Could not have been written without Zimus. ^_^

 Indra Hath No Love for Mortals

            Gojyo opened the door, his weary expression framed for a brief moment by a flash of lightening.  Beads of water dripped from strands of his water-darkened hair onto the industrial grade carpet of the hotel room.  Behind him the storm raged, torrent after torrent or driving water accentuated by off-white flashes of electricity and the deep vibrations of thunder.  The red-haired kappa set a case of slight more expensive alcohol on the table with a faint clang of cans and dropped into a chair.  "Sanzo…you still awake?  I brought us some beers…" he called lazily, propping his muddy boots up on the tabletop.  Startled by the creaking of the door, the priest did not answer immediately.  He was stretched out under the blankets, arms folded behind his head and eye trailing after the raindrops chasing each other down the window glass. 

            "Yeah…" he answered dully, peering across the dark room at Gojyo.  The kappa hadn't seen Sanzo until he spoke—being mostly covered by blankets and not of enough substance to make more than a small lump in the bed—only recognizing the priest by the glitter of his violet eyes. 

"Are you decent under there?" Gojyo asked with a teasing grin, knowing full well he was asking for retaliation, but wishing nonetheless.   The reply he got was a far cry from the usual, coming as only an annoyed grunt.  The priest rolled on his side and tugged the blankets up higher around himself.  He had indeed discarded the priestly robes, but only in favor of a set of old pajamas he had snitched from Hakkai's pack earlier.  Even Sanzo priests like to be comfortable sometimes…. The clothes were a bit big on the blond, but far more pleasant to wear than the heavy robes.  

            "Of course…." Gojyo chuckled softly, tugging the plastic rings off the six-pack.  He allowed himself a brief grin at the way the pajamas were hanging off Sanzo, grateful for the dim lighting in fear of being caught leering at his holy person.  "Want a can?"

"Yeh."  Sanzo slipped out from under the covers and sat down heavily at the table.  He snapped open one of the cans, listening to the soft sound of the fizz escaping through the half-open mouth.  The priest pulled the tab all the way down and took a gulp of his poison. 

            Gojyo examined his fingernails for a whole minute (although this was an impossible feat considering the state of visibility), the awkward silence broken only by and occasional swallow.  For some unknown reason, it felt strange to be sitting alone in the white-walled room with Sanzo…. It wasn't as if they'd never drunk together before, but the kappa had a difficult time breaking the hanging silence.  "…It's damned miserable outside…" he said absently.  The priest chose to not reply to the statement, knowing full well that the weather was in an awful funk out there.  How could Gojyo know what it was like?  To have memories dredged up by something as simple as falling droplets of water.  It was pathetic really, or so Sanzo thought.  He had spent years trying to forget, but his mind would not let go of the convoluted mass of regret and what-ifs dominating his existence. 

            With a sigh, Gojyo finished off his can in one chug and crushed it easily with the flat of his hand.  The air of haughtiness and conviction hovering around the priest was nearly suffocating that evening, although the condescending attitude was mostly all bluff and bluster, clamped tightly over him like armor.  The kappa had always fancied himself and easy person to talk to, not one to pass judgment quickly.  It was a mystery to him (but perhaps only him) why Sanzo never mentioned how much he hurt, as women the kappa didn't even know would relate their life stories at the drop of a hat.  Clearly, the ornery priest had no intention of telling Gojyo any of the thoughts running though his mind tonight.  He drank his beer quietly, eyeing the shadows trickling around the floor in random patterns.  Eventually, Sanzo broke the awkward silence with "Don't you want to dry off or something…?"

            "Huh?"  Gojyo looked up from staring at a stain on the table, a few strands of hair falling over his eyes.  "Dry off—oh…."  He hadn't given much thought to the water dripping off his clothes and head.  Sweeping the damp hair out of his face, he reached for another can.  "Nah, it's just a little rain."

"You're dripping everywhere."  Sanzo surprisingly enough, had not yet finished his first can.  Somehow, he didn't feel much like getting drunk tonight, although that was his usual activity on rainy nights, as well as clear ones.  After a few more reserved sips, he left what remained in the can and stood to get back in bed.  "I'm going to sleep." 

            When Sanzo set the can down the kappa frowned in mild confusion.  "Not even going to finish that?  I…er…I didn't think you'd be able to sleep…. That's why I bought these…"

"I'm fine" the priest snapped, flopping down with his back to Gojyo and throwing the blankets over himself.  "I don't need to get piss-drunk to sleep, kappa."  In reality, he was lying to himself thinking that he was going to get to sleep in a thunderstorm like this.  Every crack of thunder made his insides twitch and every lightening flash seemed to exist solely for the purpose of blinding him.  Gojyo crossed his arms with a look of indifference as Sanzo retreated back to the bed.  Tipping his chair back, he contemplated the cracks in the ceiling, feeling constricted and uncomfortable.  The tenseness in the air was practically choking the kappa and he was having trouble forming coherent thoughts.  Gojyo had given up trying to understand the enigma that was Sanzo a long time ago, carefree attitude unable to accept the priest's convictions.  

            Sanzo pretended to fall asleep, thoughts drifting to and from events in his life, a jumbled mass of images and sensations he wished would disperse for good.  Despite the dominance of his memories, the priest could not help marveling at the fact that Gojyo had not yet made any lewd references or tried to take a little more than he was wiling to give.  Perhaps the kappa was biding his time, waiting for the opportune moment.  In any case, Sanzo was irate enough tonight to shoot Gojyo straight through the head.  Said kappa was currently letting his gaze wander over the priest, amused at how hard he was trying to feign sleep.  The kappa kept quiet, letting Sanzo think he bought the act while he did indeed consider slipping between the sheets.  Unfortunately for Gojyo, the priest was quite away of the red eyes on him, and it made his skin crawl with the thought of what was running through the kappa's mind.  Rolling over, he cracked open one eye and scrutinized the redhead with a frown. 

"Are you going to stare at me all night?"

            "I wasn't aware my eyes were making so much noise," Gojyo replied with a chuckle, grin spreading over his face. 

Sanzo glared vapidly at him and turned to face the wall again.  His mind was far too weary to argue with his annoying companion tonight.  "I'm not in the mood for your pointless babble, kappa."

            "Would you rather I talk with my hands?" he asked with a vile grin.  Word volley with the priest was an enjoyable way to pass the time, even if it irritated Sanzo to no end.  At the moment, though, Gojyo would almost rather see the blond snap at him than pretend everything was alright.  

"Whatever…" came the muffled reply, as Sanzo tossed a pillow over his head to block out the kappa's chatter and the thunder outside.  Between the two, it would be a miracle if he ended up getting any sleep at all.  The priest was more anxious than usual, which could not possible help the matter at all.  He considered staying longer, just so he could have the next day to sleep.  Lately, Sanzo had taken to sleeping quite a lot during the days they spent in town. 

            Receiving no nasty response, Gojyo was almost genuinely worried.  He knew exactly what the trouble was, of course, but that didn't mean he could do anything to stop the priest from being cranky all night and most likely all day tomorrow as well.  With a determined sigh, the kappa padded over to the bed and sat carefully next to Sanzo.  The priest didn't move or acknowledge Gojyo's presence at his side, still feigning sleep.  He most definitely didn't want anyone near him or even in the same room right no, and the redhead was violating that without a doubt.  Sanzo hated the blatant show of weakness he was displaying to Gojyo, but at the same time it was a bit of a relief.  At least he was mostly sure the kappa knew better than to mention these instances even to him. 

            Gojyo regarded the lump under the blankets soberly before touching him.  It wasn't like Sanzo to not slap him away or at least make an incriminating comment about his sexual behavior.  Gently, Gojyo smoothed a bit of the blond hair aside, "It's just me, anyway…. Who cares about the stupid kappa, right?" he said in response to all the statements he knew the priest was thinking but not voicing. 

Sanzo shuddered involuntarily at the kappa's touch.  It should have been a reassuring gesture, but he refused to allow himself to admit defeat.  "Stupid is right…" he muttered vaguely, keeping his eyes shut tight.

            "Ah, that's better…" Gojyo teased, prodding Sanzo in the side.  Withdrawing his finger, he wondered at how incredibly tense the priest could get.  "Loosen up—you're gonna break," the kappa chided, running his hands over the miserable blond.

"…?"  For once, Sanzo didn't fight him off, although he tried to maintain a haughty demeanor, just so the kappa might be discouraged from trying anything too frisky.  Gojyo caught his momentary look of confusion and he had trouble hiding the smile that automatically sprang to his lips.  Telling Sanzo relax was like telling a cow to fly.  Touching the priest's shoulders was like trying to move overstretched rubber bands—stiff and taut. 

            "Lay on your stomach," Gojyo commanded, prodding the priest with his finger. 

Sanzo didn't move immediately, bothered by the possible dangers of that particular position.  In the end, he complied with the kappa's instruction, willing to risk it for a bit of comfort.  Despite outward attitude, Sanzo was grateful for the little things Gojyo did for him, few and far between as the may be.  Leaning forward, the kappa was tempted to pinch the priest's rump, just to hear him yell in protest.  Anything was better than that silent treatment.  Instead, he carefully pushed up the baggy shirt and laid his hands on the priest's pale skin.  "How's that?" he asked, moving his fingers in circles over Sanzo's back. 

The priest replied with an approving grunt, letting his head fall to the pillow.  His eyelids drooped, watching Gojyo out of the corner of his half-closed eyes.  Stretched out like this, most of the bones in the priest's back were visible covered by wiry muscle. 

            "What a skeleton you are…" Gojyo mused, poking at Sanzo's sharp shoulder blade.  "I never know what you get out of starving yourself." 

Sanzo didn't see any real reason to answer the kappa's comment, as he had tried to explain it countless times before.  His finger's kneaded into the pillow he had his upper body draped over, barely forgetting about the rain drumming against the window.  He flinched as Gojyo hit and especially sore spot.  "Nn…."

            Ignoring the sound of protest, Gojyo pressed his thumb down hard on the spot in an attempt to relax the muscle.  The tightened muscle felt as though it would burst apart from the pressure, but Sanzo wasn't entirely sure that would be a bad thing.  Despite this, the priest grit his teeth and let Gojyo keep after it, knowing full well that it would probably help.  "Ah, fuck…" Sanzo muttered. 

"Not yet." Gojyo said with a light snicker, withdrawing his thumb as soon as he felt some give beneath it.  Quickly changing the subject (not wanting to provoke Sanzo too badly), he continued, "How in hell does someone get this tight?"

            "From idiots like you."  Sanzo rolled on his back and lazily watched the kappa's face.  The oversized shirt was still pulled up around the middle of his chest from Gojyo's massage, but he didn't seem to notice, more relaxed than a few minutes ago. 

"Are you calling me god, Sanzo?  What I give I also taketh away?"  The kappa would have almost been glad to receive a slap in the face for that one.  He smiled, hands wandering over Sanzo's exposed abdomen in a teasing manner.  Sanzo stretched, arching his back and allowing the kappa's hand on him without complaint.  Folding his arms behind his head he gazed out the window again, eyes following the erratic paths of the raindrops as they raced each other down the glass.  Gojyo was currently counting his blessings—he was usually lucky if he could manage a friendly pat on the shoulder without the muzzle of a gun pressed to his face.  Truth be told, Sanzo was far too worn out today to be in a pissy mood, much less stomp around brandishing his gun at anyone who so much as said 'hello'.

            "Hey…Sanzo?"

After a short pause, the priest answered, "…Hm?"  keeping his eyes on the window. 

            The kappa leaned against Sanzo's side, antennae-like strands of hair bobbing with the movement of his head.  He followed the priest's gaze to the window above and sighed, "Do you ever think of leaving?  You know…pursuing your life alone?"

"This is my life.  I don't have a choice," Sanzo answered without expression, glancing over at Gojyo, whose features softened into a worried frown.

            "You don't seem to enjoy it…" the kappa remarked, rubbing a hand up and down Sanzo's side as he spoke. 

"It doesn't matter.  There's no way out of it."  Sanzo was still facing the window and didn't see the concern that crossed Gojyo's face.  Doubtless, he would have asked the kappa why the hell he was worried about him and that he could take care of himself just fine. 

            Gojyo shook his head. "It does matter…. If I were that unhappy all the time, I'd think about pulling the trigger on myself too…" he said quietly.

Sanzo's thoughts strayed to the day he first picked up that shining gun, having chosen it out of all the other, more appropriate weapons only because the Smith & Wesson had been the perfect size to fit right up against his temple.  Lately, the priest had started thinking along those lines again, affected more than he would let on by the rain that kept following the group.  "I nearly did it once or twice…."

            "I figure as much…" Gojyo admitted, playing with one of the priest's sleeves.  Sanzo was completely unaware of how much the kappa thought about him on a daily basis—and not necessarily indecently.  "Life isn't life at all without a little pleasure."

"Hn."  Sanzo was always touchy when it came to conversations about that particular topic, the two of them having completely different ideas about on the subject.  He remembered the kappa mentioning that same thing to him several time before, but the priest never failed to avoid answering or commenting.  A fresh bout of lightening had started up outside, lighting up Sanzo's bright violet eyes in the dark.  Gojyo was not surprised in the least that he didn't answer and, yawning, curled an arm around Sanzo's shoulders. 

            "Miserable priest…."

Sanzo chose again not to answer.  In fact, he didn't even twitch as Gojyo placed and arm over him, although the priest's heart skipped a beat in surprise.  Jostled out of his own thoughts, he was brought back to reality.  Slowly, it dawned on him that the kappa had not tried to even so much as kiss him since he came in.  Sanzo, while grateful for the little bit of extra space, wondered why Gojyo hadn't let his libido take control yet.   Even more startling was the fact that the redhead was not spouting useless comments and worse jokes, but instead remained silent.  This made Sanzo nervous more than anything, and the tension crept back into his shoulders when the arm wasn't removed.  Perverse thoughts had to be running through the man's mind by now—it was inevitable after the short hiatus he had been maintaining since entering the room.  Gojyo could only stay civil for so long.

             Yawning again, the kappa stated, "Well, I'm off to bed." 

Sanzo blinked, shocked as all hell at Gojyo's proclamation.  This was a huge change, to say the least.  "…What?"

            "Are you deaf as well as a head case now?" Gojyo answered, removing his arm from the priest and scooting out of bed.  Stretching, wish a noisy grunt and scratching his side, he continued, "I said 'I'm off to bed'.  It's fucking late and I'm tired."

Sitting up halfway, Sanzo stared confusedly at the kappa's back.  Gojyo never walks away…. It just doesn't happen.  Before the redhead was about to walk out, Sanzo reached out hesitantly and grabbed the hem of his shirt.  The priest kept his face carefully blank as he looked up at Gojyo.  The kappa raised an eyebrow when he felt the gentle tug on his shirt, following the line of the arm up to meet Sanzo's unreadable eyes.  That image made him uneasy despite himself. 

            "…What?"

Sanzo looked away, still holding loosely to the kappa's shirt.  "Why…don't you…stay…?" he mumbled, attempting to keep the blank mask in place.  He could sense Gojyo's eyes on him, uncomfortably aware that the redhead would think he had gone mad about now.  Blinking through the darkness for a long moment, the kappa was unsure if his ears were working properly.  He had been ready to let Sanzo have his peace for the night, reluctantly forsaking his own desires. 

            "I don't think you'd like it if I did…" Gojyo said honestly in a hoarse voice.

"Never mind…." Sanzo let go of the kappa's shirt and leaned back against the wall, resting both arms on his knees.  He could feel the vibrations of a particularly loud clap of thunder reverberate through the wall behind him.  The priest berated himself for being so naïve as to suggest such a thing when he already knew the outcome.  Gojyo had been expecting a negative answer, but he couldn't suppress a disappointed sigh.  He supposed it would be no good assuring Sanzo he'd be gentle when the kappa had trouble assuring himself of that.

            "One request before I leave?"

"What?" Sanzo sounded surly when he spoke, annoyed at himself for turning so needy around Gojyo of all people.  It was one thing to sleep with the kappa, but it was something else entirely different and implausible to ask for anything else. 

            Gojyo bent down and brushed the priest's lips with his thumb, "A kiss…?" Just one….  The redhead came the closest he ever had to praying in that moment.  Regarding the pleading eyes before him, Sanzo agreed with a nod.  There was nothing wrong with one kiss—he was absolutely amazed that Gojyo hadn't asked for more than that simple thing.  The kappa's stomach lurched at how easily Sanzo agreed.  He knew what he had wanted out of it, but….

            Instead, Gojyo closed the gap between them, placing his mouth gently over the priest's.  Every ounce of feeling the kappa could muster backed up that kiss—his own need and a desire to give Sanzo something to fill those empty eyes on rainy nights…. The priest's head reeled and his hands curled tightly around the edge of the blanket he was sitting on, feeling as though his heart would burst in his chest it was hammering so fast.  He couldn't hear anything else besides the blood rushing past his eardrums, drowning out the raindrops, the thunder, the vibrating of the glass in the booming sound waves.  Gojyo lingered on his lips until he found he could no longer breathe.  Finally, he released Sanzo, leaning backward dizzily.  The kappa drew in a few ragged gulps of air, avoiding the other's eyes as he backed away.

Temporarily stunned, Sanzo slumped back against the wall, closing his eyes.  His long fingers were still tangled into the blanket and he was out of breath, cheeks flushed and red.  "What do you want from me...?"

            Gojyo swallowed nervously, brushing strand of hair away from his eyes with a shaking hand.  He sat on the edge of the bed, unable to trust his legs to stay under him, yet still refusing to look at Sanzo.  "…Just a smile…." 

The priest opened his eyes to look at Gojyo, sitting there on the bed with his eyes averted.  It was strange to see the kappa so…so humbled, especially after something so simple.  Then Sanzo did smile—genuine, but sad and faded quickly. 

            Gojyo didn't look up, missing the very thing he had asked for.  Running a hand through his hair, the kappa rattled off a deep sigh, "I'm sorry, Sanzo…." The priest didn't answer, but waited for Gojyo to continue on his own.  He was suddenly exhausted, like he could fall asleep right there, sitting up against the hard wall.  Sanzo's heart had calmed to a normal pace, but left him feeling chilled. 

Fidgeting, Gojyo added, "I…can't really stand looking at you when you get like this…." Bitter red eyes inspected the floor. "I know how to take—I'm the fucking expert—but giving is sort of…different…."

            Sanzo openly stared at the apologetic figure sitting on his bed, lips parted in surprise.  To say the least, he didn't, or couldn't believe Gojyo. "What…?" he questioned, trying to read the kappa's face in the dark. 

After a full minute of silence, Gojyo threw back his head and laughed.  Putting a hand to his forehead, he let the weird laughter peel from his throat, "I don't know!  Maybe I've had too much to drink."

            The priest was so genuinely confused the he was a complete loss for words.  He couldn't fathom why Gojyo would ever want to do anything for him, why the kappa was even here in the first place, and why he was laughing like a maniac right now.  Exasperated, Sanzo fell back against the wall, arms crossed, and waited for the redhead to stop.  Gojyo dropped backward on the bed, hair fanning out on the sheets.  His mirth faded until it was only an occasionally hitch of breath.  Turning his head, the kappa smiled at the bewildered Sanzo. 

"I have no idea what I was thinking….  Even if I knew how—what in the world would you want me to give you, Genjo Sanzo?"

            "I…I don't know…. " The priest was still at a complete loss, but for once he wasn't angry or frustrated with the kappa.  Reaching out, he twirled a few strands Gojyo's hair around his fingers.  The kappa reached a hand up to brush against Sanzo's fingers, while the priest watched the damp, red strands glitter in the flashes of lightening.  Every turn and all at the same time it changed shade in that dim light. 

"There was a tree at the monastery that used to turn this color…" Sanzo said in a barely audible murmur. 

            Gojyo wince, unprepared for something of that caliber to leave the priest's mouth when he usually stuck to the short and profane.  Normally, the kappa would've been extremely irritated, but the sheer strangeness of the comment stopped him from making an excuse to leave the room.  "Hn…turned that color right before the leaves fell off, didn't it?"

"Yes…." Sanzo seemed preoccupied for the moment, still twisting Gojyo's hair around his fingers in intricate patterns.  That tree was one of the things he remembered most clearly, as he usually ended up having to sweep away the fallen leaves around it when the weather turned cold.  The priest could almost still see it, with Komyou sitting on the porch in the background, pipe smoke curling around his smiling face.  

            " 'Ch."  Gojyo closed his eyes, a scornful expression twisting his features.  "Maybe mine'll fall out."

"Maybe."  Sanzo crept forward and stealthily planted a small kiss right on the rip of the kappa's nose.  He then lay so that his head was resting near Gojyo's midsection, staring up at the ceiling in an attempt to see what exactly was so interesting that it held his attention for so long.

            A smile arched across Gojyo's mouth, honestly pleased rather than the usual lecherous sneer.  As Sanzo lay down beside him, he felt some of the tension in the air dissipated, replaced with a quiet calm unusual for the two travelers.  "Ah, then maybe I'll join your temple."  The kappa's voice grew regal and sarcastic, "Teach me how to deny myself, oh High Priest Sanzo," for which he received a swat on the leg.

"You couldn't manage that even after two lifetimes.  It's too late for you," Sanzo shot back, keeping a straight face with some difficulty.

            "Oh, but I'm so willing to learn…" Gojyo sighed feigning disappointment.  "I've seen the errors of my terrible playboy ways."

"Right.  I'll believe that the day the monkey says 'I'm full'."  Sanzo wriggled over and laid his head on Gojyo's stomach, curling up next to the kappa.  The oversized shirt slid down his shoulders when he moved, draping the extra cloth of the sleeves around his hands.  

            Chuckling, Gojyo slid a hand over the priest's shoulder.  "You have so little faith in me," he whispered.  Sanzo pressed closer as the kappa's warm hand touched his skin.  He too felt the lift in the atmosphere and for once the stress wasn't taking hold, although the rain still drummed in the back of his mind, a constant reminder of what used to be.