Chapter 5
Staring out the window of his office library, Quistis' mind trips along memories of the past months. The walks on the beach, and the moments just sitting together sharing thoughts fill her with a feeling of completeness.
Everything seems so perfect except her conscience that nags her once in a while.
The guilt of looking in his diary, of reading those private thoughts and knowing his feelings even before he could voice them made it easier to calm most of her anxieties. Still, reading his words didn't make it right, and its been an inner turmoil that's bothered her ever since.
Even now, knowing where his diary was, and knowing it'd be just a while longer before he arrived was a temptation that was hard to resist. After all, she was here to work her culinary skills on him to see if the old wives tail held true
'A way to a man's heart is through his stomach' was true.`
It was more then that though, on one of those silly times when they both just enjoyed humorous buntings, there'd been a contest of 'who's picture was worse' comparing drivers licenses. As a great sneaky way to notice his birthday, she figured a home-cooked meal followed by cake might serve as a better present then anything she could give him.
Of course when she offered to cook him dinner, she didn't let on that she knew about his birthday -- it just made her plans even more perfect to bring the upcoming evening to a hopefully wonderful conclusion.
Another ten minutes, and dinner would be done; in twenty, he'd be walking through the door ready to be poisoned or blessed. It was just the idle minutes that brought her into this room again, looking out the window lost in thoughts and fighting temptation.
"If I peek just one more time it wouldn't make me any less guilty", her mind figures
"the deed's already done."
Slowly she turn and make her way to his desk, and even though her heart cries out the contradiction that it could only make matters worse, her hand reaches to open the drawer and reach for the leather bound book
She open to a written page….
"...I lay here writing as my mind walks the thin line between dreams and reality wondering if what happened tonight was something I imagined or a dream come true. I can still picture her sitting across the table from me as the light above her flickered in her eyes.
Her beauty so much different than any normal human being.
The way the light shines in her eyes, how her hair just swings on her shoulders and down her back, or the way she bites her lower lip not even knowing the effect it has upon me.
Beauty that only an angel from heaven above could posses.
Night after night I have dreamed of being in that place with her.
My heart pounding inside my chest as each second passed.
I began to wonder if it was the fear that she might see my true feelings which laid deep inside my eyes or if I was just nervous because I have waited so long to be so close to her.
I began to ask myself, "Can she see all of the feelings I have hidden for so long?"
"Does she know that all I want to do is hold her hand?"
"Will she ever know that in my dreams I have loved her for what seems like years?"
I have fought this battle inside my mind for so long that I never believed I would ever be here with her alone. I carefully started planting the seeds from my heart in hope that someday a flower will grow from hers.
Fear kept me from saying what I really wanted to say so I began to speak in metaphors and similes as the poet inside me came alive. I slowly began to feel the fear fade away as the poet stood tall.
During this, my heart sent prayers to heaven in the hope that I might gain the rest of the courage it would take to tell her how I dream that one day I might be her knight and she my sweet princess.
The strength to tell her that there will be times at night when I need her angel wings to protect me.
The freedom to express all the passion and desire that my heart holds in a special place for her. The ability to let her know my inner most thoughts and my deepest feelings.
The night went on for hours as we drank coffee, walked, and then played music together. The whole night I fought every urge I had to take her in my arms and kiss her but as she sat there next to me the battle came to a climax.
While I sang the song I wrote for her I couldn't fight the feelings anymore as the words flowed from my mouth. She closed her eyes and somehow I knew that she was thinking of me.
I poured out all my feelings as I sang that song and when I was finished I was left completely open. I let go of everything I was fighting and let my heart lead the way.
My heart took me along that beautiful precious journey to her tender lips. For a moment our hearts beat as one while her breath was mine. It was then I realized that only she could take me to heaven, and heaven is where I wanted to be.
Reality hit like a ton of bricks when I had to say goodnight. I held her in my arms and wished that I could have kept her there forever.
Then it happened.
As I looked at her the way I always do I saw a shooting star glisten across her eyes.
It took all the strength I have ever known to not tell her how I could love her right then and there, yet I knew deep inside my heart that someday I would.
So I lay here at the same place I always do and ask myself Dream or Reality."
Seifer
Quistis' heart sighs with the memory of that first shared day together as she whisper out loud
"Reality…" and then turning the pages, her gaze befalls another entry…
"...The night started out as usual, discussing the finer things in life. Music, poetry, and dance over a couple of glasses of wine at my apartment.
Favorite movies, places, or time in history, no matter the topic it was just so amazing to sit there with her and share our lives.
As the night passed any distance that might of been between us melted away. With each change of topic another glass was poured. A little scoot here, an arm on the back of the couch there, and she was finally in my arms.
While she sat there using me as a pillow I began to recite her some of my poetry and songs. All the verse I had written for my dream woman, who I recently realized was her.
Then I went on to tell her if I had one wish, it would be sharing time with her.
Taking soulful walks along the beach together watching the sun set, her in my arms, while waves crashed at our feet…
Cooking her dinner to enjoy under a canopy of summer stars on the patio…
Personally feeding her strawberries dipped in chocolate by a roaring fire…
As I went on, I noticed her blush.
Gently brushing back her hair to get a better view I noted the change of her cheeks from a soft pink carnation to a dark red rose.
She looked so comfortable there looking up at me smiling as I ran my fingers through her hair that I couldn't help but explore the contours of her face with my hands.
Gently my fingers caressed up her neck, softly around her chin, lightly across her lips, delicately against her cheek, and trailed softly across her forehead until my hands found its way into her hair again.
Through all this she just laid there with her eyes closed and smiled.
I would have given anything to know what her thoughts were at that moment.
As for my own, I was in heaven.
Oh how I wish I could have told her how much of a dream come true she is.
She's everything I ever wanted and so much more.
If only I could of put into words the way she makes me feel, I would have told her right then and there.
I imagined being her Romeo and her my sweet Juliet, sweeping her off her feet to ride off with her into the sunset.
I want to give her anything her heart desires.
The next thing I remember is waking up with our arms wrapped around each other realizing we had both fallen asleep.
As I watched her for the longest time still asleep nestled trustingly against me, I thought about what elapsed this wonderful evening sharing our lives and our pasts.
Someone else might have found her actions rude but not I.
To me it was the greatest sign of affection anyone could have ever shown me to have her in my arms like this.
I felt closer to her than ever before. "
Seifer
Smiling softly from the memory of that night, Quistis can feel the heat of a blush warm its way through her. Without a second thought she remember she had brought strawberries as well as cake for desert, and now, being reminded of the romantic implications, she can't help the butterfly sensations of knowing how the sweet fruit will be served.
With the temptation of reading just one more entry, she turned through the pages when all of a sudden a tell-tail aroma panics her.
Racing into the kitchen, engulfed by a clogged cloud of smoke, her assumptions are right -- its coming from the oven.
Dropping his diary in the haste to open up some windows and to quickly grab some oven mitts, she open the oven to reveal two shriveled up charcoal saucers that were supposed to be chicken parmesan.
Removing the still smoking tray from the oven to place on two hotplates on the counter, matters get worse when in her haste her arm accidentally bumps a ladle of tomato sauce she prepared earlier for the spaghetti side-dish.
The action sends the ladle crashing to the floor. Sauce splatters everywhere -- including his diary.
With split-second reflexes, she toss mitts aside, grab a towel and the diary to vainly attempt sopping up the damage which doesn't do any good. Reddish crimson sauce already tints the outer shell of the pages, and splotch marks cover the entire front.
A whole bunch of thoughts running ramped in her mind, she glance at her watch.
Five minutes to undo all this damage and think up a plausible explanation how his diary came to be ruined in the first place.
"Not a chance in a million of that happening", she thought.
"But wait, what about that place I had visited earlier to browse at some antiques?
They were known for their restoration of furniture…maybe…"
One alternative springs to mind as she made her way through hazy smoke and reach for her purse near the phone.
With heart sickening deja-vu, you place the diary in her purse while fishing out the shops' business card. Picking up the phone she dial the number and in a rush explain what's happened to the diary. The person she talk to asks her to bring it in tomorrow to survey the damage.
Hardly a minute latter after she hang up, she hear Seifer walk through the door accompanied by an urgent call of her name. As Quistis drop the business card back in her purse he comes into view taking in the smoke, the mess, and her with an array of emotions.
Not sure she could ever find an explanation for all this she hope her sense of humor helps this time instead of hindering matters further.
"Surprise…happy birthday.", she wearily say with a wobbly smile.
He had to know what she was feeling. In no time at all his arms envelop her while his own sense of humor sooths over her anxieties.
"There nothing more I could have asked for my birthday then pretending I'm a Fireman rescuing a fair damsel in distress. How did you guess?"
Sweeping her into his arms with a gallant flourish, Seifer carries her towards the door while she can't help thinking,
yes indeed, he's the man of my dreams.