet was the right decision for herself and Wesley? Did he still love her?
She sighed and turned away from the window. What was it with Humans and staring out windows? People spend their entire lives gazing through glass, at stars, at birds, even through their own eyes, as if people still had to wear glasses and contact lenses, back before corrective surgery made all that unnecessary. How strange that people should look through their own eyes as if they were panes of glass between themselves and freedom. Jack didn't have that barrier anymore. Where was he? He promised that they would be together forever, but he was always having adventures without her. He would go off for months into space and return with the most wonderful stories. And now she had finally gotten out into space, and he wasn't there anymore. He was one step ahead of her again.
She finally looked at the holophoto. And there he was, frozen, holding a very tiny Wesley up in the air, and grinning ecstatically at him. And Wesley's four-year-old face was all grin and full of tiny teeth. She could still hear Jack's voice, feel his comforting embrace. And the creature's interference with her memories was nullified.
Wes walked in and dropped a PADD on the chair near the door. He stopped when he saw his mother. "Mom? Are you okay?" He walked over to the couch and sat down beside her.
She gave him a watery smile. "You know your father loved you very much."
"I know, Mom."
"I remember when you were just a baby, sometimes I would wake up in the middle of the night, and Jack wouldn't be in bed. I would find him sitting in the old rocking chair we had, right next to your crib, just... watching you sleep. As if he were afraid you might disappear or that someone would take you away, if he didn't keep watching."
"But it wasn't me who disappeared..." Wes looked at the photo his mother was holding. "I heard that log entry from the day I was born. On the Neverland. The last time I listened to it, I remembered being so angry with him for not coming back. But it was different this time. I guess I understand better now."
"I like to think he still watches you, like he did when you were a baby, making sure nothing happens to you."
Wes hugged her. She held onto him for a moment, surprised by how grown-up he'd become while she wasn't paying close attention. She felt almost the same security in his arms now as she had yesterday in Jean- Luc's.
"I'm sorry about all this, Mom. I never meant to make you worry."
"I'm your mother," she squeezed him. "It's my job to worry about you."
* * *
Wes lay awake for a long time that night. He just couldn't seem to stop his thoughts. He thought about Robin and how confusing things were with her. He thought about Briyen and what type of life he would choose. He thought about Billy Nolan and worried about him never being able to get into the Academy on his current course of study.
The Academy...
Wes had been both anticipating and dreading Starfleet Academy. What if he's just not cut out for command? Or Engineering? Or even Security, Science, Medical? Or what if he has a wife and children, then gets killed, like his father? What if he's not Starfleet material at all? And would it be so bad if he wasn't?
But he didn't know anything about anything except Starfleet. What else could he do? Live on Earth forever like Captain Picard's brother Robert, defying progress, refusing to buy a replicator, and have a son like Rene who would stargaze and wish he could be out there? Could he do anything that... mundane?
He wondered if his mother was right, that his father was watching out for him, guiding him along like a guardian angel. But a mental picture of his father in long, flowing white robes and wings, playing a harp, entered his mind and he almost laughed out loud.
Yet he couldn't shake the feeling that there was something he wasn't considering, something being whispered in his ear just softly enough for him not to understand. Or was it just that he longed so much to have a father to guide him?
Even Mozart, to whom Wes had once been compared, had his father to drag him from palace to palace with a violin and from harpsichord to pianoforte with a blindfold.
Now, what made him suddenly think of Mozart?
He sighed and rolled over on his stomach, burying his face in the pillow, as if not staring at the same spot on the ceiling could banish the deep and incomprehensible thoughts from his mind. It worked, and he eventually slept.
* * *
The Traveler smiled wearily. The boy's first step had been a difficult one, and questions needed answering now -- questions he'd never thought existed before.
Wesley's guilt over not being able to help the children was misplaced. He had sensed the ability within himself and overlooked the fact that he lacked the training to use it.
When he saved his mother from being trapped inside his own shrinking warp bubble, he actually phased out of what Humans consider normal time. He could do it again. He didn't think he could, but the Traveler knew he could. He could be so much more than a starship captain or a Starfleet admiral. But the decision was ultimately up to the young man.
It wasn't long after this incident that the boy was finally confronted with the decision. A brief few years, in fact. A decision that, if proposed to him now, would horrify him.
Leave the Federation and Starfleet and the Enterprise and his mother and Captain Picard and all of he Human race and every accostumed way of thinking behind forever. Boldly go where no man has gone before.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A/N: You know... I'm kind of sad that it's over. Hm. I'll have to dig through my others and see what I should post next. Thanks to all who have commented, you've been fantastic and helpful!