Set Me Free
See Part 1 for Disclaimers, etc.
Spoilers: Season 2, specifically "The Best Defense"
Looking out the window of her father's fifth floor apartment Calleigh felt a little homesick. While she wouldn't go back for anything, part of her yearned for those years of her childhood when she was innocent to all of the evils in the world.
When the man passed out in drunken slumber was admired by many and respected by all. His daughter being at the top of that list.
Then he had turned to the bottle, changing into the man she knew now. The man her mother had finally turned out of their home until he could clean up his act.
Calleigh had been stunned by that turn of events and couldn't help but wonder why her mother hadn't acted a long time ago. Maybe the teenage lives of Calleigh and her brothers would have been happier if she had.
Shaking her head, Calleigh stepped away from the window and grabbed her purse. There was no point in wondering what might have been. Her life was what it was.
Stealing one last glance at her father Calleigh quietly left the apartment, locking the door behind her with the key her father had given her for "emergencies".
Tears burned in her eyes as she remembered how excited her dad had been when he'd told her he'd been sober for sixty days. She had been so happy for him and realized guiltily that she'd been so preoccupied with her own life lately that she hadn't even noticed the fact that she hadn't been disturbed by any calls to help him home from the bar.
Now she was keenly aware that they were right back where they'd started from and also couldn't ignore the part that John had played in her father's downfall.
She couldn't blame him for what had happened but he had definitely been a catalyst. Challenging her father at every turn, recognizing that he was inexperienced as a public defender and using that to his advantage.
Calleigh put her foot to the gas, speeding out of the parking lot as she thought of the way John had spoken about her father. He'd shown such a lack of respect and Calleigh wondered what she could have been thinking getting involved with him.
Blushing furiously, Calleigh was well aware of why she'd ended up with John. She'd been lonely and he had been there. There was no doubt that he was more than adequate in bed.
It still didn't add up to love though. The way he had spoken to her with such...the first word that came to mind was contempt.
She would have to end it and knew it would have to be soon. He had tried to make up for it by picking up her dad from the bar but it was too little, too late as far as Calleigh was concerned.
Tears streamed down her cheeks unrestrained and Calleigh didn't even bother to wipe them away. She didn't want to go home. Reaching for her cell phone, she dialed a familiar number and waited for him to pick up.
"Hello?"
"Hey, what're you doing right now? Are you busy?"
"Calleigh, hey." She could hear the smile in his voice and it gave her a sense of comfort to know that she could always count on him to lift her spirits. "I'm not busy at all, just hanging out watching some TV."
"You up for some company?" Calleigh asked in a small voice, hoping he wouldn't mind the intrusion.
"Always. Come on over."
"Thanks Tim. I'll be there soon, I'm actually about five minutes away from you right now."
"I'm not going anywhere. See you in a few."
"Bye." Calleigh disconnected and tossed the phone onto the seat of her car. The way she was feeling right now she wasn't sure if going to him was the wisest decision but she knew what she needed and was too exhausted to question whether or not she was doing the right thing.
***
Fighting the urge to clean up the clutter around his apartment Speed decided to just leave things as they were. Something in Calleigh's voice told him that she wasn't coming over to inspect his place.
She'd had a rough day, he knew that she and Hagen had clashed over her father's case and also knew that he had tried to interfere with Eric's investigation of the evidence.
From what Eric had told him, Speed was glad that it wasn't his shoulder Hagen had been hovering over because the urge to turn around and slug him would likely have got the better of him.
It was bad enough that he was sleeping with Calleigh but the fact that he was trying to deter someone from doing their job in order to secure his confession infuriated Speed and made him lose that much more respect for John Hagen.
Something in his gut told him that something wasn't right with the guy but he knew that right now it was no more than a hunch, partly fueled by jealousy and that it wouldn't get him anywhere to voice his feelings to anyone.
Speed jumped up as the buzzer to his apartment sounded.
"What're you selling tonight?" He spoke into the intercom.
"I guess that depends on how much money you have..." Calleigh's voice came through with a sexy drawl and Tim pressed the button to let her in.
Less than a minute later there was a knock at the door and he opened it, noticing her bright eyes and the tear-stained cheeks she'd done nothing to cover up.
It belied the cheerfulness he'd heard in her voice moments earlier. Putting an arm around her he gently guided her into his apartment.
"You want something to drink? I've got beer, coffee, water or I could make some iced tea?"
"Actually I'd love some iced tea." Calleigh said in a quiet voice. "Thanks Tim." She smiled at him and he wanted to kill John Hagen.
There was no doubt in his mind that he was the cause of her tears. What else could it be if not him?
"No problem Calleigh. Have a seat." He gestured a chair in the kitchen and Calleigh sat down as he moved around the kitchen grabbing glasses and iced tea mix.
"I hope you don't mind me coming over unannounced. I didn't want to interrupt anything but I just didn't feel like going home."
"You don't have to explain. I wasn't doing anything tonight anyhow. Yana's working and to be honest, I've had enough of the bar scene for awhile."
"How are things going with you two?" Calleigh asked him, more out of politeness than desire to know more about his relationship with Yana.
"Things are going fine. We're taking things slow Calleigh. No commitments. You know how it is." He looked her in the eye as he handed her a glass of iced tea and Calleigh remembered what Eric had said to her about how they all knew about her and Hagen.
If Eric knew there was no way Speed was in the dark. She had been kidding herself when she thought they could keep things a secret and thinking back, she realized Tim had probably known about them for awhile.
But he had still kissed her and for some reason that surprised and pleased her.
"Thank-you." They moved into the living room, Calleigh settling in the rocking chair while Speed planted himself on the couch.
"But with no commitment sometimes comes no respect." She said, sipping the sweet liquid slowly, savoring its flavor.
"Are you speaking from personal experience?" He tried to sound nonchalant but the thought of Hagen disrespecting Calleigh made his blood boil.
"Kind of." Calleigh said, looking away. "You know about Hagen and I right?"
"Umm. Yeah. I've known for quite a while Calleigh." He admitted. She looked slightly uncomfortable and Speed wondered what had happened.
"Are you okay? Did he do something?"
Calleigh smiled at his reaction, a contrast to the caring of Horatio and the good-natured joking of Delko, Speed was on the defensive and ready to come to her side.
"No. He's just pissed off that I gave my dad advice on his case and made it harder for him to run the show."
"He wouldn't hurt me, Tim." She looked into his eyes and he felt entranced for a moment, lost in their aquamarine irises. "At least, not physically and not on purpose."
"But something happened. I can tell you're upset Calleigh."
"I guess that much is obvious huh? At the end of the day it all kind of catches up to me sometimes. Today was a bad day."
Tim didn't say anything, just waited for her to continue. Her eyes filled with unshed tears and he ached to reach out to her. But where would that get him?
"Daddy fell off the wagon today. He'd been sober for sixty days Tim. Sixty days and I wanted to believe he would make it, that mom and him would get back together, but..." Calleigh drank some more of her iced tea, and shook her head, forcing herself not to cry.
"I'm sorry to hear that Calleigh." The words sounded hollow to his ears but Calleigh didn't seem to notice, giving him a grateful smile.
"John found him at the bar tonight and brought him to work so I could take him home. A peace offering so-to-speak."
"So are things okay now, between you and John?" Speed wanted to be diplomatic, despite his feelings about John Hagen. It was Calleigh's life, not his.
"I don't know. I'm angry at him for some of the things he said. I realized today that there really is no future for us and that scares me."
"Why?"
"I don't want to be with someone just for sex." Calleigh put down her glass and got up, pacing the room slowly. "There has to more to it than that. Otherwise what's the point? I mean we could carry on like this forever and still wouldn't get anywhere."
"You're right, Calleigh. I think you need to decide what it is you want. Then go for it."
"I just don't want anyone to get hurt." Calleigh said, stopping to stand beside the couch.
Tim reached for her hand and she went to him, sitting next to him with her legs touching his.
"Someone always gets hurt. I just don't want it to be you this time Calleigh."
"You're a good friend Tim." He hadn't let go of her hand and Calleigh was very conscious of that fact and the overwhelming desire she had to kiss him again.
She knew it wouldn't be fair though, to John, who surprisingly enough she still felt some loyalty to, or to Tim, who deserved more than someone who just used him for comfort and then took her leave.
Calleigh cursed her rational side, wanting to throw caution to the wind and let go of all the parts she had to play in her daily life. For a little while she didn't want to be the girlfriend, daughter, employee, ballistics expert and friend. For just one night she wanted to be in love with this man.
She knew as he looked at her that he wanted her too but it just wasn't right.
But while her father was addicted to alcohol she had an addiction of her own to battle. And she had a feeling she would never kick it.
Not that she ever wanted to.
See Part 1 for Disclaimers, etc.
Spoilers: Season 2, specifically "The Best Defense"
Looking out the window of her father's fifth floor apartment Calleigh felt a little homesick. While she wouldn't go back for anything, part of her yearned for those years of her childhood when she was innocent to all of the evils in the world.
When the man passed out in drunken slumber was admired by many and respected by all. His daughter being at the top of that list.
Then he had turned to the bottle, changing into the man she knew now. The man her mother had finally turned out of their home until he could clean up his act.
Calleigh had been stunned by that turn of events and couldn't help but wonder why her mother hadn't acted a long time ago. Maybe the teenage lives of Calleigh and her brothers would have been happier if she had.
Shaking her head, Calleigh stepped away from the window and grabbed her purse. There was no point in wondering what might have been. Her life was what it was.
Stealing one last glance at her father Calleigh quietly left the apartment, locking the door behind her with the key her father had given her for "emergencies".
Tears burned in her eyes as she remembered how excited her dad had been when he'd told her he'd been sober for sixty days. She had been so happy for him and realized guiltily that she'd been so preoccupied with her own life lately that she hadn't even noticed the fact that she hadn't been disturbed by any calls to help him home from the bar.
Now she was keenly aware that they were right back where they'd started from and also couldn't ignore the part that John had played in her father's downfall.
She couldn't blame him for what had happened but he had definitely been a catalyst. Challenging her father at every turn, recognizing that he was inexperienced as a public defender and using that to his advantage.
Calleigh put her foot to the gas, speeding out of the parking lot as she thought of the way John had spoken about her father. He'd shown such a lack of respect and Calleigh wondered what she could have been thinking getting involved with him.
Blushing furiously, Calleigh was well aware of why she'd ended up with John. She'd been lonely and he had been there. There was no doubt that he was more than adequate in bed.
It still didn't add up to love though. The way he had spoken to her with such...the first word that came to mind was contempt.
She would have to end it and knew it would have to be soon. He had tried to make up for it by picking up her dad from the bar but it was too little, too late as far as Calleigh was concerned.
Tears streamed down her cheeks unrestrained and Calleigh didn't even bother to wipe them away. She didn't want to go home. Reaching for her cell phone, she dialed a familiar number and waited for him to pick up.
"Hello?"
"Hey, what're you doing right now? Are you busy?"
"Calleigh, hey." She could hear the smile in his voice and it gave her a sense of comfort to know that she could always count on him to lift her spirits. "I'm not busy at all, just hanging out watching some TV."
"You up for some company?" Calleigh asked in a small voice, hoping he wouldn't mind the intrusion.
"Always. Come on over."
"Thanks Tim. I'll be there soon, I'm actually about five minutes away from you right now."
"I'm not going anywhere. See you in a few."
"Bye." Calleigh disconnected and tossed the phone onto the seat of her car. The way she was feeling right now she wasn't sure if going to him was the wisest decision but she knew what she needed and was too exhausted to question whether or not she was doing the right thing.
***
Fighting the urge to clean up the clutter around his apartment Speed decided to just leave things as they were. Something in Calleigh's voice told him that she wasn't coming over to inspect his place.
She'd had a rough day, he knew that she and Hagen had clashed over her father's case and also knew that he had tried to interfere with Eric's investigation of the evidence.
From what Eric had told him, Speed was glad that it wasn't his shoulder Hagen had been hovering over because the urge to turn around and slug him would likely have got the better of him.
It was bad enough that he was sleeping with Calleigh but the fact that he was trying to deter someone from doing their job in order to secure his confession infuriated Speed and made him lose that much more respect for John Hagen.
Something in his gut told him that something wasn't right with the guy but he knew that right now it was no more than a hunch, partly fueled by jealousy and that it wouldn't get him anywhere to voice his feelings to anyone.
Speed jumped up as the buzzer to his apartment sounded.
"What're you selling tonight?" He spoke into the intercom.
"I guess that depends on how much money you have..." Calleigh's voice came through with a sexy drawl and Tim pressed the button to let her in.
Less than a minute later there was a knock at the door and he opened it, noticing her bright eyes and the tear-stained cheeks she'd done nothing to cover up.
It belied the cheerfulness he'd heard in her voice moments earlier. Putting an arm around her he gently guided her into his apartment.
"You want something to drink? I've got beer, coffee, water or I could make some iced tea?"
"Actually I'd love some iced tea." Calleigh said in a quiet voice. "Thanks Tim." She smiled at him and he wanted to kill John Hagen.
There was no doubt in his mind that he was the cause of her tears. What else could it be if not him?
"No problem Calleigh. Have a seat." He gestured a chair in the kitchen and Calleigh sat down as he moved around the kitchen grabbing glasses and iced tea mix.
"I hope you don't mind me coming over unannounced. I didn't want to interrupt anything but I just didn't feel like going home."
"You don't have to explain. I wasn't doing anything tonight anyhow. Yana's working and to be honest, I've had enough of the bar scene for awhile."
"How are things going with you two?" Calleigh asked him, more out of politeness than desire to know more about his relationship with Yana.
"Things are going fine. We're taking things slow Calleigh. No commitments. You know how it is." He looked her in the eye as he handed her a glass of iced tea and Calleigh remembered what Eric had said to her about how they all knew about her and Hagen.
If Eric knew there was no way Speed was in the dark. She had been kidding herself when she thought they could keep things a secret and thinking back, she realized Tim had probably known about them for awhile.
But he had still kissed her and for some reason that surprised and pleased her.
"Thank-you." They moved into the living room, Calleigh settling in the rocking chair while Speed planted himself on the couch.
"But with no commitment sometimes comes no respect." She said, sipping the sweet liquid slowly, savoring its flavor.
"Are you speaking from personal experience?" He tried to sound nonchalant but the thought of Hagen disrespecting Calleigh made his blood boil.
"Kind of." Calleigh said, looking away. "You know about Hagen and I right?"
"Umm. Yeah. I've known for quite a while Calleigh." He admitted. She looked slightly uncomfortable and Speed wondered what had happened.
"Are you okay? Did he do something?"
Calleigh smiled at his reaction, a contrast to the caring of Horatio and the good-natured joking of Delko, Speed was on the defensive and ready to come to her side.
"No. He's just pissed off that I gave my dad advice on his case and made it harder for him to run the show."
"He wouldn't hurt me, Tim." She looked into his eyes and he felt entranced for a moment, lost in their aquamarine irises. "At least, not physically and not on purpose."
"But something happened. I can tell you're upset Calleigh."
"I guess that much is obvious huh? At the end of the day it all kind of catches up to me sometimes. Today was a bad day."
Tim didn't say anything, just waited for her to continue. Her eyes filled with unshed tears and he ached to reach out to her. But where would that get him?
"Daddy fell off the wagon today. He'd been sober for sixty days Tim. Sixty days and I wanted to believe he would make it, that mom and him would get back together, but..." Calleigh drank some more of her iced tea, and shook her head, forcing herself not to cry.
"I'm sorry to hear that Calleigh." The words sounded hollow to his ears but Calleigh didn't seem to notice, giving him a grateful smile.
"John found him at the bar tonight and brought him to work so I could take him home. A peace offering so-to-speak."
"So are things okay now, between you and John?" Speed wanted to be diplomatic, despite his feelings about John Hagen. It was Calleigh's life, not his.
"I don't know. I'm angry at him for some of the things he said. I realized today that there really is no future for us and that scares me."
"Why?"
"I don't want to be with someone just for sex." Calleigh put down her glass and got up, pacing the room slowly. "There has to more to it than that. Otherwise what's the point? I mean we could carry on like this forever and still wouldn't get anywhere."
"You're right, Calleigh. I think you need to decide what it is you want. Then go for it."
"I just don't want anyone to get hurt." Calleigh said, stopping to stand beside the couch.
Tim reached for her hand and she went to him, sitting next to him with her legs touching his.
"Someone always gets hurt. I just don't want it to be you this time Calleigh."
"You're a good friend Tim." He hadn't let go of her hand and Calleigh was very conscious of that fact and the overwhelming desire she had to kiss him again.
She knew it wouldn't be fair though, to John, who surprisingly enough she still felt some loyalty to, or to Tim, who deserved more than someone who just used him for comfort and then took her leave.
Calleigh cursed her rational side, wanting to throw caution to the wind and let go of all the parts she had to play in her daily life. For a little while she didn't want to be the girlfriend, daughter, employee, ballistics expert and friend. For just one night she wanted to be in love with this man.
She knew as he looked at her that he wanted her too but it just wasn't right.
But while her father was addicted to alcohol she had an addiction of her own to battle. And she had a feeling she would never kick it.
Not that she ever wanted to.