Disclaimer~ I don't own Inuyasha or any related characters.
Dialog~ "Meep meep meep."
Thoughts~ 'Meep meep meep.'
Authors note~ There was some confusion with the whole dream thing in the chapter. Let me just clear this up right now, the dream does mean something. It'll be revealed later in the story. Just be patient with me, everything gets unraveled in the end in my fan fictions. You have to be patient with me.
Chapter 8
Miroku quickly threw off his shoes and ran into the kitchen. He opened up the fridge and looked for something edible, that wasn't jello or pudding. He smiled and took out half of a sub left over from last night. He happily sat down at the table and ogled his precious sub. He lifted the sub to his mouth ready to dig in when someone clearing their throat behind him interrupted his plans. He turned to see Kenji standing over him with an intense frown on his face.
Kenji let out a silent growl. "Miroku, I need to discuss something with you."
Miroku shrugged and nodded, not paying any attention. "Uh yeah, sure. Just let me take a bite of this sandwich first, I'm starving."
Kenji reached his arm behind Miroku and grabbed the sandwich and threw it into the nearby garbage can. "No, you listen to me right now. We have a serious problem with your behavior in school."
Miroku stood up quickly knocking his chair backwards. "What the hell did you do that for!? I'm starving half to death!"
Kenji slammed his fist hard against the table. "Forget about your damn sandwich and listen to me. I got another call from school today, they said you skipped the last 3 periods. Is this true?"
Miroku still looked over at the trashcan with a sad expression on his face. 'My poor sandwich! Damn that Kenji!' "Yeah, well it's your fault. You're the one who wouldn't let me go home today, so I just left school and fell asleep in the courtyard for the rest of the school day."
Kenji's anger was beginning to boil over. Miroku's nonchalant attitude towards everything was starting to royally piss him off. "Don't put the blame on me for your poor decisions. You're grounded for a week and don't expect to have anything eat tonight. You can go up in your room and do homework or starve until you go to bed."
Miroku stared down at his feet, his stomach was growling and every fiber of his body wanted food. "Asshole," he muttered silently to himself.
"Excuse me?"
Miroku looked back up at Kenji with fire in his eyes. "I'm starving half to death and you say I can't have anything. You're such an asshole. You have no idea the hell I went through today." Miroku's expression grew fiercer with the thought of what a bad day he had at school today. "Don't tell me what I can and can't do."
"Just shut up and go!" Kenji landed a hard punch in Miroku's stomach. Knocking the wind out of him. "If you keep this bullshit up I'll just throw you out in the streets."
Miroku struggled to regain his breath and knelt down on one knee. He grinned up at Kenji. "At least I'd be safer there."
Kenji didn't say anything, Miroku's words hit him like a ton of bricks. "Just go to your room and don't come out until morning." Kenji turned around and silently walked out of the kitchen.
Miroku struggled to his feet and staggered up the stairs to his room, nearly falling several times. He opened the door and closed it tightly behind him. He plopped down on his bed burying his head deep into his pillow. His stomach began to growl and he let out a small moan. "Damn Kenji, he needs to fuck off and leave me alone. I make my own choices and live with the consequences, and I don't need him here hitting me and telling me I messed up. I already know that."
Miroku sighed and stared up at his ceiling. "I think somebody out there must really hate me, or I've gathered up a lot of bad karma in my life time. Whatever it is I hope it isn't permanent. I need to get my life back on track." Miroku smiled to himself, image of him kissing Sango replayed in his mind. 'At least not everything in my life is awful.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sango lay quietly sprawled out on her bed. A pen in hand writing furiously in a journal she was keeping.
My body is still tingling after what happened today with Miroku. I was walking back with him after school today when I found him outside sleeping under a tree. I couldn't help but feel drawn to him when I saw him there all alone. I can never understand why he does some of the things he does. It's like he's holding some deep dark secret from everyone that's slowly killing him. Maybe that's why I can't get him out of my mind. Everything about him seems to be some big mystery, it's like everything about him seems fake. It's like he won't allow his true feelings to surface. The only time I ever seen him honest with his emotions is when... when... When he kissed me.
Never in my life have I felt the way I felt when he kissed me like that. It wasn't a deep passionate kiss, but it was an honest showing of affection. The way he went about it, it was just so. So I don't know. Perfect. I just wanted to grab him and hold him close to me and never leave his side. I know now I'm in love with him and I don't want to be separated from him. I want to get closer to him but there are so many things he's hiding. I can feel myself getting closer to finding out the truth but there's just something holding him back from telling me. It's driving me insane not knowing what's going on with him.
When I saw all those marks all over his face I knew something was going on, but I just can't seem to get it out of him. All I know about him really is that his parents died when he was little and his other guardian, Mushin, died recently. He's really just lost and all alone in the world. He really does have no one.
A tear fell on top of Sango's notebook paper followed by several others smearing the ink on the page. She closed the notebook and dropped to it to the side of her bed. She closed her eyes as tears continued to roll down her face. 'Miroku.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'Believe it or not everyone
Have things that they hide
believe it or not everyone
Keep most things inside
Believe it or not everyone
Believes in something about
Believe it or not everyone
Needs to feel loved'
Miroku let the lyrics sink into him as he read the lyrics sheet to his new Nickelback CD, The Long Road. He smiled lightly to himself. 'It's funny how song lyrics can be so true to real life. It's almost ironic how some songs just fit you to a T.'
He threw the lyrics sheet to the side and rested his head on his pillow, letting out a long sigh. "God this sucks. There are so many better things I could be doing right now. "
His stomach began growling ferociously. He looked down at his stomach in disgust and let out a small groan. 'Damnit, I know you're hungry but there's nothing I can do about that.' A smile spread wide across Miroku's face. "Or is there?"
Miroku leaped off his bed and ran downstairs. He skid on the kitchen floor over to the refrigerator and pulled out the remains of a disregarded ham and cheese sandwich. There was no telling how long it had been in the fridge but desperate times call for desperate measures. He closed the fridge door and sat down at the table, sandwich in hand.
Kenji walked into the kitchen after hearing the fridge being opened and closed. He turn to see Miroku sitting at the table eating a sandwich happily. "What the hell are you doing here!? I told you to stay up in your room and not to come down for any reason."
Miroku shrugged and continued eating his sandwich. "I realize that but I was so hungry and then I remembered how I don't give a damn about what you say, so then I ended up here."
Kenji let out a low growl. "Do you enjoying pissing me off like this?"
Miroku pondered this for a moment. "No, I was just hungry and when you're hungry you eat. Naturally I put two and two together and ended up here."
"That's enough of your cocky attitude!" Kenji walked over to the table grabbing Miroku's shirt and pulling him out of his chair. "Now get your ass upstairs before I make you!"
"Get your hands off of me!" Miroku grabbed hold of Kenji's arm and pushed him away from him sending him skidding to the floor. "You don't have the right to treat me like that. I'm not going to let you walk all over me and make me suffer for nothing."
Kenji got up off the floor and wiped off his pants from the dust all over the floor. "That was a big mistake you just made. Don't you know children should always listen to their elders." Kenji walked back over and punched Miroku in the face several times causing blood to start flowing from his mouth.
Miroku quickly wiped off the blood and smiled. "Don't you know I'm not a kid and you can't push me around like one." Miroku pulled out a bottle from the fridge and broke it over the counter. "You want to fight! Then fight me!"
Kenji frowned at the site of the glass bottle in Miroku's hands. He knew things were starting to grow very intense. "Don't think you can just threaten me with a glass bottle and expect me to back down?" Kenji took another step closer to Miroku, who was beginning to look on edge.
"Don't take another step or I'll smash this bottle over your fucking face. I'm not afraid to do it you know." Miroku tightened his grip around the bottle as Kenji slowly stepped closer and closer to him.
Kenji shook his head lightly. "No you wont. You don't have the guts to do that to me. I know you better than that." Kenji was just a foot away from Miroku now, the two staring each other down.
"If you don't take another step I won't have to hurt you. Just back away from me, Kenji." Miroku raised the bottle in his hand ready to strike.
Kenji wrapped his arms around Miroku putting him in a suffocating bear hug. He squeezed Miroku tightly, feeling him wiggling about in his arms. "I'm sorry, Miroku. It's too bad it had to come to this." Kenji backed away his hand still firmly planted on Miroku's shoulder. His right hand balled up and made a tight fist, landing a full-blown punch, square in the stomach.
Miroku's eyes widened with the sudden impact of the fist in his stomach; he drew away quickly trying to catch his breath he fell to the floor coughing up a small spot of blood.
Kenji walked over and kicked Miroku in the side. He picked him back up from the floor then hit him several more times in the stomach before throwing him back to the ground.
Miroku lay on the kitchen floor like a lifeless body. His face was covered in blood and his whole body felt paralyzed in pain. His head was spinning and he felt like he was going to throw up. His closed his eyes tightly letting himself fall unconscious and his body go limp.
When Miroku regained consciousness he was lying on his bed back in his room. "Damn, Kenji sure doesn't like taking it easy on people." A throbbing pain went through Miroku's face and side. He winced trying not to give into the pain he was feeling. "I need to get away, to be somewhere else. I have to be any where but here." He sighed knowing this wasn't possible in his condition. He shifted his position on his bed when he felt something strange lying underneath of him. He rolled over and picked up the object, it was a knife. The knife he had used the other night to slit his wrists. 'Maybe I could just...'
Miroku shook his head violently, realizing the dark thoughts that were surfacing in his head. 'No, not again. I just can't do it again.' Miroku sat silently looking down at the knife. 'But I just can't help myself.'
Without hesitation he picked up the knife and plunged it down deep into his wrist. He removed the knife forcefully, a large gash now taking its place. Blood immediately began poring out from the gash.
He did nothing to stop the bleeding, but instead drew the knife up to his face. He delicately pressed the tip of the blade just below his eye and ran it down the right side of his face stopping just before his cheek. A small trickle of blood followed quickly after, running down past his face unto his neck and dribbling down unto his shirt.
Miroku closed his eyes trying to keep himself from crying. 'Somebody just make it stop, make the pain stop.'
He got up and retrieved a pad of paper and pen, blooding continuing to drip from his wounds unto the floor. His hand was wobbly holding the pen in hand, but was still able to write.
Darkness engulfs my room,
As I lay silently sprawled out on my bed.
A knife is grasped tightly within my hand.
As I lay there quietly,
Pondering why I am what I am.
Pain stricken memories,
An unhealed heart,
Suffocating fears,
And silent truths.
I close my eyes tightly,
Ready to embrace the pain.
The cool feeling of the blade,
Gliding gently across my skin.
Shivers run down my spine,
As I do it over and over again.
Blood begins pouring out,
Every second drawing me closer,
To passing out.
Thoughts of you creep into my mind.
The way you look at me,
It's as if you can see right through me.
You look deep into the depths of my soul,
Pain and despair seems to be the only thing there,
But yet you don't even care.
You extend a hand,
Trying to reach out,
You try and save me from myself.
Every moment I spend with you,
Every second I feel your tender touch,
The pain slowly begins to disperse from me.
You're beginning to free me.
More and more I begin to reach out,
But it's still not enough,
I still can't help but cut myself.
I can't help but hold back,
Afraid of what you'd say to me,
If you only knew the real me.
I push you away,
Farther and farther,
Hoping and praying you'll just give out.
You still don't,
You're still there.
You can't help but save me from my despair.
It's just too late for me,
My fear once again shakes and breaks me.
I slowly open my eyes,
A blood stained knife sits near to me.
Remembering the feelings it had brought to me,
I grab hold of it yet again,
Driving it deeper and deeper into my skin.
I let up and stop again,
Feeling the odd sensation of my blood dripping all over me.
I silently cry out.
Somebody save me,
Please help me.
Save me from myself,
Don't let me do it,
Don't let me cut myself...
Miroku struggled putting down the last few words of the poem. The room was beginning to spin, and he was starting to feel extremely light headed, due to blood loss. He looked down at the knife lying on his bed that was covered in his blood. He picked it up and threw it across the room, hitting a glass picture frame sitting on his dresser.
The frame shattered into tiny pieces, glass now scattered about all over the floor.
"Damnit!" He got up quickly,wanting to retrieve the knife and take a look at the damage it had done.
He looked at the shattared picture frame in dismay. A photo of himself and his parents lay on the floor beside it. He picked up the photo seperating it from the glass. He stared at the picture and grimaced. "That's not me..." He looked up from his dresser to a mirror that hung over it.
A battered teen with a large cut running down his face and bruises scattered about his body stood there staring at the mirror. There was no longer a trace of the happy five year-old boy who could do nothing but smile. There was now a puppy dog who had been kicked one too many times.
Miroku watched in the mirror as he ran his finger down his cut, a tingling feeling vibrating through him as he re-traced the new scar on his body. "With every scar I draw into my body I remind myself of who and what I really am. It reminds me that things can't be the way they once were..." Miroku paused a moment musing with his words. "And how I can never be who I once was. I'll never be the same again."
The reality of the words Miroku just uttered slowly hit him. The emotional pain running through him was tremendous. He tore the picture in his hands in half, letting them float gently to the floor. "I'm not him anymore."
He turned around walking back to his bed, pieces of glass being embedded into the soles of his feet. He crawled into the bed and covered himself in the warmth of the bedspread. 'I can never be the same again
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~End of Chapter~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thats all for chapter 8 folks! Didn't you just love it!? Okay, okay, I know back to the deep dark depressing stuff. I know i'm sorry but the story isn't exactely a happy one. You should be thanking me for even getting this chapter up though. I can't get unto my internet at all and I ended up using my friend Inu Shounen's computer to publish this chapter. If it wasn't for him I would have never gotten this up till god knows when! Arrrrg!!! Any way since my comp is acting like a such a doosh bag it may be quite some time before I put up the next chapter. I'm so sorry but there's nothing I can do at this point. Don't bother trying to contact me, you wont be able to get through to me at all. My messangers my email, everything is down. *SOBS* Now unto the reviewer thank you's!
Inu-shounen~ A huge thanks to you! I luv you man! ^_^
Rissi-Sama~ What in the hell are you talking about!? I would never forget you!
Sango-chan~ Better hold the hoorays for a while, things are looking grim.
Blulily07~ The dream wasn't meaningless, I don't just through random crap in there cuz I can. It'd be easy too but I don't. Trust me... *shifty eyes*
Aamalie~ Thanks for the advice about when to put up the chapter but this was my only opertunity to do it.
Small-buttercup~ They shouldn't, but they did. They're assholes and like to torment him sometimes. But it makes for good humour.
Lar-lar~ God you're awsome! Thanks! ^^
Sweet Choas~ This isn't really suicide I wouldn't say, more like self mutilation but you never know where these things end up.
Rei~ I'll do my best for quick upates but things don't look too good at the moment.
That's all for the kick ass reviewers for chapter 7. I hope you guys like the chapter and review for me. I appreciate it!
Adios for now,
Zero.
Expect the next update not for quite a while...Gomen... Don't blame me! *thwacks compupter* It's not my fault!
Dialog~ "Meep meep meep."
Thoughts~ 'Meep meep meep.'
Authors note~ There was some confusion with the whole dream thing in the chapter. Let me just clear this up right now, the dream does mean something. It'll be revealed later in the story. Just be patient with me, everything gets unraveled in the end in my fan fictions. You have to be patient with me.
Chapter 8
Miroku quickly threw off his shoes and ran into the kitchen. He opened up the fridge and looked for something edible, that wasn't jello or pudding. He smiled and took out half of a sub left over from last night. He happily sat down at the table and ogled his precious sub. He lifted the sub to his mouth ready to dig in when someone clearing their throat behind him interrupted his plans. He turned to see Kenji standing over him with an intense frown on his face.
Kenji let out a silent growl. "Miroku, I need to discuss something with you."
Miroku shrugged and nodded, not paying any attention. "Uh yeah, sure. Just let me take a bite of this sandwich first, I'm starving."
Kenji reached his arm behind Miroku and grabbed the sandwich and threw it into the nearby garbage can. "No, you listen to me right now. We have a serious problem with your behavior in school."
Miroku stood up quickly knocking his chair backwards. "What the hell did you do that for!? I'm starving half to death!"
Kenji slammed his fist hard against the table. "Forget about your damn sandwich and listen to me. I got another call from school today, they said you skipped the last 3 periods. Is this true?"
Miroku still looked over at the trashcan with a sad expression on his face. 'My poor sandwich! Damn that Kenji!' "Yeah, well it's your fault. You're the one who wouldn't let me go home today, so I just left school and fell asleep in the courtyard for the rest of the school day."
Kenji's anger was beginning to boil over. Miroku's nonchalant attitude towards everything was starting to royally piss him off. "Don't put the blame on me for your poor decisions. You're grounded for a week and don't expect to have anything eat tonight. You can go up in your room and do homework or starve until you go to bed."
Miroku stared down at his feet, his stomach was growling and every fiber of his body wanted food. "Asshole," he muttered silently to himself.
"Excuse me?"
Miroku looked back up at Kenji with fire in his eyes. "I'm starving half to death and you say I can't have anything. You're such an asshole. You have no idea the hell I went through today." Miroku's expression grew fiercer with the thought of what a bad day he had at school today. "Don't tell me what I can and can't do."
"Just shut up and go!" Kenji landed a hard punch in Miroku's stomach. Knocking the wind out of him. "If you keep this bullshit up I'll just throw you out in the streets."
Miroku struggled to regain his breath and knelt down on one knee. He grinned up at Kenji. "At least I'd be safer there."
Kenji didn't say anything, Miroku's words hit him like a ton of bricks. "Just go to your room and don't come out until morning." Kenji turned around and silently walked out of the kitchen.
Miroku struggled to his feet and staggered up the stairs to his room, nearly falling several times. He opened the door and closed it tightly behind him. He plopped down on his bed burying his head deep into his pillow. His stomach began to growl and he let out a small moan. "Damn Kenji, he needs to fuck off and leave me alone. I make my own choices and live with the consequences, and I don't need him here hitting me and telling me I messed up. I already know that."
Miroku sighed and stared up at his ceiling. "I think somebody out there must really hate me, or I've gathered up a lot of bad karma in my life time. Whatever it is I hope it isn't permanent. I need to get my life back on track." Miroku smiled to himself, image of him kissing Sango replayed in his mind. 'At least not everything in my life is awful.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Sango lay quietly sprawled out on her bed. A pen in hand writing furiously in a journal she was keeping.
My body is still tingling after what happened today with Miroku. I was walking back with him after school today when I found him outside sleeping under a tree. I couldn't help but feel drawn to him when I saw him there all alone. I can never understand why he does some of the things he does. It's like he's holding some deep dark secret from everyone that's slowly killing him. Maybe that's why I can't get him out of my mind. Everything about him seems to be some big mystery, it's like everything about him seems fake. It's like he won't allow his true feelings to surface. The only time I ever seen him honest with his emotions is when... when... When he kissed me.
Never in my life have I felt the way I felt when he kissed me like that. It wasn't a deep passionate kiss, but it was an honest showing of affection. The way he went about it, it was just so. So I don't know. Perfect. I just wanted to grab him and hold him close to me and never leave his side. I know now I'm in love with him and I don't want to be separated from him. I want to get closer to him but there are so many things he's hiding. I can feel myself getting closer to finding out the truth but there's just something holding him back from telling me. It's driving me insane not knowing what's going on with him.
When I saw all those marks all over his face I knew something was going on, but I just can't seem to get it out of him. All I know about him really is that his parents died when he was little and his other guardian, Mushin, died recently. He's really just lost and all alone in the world. He really does have no one.
A tear fell on top of Sango's notebook paper followed by several others smearing the ink on the page. She closed the notebook and dropped to it to the side of her bed. She closed her eyes as tears continued to roll down her face. 'Miroku.'
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
'Believe it or not everyone
Have things that they hide
believe it or not everyone
Keep most things inside
Believe it or not everyone
Believes in something about
Believe it or not everyone
Needs to feel loved'
Miroku let the lyrics sink into him as he read the lyrics sheet to his new Nickelback CD, The Long Road. He smiled lightly to himself. 'It's funny how song lyrics can be so true to real life. It's almost ironic how some songs just fit you to a T.'
He threw the lyrics sheet to the side and rested his head on his pillow, letting out a long sigh. "God this sucks. There are so many better things I could be doing right now. "
His stomach began growling ferociously. He looked down at his stomach in disgust and let out a small groan. 'Damnit, I know you're hungry but there's nothing I can do about that.' A smile spread wide across Miroku's face. "Or is there?"
Miroku leaped off his bed and ran downstairs. He skid on the kitchen floor over to the refrigerator and pulled out the remains of a disregarded ham and cheese sandwich. There was no telling how long it had been in the fridge but desperate times call for desperate measures. He closed the fridge door and sat down at the table, sandwich in hand.
Kenji walked into the kitchen after hearing the fridge being opened and closed. He turn to see Miroku sitting at the table eating a sandwich happily. "What the hell are you doing here!? I told you to stay up in your room and not to come down for any reason."
Miroku shrugged and continued eating his sandwich. "I realize that but I was so hungry and then I remembered how I don't give a damn about what you say, so then I ended up here."
Kenji let out a low growl. "Do you enjoying pissing me off like this?"
Miroku pondered this for a moment. "No, I was just hungry and when you're hungry you eat. Naturally I put two and two together and ended up here."
"That's enough of your cocky attitude!" Kenji walked over to the table grabbing Miroku's shirt and pulling him out of his chair. "Now get your ass upstairs before I make you!"
"Get your hands off of me!" Miroku grabbed hold of Kenji's arm and pushed him away from him sending him skidding to the floor. "You don't have the right to treat me like that. I'm not going to let you walk all over me and make me suffer for nothing."
Kenji got up off the floor and wiped off his pants from the dust all over the floor. "That was a big mistake you just made. Don't you know children should always listen to their elders." Kenji walked back over and punched Miroku in the face several times causing blood to start flowing from his mouth.
Miroku quickly wiped off the blood and smiled. "Don't you know I'm not a kid and you can't push me around like one." Miroku pulled out a bottle from the fridge and broke it over the counter. "You want to fight! Then fight me!"
Kenji frowned at the site of the glass bottle in Miroku's hands. He knew things were starting to grow very intense. "Don't think you can just threaten me with a glass bottle and expect me to back down?" Kenji took another step closer to Miroku, who was beginning to look on edge.
"Don't take another step or I'll smash this bottle over your fucking face. I'm not afraid to do it you know." Miroku tightened his grip around the bottle as Kenji slowly stepped closer and closer to him.
Kenji shook his head lightly. "No you wont. You don't have the guts to do that to me. I know you better than that." Kenji was just a foot away from Miroku now, the two staring each other down.
"If you don't take another step I won't have to hurt you. Just back away from me, Kenji." Miroku raised the bottle in his hand ready to strike.
Kenji wrapped his arms around Miroku putting him in a suffocating bear hug. He squeezed Miroku tightly, feeling him wiggling about in his arms. "I'm sorry, Miroku. It's too bad it had to come to this." Kenji backed away his hand still firmly planted on Miroku's shoulder. His right hand balled up and made a tight fist, landing a full-blown punch, square in the stomach.
Miroku's eyes widened with the sudden impact of the fist in his stomach; he drew away quickly trying to catch his breath he fell to the floor coughing up a small spot of blood.
Kenji walked over and kicked Miroku in the side. He picked him back up from the floor then hit him several more times in the stomach before throwing him back to the ground.
Miroku lay on the kitchen floor like a lifeless body. His face was covered in blood and his whole body felt paralyzed in pain. His head was spinning and he felt like he was going to throw up. His closed his eyes tightly letting himself fall unconscious and his body go limp.
When Miroku regained consciousness he was lying on his bed back in his room. "Damn, Kenji sure doesn't like taking it easy on people." A throbbing pain went through Miroku's face and side. He winced trying not to give into the pain he was feeling. "I need to get away, to be somewhere else. I have to be any where but here." He sighed knowing this wasn't possible in his condition. He shifted his position on his bed when he felt something strange lying underneath of him. He rolled over and picked up the object, it was a knife. The knife he had used the other night to slit his wrists. 'Maybe I could just...'
Miroku shook his head violently, realizing the dark thoughts that were surfacing in his head. 'No, not again. I just can't do it again.' Miroku sat silently looking down at the knife. 'But I just can't help myself.'
Without hesitation he picked up the knife and plunged it down deep into his wrist. He removed the knife forcefully, a large gash now taking its place. Blood immediately began poring out from the gash.
He did nothing to stop the bleeding, but instead drew the knife up to his face. He delicately pressed the tip of the blade just below his eye and ran it down the right side of his face stopping just before his cheek. A small trickle of blood followed quickly after, running down past his face unto his neck and dribbling down unto his shirt.
Miroku closed his eyes trying to keep himself from crying. 'Somebody just make it stop, make the pain stop.'
He got up and retrieved a pad of paper and pen, blooding continuing to drip from his wounds unto the floor. His hand was wobbly holding the pen in hand, but was still able to write.
Darkness engulfs my room,
As I lay silently sprawled out on my bed.
A knife is grasped tightly within my hand.
As I lay there quietly,
Pondering why I am what I am.
Pain stricken memories,
An unhealed heart,
Suffocating fears,
And silent truths.
I close my eyes tightly,
Ready to embrace the pain.
The cool feeling of the blade,
Gliding gently across my skin.
Shivers run down my spine,
As I do it over and over again.
Blood begins pouring out,
Every second drawing me closer,
To passing out.
Thoughts of you creep into my mind.
The way you look at me,
It's as if you can see right through me.
You look deep into the depths of my soul,
Pain and despair seems to be the only thing there,
But yet you don't even care.
You extend a hand,
Trying to reach out,
You try and save me from myself.
Every moment I spend with you,
Every second I feel your tender touch,
The pain slowly begins to disperse from me.
You're beginning to free me.
More and more I begin to reach out,
But it's still not enough,
I still can't help but cut myself.
I can't help but hold back,
Afraid of what you'd say to me,
If you only knew the real me.
I push you away,
Farther and farther,
Hoping and praying you'll just give out.
You still don't,
You're still there.
You can't help but save me from my despair.
It's just too late for me,
My fear once again shakes and breaks me.
I slowly open my eyes,
A blood stained knife sits near to me.
Remembering the feelings it had brought to me,
I grab hold of it yet again,
Driving it deeper and deeper into my skin.
I let up and stop again,
Feeling the odd sensation of my blood dripping all over me.
I silently cry out.
Somebody save me,
Please help me.
Save me from myself,
Don't let me do it,
Don't let me cut myself...
Miroku struggled putting down the last few words of the poem. The room was beginning to spin, and he was starting to feel extremely light headed, due to blood loss. He looked down at the knife lying on his bed that was covered in his blood. He picked it up and threw it across the room, hitting a glass picture frame sitting on his dresser.
The frame shattered into tiny pieces, glass now scattered about all over the floor.
"Damnit!" He got up quickly,wanting to retrieve the knife and take a look at the damage it had done.
He looked at the shattared picture frame in dismay. A photo of himself and his parents lay on the floor beside it. He picked up the photo seperating it from the glass. He stared at the picture and grimaced. "That's not me..." He looked up from his dresser to a mirror that hung over it.
A battered teen with a large cut running down his face and bruises scattered about his body stood there staring at the mirror. There was no longer a trace of the happy five year-old boy who could do nothing but smile. There was now a puppy dog who had been kicked one too many times.
Miroku watched in the mirror as he ran his finger down his cut, a tingling feeling vibrating through him as he re-traced the new scar on his body. "With every scar I draw into my body I remind myself of who and what I really am. It reminds me that things can't be the way they once were..." Miroku paused a moment musing with his words. "And how I can never be who I once was. I'll never be the same again."
The reality of the words Miroku just uttered slowly hit him. The emotional pain running through him was tremendous. He tore the picture in his hands in half, letting them float gently to the floor. "I'm not him anymore."
He turned around walking back to his bed, pieces of glass being embedded into the soles of his feet. He crawled into the bed and covered himself in the warmth of the bedspread. 'I can never be the same again
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~End of Chapter~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Thats all for chapter 8 folks! Didn't you just love it!? Okay, okay, I know back to the deep dark depressing stuff. I know i'm sorry but the story isn't exactely a happy one. You should be thanking me for even getting this chapter up though. I can't get unto my internet at all and I ended up using my friend Inu Shounen's computer to publish this chapter. If it wasn't for him I would have never gotten this up till god knows when! Arrrrg!!! Any way since my comp is acting like a such a doosh bag it may be quite some time before I put up the next chapter. I'm so sorry but there's nothing I can do at this point. Don't bother trying to contact me, you wont be able to get through to me at all. My messangers my email, everything is down. *SOBS* Now unto the reviewer thank you's!
Inu-shounen~ A huge thanks to you! I luv you man! ^_^
Rissi-Sama~ What in the hell are you talking about!? I would never forget you!
Sango-chan~ Better hold the hoorays for a while, things are looking grim.
Blulily07~ The dream wasn't meaningless, I don't just through random crap in there cuz I can. It'd be easy too but I don't. Trust me... *shifty eyes*
Aamalie~ Thanks for the advice about when to put up the chapter but this was my only opertunity to do it.
Small-buttercup~ They shouldn't, but they did. They're assholes and like to torment him sometimes. But it makes for good humour.
Lar-lar~ God you're awsome! Thanks! ^^
Sweet Choas~ This isn't really suicide I wouldn't say, more like self mutilation but you never know where these things end up.
Rei~ I'll do my best for quick upates but things don't look too good at the moment.
That's all for the kick ass reviewers for chapter 7. I hope you guys like the chapter and review for me. I appreciate it!
Adios for now,
Zero.
Expect the next update not for quite a while...Gomen... Don't blame me! *thwacks compupter* It's not my fault!